She woke with a start, the sensation of being watched was overwhelming. His expression was one she'd never seen when her eyes found him in the dark.
"You didn't come to meet me."
It wasn't a question, but an accusation. She realized the foreign expression etched into his skin was one of hurt.
"I'm sorry, my lord. I haven't been feeling well."
"You're angry with me."
"No, my lord."
She felt a nervous energy radiating from him in waves, reaching her despite the distance between them as she lay on her futon and he stood by the entrance to her hut.
"I'll let you rest, then. Forgive my intrusion."
"Wait! My Lord, I…"
"Rest, Rin."
He was gone before she could protest. She couldn't help but feel she'd made a terrible mistake when she decided not to go to the field on the night of the New Moon. She just hadn't been able to bring herself to face him, to endure that pain again. The weeks had been difficult since the last time she'd seen him.
She'd spent three days doing little else beyond endlessly weeping until she'd drift back to sleep. She was eventually able to recompose herself and force her mind to focus on nothing but work, which was something she had plenty of since she'd done absolutely nothing for three days.
She was pulled from her thoughts when her eyes came to rest on a foreign object in her room - a brilliantly elegant lacquer coffer, inlaid with a blossom design. She stood and quickly made her way over to it. She traced her fingers along the metal crescent that adorned the domed lid. The ornate hasp held a key, a long braid of thin silken string through its ring. Hanging from the end of the string was a heavy tsuba, designed to mimic a crescent moon, etched into its shiny metal surface, clouds surrounded a single cherry blossom.
She'd wondered if there was significance to the tsuba, if it had been from one of his former swords or if it was just something he'd found while searching for her latest gift. She unlocked the coffer, then removed the key and hung it from her neck, opting to keep the tsuba and key close to her heart.
She opened the coffer, and gasped when she found it filled with all sorts of herbs and other medicinal ingredients. Among the medicinals, she found a bizen suribachi set, an inro box, and a large set of Kōdō tools and utensils. She ran her hands along the beautiful gifts, stunned by the consideration and thought he must've put into finding items that were of so much use to her. The medicinals alone were so valuable, some were things she'd never seen before, others were rare herbs that were widely unavailable near her village. She inhaled the wonderful aroma of her beautiful gift.
Suddenly, her sadness was gone. She was filled with regret for wasting her opportunity to see him the previous night, especially when he'd brought a gift that he'd put so much effort into. She felt a pang of guilt situate in her stomach. She hated that it would be so long before she'd be able to thank him. She pushed away the feeling, opting to focus on her gratitude and happiness, glad to have finally shaken the horrible emptiness that had taken hold of her since the last full moon. She closed the coffer and rose to her feet, giving it one last look before setting out for the day. She tried not to think of how out of place it looked against the aged wood of the hut. She clasped her hand around the heavy tsuba hanging from her neck.
"Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru." she whispered to herself. She stepped out into the morning air. Spring was in full bloom, the smell of flowers and earth clung to the warm, gentle breeze as it tickled her skin. The sounds of happy insects and birds filled the air, seemingly celebrating the arrival of such beautiful weather. She wanted to chirp alongside them, for she too was happy.
Her eyes widened in excitement as she realized that the cherry blossoms were likely in bloom. She took off running towards the nearby field of yamazakura, eager to see if it was time. The weather certainly felt right. She gasped when she came to her favorite spot near the village, filled with her favorite part of spring. The lovely trees swayed in the wind, the white and soft pink petals of their delicate blossoms falling and covering the ground below. She breathed deep and released a happy sigh, reveling in what was turning out to be the perfect day.
Rin felt a sudden jolt of childlike playfulness that she hadn't experienced in many years. She giddily spun in circles, both hands outstretched to her sides, twirling through the air as the cherry blossom petals rained against her skin.
"Rin."
She froze at the sound of his voice. He had never visited off schedule.
"Lord Sesshomaru!"
Rin thrust her arms towards the sky excitedly as she closed the small gap between her and her Lord.
"What are you doing here Lord Sesshomaru?"
"Are you displeased to see me?"
She froze, taken aback by the accusation. Sadness dawned on her as she realized how much her absence must have hurt him the previous night.
"Of course not my Lord! I'm very pleased to see you. I'm just surprised is all." She saw the gentle tug of a smile play at the corner of his mouth and she took that as a sign that she had given him a satisfactory response. As she usually would during their visits, she resumed what she was doing before he had appeared. Their routine had been well practiced by then. He was not one for idle chit chat or pleasantries. He knew that if she had something to tell him, she would. So they would exist together in comfortable silence as she went about her business.
Rin found a wholly intact blossom on the ground beneath one of the trees. She squealed in delight as she scooped it up and slid it behind her ear. She loved the blossoms and always resisted the urge to pick them. That was a job for the wind, not her. She stretched her arms out again, basking in the lovely spring day, allowing it to wrap itself around her. Her eyes closed as she tilted her face to the sun.
"Rin."
"My lord?" She breathed a response without opening her eyes. She twirled gently in the blossoms again as she awaited his response.
"Rin. Stop that for a moment."
"Oh," her eyes shot open, embarrassed. She had lost herself in the beautiful day. "Forgive me my Lord, this beautiful weather has gone to my head -"
"There is nothing to forgive. I just wish to ask you something."
Her eyes snapped to his as she suppressed the eager tickle of hope that began pricking at the depths of her stomach. Was he finally going to ask her to leave the village and accompany him in his travels again?
"What is it, my Lord?"
"Is it still your desire that I continue to visit with you?"
"Of course it is, my Lord. Do you no longer wish to visit with me?"
His demeanor stiffened, seemingly caught off guard by the question, as if the answer should have been obvious.
"I greatly enjoy our visits, Rin." He paused for a long moment as he carefully considered his next words. Rin waited patiently, knowing that he was not finished speaking.
"I do not want to continue taking up your time if you have outgrown the desire to spend it with me. I had not thought to ask if you still wanted me to visit and I'm afraid that selfishness may overtake my judgment. When you didn't meet me last night, I felt that perhaps I was no longer worthy of your time."
She blinked a few times, absorbing his unusual candor.
"Lord Sesshomaru I will never outgrow the desire to spend time with you. In fact as I grow, that desire grows too. The only time I waste is the time between our visits and the long time spent waiting to leave this village and return to your side. Traveling with my Lord is the only home I know and for years I have been terribly homesick."
She was so overcome with emotion as she let loose the words that she had kept pent inside for years that she didn't think before embracing him. She pulled herself close to him, wrapping her arms around his torso and pressing her face against him, her head coming to a rest just below his heart. She could hear the hard, fast thrumming echoing throughout his chest cavity as his spine stiffened at her sudden contact.
"Oh- my Lord, please forgive me. I do not know what's come over me today -" She made to move away as she spoke, but his arms engulfed her, pulling her back into place against his chest. His hand came to a rest on the back of her head, gently combing through the loose strands of her hair and tickling her scalp. The thrumming in his chest had become even faster. She heard a faint, pur-like growl rumbling alongside it, vibrating somewhere deep inside of him. It soothed her, prompting her eyes to lull closed. She was sure she was dreaming when she felt his nose graze the crown of her head. He inhaled slowly, deeply, obviously breathing in her scent. It was somehow incredibly comforting.
"I have been terribly homesick as well." His words came out a whisper against her scalp. "Rin, there is much that needs to be discussed. We must -" he moved to pull away from her then, but it was her turn to protest as she tightened her embrace.
"Just a moment longer, Lord Sesshomaru. Please. I do not wish to wake up yet."
He was silent as he resumed cradling her in his arms. They stood like this for an immeasurable amount of time, Rin, sure she was going to awaken at any moment, clung to him desperately, her body pressed flush against his. The more time that passed the more she came to realize that it was not a dream. She focused on the hard pounding of his heart, assuming it must always beat in such a way, likely to sustain the powerful being to which it belonged. As it beat faster and faster, she started to doubt the validity of her conclusion. She was only roused from her thoughts when she felt movement against her stomach. She pulled herself away then, curious, since both of his hands were around her.
Her eyes fell to the spot where she had felt something twitch against her body. Realizing that their embrace had somehow aroused him, she breathed in a shocked intake of air.
"Oh." she breathed, and then met his gaze.
For the first time since she'd known him, she watched a deep blush spread along Lord Sesshomaru's cheeks. He quickly averted his eyes as he tried to discreetly pull mokomoko in front of the spot that had caught her attention. She had never seen Lord Sesshomaru so visibly nervous. He seemed at a loss, unable to calculate his next move. She wanted desperately to relieve him of these feelings, knowing full well that not being in control brought him a certain agonizing brand of discomfort.
"Would you like to go somewhere to talk now, Lord Sesshomaru?"
He responded with a nod before walking ahead of her, knowing she would follow.
He came to a stop deep in the sakura field, a breathtaking spot overlooking a lake. She hadn't been that deep into the field before and she took a moment to absorb the view as Sesshomaru set mokomoko down on the ground and extended a hand to her, as he had when she first wore one of his gifted kimonos. She giggled.
"Lord Sesshomaru, I'm not wearing anything worth protecting today. I don't mind sitting in the grass."
His hand remained outstretched, still waiting for her to accept his aid. She sighed as she accepted, lowering to her knees on the soft, cushiony fur.
"Thank you, my lord. Oh! And thank you so much for the beautiful gift, or rather, gifts. There was so much, and all of it so perfect. She ran her hands along the tsuba. He stiffened when he noticed it hanging around her neck, a strange look taking hold of his features.
He slowly settled on his knees in front of her, then took the tsuba in his own hand, his talon tracing along the rim.
"This is from my first sword."
"Oh! Lord Sesshomaru - surely you'd want to keep such a precious memory for yourself."
She started removing the string from her neck, intent on returning it to him. He tightened his grip on the tsuba, preventing her from taking it off.
"I prefer to see it here." as he gently pressed it against her chest, her heartbeat quickened beneath it. He pretended not to notice as he continued explaining its significance. "During my time as a child, these were significantly less ornate than they are today. My father gave me the katana to which this belonged. It was for practicing my swordsmanship. I was in awe of the decorative fashion of it, compared to the more practical ones I'd seen our guards wearing. It's one of the few joys from my youth."
"So, why then, my lord, would you part with it?"
"I'm not."
"My lord, forgive me but it seems you have. Unless I'm mistaken, you've given it to me."
"You are mistaken in your thought that I've parted with it, but, no, you are not mistaken that I've gifted it to you. It is yours, but I do not intend to part from you. Therefore, I have not parted from it in a way that matters. Truthfully, I'll be able to admire it more often since you've chosen to honor it in such a way." He gestured to the way she had it fashioned around her neck. She brought her hand to it again, running her fingers along it.
"My lord, I have been wracked with fear of what's to become of our visits."
"Explain." He forced his eyes from her fingers as it caressed the tsuba appreciatively.
"Since you've made me aware of your betrothal and its potential consequences, my lord, I fear you will either marry and forget me or be forced into a war that will wage on long after I'm gone, leaving me without the honor of your presence."
"I see." He thought for a moment, considering his words in the careful manner that he'd always done when he had something important to say. "Rin, such matters do not concern you. As I've said, I will not marry her. If a war is waged, that is of no consequence to me, and therefore, no consequence to you. I have no interest in fighting a war on behalf of the mother who has forced me into this arrangement in the first place. Especially not one against a man who would wage a war over something so frivolous in the first place. The entire thing is pathetic. I won't waste my time on it. Let them kill each other."
"My lord -"
"I do not wish to discuss this any further. This arrangement has been a nuisance to me since I was a child. I don't want to waste my time with you dwelling on something so insignificant."
Her breath hitched.
"Rin, I want to build you a home. I cannot stand to see you living in such conditions. Please, allow me to give you a place that is yours, one befitting this Lord's most precious ward."
"Oh, Lord Sesshomaru, I cannot accept such a gracious offer -"
"Please, Rin. Stop fighting my need to provide for you."
"I'm no longer your ward, Lord Sesshomaru. You have no responsibility to me. I am managing fine in the village." Frustration settled between his brow.
"Then let your Lord provide for the new Rin that has blossomed from his ward."
"My Lord?"
"I have watched you grow into a new person this year, Rin. One that I no longer recognize. You are no longer the small child that diligently worked to care for me in a time that I was at my lowest. I have felt a sort of sorrow and mourning for that child, as she disappeared so quickly from my life. She has been replaced by you, though. You are a woman now. You may not see yourself as a lady, but I do. And I cannot stand to see such a breathtaking lady sleeping in a hut whose roof must be weighed down with rocks or risk blowing away in too strong of a wind."
She stared at him, eyes wide, once again wondering if she was dreaming. She could find no words in which to respond with. He waited patiently, but when her expression remained frozen and she made no move to speak, he continued on.
"I ask again, Rin, please, allow your lord to give you a home that will take on the impossible task of rivaling Lady Rin's own beauty."
Her face fell, eyes set on the ground.
"My lord, I am unworthy of such a gift."
"Rin-"
"No, please. Let me finish. I will accept your offer, but my lord, I need to know that you understand that I want nothing from you beyond your companionship."
"And that, Rin, is what makes you more than worthy of such gifts. You are the only person that I have encountered in my nine centuries who has desired nothing from me. Every other - they have sought my companionship for some form of personal gain. Never you, though. Not once have you seen me as a means of which to profit from."
"You are wrong, my lord." His brow furrowed in confusion at her confession. She took a moment before meeting his eyes, her own filled with tears. "I do seek personal gain - your Rin desires your love, desperately."
"And she has it." he smiled as he leaned and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead. "She has earned it by so freely giving this Lord so much of her own love. Your unwavering kindness to me, even when I was so undeserving of it, has been a gift that I could never repay. Please, stop denying me the opportunity to at least try."
"Yes, my lord."
"You will accept all that I have to offer, then?"
"I will graciously accept whatever my lord wishes to provide if that is what brings him happiness."
"Good. I will have your home ready before the end of the season."
"So soon, my lord!"
"Yes."
"Where will you build such a home?"
"In this very spot."
Her eyes lit up.
"Surrounded by sakura trees, my lord?"
He nodded once. "There is no other place that I have seen you as happy as you were when I found you here this morning. I want you to begin and end each day in a place that brings you such happiness."
"Oh, Lord Sesshomaru - you are too kind."
"I strive to match your kindness."
"So much flattery today, my lord."
"I felt I needed to share my thoughts with you since, as of late, you've been misinterpreting them so frequently."
"I'm sorry, Lord Sesshomaru.I admit I have been struggling to understand you."
"I will try to be more open with you from now on, my lady."
She giggled.
"That misplaced title will never sound quite right."
"Perhaps it will if you become the wife of a lord."
"My lord…"
"But you are too young to focus on such things. I won't keep you any longer, I know you have much to do before the heat of the day arrives. Hopefully once you've left the village, you won't be tied to so many responsibilities."
"I enjoy my responsibilities, actually. I like to keep busy."
"Hm." With that, he stood before her, once again offering her his hand. She jumped up without taking it, smirking defiantly.
"Hmm." He repeated, returning her smirk. "I'll return when the full moon does, Lady Rin."
And with that, he was gone again. She released a sigh as she traced her finger along the tsuba.