Both Sirius and Remus stood on the edge of Camp Half-Blood and admired the wards; they were a thing of beauty. They were falling apart, but after 300+ years, the wards were a work of art. Anti-Monster, starting at Wizarding classification of XXX, of course, Crups and Kneazle's couldn't even get in, let alone the really dangerous beasties. The next set of wards hid the size of Camp Half-Blood; the ward stone inside the camp could control how large or small the camp was depending on how horny the Gods were some years. Another controlled the weather, making it always pleasant, whatever season it was. The last let all inhabitants know what type of creature stalked the camp's borders, where they were, and how many there were.
"So I see you're limping," Remus said with a smirk.
"I'm not limping; you're limping," Sirius replied, sending a hex at Remus, which he sidestepped.
"Did you have a good time at least?" Remus laughed, "I didn't see you or Apollo for two days; Harry was hurt. He missed his uncle…Apollo."
"THAT'S JUST CRUEL!" Sirius yelled at Remus, sending a volley of hexes his way. Only the hair color one landed. Remus looked good with teal color hair.
"Did you just throw a hair color hex at a werewolf?" A camper said, and Sirius and Remus turned around in surprise, not realizing they were being watched. All the campers were armed to the teeth with silver. Remus took a step back as all the campers eyeballed him.
"Hi, I'm Remus, and this is Sirius. We are here to work on the wards," Remus said as he watched a camper nock an arrow.
"Sure, you are, werewolf!" A camper snarled.
"What are you all doing out here?" Chiron said as he exited the camp.
"Hi," Remus squeaked as the camper drew back his string, "Hera sent us!"
"Remus, grandson of the God Fenrir?" Chiron asked.
"Yup, that's him, Sirius said, stepping in front of his best friend with his wand drawn.
"Put away your weapons!" Chiron ordered, "Queen Hera told us she would be sending a werewolf to help us with the wards."
"What's going on here?" Hera replied as she opened a portal with a little boy holding her hand.
"Wow, is he a centaur?" Harald asked excitedly.
"He sure looks like it; he's a bit bigger than any centaur I've seen before," Remus replied as he stepped closer to the Goddess, still eyeing the children who had yet to put their weapons away.
"Ah, you have seen centaurs elsewhere?" Chiron asked, intrigued. He thought all the centaurs had gone extinct a thousand years ago.
"Yes, there is a herd that lives in the Forbidden forest next to Hogwarts in Scotland," Sirius replied as he flicked his wand and turned all the weapons into flowers.
Some of the children threw their flowers down in disgust, "you might want to keep a hold of those; they will revert back to weapons later," Remus replied as he held Harry, who was playing with Remus's teal hair.
"As I said a few days ago, I was going to bring a wizard and a wizard/werewolf by to check the wards. Remus is not just a werewolf; he is a second-generation demigod."
"No, I'm not," Remus argued, looking at the Queen as she had grown a second head.
"Are you the grandson of Fenrir? Asgardian God of Wolfs and the Hunt?" Hera asked, snidely upset with the campers and their treatment of her friend.
"Well, yes, but…" Remus started to say and paused, "fuck, I'm a demigod!" Remus said, finally connecting with the fact even after living with the Olympians for the last two years. "SIRIUS! I'M A DEMIGOD!" Remus yelled at his friend, panicking.
"RAAARRRRRR!" came a yell from the forest surrounding them. The campers dived back into the safety of the Camp but stood close enough to watch as a Minotaur came crashing into the meadow where the entrance to Camp Half-Blood stood. Hera took Harald from Remus and handed him over to Chiron, who took the five-year-old into Camp Half-Blood to watch; while Hera stood in front of the entrance. Sirius just stood where he was shocked at seeing a real live Minotaur.
"Where do you think this big fellow lands on the Ministry of Magic's Creature list?" Sirius asked Remus as Remus just blinked at Sirius.
"Now?!" Remus exclaimed, "you think we should rate a Minotaur right now? They are not on the list because they are a fucking Myth!"
"Really, Remus," Sirius jested, "you live in Olympus with the Greek gods, and you think any of the Greek Myths are actual Myths? For FUCKS-SAKE-MAN, we used to play tag with centaurs when we were in school," Sirius started laughing as the Minotaur rushed past him toward Remus.
A portal opened next to Hera, and Fenrir stepped out, "ooh, his first monster," Fenrir put his hands into his jean pockets and rocked on his heels as he watched Remus try to battle the Minotaur with magic. Then, shaking his head at his pup, "are you a werewolf or not!" he called out.
Remus blasted the Minotaur clear across the meadow and put his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. The Minotaur took a deep breath, then focused on Sirius, who he had previously ignored, and charged at Sirius. Panicking, Sirius apparated over to Fenrir and Hera, "why'd he charge me? I'm not a demigod." Fenrir sniffed Sirius, who leaned away from the weird werewolf who had burst into laughter.
Hera's eyebrow rose in shock before she gently moved Sirius into Camp Half-Blood, "please stay in here, dear, where it is safe. Children of Apollo!" Hera called out, and three children ranging from eleven to sixteen stepped out, "I am leaving Sirius's protection in your hands," Hera stepped back out of the Camp and joined Fenrir, who had already been joined by Apollo, Ares, and Heracles.
"Remus, give him the one, two punch!" Ares hollered.
"I am a scholar! I have not been trained for this!" Remus hollered back as he dodged the Minotaur's grasp.
Fenrir shook his head, "I'm sorry, pup! I will fix that. I didn't realize you're father hadn't trained you."
"Definitely, I'll help train you!" Ares hollered to his friend.
"Train him? He's a demigod; there is a whole Camp dedicated to training demigods behind us," Heracles replied.
"True," Ares said as he turned and winked at the children of the Camp. Several campers stood up straighter.
"Yes, about that. I asked for all Apollo's children to guard Sirius, but only three took up a guard position," Hera said, looking at Ares and Apollo, "have you, boys, not claimed all your children? Cabin Hermes is full of children who have not been claimed. So if you do the deed, you should at the very least claim the child," Hera scolded as both Apollo and Ares turned to look at the camp.
"Children of Ares, gather up together," Ares turned to look at the camp and hollered. Five children, three girls, and two boys moved to stand together. Ares looked at the rest of the campers and pointed to two identical twin girls, "you two are mine also." The girls joined their half-siblings.
The two boys groaned, "why are we outnumbered by girls!" one complained, and Daryl just shook his head.
"I don't know," Ares responded, "I've always had more daughters than sons. Daryl, how's Meryl doing?"
"He's in prison. He punched his commander and was dishonorably discharged from the army," Daryl responded. Ares shook his head; Meryl had his grandmother's temper. Of course, nobody had a temper like Hera, but Meryl's hotheadedness was close.
While Ares was talking to his children, Apollo was looking for his one missing daughter; he knew she had made it to Camp Half-Blood safely; he had brought her himself when her mother died in a car accident. He finally spotted her holding the hand of Demeter's daughter, who looked terrified. Winking at the twelve-year-old, she caught his eye and nodded but did not join her siblings as Demeter's daughter was begging her to pick her up and move further away from the fight. Hera just nodded to him as he turned to watch Remus get his ass kicked.
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, PUP!" Fenrir yelled, "ARE YOU A WEREWOLF OR NOT!"
That finally clicked, and Remus, now able to turn into a werewolf no matter where the moon was, started to undress. Ignoring the wolf whistles coming from the camp's children, of all places. Remus changed into his werewolf form; he let out a roar that stopped the Minotaur in his tracks. Snorting and huffing, the Minotaur roared out, then turned and ran back into the forest. Demigod or not, he wouldn't tangle with a werewolf in his wolf form.
~LGCHB~
"Hail Hydra!" Four men called out as they met each other in the middle of Central Park.
"Report on Project Bedburg," A tall American man called out. It was apparent he was in charge. "Quinn, Nagel, Report?"
"The healing abilities of the asset are phenomenal. Unfortunately, he lost his arm, but it has been replaced with a cybernetic arm similar to the Winter Soldiers; as he changes into his other form, it also makes the changes," Quinn reported.
"Yes, I agree. Unfortunately, although the asset's blood is remarkable, I am currently unable to duplicate what makes the asset change. Still, I can duplicate the extraordinary healing factor. I am already modifying the Super Serum to add that factor. Also, I am creating a different serum just for those of us who are normal to take as an emergency heal all," Nagel replied as he smoked heavily. "In fact, I've already tested it on several of the Widows."
The American waved the smoke out of his face with a sneer towards Nagel, "Karpov, report."
"Da, the asset, is responding to both the training the Winter Soldier is giving him and to the same programming that keeps the Winter Soldier…ours," the Russian responded.
"Are you sure?" The American hissed, looking at the Russian Hydra agent, "I don't want the same fuck up as what happened to the other Winter Soldiers."
"Nyet, that problem was with Wilfred Nagel's Super Serum, not with the programming," the Russian argued.
"It was not!" Nagel argued, "there was nothing wrong with my serum!"
"Enough!" The American called out.
"Make sure there are no problems. This asset is the future. I want an active serum that allows the soldiers to change into the wolf whenever I want! Don't tell me you can't do it, just get it done!" The American snapped.
"I need more assets with this ability to study the differences before I can even dream of recreating it. For example, we have found by accident that if the wolf bites you, the one bitten becomes a wolf. But studying those bitten by the asset does not give me the necessary information." Nagel replied as he lit up another cigarette.
The American took it from him and tossed it away, "contact the Englishman." He replied before walking away.
"God, Pierce is such an asshole," Nagel complained as the other nodded in agreement before they too left.
~LGCHB~
"Uhhh…" Sirius groaned as he sat at the breakfast table between Apollo and Remus.
Remus looked at his friend before quickly looking away and scooting his chair away from his friend, holding his nose, "you smell like puke," he muttered while still holding his nose as Harry giggled at the nasally voice.
"Dadfoot not feel good?" Harry asked Padfoot.
"No, pup. I think I'm sick," Sirius replied as Hera smirked from where she sat next to Harald.
Remus pushed Sirius's face towards Apollo while he sniffed Sirius's body quickly, trying to identify the illness by smell. His eyes widened as he recognized something he hadn't smelled since Lily was alive. He looked over to Hera, who was having difficulty controlling her smirk. "Ah Siri…," Remus said, amazed.
"Yeah, Remie," Sirius said as he sniffed different foods before pushing them away from him and grabbing others.
"Do you have any Veela ancestors?" Remus asked.
"Veela? Yeah, why?" Sirius said around a bite of plain toast. Remus just looked at him, waiting for more. Sirius sighed, "my great-great-grandfather Phineas Nigellus Black's mother, Ella Black nee Max, was a Veela." Before taking a sip of tea, Sirius said, "Oh…that also means Harry has Veela blood if Dorea is genetically related to Harry with her giving birth to James/Loki. I don't really understand how that worked." Sirius said, waving a piece of toast around.
"Veela, as in the daughters of Aellopus the Harpy and Eros, son of Aphrodite and Ares?" Zeus questioned.
"Ah…that makes sense, actually," Remus responded, thinking of the beautiful women who easily seduced men or could become raging bird ladies who threw fireballs from their feet.
"Hermes, summon Aellopus immediately," Zeus called out as Aphrodite and Ares looked at Sirius. Aphrodite gasped, her hand flying to her mouth as she looked at Hera, who just nodded.
"He's a descendant of ours?" Ares asked, then started to count on his fingers that would make him a six-seven generation demigod…that far removed. Does it even make him a demigod? Is that why the Minotaur attacked him?"
"No," Remus said with a smirk. That's not why the Minotaur attacked him, "not to mention many in the wizarding world have Veela ancestry, it used to be popular to have a Veela wife to parade around, and none of the children of those unions are demigods."
"You summoned me, great-grand-nephew?" Aellopus, the Harpy, Storm-Swift said as she entered the room. Black hair up in a bun and so many pearls around her neck that you could not see her bare breast underneath the pearls. Feathers as black as her hair but an iridescent shine to them and feet as deadly as any falcon. Surprisingly, she did not have a beak described in Mythology, but Remus could see that Sirius had her nose. Sirius, however, was freaking out because her whole face looked just like his mother's Walburga.
"Oh fuck, she looks like my mother!" Sirius moaned, his head hitting the table.
"Well, your mother and father were cousins…maybe being descendants of the Olympian actually made the Black… never mind," Remus said as all the Olympians looked at him.
Aellopus had immediately narrowed in on Sirius, and she walked over to where he was sitting and sniffed his neck. Sirius quickly hunched his shoulders up to protect his neck and turned to look at the woman. Aellopus cut her left hand using a nail from her right and slammed the bloody hand to Sirius's mouth as she grabbed his hair, "DRINK IT!" She ordered him, and he was forced to drink her blood or pass out from lack of air.
"Blah…" Sirius said as soon as she removed her hand, he never noticed the golden glow, but everyone else did, "why did you do that? I feel sick enough as it is!" Sirius complained.
"I refuse to have any descendant of mine be hunted as a half-blood; by drinking my blood, you have become immortal, and the baby you carry will be born a Godling."
"WHAT?!" Sirius yelled before fainting.
OMAKE:
"Aunt Iris is going to have your baby!" Five-year-old Harry yelled at Ares in front of all the Gods attending Zeus's monthly Curia Deus.
"Ah, yes, Harald. In Six months, your Aunt Petunia will have a half-Blood baby girl or boy," Ares replied, trying to tone down the explanation for a five-year-old. Meanwhile, the Gods of Olympus, who had not been told that were in attendance, started whispering to each other.
"I don't want a half-blood cousin!" Harry yelled, shocking the Olympians. They had never heard such racism from the boy, "I don't want a monster to eat my new cousin!" Harry yelled before bursting into tears and running to his Ya-ya. Hearing the fear for the new baby, the Olympians understood that Harald was not racist, just concerned. Monsters were a concern; there was a reason they were usually not allowed in Olympus. Why Olympians were discouraged from having children with the mortals of Gaia. The majority of Olympus followed the rule; it was the Royal Family that did not.
"You knocked up Petunia?!" Sirius asked, not believing the rumor he heard on his way to dinner, all of Olympus was talking about it.
Hera slammed her fork down as Harry burst into tears again. She slapped Ares and Sirius on the back of the head as she walked over to where Harry was crying in his booster seat between Remus and Sirius and took him out of the room.
"Woops!" Sirius said as he rubbed the back of his head. "She hits as hard as my mother," he complained.
"Just imagine getting 3,500 years of getting slapped in the back of the head by her," Ares bemoaned, and both Sirius and Zeus shuttered.
"Seriously, you knocked up Petunia?" Remus asked not before he checked to make sure Harry and Hera were out of the room.
"I did not!" Sirius exclaimed, winking at Ares.
"Yes…we were arguing about what I teach Harald…it seems he snuck some wooden swords over to her house and taught Dougie how to fight. She was not happy for some reason," Ares shook his head, confused. A confusion the rest of the Olympian Gods at the dinner table shared. "Well, we were arguing, and one thing led to another, and bada-bing, bada-boom, she's pregnant."
Hera returned to the dining room and took Ares and Sirius's plates away, "when Harald eats, you can eat!" She snarled, upset that her little boy was so upset he wasn't…no, couldn't eat dinner.
Remus turned to Apollo, "I am teaching you to make an extra-strength male contraceptive potion for you all to take."
"And you will ALL take it," Hera snarled again, "RUMORS! The rumor going through Olympus is that the royal family is both hypocritical and barbaric! That we ENJOY abandoning our half-blood children to be killed by the monsters! That WE are just as bad as the monsters!" Hera yelled at the entire table, pointing at all the Greek Gods. "WE! They include ME in this!" Hera cried, most upset that she was included in this rumor, she who had never been unfaithful to her husband, who had never sired a half-blood. Hera threw Ares and Sirius's plates against the wall shattering them before she left the room.
Sandraudiga, who was hiding in a shadow, smirked. This was such good blather to share with Odin. He would be gleeful of the chaos in Olympus and how upset the Little Monster was at the thought of a monster killing his soon-to-be cousin.
AN: Reminder, this was an omake, a joke. Petunia is not pregnant, but Sirius is. BTW, I so was not planning that. It was just one of those subplots that added itself, wouldn't go away, and is totally worth it even if it never goes anywhere.
I've heard complaints before about not warning about male pregnancy; if it was Harry pregnant, I would add the warning; if only not to have to listen to bitching later. However, with a side character pregnant. No, no, notice needed. You wouldn't need a warning if a side female character was pregnant. If you are upset with this, too bad, so sad, your bigotry is showing.
Also, did you notice the two guest characters mentioned from another popular American TV show? Not Marvel, Harry Potter, or Percy Jackson. Cookie of your choice to the one who names them correctly.