Chapter 24 – Back Again

Santana…

The fact that Brittany was back in town was so confusing. Because it didn't mean that she was back in Santana's life. She was there – yes – but Santana never knew when she'd see her again.

Over the past couple days it happened several times. The first time was at the store when Iker stole that chocolate bar. The next day they ran into each other at a small bakery in town. They said hello and smiled when Brittany held the door open for Santana who was just leaving. It was so weird… three years ago they were girlfriend and girlfriend, and now it felt like they were strangers again. Not even friends because friends wouldn't have had a hard time looking into each other's eyes.

Yesterday Santana saw Brittany from afar late at night. She was in her truck, probably heading to her favorite spot when Santana stepped out of what used to be The Schuester's. She and Will had spent a couple hours there going over their plans for the new diner. They did that almost every single day lately.

The opening was just weeks ahead. It had been a stressful time next to helping plan Quinn's wedding but Santana was glad she had something to do. Working with Will meant that she was making money even if it wasn't her dream job.

She didn't know what to think about the fact that she was going to see Brittany at the wedding. Quinn asked her if it was ok to invite Brittany now that she was here. Santana had no idea what to say and just told her that she could invite whoever she wanted to.

Of course it made sense… they used to be close friends, too. Santana still had a hard time picturing it though. The three of them reunited. Being around Brittany made her nervous. During the time they spent together, Brittany had been the most important person in her life. She gave her hope and something like stability. Something she hadn't known before.

It had been nice to have someone she could lean on instead of always being the one that others leaned on.

Moving on after Brittany left was hard but she did it. Now she was back and Santana's world dared to get shaken up. She wasn't sure if it was a bad thing and maybe a good thing.

She was surprised to run into her again at the local craft store. Santana had never in a million years expected her there because it was her favorite store in town but definitely not Brittany's when she had still lived there. Next to dancing she wasn't very artsy or interested in crafting.

That was probably why she seemed a little lost. Santana just came to grab a new pair of knitting needles but paused when she saw Brittany comparing two different types of glue. In her basket were things that looked like domino masks and feathers and all kinds of stuff.

Santana couldn't help but wonder what on earth she was up to. She really hoped that Brittany wasn't thinking about wearing a mask to her aunt's wedding. Or Quinn's.

She pondered whether she should go over and ask or just let her do her thing.

The way she intensely studied those two tubes of glue made Santana chuckle after a while. So she walked over and cleared her throat in order not to startle her too much.

Brittany looked up. The sorrowful frown quickly turned into a shy smile.

"Stores are our new meeting point, huh?" Santana greeted her.

Brittany nodded with a sigh that screamed for help.

"What uh… what are you up to?" Santana pointed at Brittany's shopping basket.

"Oh I need stuff for a last minute bachelorette's party for Patty."

Santana tilted her head to the side.

"And you plan to cement her to a chair or something? Because that glue you just put into your basket is like… really strong."

Brittany stared at the tube she dropped in her basket.

"Actually I just need it to decorate those masks with some rhinestones."

Santana couldn't help but chuckle.

"Ok well may I suggest something?"

Brittany's face lit up when she quickly nodded. She let Santana step closer to take both glues and put them back in the shelf. Then she took another tube that Brittany probably hadn't even noticed because it was rather small.

"That one is much better to do some crafting. It dries quickly though… you just need a small drop for every stone."

Brittany bit her lip when she thankfully took the glue.

"Now I feel embarrassed. I could have accidentally glued a mask to Patty's face forever with that cement paste."

Santana laughed again at Brittany's joke when the blonde put a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. But uh… I'm just wondering why you need those masks. Are you guys going to a costume party?"

Brittany shrugged cluelessly and exhaled with a short laughter.

"I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. When I first thought about throwing her a surprise party, it all sounded so cool in my head. Now I wish I had never asked her friends to come over tonight. I still need to organize the snacks and everything. God… she's going to regret having asked me to be her maid of honor."

Santana thought for a moment. Everything inside her was screaming to just say goodbye and leave. Being near Brittany did things to her she hadn't felt in so long. She wasn't ready to enjoy her company, spend time with her, laugh, feel and long for things to happen only to watch her go again. Sooner or later Brittany would have to head back to her life in California.

Nothing had changed. Except they weren't seventeen anymore.

When Brittany smiled at her, Santana threw everything out the window.

"You're lucky… I still have all the stuff from Quinn's party. Decorations, balloons, funny hats and lots of idea for games. You could come over later and pick them up."

Santana could see the surprise in Brittany's face. She was surprised, too because she didn't know what it meant. Did it mean they were friends again? Maybe they never stopped?

It just felt so easy…

"That would be great – thanks!" Brittany exclaimed and pointed at her masks. "Because I'm not taking these."

They both chuckled when they made their way to the checkout. Brittany paid for some other stuff she needed and when they stood by the exit, Santana wished it wasn't over already.

"Is it really ok for you if I come to Quinn's wedding?" Brittany's question caught her off guard. "Because if you feel uncomfortable then I'll just tell her that I can't make it."

Santana shook her head.

"No… I don't want that."

"Because you don't want Quinn to feel bad?"

Santana sighed.

"Maybe. But also because I want you to be there."

They gazed at each other silently when another customer walked by them to get inside. Santana felt an urge to take Brittany's hand.

It was the weirdest sensation. To see her body close to hers. Her features, her hidden smirk. Knowing that she used to be able to reach for her whenever she wanted to. Now she wasn't allowed to touch her anymore.

"Ok then… I'm looking forward to it." Brittany said with a careful smile. "I'll come over around five to pick up the stuff you said?"

Santana nodded.

"Perfect. I'll be home."

They both nodded and Santana watched how Brittany walked over to her aunt's old truck. She drove off with a gentle look on her face, making Santana feel lost and at ease at the same time.

Then she realized that she was standing outside the store with empty hands. She rolled her eyes and made her way back inside to start over again.

/

Brittany…

The next couple days went by fast. The bachelorette party was a full success thanks to Santana's great ideas. The morning after Brittany went to return the items she had borrowed from Santana but the only person that was home was her brother Tony. After an awkward and short conversation, she left and decided to take a ride around town on Patty's bike.

Brittany almost felt like she lived at the trailer again. She slept on the couch, got up in the mornings to do a dance workout behind the trailer, went to buy some things they could eat for dinner and even hung out with Quinn, Jake and Addie one day because she didn't want to wait until the wedding to see each other again.

It blew her mind how big the girl was already. She was running around the house with her dark curly hair, a blue dress and Quinn's hazel eyes. She was frankly the cutest kid Brittany had ever seen.

When she spoke to Quinn and Jake it was like nothing had changed. They were still friends and they kept telling Brittany that they were so glad she was able to attend the wedding.

The one person she was most nervous to meet again was Blaine. Even more so than Santana. She always felt bad for the way she got to live the dream they both shared and talked about all the time. She often thought about the countless afternoons they spent at Blaine's house, playing the piano and dancing in the basement.

She wanted to invite him to come watch a show but she had no idea if he would like that or not. She couldn't wait to see him at the wedding but it still made her nervous.

That was one reason why she got a little drunk the night aunt Patty's wedding took place. The other reason was because Patty's now husband kept handing everyone shots in order to celebrate.

It was a lovely wedding with just a handful of people but everyone was in a great mood and her aunt had never looked happier.

That night Brittany got to sleep at Quinn and Jake's house as she wanted the new married couple to have the trailer all to themselves. She was glad she had to walk back to their house by foot hours later. It gave her some time all by herself to breathe the fresh air and clear her head.

She was surprised to see the lights still on at The Schuester's when she passed by to get to Quinn's house. Brittany could see Santana inside, standing behind the counter.

For a split second, Brittany thought she was going to go over there, open the door and tell Santana how much she had missed her ever since she left.

She wanted to tell her so many things.

Just kiss her once to see if their connection still made both of them weak. It was a terrible idea. It was already late, Brittany was drunk and Santana was probably there with Will, discussing everything in order to open up their new diner.

She took a deep breath and resisted the urge to be selfish. Just because she wanted to be near Santana and get lost in what they used to have, didn't mean that Santana wanted the same.

Maybe she was dating someone. Maybe she was in love. Maybe she was happy on her own and Brittany didn't have the right to stir things up.

She wondered if Santana still had the ring Brittany gave her that night. It was almost like a promise…

But a promise meant nothing if a person didn't feel the same way anymore.

Brittany hardly closed an eye that night because she wondered if it had been a mistake to come. Of course Quinn and aunt Patty were happy to see her but maybe Santana would rather have never seen her again…

/

Santana…

She didn't expect to be this nervous. Her hands weren't that sweaty when she was about to go on stage to receive her high school diploma or when she sang the opening number for the first monthly karaoke night at Schuester's.

Maybe it was because so many people were attending Quinn's and Jake's wedding and Santana was going to hold a speech in front of everyone later. Singing was easy but talking was completely different.

She couldn't even enjoy the view of all the food waiting at the Fabray house when she brought Quinn her bridal bouquet. She wished her best friend the best of luck and hugged her tightly before they made their way to church where Quinn's Dad was going to hold the ceremony.

Quinn and Jake were the prettiest bride and groom Santana had ever seen. Not that she had lots to compare as it was the first wedding she attended but they looked so happy and so sincere whereas the couples in a romantic movie could never portray that realness.

It blew her mind to watch her best friend getting married. When they were young girls they often talked about stuff like that but it always seemed so far away. Quinn and Jake were meant to be so Santana didn't think they were getting married too early.

Addie as the flower girl was the best proof. They were a family.

It stung just a little bit to watch them when Jake picked Addie up after the ceremony was over. She would have wished to have grown up like that and for her brothers to have the same amount of parental love that Addie was able to enjoy.

She wondered if she'd ever be able to have those things for herself. To love someone so openly and proudly like Jake loved Quinn.

To marry the person who was by her side no matter what and to love getting home from work because at home she felt safe.

She quickly pushed those wistful thoughts aside as it was Quinn's day to shine. She didn't want her to notice Santana's sadness that came out of nowhere and dared to ruin things.

She was going to make that speech before dinner and she was going to do it without crying. And if so, then only happy tears.

/

The amount of work Quinn's Mom put into decorating their backyard was extraordinary. Everything looked so lovely and the atmosphere was perfect. More and more guests were arriving and looking for their seats where they'd be eating a wonderful dinner from the catering service.

A new rush of nervousness overwhelmed Santana when she realized that she was going to have to speak as soon as everybody had arrived. She almost felt a little sick to her stomach because she hadn't eaten anything all day except for one lousy chocolate bar for breakfast.

Her heart sank when she remembered that her notes were still on the kitchen counter. Maybe one of the staff members had thrown them away or Quinn's mother put them somewhere else. She couldn't remember her words without the notes.

She hurried inside and almost ran into the kitchen which wasn't the easiest thing to do in her new high heels. She had saved some extra money to buy them and they didn't even hurt. They were perfect but none of it was going to be perfect anymore if she didn't find those notes.

When she pushed through the kitchen door, somebody was just about to come out and the next thing she knew was how she fell into Brittany's arms.

She could have stopped and prevented their crash. She knew it was Brittany as soon as she saw blonde hair from the corner of her eye but she wanted it. She wanted to feel Brittany close one single time and in that moment of despair it was everything.

Brittany seemed caught off guard as she probably hadn't expected Santana but she quickly wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

They said nothing for a couple seconds. Just their breaths and Santana's racing heart.

She hadn't forgotten the way it made her feel. The way Brittany's body felt against hers when she let her hands run over her back.

"I was just about to bring you your notes." Brittany whispered after a while. "I found them when I went to wash my hands."

Santana pulled back just a little. She could smell Brittany's shower gel, see her blue eyes that were endless and feel the effect of their bodies being so close to one another.

She leaned in to let her forehead rest against Brittany's, causing the blonde to hold her breath. Santana could tell. It was something she always used to do when they were about to kiss passionately.

Santana decided not to think too much. Her eyes shut and she just did it. She let her lips get drawn to Brittany's magnetically until they crashed together in a gentle but desperate way.

Hours ago she didn't think she'd kiss Brittany if she got the chance. When they were standing in front of the church, waiting for the groom and bride Brittany told her she looked great in her summer dress and Santana returned a compliment.

In fact she had never seen a girl wearing a suit. Brittany explained that she borrowed it from a store because she had already used her dress the night before at her aunt's wedding and there was now a stain on it.

She wore a blue blazer with a tight white shirt underneath it and frankly Santana thought it fitted Brittany so much better than a dress.

She looked mature and sexy but Santana swore to herself that she wouldn't get weak if there was to be a moment of temptation.

Now they were kissing longingly, instant intimacy spreading and her heart was telling her that there was nothing wrong about it. Even if it meant that it was going to break again.

When the noises from outside of the kitchen became louder, they pulled apart and took a couple seconds to breathe.

"I've missed you so much" Brittany whispered against her cheek, pain unmistakably leaving her lips.

Santana nodded. She looked up and cupped Brittany's cheeks with her hands to get their eyes to lock. Brittany's face was contorted with ache but Santana quickly made her ease by pecking her lips again.

"It's ok." She blew against her mouth and let one hand wander to the back of Brittany's neck where she held her gently.

Sensations she hadn't felt in forever were flushing through her body from head to toe. She couldn't believe that she and Brittany had just kissed and everything was back but so much deeper.

"I think they're waiting for me" Santana whispered after another while of relishing the moment. Brittany kissed her once more before they let go and took a step back to bring some distance between them.

Their faces were probably both glowing and Santana couldn't believe she had to talk in front of people now that her legs felt so wobbly.

But when her hand secretly squeezed Brittany's behind her back as they returned to the backyard, she felt as light as a feather.

For that night she was going to allow herself to be happy.