His words ran through her mind over and over again, warding off any hope she had of sleeping. Understanding the intent behind them was infinitely more difficult than understanding his silence. This had become a regular process as of late, laying sleeplessly staring at the ceiling as she carefully reviewed every moment of his visit, desperate to understand what had caused the dynamic shift in their once-temperate companionship.
Normally his communications were wordless. Despite that, she'd always known exactly what he felt. Recently, however, he had become increasingly hard to read. The way his eyes would watch her, take her in - how they'd avert when her own eyes met them as if he was afraid she would understand their intent. She was sure he'd grown accustomed to her ability to do just that. She was also sure that it wasn't just his eyes she could read, but his body language, so she was most of all sure that her conclusion about why he'd averted his eyes was absolutely correct.
Why wouldn't he want her to understand whatever was troubling him? Normally he made no effort to withhold his thoughts from her. At first she had assumed his readiness to indulge her unsolicited opinions and ramblings was because her input on whatever was on his mind was of little consequence to him. As she'd come to know him, though, she knew it was just the opposite. He found her candor refreshing, as most who interacted with him would tread lightly, afraid that he may cut them down if they were to offend him. Even Master Jaken, who had faithfully traveled at his side for decades, didn't know him well enough to understand that, in Lord Sesshomaru's own, quiet way, he loved the little imp. Jaken remained fearful, as if Lord Sesshomaru would ever actually end his life. Rin held no such fear, and while her opinions were unlikely to sway his thinking, she knew he at least found some amusement in them. So she always made sure to share them freely.
As she reached this line of thought she finally understood what had changed. It was no longer amusement that he gained from her opinions. She had grown, and in that growth she reflected on her naive, childlike solutions to his obstacles. As of late she had started communicating with him in a new way, a way that was unfamiliar to him - as an adult. She would give him support and only offer an opinion when he sought one… which had become more habitual during his visits. He would listen to her, as he always had, with all of his focus, his expression stoic but a deep thoughtfulness hidden behind his eyes. When she would finish speaking, however, his lip didn't form a slight curve of amusement as it used to. Instead his face remained unchanged, his eyes searching hers. The exchange would still end in his traditional "hm." But it had grown more thoughtful, as if maybe her words held more value than just light amusement. Perhaps some comfort, even.
Rin smiled to herself then, pleased to have solved at least part of the riddle that his new way of communicating had presented. His change in communication was a reaction to her own change in communication. She huffed as she rolled onto her back, her arms outstretched lifelessly away from her sides as she felt the weight of her thoughts make her body grow seemingly heavier, impressing her form deeply into her futon. Her mind searched for more answers as the first gentle rays of morning began to creep into her hut.
He had been visiting her twice per lunar cycle since he'd left her in the care of Lady Kaede. That had been four years prior, during her fourteenth year of life. During those 96 visits, he'd always brought a gift - usually something fragrant or edible and the occasional kimono around the times she'd begin to outgrow the previous ones he'd gifted her.
His last six visits were different - the gifts had become more lavish, more elegant. Gifts befitting a high born lady, not a low born orphan. She knew he'd never consider her breeding or status when deciding whether she was worthy of a certain gift, but still, his choices initially puzzled her. In ways, they still did. At least now she felt she could understand a little, having deduced that he may have finally started viewing her as an adult rather than a child. Perhaps he was struggling to figure out exactly what type of gifts to give an adult human.
Still, Normally his gifts were practical for someone of her status. She couldn't possibly adorn such elegant fabrics while tending to her duties around the village and she had never once had an occasion to dress so formally. As she folded the latest addition to her growing collection and moved to store it in a chest where, alongside its brethren it would never see the light of day again, she felt a sad pang in her stomach. It felt like such a waste of her Lord's kind gestures to just tuck his gifts away. Her brow set with determination as she closed the lid of the trunk. She would find some way to make use of them.
Lord Sesshomaru's visits were always precise - during the new moon and during the full moon. Since she knew when to expect him, she'd decided to start using his visits as an occasion to adorn herself in the pretty gifts that he had given her so that he would know that she appreciated his thoughtfulness… even if she didn't quite understand the intent behind such thoughts. It was the first new moon of the new year when she'd first greeted him in such a way, her body adorned in fine silk and her lips painted with rouge. As she approached their usual meeting spot in her favorite nearby flower field her eyes searched for Lord Sesshomaru.
She knew he'd arrived before her. He always did. She wasn't sure when the spot had become an official meeting point. It was another one of those unspoken understandings. She just knew she was supposed to meet her Lord by the plum blossom in the field of tulips just outside of the village on nights when the new moon or full moon would become visible against the blanket of night sky. And so that night, when the moon was new, that's what she did.
Her eyes found him, probably long after his had found her, and she made her way through the field of flowers to the small stone overhang in which he was perched on. Her eyes took him in, his pale features nearly luminescent in the light of the moon, his silver hair responding gently to the soft spring breeze, his face turned up to the night sky, his features set in their default position, unwavering as she approached.
"Lord Sesshomaru!" She called in her usual excited tone, waving excitedly to needlessly announce her presence to the ethereal inu daiyōkai who had probably smelled her arrival before she'd even cleared the treeline. He remained unmoving as he uttered the single word, that as of late had seemed to invoke a response in the core of her stomach when it fell from his lips -
"Rin."
He leapt from the overhang and landed so gracefully in front of her that her mind took a moment to take in his swift and fluid movements, processing them in near slow motion. As he finally met her gaze, she noted the very first instance that she'd realized something more than communication had changed. His eyes widened when settled on her lips for a nearly undetectable moment. He seemed to struggle to recompose his normally cool facade. He turned his back to her as he once again cast his eyes to the night sky. He didn't return his attention to her when he spoke.
"I trust you've been well, Rin?"
"Yes my Lord, very. Thank you. If you don't mind my saying, Lord Sesshomaru, you seem troubled tonight."
"Observant as always, Rin. I do not mind you saying so, I always welcome your thoughts. My troubles are of no consequence to you, though. Come, I've left your gift by the tree."
He began walking without checking to see if she was following.
Once in front of the tree, she hesitated before plunking down into her usual spot in the grass. She didn't want to dirty her kimono. Sensing her hesitation, Sesshomaru motioned for her to wait. In a fluid movement, he removed mokomoko and sprawled it in front of the tree before offering her his hand to support her as she knelt down on the soft fur. She stared at him in bewilderment. His behavior was incredibly out of character. To be sure, Lord Sesshomaru had always been kind and caring towards her, but this felt different. These gestures were formal and deviated from their routine.
He settled at her side as he handed her a small parcel.
"Lord Sesshomaru, you don't have to bring me gifts every time you visit."
He didn't bother responding to the words that she habitually repeated during every one of their visits. He'd grown tired of justifying his desire to provide for her.
She smiled when she opened the parcel to find a bag that looked identical to the one that she always carried.
"Oh, Lord Sesshomaru, thank you so much! My old one has fallen into very poor condition. I wear it with the expectation that it may be the last time the faithful bag will be able to carry supplies for me. Now I can retire it!"
"I'm glad you like it. The strap of your old one was surely not going to last the year. I noticed during our last visit. I think it has endured enough patchwork by this point. It was time for a new one."
"Observant as always, Lord Sesshomaru." Rin teased. She grinned when she was met with his subtle smirk. Her grin faded as he stood and extended his hand to help her up.
"You're leaving already?"
"Would you like for me to stay?"
She nodded eagerly in response.
"As you wish, my lady."
She doubled over giggling then.
"Do not tease me, Lord Sesshomaru. I am no lady."
"You've certainly deceived me, then. You look very much like a lady tonight, Rin."
"Yes, well, I have no other occasion to wear such fine silks. Since my Lord provided me with such lovely gifts, I thought I'd honor his gifts in his presence."
"Hm." only a hint of his quiet smirk remained on his lips. Rin felt her eyelids grow heavy. She was desperate to remain awake and stay with Lord Sesshomaru for just a little longer, but under the blanket of stars and the soft glow of the moon, with her Lord perched silently at her side, Rin succumbed to her fatigue.
When she opened her eyes, the moonlight had been replaced by the brilliant reds and oranges of the sunrise. She was wrapped in mokomoko, cradled in Lord Sesshomaru's arms in the same way he had cradled her as a child. She knew he was aware that she was awake, but he made no effort to acknowledge her consciousness. He stared ahead, watching the colors of the morning grow above the skyline. She took the opportunity to enjoy his lovely features. Her eyes settled on his lips, her heart quickening as the forbidden thoughts that had recently begun to overtake her once again crept into her mind. She longed to press her own lips against his. His demeanor shifted slightly. She figured that he'd likely sensed the change in her heart's rhythm. His eyes shifted to meet hers and she couldn't help but smile. She was met with his rare smile in return.
"I hope I haven't offended you, Rin. You were shivering in your sleep. I didn't want to wake you."
"No, my Lord, I am not offended. I'm quite warm now. Thank you. You've always taken such good care of me."
He closed his eyes as he responded with a small, single nod. He kept her in his arms as he rose to his feet.
"I will bring you back to the village. The ground is wet with dew and you are, foolishly, without shoes."
"Oh, don't trouble yourself my Lord, I enjoy the sensation of dewy grass between my toes."
"It is no trouble." was his only response as he began walking to the village. She had assumed he would fly to get there faster. She stared up at him, studying his expression as they slowly made their way back to the village.
The night had been perplexing. She wondered if she'd lost her ability to read him after spending so much time apart. But that wasn't it. Something about him was different. As if to confirm that conclusion, he began to stroke her arm with his thumb where she rested in his grip, repeatedly tracing gentle circles that made her flesh feel ablaze, even through the soft fabric of her kimono. She nuzzled her face closer against his chest and breathed in his scent. She began to dread their arrival to the village. She didn't want to part ways with him yet. No matter how much time he gave her, it never felt like enough. She wondered if he felt the same when his strides seemed to become shorter and their pace became slower. She hummed with contentment at the gentle sensation of being rocked in his arms with every small, careful step they took towards the village.
"I've missed this, Lord Sesshomaru."
His grip tightened around her. She understood the gesture. Me too.