Chapter Sixteen
The Case Goes Public

WEEK 12
AUGUST 24TH, 2001

0700 EST
APARTMENT OF SARAH MACKENZIE
GEORGETOWN

"Today's the day, everyone's gonna know about you. Well, not everyone, and technically some people already know about you, but I'm going to tell my boss about you today. He's an Admiral, and I know you have no idea what that is, but that basically means he's kind of a big deal. I don't even know if you can hear me, I'm not sure if you have ears yet. And now I'm one of those pregnant ladies who talks to her baby, even though they can't understand me. I think I'm going crazy."

Mac sighed as she looked at herself in her mirror. She was fully dressed and ready to go, a full thirty minutes earlier than she would have been on a normal day, but today was not a normal day. Today was the day, the first trimester was officially ending, and the time had come for Harm and Mac to fess to the Admiral.

The fact that she was already a third of the way through her pregnancy was something Mac was having difficulty wrapping her head around. Wondering and worrying about what the Admiral would say and what consequences would come was the icing on the cake.

She knew the Admiral was fair, but he couldn't make allowances for her situation, and Mac didn't want him to. Her and Harm were in the same chain of command, and what they did warranted a conduct unbecoming at the very least. As much as it irked Harm sometimes, Mac was technically his senior officer. It wouldn't be right for the Admiral to show favoritism to them and give them an out.

Mac spent a good chunk of the previous night running the worst possible scenarios through her head. "Conduct unbecoming" "Article 32 hearing" "Court Martial" "Dishonorable discharge" were some of the most common ones Mac kept thinking of. She knew she was being pessimistic, but she was also a Marine; she needed to be prepared for any situation.

And Harm...Harm was being his usual heroic self. He was determined to find a solution to whatever problems arose after today. He'd even suggested resigning his commission, something Mac completely shut down.

"Mac, if things start to go south, I'll resign. I'm not gonna let you take the fall for this."

"Harm, we can't run from this. Whatever happens, we have to face this."

That was Mac's plan. She was facing this. She'd gotten ready early so she could meet the Admiral as soon as he got to the office and come clean before her courage failed her. Harm wanted to go with her as moral support, but Mac had insisted that she tell the Admiral by herself.

"I shouldn't be this nervous, it's just ripping off the band-aid. I should be relieved, shouldn't I?" she asked out loud, placing her hand on her stomach, as if her unborn child had any advice to offer.

Mac thought back to four years ago, when she left JAG to try her hand at civilian law (something she'd like to forget). She remembered how nervous she'd been to tell that Admiral she was leaving. That seemed so silly now, looking back on it.

Four years ago she was leaving JAG by choice (granted it was a stupid choice, but a choice nonetheless) with another career lined up. Now, she might be forced to leave JAG against her wishes, with practically no back up plan On top of all that, she was pregnant.

Even though she was with Harm and being pregnant excited her, this was something that scared her to death.

0730 EST
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

"Colonel, you're here early."

"Well, sir, I was wondering if I could discuss something with you."

"What is it?"

"It's uh...case sir."

It wouldn't be a case any longer, though. 'It' would now be what it truly was. A baby. Mac was kind of going to miss using all the code words her and Harm had come up with to help mask their pregnancy talk.

"If it's a case, can't it wait? I just got here, Colonel," the Admiral looked at her with a look that could only be described as an 'I'm an Admiral, my time is very precious' look. He was right, he had just gotten there. She'd met him in the bullpen as soon as he walked through the doors.

Maybe she should wait. Maybe this was a bad time. Maybe she should call Harm before he got there and tell him she wanted to wait a couple of more weeks-

No, she told her quickly, you need to do this. Buck up, Mackenzie.

"It can't wait sir. It's important," Mac said with an apologetic smile. I'm so sorry for how much this news is going to stress you out, sir.

The Admiral looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Alright. Walk with me, Colonel."

Mac followed the Admiral into his office, feeling her heartbeat in her throat. She couldn't remember the last time she was this nervous. She'd been shot at, been in hostage situations, been in hand-to-hand combat with men twice her size, but she was shying away from telling her boss she was pregnant.

"Close the door."

Mac closed the door behind herself, and smoothed her fingers over her skirt, taking a deep breath as she walked to the Admiral's desk. Rip off the band-aid. Rip. Off. The band-aid. Take off the band-aid, rip it off-

"So Colonel, what case did you want to discuss with me?" the Admiral asked, shuffling papers on his desk. When she didn't say anything, he looked up. "Colonel, you can sit down."

Mac had been concentrating so hard on convincing herself to rip off her metaphorical band-aid that she hadn't realized she was still standing. At attention, no less.

"Oh. Of course, sir," she sat down. The two of them just looked at each other for a few moments.

"Colonel?"

"Sir?"

"What case did you come to discuss with me? Or were you just lonely, lurking around the bullpen all by yourself?" The Admiral asked.

"Well, sir, that's just it...it's not a case," Mac said slowly, knowing there was no going back.

"Then what is it?"

She bit her lip, finding the words hard to say. This was something she'd been keeping a secret for seven weeks, it was difficult to hack it up all of a sudden.

"Colonel, tell me what it is. That's an order."

His tone wasn't mean, but the Admiral was a busy man and Mac knew that her beating around the bush was making him impatient. Now was the time.

"Sir, I'm pregnant."

The Admiral didn't say a word. Mac didn't know what she expected the Admiral's reaction to be. She almost would've preferred him to yell and berate her as opposed to him not saying anything at all.

"Does this mean you and Brumby are back together?" The Admiral finally asked. Mac's eyes widened. So much had happened over the past two months. She'd dove so quickly into her relationship with Harm that Mic seemed like a distant memory.

"Uh...no, sir," Mac answered, feeling her cheeks get warm. This was gonna get awkward fast if Mac had to dissect every aspect of her personal life to the Admiral.

"Oh," The Admiral's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. This lack of emotion he was showing was making Mac more apprehensive than she already was. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed he was the father."

"No, but you'll probably be able to guess who the father is," Mac said under her breath without even realizing. "Sir, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's Commander Rabb, isn't it?"

Mac faltered, her eyes widening. "Sir?"

The Admiral took off his glasses. "Colonel, I apologize for being blunt, but is Commander Rabb the father?"

"Yes sir, he is."

The Admiral went quiet again, and Mac wanted to scream. Maybe if he wasn't an Admiral, she would have. She wanted him to be angry, to demand "What the hell were you thinking?" at the top of his voice. That would've been better than him saying nothing at all. At least then she'd know what he was thinking.

"Colonel, you're dismissed."

It was impossible for Mac to hide her shock. "Dismissed, sir?"

"Yes, we'll discuss this matter later."

"Aye, aye, sir."

"He dismissed you?"

"Yes! I told him and he just said 'dismissed' like I'd just got done briefing him on a case!"

"Well you kinda did. We have been calling our kid a 'case', Mac."

"Harm, that's not the point."

"I know, I know."

Mac was pacing back and forth in Harm's office, with Harm watching her from his desk. They were having the first closed-door meeting they'd had in awhile to discuss their 'case.' After the Admiral essentially kicked Mac out of his office, she'd been waiting impatiently for Harm to get there. As soon as he arrived she made a beeline for his office and shut the door behind her.

Harm leaned back in his chair. "Okay, so when he said 'you're dismissed' did he mean dismissed from his office, or dismissed from JAG?"

Mac shrugged, throwing her hands up. "I don't know! That's all he said to me and he hasn't told me anything since."

"And he didn't want to see me?" Harm asked, and Mac shook her head. Harm started to get up from his chair. "Maybe I should go talk to him-"

"No!" Mac exclaimed. Harm sat down quickly. "I'm sorry," she apologized immediately. "It's just, I'm sure he's already fuming. I don't think you talking to him will make things any better."

"What makes you say that?"

"Harm, what are you gonna tell him? 'Sir, it's my fault Colonel Mackenzie got pregnant because the condom might've broke. I'm not really sure, though."

Harm sighed. "Touche."

He watched Mac as she continued pace, and it made his own stomach twist to see her this worked up. They both wanted this baby, but they also knew that they wouldn't be half as stressed out if a little more planning had been involved in the conception.

"Look Mac," he said. "I'm sure he's just...collecting his thoughts. I mean, you have to admit this whole thing is kind of...delicate wouldn't you say?"

Mac stopped pacing and nodded. "Yeah, I know," she said. "I just hope he isn't in there drafting up charges."

"Charges? Mac, the Admiral wouldn't-"

"How could he not? Do the words 'conduct unbecoming' or 'fraternization' mean anything to you? Or did you not pass the bar?"

"Mac, if you're wondering if I know the consequences of my actions, I do. I'm not a child," Harm said. "I'm just trying to be optimistic."

"How can you be optimistic?" Mac demanded. "Harm, both of our careers could end because of this!"

"The Admiral would not let that happen."

"It might not be up to him. If this goes to trial it'll be up to a judge and jury."

"A court martial?" both of Harm's eyebrows shot up. "Don't you think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves?"

"I'm just trying to be prepared for the worst, that's all."

"Maybe the worst won't happen," Harm said with a shrug. "Look, if the Admiral decides to bring the hammer down, I'll resign."

"No. You can't do that. The Navy's your life-"

"Mac, you and this kid are my life."

2100 EST
CHEDWIGGEN RESIDENCE
MCLEAN, VIRGINIA

AJ didn't have much downtime, so whenever he got some downtime, he didn't really know what to do with it. He wasn't the most social person, so this Friday night, like many others, was spent aimlessly flipping through the channels on his TV.

Infomercial.

Bad reality TV.

Nature Documentary.

Movie from the 80's with really bad CGI.

More bad reality TV.

Infomercial.

Infomercial.

Infomercial.

AJ turned the TV off. Maybe he should just go to bed.

He looked at his watch. It was only 2100. Was he really so old now that he couldn't stay up past 2100? AJ sighed, listening to the deafening silence of his home.

It was times like these, sitting alone in his house on a Friday night, that he wished he had someone to just coexist with. It didn't even have to be a wife or a girlfriend. Hell, he'd settle for a cat. Or a parrot. Hell, maybe even a goldfish. Something.

This house is too damn quiet, he thought to himself.

As he sat in his armchair in his all-to-quiet home, AJ couldn't help but think of Rabb and Mackenzie. The news he'd received yesterday morning from Mac had been...shocking to say the least. He knew her and Harm would get together eventually. He'd known the day the two of them met in the White House rose garden. Harm and Mac were made for each other, it just took them damn near six years to figure it out.

The "AJ" side of him was happy for them. However, "The Admiral'' side of him was not. The Admiral couldn't be. All the years he'd spent waiting for Rabb and Mackenzie to get together, he was also wishing one of them would have the sense to transfer out of JAG before...committing to anything, so they could avoid violating any regulations. In hindsight, he should've known better. Those two always tended to have a roundabout way of doing things.

Apparently, they were also in a rush. Making up for lost time, AJ supposed. But Mac being pregnant made things way more complicated. If there was no physical evidence of their relationship, it would've been easy for AJ to turn the other cheek and ignore them breaking regulation. He would've just put in orders for one of them to transfer out of JAG and then let them go about their merry way.

But if he tried to cover up the fact that Mac got pregnant by Harm while they were both under his command and got caught (he wasn't naive enough to think he could hide something that big and get away scott-free) it would possibly be the end of all of their careers.

His career ending was something he could live with. Sure it wouldn't be an honorable end, but it wouldn't kill him. AJ knew he would be retiring within the next decade (a generous estimate) anyway, so he wouldn't complain about that day being forced on him a little earlier than he expected. But Rabb and Mackenzie each had another twenty-five or thirty years of service left in them, and it would eat AJ alive if either of their careers got snuffed out prematurely.

A tougher CO would've thrown the book at them without hesitation but, as much as he disliked to admit it, AJ wasn't as tough as he used to be. He knew Rabb and Mackenzie were under his command, so by default they were obligated to like him, but he still considered them friends. Or at least the closest thing an Admiral could have to friends.

That's why he couldn't bring himself to face either of them today. He knew, even if he didn't charge them with conduct unbecoming, whatever action he decided to take would hurt them. He needed the weekend to try and come up with the best solution, which still wouldn't be good enough.

He'd already gone out on a limb by using his "Admiral's privilege" to let Bud and Harriet stay at JAG together. As much as he wanted to, he doubted he could make that same allowance again, even for Rabb and Mackenzie. Allowing one couple to work together under his command was a loophole, but allowing two couples to work under his command would raise the eyebrows of a lot of people who didn't need raised eyebrows. And the last thing he needed was the entire JAG office being put under investigation.

So, AJ was conflicted. To put it lightly.

He got up to go to bed, with the plan of not sleeping. AJ's current plan was to lay awake and mull over the day's events the whole night. However, that wasn't going to happen yet.

AJ heard a knock at the door.

Wondering who was trying to bother him when he had people's futures to figure out, he opened the door. He was surprised to see one of the people whose future he was in charge of dictating standing on his doorstep.

"Colonel Mackenzie?" he greeted in mild disbelief.

"Hi sir," Mac gave him a small smile, "Sorry for coming to see you so late. I could-I could come back another time if that would be better. I should probably-"

AJ couldn't tell if Mac had been crying or not, but she certainly looked more stressed out that he'd seen her in a long time. The last time he'd seen her that flustered was the night Harm was missing. In fact, AJ could probably count on one hand how many times he'd seen Sarah Mackenzie stressed out.

"No it's fine. Come in."

He stepped aside and Mac walked in, looking around. It hadn't occurred to her until entering that the last time she'd been there was for her engagement party to Mic. Once again she was struck by how much things had changed in such a short time. A couple of weeks ago that fact would've made her excited, excited for all the new possibilites with Harm and their baby. But now, the speed at which things were changing just made her nauseous.

"Sir, can I talk to you?" she asked, turning around to face him.

"Sure. It'd be a shame if you drove all the way out here and I didn't walk to talk to you."

The light sarcasm was meant to try and lighten the mood, but Mac still looked pensive. It was very un-Mac for her to be so pensive. But if she was here to talk about what AJ thought she was here to talk about, she had a right to be pensive.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked, deciding it was best to let her direct the conversation.

Mac smiled. "I think you know why I'm here to talk to you, sir."

"I see," AJ nodded slowly, "Do you want to sit?"

"Uh, no sir. I won't be long."

"Alright then. Speak your piece, Colonel."

Mac wasn't expecting the Admiral to give her an open-ended opportunity to talk, and she didn't exactly have a speech prepared. So she spent a few moments floundering in silence while the Admiral looked at her expectantly.

"I'm scared," Mac finally said. The Admiral raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything.

"I'm scared," she repeated. Finally stating that fact out in the open felt like a weight being lifted off her shoulders. The only other person she'd told that to was Harm. That admission helped bolster her confidence.

"That's understandable," AJ said. Mac shook her head.

"No, it's not just that," she said. "This shouldn't scare me."

"Mac-"

"Sir, with all due respect, can I finish?"

Usually AJ wouldn't put up with his subordinates interrupting him, but he knew in this situation he shouldn't act like an Admiral, he should act like AJ.

He nodded. "Go ahead."

"I'm a Lt. Colonel in the United States Marine Corps," she spoke as though she needed to reassure herself, "I grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father and my mother walked out on me. My best friend died in front of me when I was eighteen. I've been in hostage situations, I've been shot at-I mean, I was stationed in Bosnia for a year before I came to JAG. I shouldn't be scared of this."

AJ found himself starting to understand. "It's okay for you to be scared, Mac," he said, but still she shook her head.

"I shouldn't be scared," she insisted. "Pregnancy is supposed to be a good thing, you know? Having a baby's supposed to be some sort of blessing, right? But I'm-I'm still scared. Having this baby is scaring me more than anything ever has before."

"Why are you scared?" AJ asked.

Mac blinked at him. "What, sir?"

He folded his arms across his chest. "Why are you scared?"

"I-I don't know-"

"Just answer the question, Colonel. Don't make me make it an order."

Mac took a deep breath. "I'm scared I'm not going to be a good mother."

"And why is that?"

"Because I didn't have a good mother. Because I'm a Marine. Because I'm a recovering alcoholic-I don't know, the list goes on. What if I can't handle being a mother like my mom and I walk out on my kid? What if I get handed the most perfect baby in the whole world and I mess them up? Or what if I don't even need to do anything? What if my gene pool messes the kid up from the get-go? What if-"

Mac was talking a mile a minute, and AJ was worried she was forgetting to breathe. "Mac," he said. "Take a deep breath."

She did, halting herself mid-sentence and inhaling and exhaling slowly.

"That's good," AJ said with a small smile, "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about, because I know I didn't talk to you at all today, and I don't want you to think I'm avoiding you."

"No sir, I didn't think that," Mac said, even though she definitely thought he was avoiding her. "Actually that's why I came here."

"About me avoiding you yesterday?"

Mac shook her head. "No, I wanted to talk about what you're going to do about Harm and me."

"Oh," So much for getting the weekend to mull things over.

"I know there's not much I can do to sway your decision. And you shouldn't let me sway your decision about any disciplinary action," Mac said. "But, I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I will try and be a good mother. You can transfer me out, you can throw the book at me, you can take me out of Corps, but none of that will stop me from being the best mother I can be."

"I know you're going to be a good mother, Colonel," AJ said. "If you're half as good a mother as you are a Marine, you'll be a great mother."

Mac was taken aback for a moment. It wasn't like the Admiral to be overly personal; she hadn't expected him to be. Even in this situation where she was basically telling him every single worry she'd developed over the past few weeks. Up until then, the only person who'd told her she was going to be a good mother had been Harm. She was grateful for the second opinion.

"Thank you, sir," she said. "That uh, that means a lot."

AJ smiled. "As for any...disciplinary action, I'll give you an answer Monday morning."

"Yes sir," Mac nodded, turning to leave.

"Colonel, can I ask you something?"

Mac turned around. "Sir?"

"How did you and Harm manage to keep it a secret?" AJ asked. Mac blushed.

"It's actually kind of funny sir," she explained. "Around the office we called it a 'case.' If anyone overheard us, they would just think we were talking about work."

AJ raised an eyebrow. "A case?"

"Yes sir, a case," Mac confirmed, laughing softly. "Good night, sir."

"Good night, Colonel."

After the door shut behind Mac, AJ laughed the first good laugh he'd laughed in a long time. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that his two best lawyers were going to have a baby together. He wished them the best of luck, because he was sure they were gonna need it.

"A case," he muttered to himself, shaking his head in disbelief.