Chapter Thirty-Seven
An Apology In Varying Shades of Yellow

WEEK 24
NOVEMBER 11TH, 2001

1430 EST
APARTMENT OF SARAH MACKENZIE
GEORGETOWN

"What do you think?"

"I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be looking at."

"Which shade of yellow looks better?"

"They're the same shade, are they not?"

Mac huffed. "They're not the same shade."

Harm and Mac were standing side by side in Mac's guest room, looking at two yellow paint swatches on the wall. In the wake of kicking Harm out of her apartment, Mac had decided to busy herself by preparing the nursery. Earlier that day, she went out and got some paint, opting for the go-to gender neutral color: yellow.

The only reason Harm was there was to pick up his clothes. He caught Mac right in the middle of picking a color, and she'd roped him in just for the sake of a second opinion. He was happy to help, even though they'd barely spoken over the past few days. Harm and Mac may not have been dating anymore, but they were still going to be parents.

"Mac, I honestly don't see a difference-"

"One is custard and the other is canary. They're different shades, Harm. I'm not going crazy."

"I didn't say that-"

"Which one do you like better?" Mac asked, nibbling at her cuticle. "I think the canary goes better with this lighting."

Harm cocked his head to one side, trying to see the colors from Mac's perspective. "Which one is canary again?"

"The one on the left."

"Hmm," Harm furrowed his brow. "I think I like the one on the right better."

Mac sighed. "Of course you do," she muttered.

Harm sighed too. There had been a lot of sighing going on lately. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, even though he knew what she meant.

"Nothing," Mac dusted her hands off on her overalls, which had proven to be a lot more comfortable than jeans as of late, and headed out of the guest room.

"You could just mix the two colors together," Harm said, following her out of the room. He still had to grab his clothes. "In the end you'll still get yellow."

Harm's attempt at humor fell flat. Mac gave him an icy glance. "That's absurd," she said.

Luckily for Harm, unluckily for Mac, Harm was persistent. He wasn't going to give Mac the satisfaction of freezing him out on the first try. "You know Mac, I can help you out if you need it."

"No, that's okay," was Mac's instant reply. "You have your own nursery to set up, don't you?"

Technically Harm did, because he wasn't staying at Mac's place and presumably wouldn't be after the baby was born, either. Harm felt the knife Mac had lodged in his heart the night she kicked him out twist a little. Granted the twist was deserved-what he said couldn't be taken back-but that didn't stop it from hurting like hell.

"I do," Harm nodded. "But I can multitask," he swore he saw Mac smile, but she looked away before he could see for sure.

"I'll let you know if I need you-need anything," Mac said in a tone that told Harm that she wouldn't come to him for anything, not even if her life depended on it.

Harm looked around the apartment. He still needed to get his clothes. "So uh, how is this co-parenting thing going to work?" he asked. "Are we going to do every other week right off the bat, or is the kid gonna spend the first couple of months with you and I'll drop in whenever-"

"I don't know."

"I could also sleep on the couch maybe-"

"I don't know," Mac ran her fingers through her hair. "We have a few more months to figure that out."

Harm shrugged. "I just figured we'd get it out of the way so we could focus on other stuff."

Mac didn't say anything, because she couldn't really disagree. After a few moments of silence, she said, "There's an apartment one floor down that's up for lease. If you wanted to move in there, it would be close by."

"Why would I move?"

She shrugged. "Is there room for a nursery in your loft?" she asked, looking at him pointedly. Harm didn't say anything, because there wasn't room for a nursery in his loft.

"I was actually thinking about getting a house," he said, an idea that he just completely pulled out of his ass. He thought about it once, for five seconds the night Mac kicked him out, and that was it.

"A house?" Mac's eyebrows shot up. "Are you already trying to one-up me? The kid isn't even here yet."

Harm sighed for what felt like the millionth time. "Come on Mac, I didn't mean it like that."

"Really? Because you never brought up getting a house when we were together," Mac said.

"We're still together."

"Co-parenting isn't dating, Harm," she turned around to head into the kitchen, walking past the table where they had their argument the other night.

"Christ, are you even going to let me in the delivery room?" Harm muttered under his breath, still loud enough for Mac to hear. She whirled around.

"What did you even come here for?" she demanded. Her tone was level, but her eyes were blazing.

"My clothes," Harm answered, noticing his model Stearman sitting on the coffee table. He figured he should grab that too, to stop Mac from burning it or throwing it at his head.

"Oh," Mac pursed her lips. "They're still in the closet."

"Really?" Harm's eyebrows shot up. "You mean you didn't throw them all in a garbage bag?"

"Harm-"

"Alright, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone," Harm said.

"Thank you."

He ignored the knife in his heart twisting again as he walked into the bedroom. On his way to the closet, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. On Mac's dresser was a picture. Harriet had taken it at the gala, but Harm didn't know it had gotten printed. He picked up, running his thumb gently over the glass. Harm and Mac weren't even looking at the camera; they were smiling at each other adoringly, Harm's hand on Mac's bump.

It was only a month ago, but it may as well have been an eon ago.

"I went out and got a bunch of pictures printed over the weekend," Mac explained from the doorway. "Just some housekeeping."

Harm looked up. "I like this one," he held up the picture.

Mac smiled. "I liked that one, too," she leaned against the doorframe. "I thought it would be important for our kid to know we don't hate each other." Her hand went down to rub her bump.

"Yeah," Harm nodded. "That's important."

Mac looked down at her feet, sighing. Harm sighed too. There was way too much sighing going on.

"Mac, I-"

"Harm, don't."

"Sarah-"

"Don't call me Sarah," Mac turned around, heading back into the living room. Harm followed.

"I know I can't take back what I said-"

"Damn right you can't," Mac gave a humorless laugh.

Harm took a deep breath. He wasn't going to let Mac completely freeze him out on her second try. "I need you to know that you're going to be an amazing mother-"

"I know, Harm. The question is, do you know?" Mac demanded.

"I do," Harm replied instantly. "Can you let me finish?"

To his surprise, Mac stopped talking and folded her arms across her chest. She was watching him with the utmost scrutiny, and Harm suddenly felt as though he was pleading his case to a judge and jury.

"What I said the other night-I was tired, I was angry, and I piled all of that on you and it wasn't fair," he said. "Sarah-Mac, I'm so sorry. Nothing I say can fix anything, but-I think the world of you, and I'm gonna be here for you, with whatever you need."

Mac was quiet for a few moments, and Harm watched her to try and see what she was thinking. There was a lot going on behind those brown eyes; Harm just wasn't sure what.

"Thank you," she finally said. "Thank you for apologizing. It means a lot."

"You're welcome."

"And I know you didn't mean what you said but," Mac paused. "I think it's good for us to take a break right now, even if it's just temporary. I just-I need space right now, Harm. Don't get me wrong, you're an amazing man, but giving space isn't really your forte."

"No, I get it," Harm said quietly. He didn't want to give her space. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and keep her close until he was somehow magically able to fix everything. But he wasn't going to do that; Mac needed her space, and the least Harm could do was give it to her.

"How many clothes should I take with me?" he asked. "Do you have any recommendations?"

Mac smirked. "However many you feel you need."

"Wait, so are you guys like broken-up now?"

"I don't know. Things are just...complicated right now."

"Why is your voice muffled?"

"Because I'm brushing my teeth. Hold on," Mac bent down, spitting into the sink. "There. Is that better?"

"Yeah," Chloe replied. It wasn't their usual night to talk, but Mac figured she'd call to give Chloe the update on the events from the past week.

"Okay, so before you talk about Harm, you need to tell me about what happened with Mic."

Mac sighed as she walked back into her room. She was dressed in a short, pink nightgown and fuzzy slippers. The nightgown was cute, but the slippers were more for comfort. Mac's feet were starting to swell to sizes Mac didn't think were possible, and she was worried she would have to start wearing the bunny slippers Harriet got her as a gag gift last Christmas to the office.

"Chloe, do I really have to?"

"Yes! You can't just gloss over that! I need all the details to form an opinion."

"Don't you have any teenager drama? I'm sure that's much more riveting," Mac said, pulling back the covers.

"No. My social life is dead right now. This is the most interesting thing I've heard all week."

"Really? I wouldn't exactly describe all of this as interesting," Mac climbed into bed with a groan.

"Are you okay?"

"Yep. Just pregnant," as soon as Mac's head hit her pillow, she realized it was in desperate need of fluffing. She groaned again.

"Oh My God, are you in labor?"

"No," Mac hauled herself into a sitting position. That would be the icing on the cake, wouldn't it? "My pillows are just very flat," she gave her pillow a few solid punches. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Start with the night Mic showed up."

"That far back?"

"It's not that far back, and I need to know everything," Chloe insisted. "Please, Mac?"

"Fine. So we were having this going away party for one of my coworkers and…"

As Mac meticulously and repeatedly fluffed her pillows until they couldn't be fluffed anymore, she told her tale of woe. Chloe listened intently, occasionally interjecting with her thoughts. It took Mac finally recounting the events out-loud for her to realize how absurd they sounded. This baby's probably wondering what the hell they're walking into, she thought.

"So basically Harm and I are taking a break now, and everyone at work took his side, so now I'm the JAG pariah."

"What about Bud? I bet he'll take your side."

"I don't know. His wife is mad at me."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Mac turned over onto her side. "I wish Gunny was still here, he would take my side."

Of course she had no concrete evidence of this, but she had a feeling Gunny would have some sense of Marine solidarity.

"Who's that?"

"Gunnery Sergeant Galindez," Mac clarified. "He was the person I had the going away party for."

"There's so many people to keep track of."

Mac shifted onto her back. "Tell me about it."

"Well…" Chloe paused. "Things won't suck like this forever. Babies are pretty cute. It's not like you're going through all of this for absolutely nothing. If you were, that would suck even more."

"That's true."

Chloe gasped. "Wait. I have an idea!"

"What?"

"You could move to Vermont and I could help you raise the baby."

Mac laughed. "I would take you up on that offer, but I don't know how Harm would feel about that."

Chloe scoffed. "Who cares what he thinks?"

"This kid is half his, Chloe. I can't just decide to move halfway across the country."

"You probably could."

"Just because I 'probably could' doesn't mean I should."

After Mac and Chloe's conversation ended Mac was having trouble getting to sleep, partly out of discomfort, partly out of worry. She found herself thinking about Chloe's offer to come live with her in Vermont. It was absurd, Mac knew, but it was interesting to entertain the idea. Not the idea of running away to Vermont specifically, but just running away in general.

He thinMac felt the baby tumble inside her and she placed a hand on her stomach. "What do you think, hmm? She snuggled farther under her blanket. "What if you and I just skipped down?"

There was another tumble, but this one was smaller, more like a shift. "We could go to Vermont, to stay with Chloe? Or we could go back to Arizona, where I'm from? That wouldn't be ideal, but it wouldn't be terrible. I also hear that Belize is lovely this time of year."

There was a kick, and Mac sighed. "Look," she said softly. "I know things might seem a little crazy right now, but everything's gonna be okay. Harm's gonna be a great father, even though we're broken up. You're gonna have a good dad. I'm gonna make sure you're okay, I promise."

Mac felt another kick. She smiled. "Yeah...we're gonna be okay." She said that more to convince herself than her baby. Reaching up, she turned off the light, and turned over onto her other side. Even though Mac was pretty she wouldn't get any sleep that night, she thought she may as well try.

1030 EST
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

Mac was trying to concentrate on Commander Sturgis' counter argument, hoping to object and poke some holes in it. However, something-someone was distracting her. Throughout the night before and this morning, the baby had been tumbling and stretching inside Mac all day. At first it was just driving her to distraction, but now it was driving her crazy.

Please stop kicking me, she said, hoping telepathy was a secret pregnancy symptom.

There was a kick, and Mac had to suppress a groan. Of all the places, why did her kid have to start practicing gymnastics in the middle of court? Maybe they're just bored, Mac thought, I honestly can't blame them.

It could also be payback for what happened between Mac and Harm; that was also plausible.

The baby shifted so they were resting right on Mac's bladder, which was the absolute last thing Mac needed. "Would you stop moving?" she muttered before she could stop herself. The Petty Officer she was defending looked at her with wide eyes.

"I'm not moving ma'am," he said.

"No, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to-"

"Colonel Mackenzie, is there a problem?" Admiral Morris demanded from the bench. All eyes landed on Mac, and she blushed.

"Oh, uh, nothing's wrong, sir," Mac smiled, trying to ignore the heat rising to her cheeks. "My apologies."

Admiral Morris watched her for a few moments, and Mac wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and disappear. She felt another kick. Read the room, kid.

"I'm calling a twenty minute recess," Admiral Morris said. "Hopefully that'll give you some time to collect yourself, Colonel."

Mac nodded, pursing her lips. "Aye, aye sir."

Harm was drowning in paperwork when he heard rapid knocking at his door. Before he could look up, or even say 'Come in', Mac was already standing in front of him. She had both hands on her bump, and there was a frown on her face.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Can you talk?" Mac asked.

"Uhh...yeah?" Harm raised an eyebrow. "I'm talking right now, aren't I?"

Mac huffed. "I meant talk to the baby. They've been kicking non-stop since last night and it's been driving me nuts."

"Oh-okay," Harm went to place his on Mac's belly, pausing to look up at Mac for permission. She nodded, and Harm placed both hands on either side of Mac's bump.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked. Mac shrugged in desperation.

"Anything."

"Okay, umm," Harm cleared his throat. "Hi baby...it's me….you're dad?"

Mac furrowed her brow. "Why did you say it like that?"

"No reason," he answered. "This is just kind of awkward…"

"Just go with it," Mac said. "Please? For me?"

Harm didn't need much convincing, and the pleading look in Mac's eyes gave him the motivation he needed. He smiled. "Alright."

Mac smiled too. It was the first time they'd smiled at each other since Mic had knocked on her door last week. "Pretend I'm not here," Mac said.

Feeling a tiny push under his palm, Harm started over. "Hi sweetheart," he said. "It's me, Dad. Your mom told me you've been giving her some trouble today, and I think you should lay off her for a little while. She's been really stressed out lately and she would appreciate it if calmed down while she's in court, okay?" he looked up at Mac. "Did that work?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it worked."

They both chuckled, and Harm's hands lingered on Mac's bump longer than he meant to. He cleared his throat, drawing his hands back and glancing down at the floor. Mac fidgeted a little, twisting her Corps ring around her finger.

"I guess I should get back to court," she said. "I don't want Admiral Morris to chew me out for being late."

"Yeah," Harm nodded. "And I have paperwork."

Mac turned to go, but paused. "Harm?" she asked as she turned around. "Thank you."

Harm grinned. "Any time, Mac."

TWO DAYS LATER
NOVEMBER 14TH, 2001

0630 EST
ROCK CREEK PARK
WASHINGTON DC

Harm always preferred jogging on weekday mornings instead of weekend mornings. He got up earlier on weekdays to jog because of work, which meant the park was basically deserted. It gave him the perfect environment to clear his head and not think about anything for a while; a blessing in his current situation.

He noticed a woman walking towards him across the grass. She had short, brown hair and was wearing a green sweater. She was also pregnant. Harm was concentrating so hard on not concentrating that he didn't realize he knew that woman. He didn't even stop until she called out, "Harm!"

Narrowing his eyes, Harm finally recognized who was walking towards him. "Mac?" he jogged towards her, meeting her halfway on the lush lawn.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I came to talk to you," Mac wrapped her arms tightly around herself, a shiver running down her back. The plan to track down Harm had been rather impulsive, and she hadn't remembered her jacket. It had also taken her a little while to find him, but thankfully she still remembered the route he took from when they used to run together.

"Here," Harm unzipped his hoodie, holding it out for her.

"Harm, it's forty degrees, you can't be walking out here in a t-shirt."

"I'll be fine," he insisted. "My heart rate's up, my blood's pumping. Take it."

Mac gratefully took Harm's hoodie, slipping it on and relishing the added warmth and the scent of Harm she was now wrapped in. "Thank you," she said, and the two of them began to walk.

"What did you want to talk about?" Harm asked.

"Well, I was hoping we could talk later. We don't really have time right now," Mac said, discreetly sniffing the hoodie to catch an extra whiff of Harm.

"When were you thinking about talking?" Harm tried to keep his tone level, but he was having trouble hiding his hopefulness. He'd been keeping his fingers crossed that Mac would come around and give him a chance to come crawling back to her on his hands and knees-a chance he would gladly take, by the way.

"How about tonight? Dinner at my place?"

"Sure, works for me," Harm looked at her wryly. "Are you going to cook?"

Mac snorted. "No, I'm going to order Chinese."

1950 EST
APARTMENT OF SARAH MACKENZIE
GEORGETOWN

Their dinner started off with business-literally. Harm and Mac talked about the cases they were working on, and it wasn't until they were scraping the bottoms of their takeout cartons that Mac brought up what they were both there for.

"Look, if it wasn't for the baby, I don't think I'd forgive you this quickly," she said. "I don't think I'd forgive you at all if I wasn't pregnant."

Harm only nodded. "Understandable."

"I-" Mac paused, sitting her chopsticks down. "I'm willing to forgive you."

"Mac-"

"I'm not done," Mac said, and Harm closed his mouth. "I'm willing to forgive you, but...if you ever bring up my mother to use her against me, we're done. Officially."

Harm nodded. "Alright. Mac. For what it's worth, I am sorry. Truly."

"Your apology isn't worth anything, but I'm still willing to forgive you."

The comment stung, but Harm supposed he deserved it. They sat there for a few seconds in silence, with Mac picking at her rice with her chopsticks and Harm watching her do so. "Say something bad about me," he finally said.

Mac looked up. "What?" she asked.

"Say something bad about me," Harm repeated. "Something that you never thought you'd say but have always wanted to."

"Harm, I-"

"I deserve it," he said. "And that way we'd both be even."

Mac shook her head, but Harm was insistent. "Come on, I know there's something bad you have to say about me. You've never held back before. Why start now?"

It was a terrible idea, but Mac knew Harm wasn't going to let up. He was giving her the opportunity, why not take it?

"Fine," she cleared her throat. "You're bitter and scared to become a father because you grew up without a father."

"That's fair-"

"And you have no right to bring up my broken relationship with my mother, because at least I'm brave enough to admit I have an estranged relationship with her. You act like you and Trish have the perfect relationship, but how many times have you called her since I got pregnant? Once, to tell her I was pregnant? And how many times did you call her in the year before that?"

"I called her the other day to make plans for Thanksgiving, but I see your point," Harm said.

"There," Mac folded her arms across her chest. "Are we even?"

Harm nodded. "We are."

"Clean slate?" she asked.

Harm nodded again in agreement. "Clean slate."

NOVEMBER 17TH, 2001

0930 EST
APARTMENT OF SARAH MACKENZIE
GEORGETOWN

Mac walked into her living room and saw a little boy perched on the sofa. "What are you doing young man?" she asked. "I thought I told you to go to bed."

The little boy was off the sofa in a flash, rushing over to her and nearly knocking her over with a hug. He looked up at her, flashing an all-too familiar grin up at her. It was the smile that won Mac over every time, though she'd never admit it.

"But Mommy, I'm not tired," he said. Mac ran her fingers through his dark hair, looking down into his blue eyes.

"You only call me 'Mommy' when you know you're in trouble. I'm on to you, mister," she placed a kiss on his forehead. "You need to go to bed."

"But Mommy-"

"Hop to it, Sailor. That's an order."

Mac jerked awake. When she reached out to feel for Harm, her hand met thin air. Worried she'd accidentally stepped into a time machine back to the week before, Mac sat up.

"Hey Harm?" she called out.

"I'm in here."

Mac climbed out of bed, expecting to find Harm in the kitchen making breakfast. Instead, the kitchen was empty and the door to the guest room was open.

Things had slowly been getting better between them. It wasn't their usual kiss-and-make-ups, but they were in the process of making amends nonetheless. They had their lines drawn clearly in the sand; no more keeping secrets, and no more bringing up parents.

When Mac entered the guest room, she was taken aback by the smell of paint and the room's new appearance. All four of the walls were now yellow, practically glowing in the morning light that was filtering in through the windows. Harm had canvas covering in the floor and was placing the final touches on a corner from his perch on a step stool.

"You've been busy."

Harm looked up and grinned. "Do you like it?"

Mac looked around. "I love it."

He stepped down from the ladder, dusting off his hands on his paint-speckled jeans. Looking over his shoulder, he admired his handiwork. "It does look pretty good, doesn't it?"

"Which color did you pick?" Mac asked, taking him by the hand and drawing him nearer.

Harm chuckled. "I actually couldn't decide. So I did both."

"Both?"

"Yeah," Harm pointed behind him. "For those two walls I used canary, and for those two walls I used custard."

"Huh," Mac frowned, turning her head to one side. "I can't tell the difference."

Harm shrugged. "Neither can I. Not really, at least," he ran his fingers through his hair, not noticing there was still wet paint on his fingertips. Mac laughed at the specks of yellow now dotted throughout Harm's dark hair.

"Christ," Harm muttered once he noticed.

"Yellow looks good on you," Mac said.

"It looks good on you, too."

Before Mac could dodge out of the way, Harm reached out and smeared some paint across her cheek. She gasped and laughed, reaching out to swat Harm on the arm. He caught her gently by the wrist, pulling her into his arms. The two of them kissed, Harm's thumb brushing over Mac's cheek and Mac running her fingers through his hair. They didn't mind the paint.

"I have something to tell you," Mac said. "And you're probably going to think I'm crazy."

"What? Don't tell me you want green instead of yellow now?"

Mac rolled her eyes. "No. The yellow's fine," she paused. "I just think I had one of my visions last night."

Harm raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? About what?"

"The baby," she ran a thumb along Harm's jaw. "It's a boy."

I'm updating once again because I got to my airline gate three hours before the boarding time, because traffic was not terrible on the way to the airport (for once). I'm going on a month-long trip to Europe (you don't need to ask because I'll tell you - I'm unbelievably excited! The only thing I'm not excited for is the flying) and I figured it would cruel of me to keep you guys waiting for a resolution between Harm and Mac for that long, so here you go!

I'd also like to thank everyone for the kind words - they mean so much. I know I've probably said this before, but it feels so good to be back!

Thanks for reading! I'll update post-Europe. :)

-Harper