AN: Because I forgot to add this in the first chapter: The Harry Potter story and characters do not belong to me but the Goddess of Writing JK Rowlings. Loki and the Asgardians also do not belong to me but to Norse myths and legends, plus Marvel. Camp Half-Blood and characters belong to Rick Riordan and Greek myths and legends. The bolded italic words are the words of Ms. Rowlings, and/or Marvel Universe, and/or Rick Riordan. This is a fan-fiction, all changes and mistakes are mine.
Also, this story is mine and no one has permission to post this on any other site or claim it as their own.
AN2: Note: § symbol is used to show parseltongue.
"FOUR!" Odin called out as he took a swing of his golf club. He had been invited to Midgard to play golf with the three Olympian Kings, a boy's day out. The four Kings even enjoyed some beautiful meadow Dryads as caddies. While on Midgard, he had a little surprise for Loki's youngest, one he hoped the boy wouldn't survive.
"I really enjoyed watching the Wild Hunt that your grandson Fenrir hosted!" Zeus needled Odin.
"I missed it," Poseidon moaned. "I really need to promote one of my people to Seer, but none seem to show a talent for it. Not since Ursula died."
"I participated and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Good job, please let Fenrir know," Hades responded, knowing fully that Fenrir and Odin did not speak.
Odin ground his teeth together, smiling with a false promise to speak to Fenrir, taking a swing he completely fouled, and his ball wound up in the golf course's lake.
"Here, let me get that for you," Poseidon said with a chuckle and a wave of his finger. Odin's ball and all the other balls in the lake came out and rested on the shore. "Oops, sorry about that!" The two other Olympians tried to hold their chuckles in…unsuccessfully with the dirty look Odin sent them.
"I must say," Zeus continued, "you definitely have bigger balls than I do."
"Oh?" Odin questioned.
"Yes, has your wife figured out you bewitched her and your children?" Zeus asked, and Odin spewed water that he had just taken a drink of all over the golf course.
"What did you say?" Odin postured dangerously but backed down when Hades and Poseidon stepped behind their little brother in support.
"Heimdall may have stopped viewing the Wild Hunt after Loki's sister-in-law blew her husband away, but we and…I believe the rest of the nine realms continued to watch as Loki took what's her name…." Zeus snapped his finger, turning his head slightly towards Hades, still keeping his eye on Odin.
"Petunia," Hades supplied, knowing fully that Zeus knew her name.
"Right…Petunia, as Loki and Thor took Petunia home, we watched as Frigga gave Harald to Hera to care for; Hera was in the other room when you arrived, packing Harald's things. She threw up an illusion and shield and watched as your grandchildren threatened Ragnarök. Did you know Harald is living with us in Olympus? He calls Hera ya-ya, which is Greek for grandmother. He has also started to call me papoo…."
"Have fun playing grandfather to the Little Monster!" Odin snarled as he walked over to the four Dryads taking his golf bag violently from one of the ladies, "And I mean that literally, I don't know how he has tricked everyone, but he will be the death of Olympus. But, I won't have him be the death of Asgard!" As Odin walked away, he magicked a shrunken, Asgardian Huggorm into Zeus's golf bag. "Heimdall, bring me home!" Odin ordered before stepping into the Rainbow Bridge.
The three Olympian brothers chuckled. "I wonder what he meant?" Hades asked, and the other two shrugged. "Thanatos, attend me," Hades ordered, and the winged personation of death appeared.
"Yes, My Lord?" Thanatos questioned.
"Find the Norse Goddess of Death and ask her if she has a moment to answer a question for me," Hades orders as he takes his shot.
"Lord Hades, you wished to speak to me?" Hel asked, not even a full minute after Thanatos had disappeared.
"That was quick," Zeus said, blinking at Hel.
"I was in the neighborhood," Hel responded, and behind her, in the distance, the three Gods noticed a small commotion as one of the golf course's patrons had died.
"Do you always collect souls yourself instead of sending your Grim Reapers?" Hades asked.
"When they are rude and insulting? Yes," Hel stated firmly, "plus that inbred piece of trash is a Midgardian British Seidrmenn who believes and worships the Norse Gods." Then, hel sighed, "and I was tired of him insulting my mortal descendants, the Potters, someone cursed the last of their line, and I am investigating it."
"Was it him?" Poseidon asked as he teed up.
"No," Hel replied, then turned to Hades, "what did you need to ask me?"
"Why is Odin so insistent that Harald is a monster?" Hades asked as he pushed Poseidon out of the way and set up his own golf ball.
"Because the Midgardian Seidrmenn who killed Loki's Midgardian Seidr wife left a piece of his soul behind in a cut on Harald's forehead. Odin appeared shortly after Harald was left on his aunt's doorstep and felt the malevolence from that soul piece." Hel said, and all three men stood and stared with their mouths gaping. Hades had swung, but the ball had bounced only a couple feet.
"He did what?" Hades asked as he straightened up and looked at Hel.
"He is…unfortunately…one of my descendants, one driven mad by inbreeding and growing up in an orphanage during the London Blitz. He wants to be immortal, so he found Herpo the Foul's book on how to make Horcruxes." Hel said as she pulled the crystal that held the Horcrux that was in Harry out of an invisible bag at her waist.
"Herpo…I remember him, a Mageia, a second-generation demi-god; his father was a son of Hecate, and his mother was a Lamia. He was always going to live longer than normal." Hades said, shaking his head as he examined the crystal. "This was in Harald?"
"Yes, Frigga had me move the soul out of Harald into this crystal," Hel responded as the other Gods crowded around and examined the crystal. "There are six others that I need to track down. Grandmother said Jormungandr can destroy the pieces."
"Hmmm…that or cursed fire," Hades said, then handed the crystal back to Hel.
"Would you…" Hel paused, unsure of what she was asking, showing the teenager she was. Only when Hades raised an eyebrow at her did she continue, "would you take his soul to Tartarus when it is entirely destroyed. I don't want him in Nifheimr. He doesn't deserve to be there with the rest of his ancestors. If you were going to blood eagle anyone, he would deserve it."
"Heard that, did you?" Hades asked with a laugh. Hel just cocked her eyebrow at him before she stepped into a portal and disappeared.
~LGCHB~
"Heimdall," Odin said as he landed on the Rainbow Bridge, "can you see into Olympus? The Little Monster is living with Zeus and Hera in Olympus."
"I can, My Lord," Heimdall said hesitantly, "but the moment I look, the Titaness Theia will be alerted and will alert Zeus of my spying. It's the same if she were to look into Asgard; I would immediately know and let you know."
"Damn!" Odin swore as he paced in the room. Heimdall watched his Lord nervously.
"There is always someone on Midgard…." Odin murmured, talking to himself, "Heimdall, who do we have on Midgard right now?"
"Hödr and Baldr are both on Midgard right now in the American Southwest, learning to…hang glide," Heimdall said nervously, "I am keeping an eye on them and will pull them out if anything dangerous should happen."
"My blind son Hödr is hang gliding with my…retard son Baldr?" Odin asked dangerously, "now, all we need is my deaf son to join them. How is it Loki is my only non-disabled son?"
"That word is not used anymore…the correct word is 'on the Autistic spectrum,'" Heimdall corrected.
"I don't care," Odin said, "it's the blind leading the blind."
"They are both highly military-trained Gods," Heimdall reminded Odin.
"They are useless for what I need; who else is on Midgard?" Odin snapped.
"Hel, Fenrir, Jörmungandr…" Heimdall started listing those Asgardians on Midgard.
"They don't count!" Odin roared, "who else?"
"Lady Sif has a contingent of Shieldmaidens and Valkyrie on Vanaheim," Heimdall said as he kept searching for those off-world, "Thor and the Warriors Three are hunting…."
"I don't care; who else?" Odin interrupted, getting frustrated.
"Sandraudiga is on Olympus. The Titaness also just informed Zeus that I looked into Olympus. Sorry my Lord," Heimdall said, worried about the young Valkyrie.
"Contact Sandraudiga and inform her she is to return home immediately. When she gets here, send her into my throne room," Odin said, walking away. 'Sandraudiga?" Odin thought as he walked away, 'Why do I know that name…ah, a young inexperienced Valkyrie that I fucked against the wall once after a battle.' "Hmmm…" Odin said out loud. 'She has always been respectful and given me doe eyes without becoming clingy afterward.' Odin thought as he skimmed over his other conquests over the years, including a wife or two.
Sandraudiga stepped into Zeus's throne room while he was playing with the Little Monster. He had just gotten back from golfing with his brothers and Odin and was sharing Odin's temper tantrum with the room full of Greek Gods. She frowned before adjusting to a neutral look and approaching the throne, "Lord Zeus."
"Ah, Valkyrie, my Aunt Theia said your God of Sight was looking into Olympus," Zeus said, eyeing the Asgardian, and the room became instantly quiet.
"Yes, I am being recalled home to speak with My Lord," Sandraudiga said nervously.
"Then, swift travels," Hera replied, coming into the room; walking beside the Greek Queen was the Asgardian Goddess of Death.
"Sandraudiga, do remember who you truly serve," Hel said as she walked up to the Valkyrie. "Queen Frigga may have given you the order to be Prince Harald's bodyguard, but it was with my blessing that you continue. Odin may call you to him, but you are MY subject, not his."
"My Queen," Sandraudiga said as she bowed to Hel and turned to leave. She could hear the Little Monster squealing as he ran into his sister's arms.
~LGCHB~
Zeus's golf bag had been deposited in his private rooms. As a tiny poisonous viper slipped out of the golf bag, it grew until it was no longer small but 6 feet long and 2 feet wide and growing more. As it slithers out of the room, searching for the prey it had been compelled to attack, it keeps growing. §Ah,§ the viper thought, §here is the nest of the one the one-eye required me to attack and kill. I'll just rest here till it returns to hibernate.§ The now 12 feet long and 3 feet wide viper slithered under the warm toddler bed and curled up to patiently await its prey.
"Come on, Harald, time for a nap," Hera said as she picked up the yawning toddler. Hera carried a sleepy Harry into his room and tucked him in, singing him a little song to help him sleep. Then, bending over, she kissed his forehead and tucked the drowsy toddler in. "Come, Skogkatt, let your boy sleep without becoming distracted by the thoughts of play," Hera called out to the giant kitten who kept trying to investigate under the bed. At the insistence of the Queen, he followed her out of the room as she closed the door.
Sitting down in the sitting room outside Harry's nursery Hera pulled a new book out of her pocket, The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by A.N. Roquelaure. The book was the most erotic, raunchiest thing she had ever read; she most definitely didn't read this where others could see her. But, as a Queen, she had a reputation to uphold. Fanning herself with the book, she had just read something she didn't know was even possible; she heard a noise from Harry's room. Putting the book down, she got up to tuck Harry back in or soothe him if he was having a nightmare; she had forgotten to grab the monitoring crystal. Opening the door, Hera screamed in fear, "HERACULES!"
~LGCHB~
Harry was asleep when he suddenly felt like he was being hugged, he tried to hug whoever was hugging him back, but for some reason, he couldn't move his arms. §Oh, so small and tasty. I wish I could eat you, but the one eye said only to bite. To poison. To kill,§ the viper said as he looped himself around the sleeping toddler.
§You can't kill me,§ Harry said, opening his eyes, widening as he took in the snake.
§Oh, I most certainly can, Little Morsel,§ the viper said as she reared her head in a striking pose.
"HERACULES!" Hera screamed in fear at the open door to Harry's nursery.
The viper hissed, rearing her head away from Harry to look at the Goddess, screaming in the doorway. §Stay away! This morsel is mine!§
~LGCHB~
"You wished to see me, Your Majesty?" Sandraudiga purred to Odin as he waved her over, pulling her onto his lap while on the throne.
AN: I do not follow Odin's bigoted train of thought. In the real myths of Asgard, Odin's son Hödr was blind.