Disclaimer: Sadly, still not my sandbox; this is just my sand castle in J. K. Rowling's sandbox.
Chapter Seventeen: Sometimes You Can't Forgive OR Forget
May
Sirius
Sirius Black had been thinking a lot about Peter Pettigrew lately. Both the boy who had been his best friend and the (both literal and figurative) rat he'd turned into. Sirius wondered who he would have turned out to be had the rest of the Marauders taken even one second to look at their quietest friend. Would he have felt seen enough not to turn on his friends? Would Harry still have his parents today? Would Peter have become a deatheater at all?
Sirius didn't think he'd ever be able to forget what had happened with his supposed best friend.
Or forgive him for what he'd done.
Hermione
They didn't seek Ron out on his return to the castle but they also refused to put their energy to avoid him. They had decided to go about their day exactly as they had planned before they had heard of Ron's return.
In all honesty, Hermione hadn't thought Ron would seek them out his first day back.
But he had.
And now he's staring at them with his wide, familiar eyes, the same way he'd looked at her the first time she realized that he was really her friend.
But everything in that moment feels like it's coming at her through water. She knows he's apologizing though she doesn't comprehend the actual words coming out of his mouth. She knows Harry's answer is a stone cold no which she can see surprises Ron only slightly though it really shouldn't have. In the back of her mind, Hermione knows that she is the weak link and she sees the moment that Ron realizes the same thing.
He reaches out to her, desperation filling his gaze as he silently begs her to take his hand.
Hermione flinches away from his touch and for the first time, Hermione sees him for exactly who he was. She sees what had originally been carefully controlled anger whenever she had done better than him. She sees how that carefully controlled anger had turned into knit-picking and "lovers quarrels". She sees how those small fights had progressed further and further until that night he had grabbed her arm. She sees how his actions would continue to progress if she allowed him back into their lives.
She sees how she had forgiven him every time.
Just like her birth mother had her birth father.
But she wasn't her birth mother…even if Ron was turning out to be every bit as much of a monster as her birth father.
"No," her voice is soft but firm, probably more firm than she has ever spoken to Ron (including those times that she had screamed at him). She doesn't care if she cut him off or that this clearly isn't the answer he wanted.
Hermione takes a deep breath and another redheaded figure catches her eyes. This one fills her with relief and a sense of security she had felt around so few people in her life. The other girl's hand is on her wand but the look on Ginny's face matches the determination stabilizing Hermione's center, both girls recognizing almost simultaneously that this is Hermione's fight and Ginny can't take it on for her. It wouldn't be right.
Hermione's attention turns back to the boy who used to be one of her best friends, the boy (who for the first time since she'd met him) was actually waiting for her to finish her statement, "You and Harry were my first friends, Ron. But more and more, I started questioning why we had been friends as long as we had. When others would ask me the same question, I would defend you vehemently because you were my best friend…but there comes a point when that isn't enough. And we…we are far past that point. We are polar opposites in the worst way possible. We spend more time screaming at eachother than we do being happy together. Which isn't entirely your fault but you crossed the line more than once. You have never once said something nice to me but I thought that was just because you didn't know how to. You would get up in my space even when I backed away to try to intimidate me and I would excuse you. You grabbed me during Yule so hard that my arm was bruised but I forgave you. But you threw a dark curse at your supposed best friend's back and I can't look past that. Looking back, I can't look past any of it. Not anymore."
Sirius
Sirius Black had been thinking a lot about Severus Snape lately. Both the boy he had bullied and the deatheater (turned supposed spy and Hogwarts Professor) he'd turned into. Sirius wondered who he would have turned out to be had Sirius and his friends been truly reprimanded even once for their treatment of him. Would he have still been friends with Lily? Would Harry even exist today (because if Sirius were being honest, part of the reason the Marauders were so hard on him was because they had heard Lily had a crush on him halfway through their first year)? Would Snape have become a deatheater at all?
What if Sirius had been expelled for nearly killing Snape? Would that have changed anything at all?
Sirius didn't think he'd ever be able to forget what had happened with that boy.
Or forgive himself for what he'd done.
