"Granger," Draco said politely with a nod as he hung up his coat and sat behind his desk in their shared office.
"Malfoy," she said with exaggerated emphasis, looking up from the parchment in her hands as she sat across from him at her own desk. "Long lunch?"
Draco blinked, confused by her inflection. "Ah, yes. I was running errands. What are you reading?"
"Oh Theo dropped off some reports and this one is fascinating. I started reading and got so caught up in it that I forgot to take lunch altogether." Her smile was wide but it emphatically did not reach her eyes. He felt his stomach drop.
"Oh?" Draco asked, trying to sound casual as he ignored his growing anxiety. "What's it about?"
Her smile turned vicious as she glared daggers at him. "Oh, let me read it to you. List of cons when considering the unlikely possibility of dating the Golden Girl herself, Hermione Granger."
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
Draco told Theo not to write any of this down in the first place, which Theo bloody well ignored. And then he made Theo promise he would incendio the evidence afterwards, which he apparently also ignored before bloody well hand-delivering it Granger herself.
Fuck!
"That — Theo shouldn't be doing that. Let me take that Granger, I will —"
Draco couldn't move. Why couldn't he move?
He didn't even have time to ask the question before Hermione answered it. "Non-verbal sticking charm. You can stay there for now. Would you like me to read you the highlights? Although I suppose lowlights might be a more accurate term." Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she continued to glare at him with a smile that was really more of a show of teeth.
Draco thought quickly, trying to remember the conversation he had with Theo that had resulted in this blasted list. He might still be able to salvage this if his name wasn't on that damned parchment.
"There's no need Granger, but I am happy to speak to Theo about this on your behalf. This is wildly inappropriate."
"Oh, I agree it's inappropriate, but let's put a pin on the matter of who exactly needs to be spoken to about what. So let me see, what do we have here."
Draco closed his eyes, waiting for metaphorical avada to strike.
"Insufferable swot. Well, that's pretty much the universal opinion isn't it."
"Granger, I don't —"
"No interrupting, Malfoy. I will let you know when it's your turn to talk. Ah yes,possibly a 10 but dresses like a 6 so it's hard to tell. Charming."
"Granger, I —"
Her eyes never left the parchment as she held up a single finger. Draco felt his ability to speak leave his body, right along side his will to live. He was so fucked.
"More hair than seems possible even with magic.Okay, fine. Annoyingly obsessed with justice.Hmm. You know, you didn't seem to find it annoying when my testimony kept you from going to Azkaban."
Draco grasping at straws. "Granger, I think this is Theo's list. Look, it's in his handwriting."
"Inevitable disinheritance and estrangement because Father will never accept a Muggle-born as the next Lady Malfoy."
Draco slumped, still stuck to his chair, defeated. "You weren't supposed to read that."
"No shit."
"Granger, I am so —"
"I actually don't think I want to hear anything from you, Malfoy. Your list is enough. I don't know if this is something you two do for all of the witches in the department or if I'm just lucky, but regardless I will be asking Perkins to move me to a different office and you will enthusiastically support my request. Otherwise I will be informing him about this delightful list." She glared at him in disgust, letting out a mirthless chuckle. "You know, I actually thought we were friends. Serves me right for trying."
"No! I — Granger, please. There were pros too! Flip over the parchment."
Hermione glared at him, but did as he asked. Her eyes focused on the parchment again. She blinked, before chewing on her lip as her eyes scanned it as she read it again.
"Well, what does that say?" Draco waited with baited breath. He had never actually reviewed the list and from what Hermione had read to him, Theo had already taken some creative liberties with what Draco had actually said. Salazar he hoped Theo hadn't botched this up for him entirely.
"She's the only witch I've ever loved and I won't be happy with anyone who isn't her." Hermione said, her voice thick and her eyes bright. She turned from him, carefully placing the parchment on her desk and smoothing out the corners — before facing him again. "There's a lot more cons on this list. What did you decide?"
"That there aren't any cons that can defeat that pro, Granger." Merlin save him if Theo's tendency to be sloppy with his paperwork had doomed them before they even got started. She was the only one for him.
"And your parents?"
"I've decided not to let their refusal to grow stop me from being happy. I was late coming back from lunch because I was held up at Gringotts — I moved my inheritance from my Mother's parents into a separate vault. And I move into my own townhouse this weekend."
"Seems like a lot effort for a 6."
"That's not what I said! I said you were bloody gorgeous, but also that you could maybe stand to dress in a way that reflected that a bit more."
"Uh huh." She looked at him, assessing. "Finite incantatem."
Draco felt her magic release him from his chair, but he was still afraid to move. "I am so sorry, Granger. I don't know what Theo was thinking — or he might have done this accidentally, who knows with him — but I had a plan. I was going to ask you out once I was moved into my new place. I — I was going to —"
Their office door flew open, startling them both as a agitated Theo Nott was suddenly in their midst. "Oh shite. Hello, ah Granger, I mixed up some files and gave you something that I actually needed so if I could have those ba—"
"She already saw the list, Nott." Draco said, cutting Theo off quickly before he somehow made the situation even worse.
"Oh." Theo deflated slightly as his gaze shifted between them both. "What happened?"
"Haven't gotten that far yet."
Theo looked at Hermione expectantly, and in turn Hermione looked at them both incredulously. "You want my response now?"
Draco held up hands placatingly as he said "No, of course not," — the same time as Theo responded with a completely matter of fact "Yes."
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Draco would you like to go out with me this Friday?" she asked, clearly flustered, but with a shy smile.
Draco blinked as he felt his heart soar. "Yes, Granger. I would love nothing more," he said to the beautiful witch before him, who had a faint blush gracing her lightly freckled cheeks. He couldn't believe his luck — he'd really thought that blasted list had doomed him. Now all Draco had to do was not utterly botch the chance he had just been miraculously given. Best to go slow — really put in the effort to woo her properly after such a rocky start.
Theo clapped his hands and grinned, clearly delighted. "Excellent. The best man speech I will give at your wedding is going to be so spectacular, it will end up in history books, I swear to Salazar," Theo said as Hermione's eyes just about popped out of her head.
Draco would like to be able say that he couldn't believe what Theo was doing, but he had met him before. Theodore Nott was a bloody perpetual agent of chaos, in addition to being Draco's best friend. "You'll be lucky if I don't transfigure you into a flobberworm, Nott," Draco said through gritted teeth.
Theo waved him off. "Of course. You can keep the list, Granger. Maybe put it in a scrapbook for posterity. I'd also like to put my name down for consideration as godfather to your future children. I feel I have a lot to offer the next generation, but I'm not disposed to wanting children I have to raise myself —"
"Theo!" Draco shouted, as Hermione suppressed a giggle. The dark haired wizard winked at her before saluting Draco as he turned on his heel and left, leaving them alone once more.
"Is he always like that?" Granger asked, amusement in her voice.
"A bloody pain in my arse? Pretty much."
She smirked and let out a sigh as she took a step closer towards Draco. "You sure you want to go out with an insufferable swot who will cause you to be disinherited?"
Draco felt his own smirk fall back into place. "Why Granger, didn't you know? Insufferable swot who will get me disinherited is exactly my type."
Her answering smile was the beautiful thing he had ever seen.
She was definitely a 10, but Merlin those dimples might push her closer to an 11. Draco needed to prove to Granger that he could make her as happy as he knew being with her would make him. Might be best to leave Theo out of any future planning sessions, but that 'pro' was all that mattered. This insufferable swot was the only one for him - whatever the cost. "Where would you like to go, Granger? Anywhere you want. My treat."