A/N:
There was no Beta Reader to even attempt to tame this.
It is probably the single most 'cursed' thing I have written thus far.
Read on at your own peril.
Originally Uploaded as chapter 53 if The Oneshot Collection.
Broodmother Interlude: Loan's cursed birth
The Loud House had been subject to many horrific scenes across the years, but few could rival the sheer absurd extent of the national scandal occurring in the basement.
Lisa Loud's nigh gelatinous mass quivered, taking up most of the floor space of the largest room in the house. The cause for her transformation was revealed upon witnessing her equally expanded vulva's open lips- from which a toddler sized newborn knelt upon the flesh floor with raised arms and covered in assorted gore and fluids.
"Dahda?" The blonde chirped, looking around at the new world she'd only known through the barrier of her old. Standing amidst a crowd of his own siblings and already half covered with various other clingy progeny already attached to his legs and torso, one resigned Lincoln Loud reached down to pluck up the surprisingly heavy new Loud to plant a single kiss in the middle of their messy forehead.
"Dahda!" The child squealed with joyous recognition and started pawing at his face and neck to be sure by tracing out the features she knew by touch. "Dahdadadada!"
"Yep, that's me." The man felt another tickle of some warmth deep underneath the numb, normalised state of horror that the situation of the many children's birth induced.
But as justified as that horror was, there was something wonderous, some deep inner spark of joy that was ignited from the sheer happiness each child bore in their (distressingly advanced for newborns) faces when they witnessed him for the first time. Maybe it was because he'd spent the last nine months being rejected or held as all but solely responsible for the kids' conception, but seeing someone- anyone light up with happiness at seeing him was something special.
And covered in blood and gore or not, over developed child of incest and mad science or not, the smiling little face of his own daughter (wow, he was a Dad now… to a lot of kids) beaming up at him with love pulled at some part of him that he'd almost forgotten in the dank cave that was the basement.
"Dahda!" The child's insistent fingers pulling at his face drew him from his daze. Not wanting to get poked in the eye again (and knowing there was another surely on the way), he looked around his torso and legs for a free spot- and found one where Luna had just managed to pull away the boy who shared Leni's shade of blonde.
He lowered the child from his face, ignoring her protest of disappointment, then drew her close to the damp spot on his upper thigh. Her waving arms slapped against them, and instinctively latched on in a surprisingly strong grip. In an instant, the brief moment of relief that Luna had bought him with the boy's removal was snatched away by the new iron band that the newest Loud's arms formed around his upper leg- their owner gleefully babbling as she rested her full weight down upon the limb and made herself a home upon her father.
One of many covering the grimy man. Indeed, not an inch below his waistline, and few above were not taken up by assorted toddler-sized newborns squeezing themselves as tightly as possible to their progenitor as they could manage. However, there was a relief of sorts for his quickly-numbing limbs, as despite there being little space was left and even that would be quickly demanded as an offering for the next child in the horrific queue- it would only take a few minutes before each child grew satisfied enough that they could be plucked from his aching body and given over to a freer adult to for a brief wash with a sponge and then tucked into a warm makeshift bed.
Small mercies for a man in desperate need of circulation.
"All right, I think that's the last of 'em." Luna whistled, annoying the two brown haired 'babies' she had swaddled in old towels below her. "Jeeze, I don't know what I was expectin' when I came this morning- but it sure as hell wasn't this."
"You can say that again," Luan shook her head, who faced five children before her. "It's not every day your sisters turns her naughty bits into a Clown Car-"
"Shut it you two," Lori interrupted with a snap, clearly done with today, but motioned Lucy to move her camera nonetheless. "I think we're one short."
Lincoln cast bleary eyes around the room, from the various towel and blanket-covered children sitting at his sisters' and parents' feet, to the ones hanging from him like greasy monkeys. He really couldn't see what she was talking about, and honestly? He'd be surprised if Lori hadn't miscounted, really the only way of knowing if one was short was if you looked close enough to see which pairs (or sets) resembled which mother and seeing if they short one that way.
But there weren't any…
Any except…
Lincoln cast his eyes over again to be sure. But yes, the only child who resembled Lori was the one currently sitting at her feet. She gave him a disturbingly toothy smile as he locked eyes with her.
"There she is," Lori grimly declared. As Lincoln tore his eyes away from the oversized 'baby', he had to repress a shudder as he gazed once more into the 'maw' of Lisa Loud's doghouse sized vagina.
The opening was slick, and thick fluids pooled and leaked out the front in a steady dribble. The walls undulated slightly with the pulse of Lisa's heartbeat, and while the first few inches were easily visible- the 'tunnel' rapidly darkened from the angle. Nothing could be seen save by the beam from Lucy's camera shooting down to illuminate the cavern, dilated cervix and the wet, far off glint that signified the top of Lisa's womb.
All things that Lincoln would have been very happy to save been spared the sight of for the entirety of his lifespan.
But for every bit of desire that he might have to avert his eyes, something caught them.
Just towards the back, huddled against the front of the cervix was a toddler trembling in the light. Their skin was bloody and slimy as all the others were upon coming out, but her blonde hair and blue eyes shone back fearfully as she looked at the outside world- before stuffed her head into the side of the 'wall'.
"Well, looks like we found where my other one went." Lori sighed, noting a distinct resemblance between her and the nervous newb- infant. Infant because it hadn't been technically born yet, Lincoln had to remind himself, since the little human was nearly three feet tall. "Looks like she's shy."
"Awww," Lana crouched forward to look at the little human, ignorant or pleased at the nightmare- no one could really tell. "It's okay little buddy, why don't you come out and let Auntie Lana show you 'round?"
The infant looked up at the voice, and Lana gave the biggest smile she could manage as she outstretched a hand into the maw. "Yeah, that's right, come to- hey!"
Alas, while Lana might have been only well intentioned, her display of teeth and sudden advance of a splayed hand looked an awful lot to the infant like a predator coming to pull them out of their safe home. Already upset from the pulling and jostling of their siblings that had pushed them to the side, the little Loud couldn't help but whimper as the backlit figure's shadowy fingers reached out to them. Their blue eyes widened in horror, and they tried to scamper backwards, but they were already at the fleshy walls that had once housed them.
There was only one way to go.
Back where they came.
"Dang it Lana…" Lori groaned as they witnessed the Loud girl (for her genitalia was now quite obvious) dart back to the cervix, pull herself up by her pudgy hands and then start wriggling her way back into the womb.
"Nah, nah- I can still get 'er!" Lana insisted, and started reaching forwards again, hoping to grasp one of the wiggling legs still visible. "Just lemme-"
Splat
The room fell silent as the infant's legs disappeared into the darkness, umbilical cord slithering behind her like a greasy snake.
"Familial Units?" Lisa's peeved voice pierced their shock. "My genital tactile sensors indicate that one has climbed back in. I would be exceedingly grateful if anyone could debase me of this notion as some kind of stress-induced malfunction."
"WE'RE WORKING ON IT LISA!" Lori shouted to her, then turned to the family. "Dang it, what do we do now?"
"We could wait for her to come out?" Lana offered. "Oh! I could make a trap with some baby food and a-"
"I don't think she'll be coming out on her own," one Rita Loud, mother of many (and now a grandmother to far more) intervened before Lana brought out the cages. "And she's never had any real food at all."
"So what are we supposed to do?" Lori sighed. "We literally have no other choice, it's wait for her to come out on her own or hope Lisa gives birth on her own- and just from the look of things, I don't think that's happening any time soon."
In hindsight, Lincoln would greatly regret not considering those words more closely.
Lori cast a pointed look at the scene behind her. While it was certainly effective at allowing the overdeveloped children to escape on their own, the 'crevice' seemed far from capable of ejecting a child by force.
"That's not what I meant." Rita denied with a grim tone that sent a crawl of dread up Lincoln's spine.
"Okay, what do you mean?" Lori's query was laced with exasperation. "Because I'm not seeing many other options, we can't even do some kind of C-section since we don't exactly have another doctor on hand!"
"I mean that we could… grab her." Rita flushed.
"Grab her?" Lori raised an eyebrow. "Mom, we don't have anything that can reach that far in- we don't even have anything to grab her with!"
It was true, while Lisa had many inventions laying around the basement- there was nothing like an extendable metal arm on hand.
But somehow, Lincoln's growing dark suspicions lead him to believe that wouldn't be a problem.
"I said we could grab her," Rita continued, looking more awkward by the word. "As in-"
"Wait…" Lori's eyes widened in unwanted comprehension, then darted between her own mother and The Maw. "You don't mean…"
"One o' us is going spelunkin' in Lisa's cave aren't they?" Luna grimly understood.
An appropriately pregnant silence fell upon the room.
It only lasted a second though.
"Dibs not it!" Lynn, first as usual declared.
"Not it!"
"Not it!"
The cry echoed around the room like a wave, and by some miracle Lincoln just managed to get in his own "not it!" before the cry ended.
Leaving three candidates that hadn't made themselves safe.
"Like, what's going on…" a sleepy Leni awoke for a moment, raising the count to four. "I totes had a nightma-"
The silly woman's face turned pale as her eyes took in the full glory of Lisa's expansive, quivering naughty bits once more.
Thump
Then the candidates were back down to three again.
Lana, Lily and Ronnie-Anne.
"I could go," Lily chirped, looking a little too enthused at the prospect and Lincoln was reminded once more that despite her seemingly wholesome façade- Lily was into some stuff that would make any of the other Louds look vanilla.
"No, no," Ronnie waved her hands in opposition, her face visibly red. "I've been taking care of Lisa for months now- it should be me."
And Lincoln was not in the least surprised, for his one-time girlfriend had long since revealed some parts of herself that he was happy not knowing about.
"Yeah… no." Lana shook her head, eyeing the two of them with clear distrust. "No offense you two, but I'm thinking neither of you'd come out willingly if we let you go in." She turned to the rest of the room and pointed her thumb at herself, "don't worry guys, just let Lana handle the dirty job like usual and it'll be over in no time!"
Murmurs of approval and relief passed around the room, Lincoln himself eagerly nodded even as Lily pouted and Ronnie looked like Christmas was cancelled. He'd spent enough time with Ronnie to know just how likely Lana's scenario would be.
Alas, while one disaster was averted, there was still another on the way.
"Well, you can't go in either." Lori countered with hands on her hips, and a chillingly cold tone of resignation to her voice. "She's clearly scared of you. Someone else- not you two," she pointedly shut down the hopes of the two 'enthusiasts' in the room. "Has to go in instead."
Lynn was the fastest yet again, "dibs not i-"
"No." Rita intervened this time, her Mom Voice stilling the rapid fire declarations before they even began. "You're all adults now- it's time that you dealt with your problems like some."
The Loud siblings looked between each other awkwardly.
"… Should we draw straws or somethin'?" Luna hesitantly offered.
"Talk to each other." Rita facepalmed. "Talk to each other like grownups and decide who's the best fit and-"
"Lincoln."
"Lincoln"
"Lincoln."
"Wha-" The man's eyes widened in shock as the familiar sensation of being thrown under the bus by his sisters took hold. "Hang on-"
"Lincoln."
"This isn't what I meant," Rita sighed, but threw up her hands in defeat to go tend to some of the literal children in the room rather than deal with the figurative ones.
"It's Lincoln," Lori countered. "Five to one-"
"You know we'd all vote the same." Lola primly advised.
"Good point, that's ten to one Lincoln." Lori looked to him, "and we all literally know that if Lisa could hear us back here she'd vote you as well. Besides, the kids all like their 'Dahda' so you're our best bet anyway."
"But I'm literally covered in kids I'm already dealing with!" Lincoln motioned to the many clingy newborns presently clamped to his various limbs and torso. "What about-"
"Heeey little guy…" Lana crouched down and crooned to one of the brunettes occupying his right shin. "Wanna get some real food?"
The short woman pulled something from her pocket and Lincoln groaned. "They've never even eaten anything Lana!"
"They've got teeth already, it'll be fine." She assured him, and then motioned to draw the child's attention.
The child looked up to see Lana waving around a freshly unwrapped chocolate bar, then titled her head curiously.
"It's good, see?" Lana broke off the tip of the bar, letting the caramel ooze out into strings between the pieces for a for a moment before she popped the tip into her moth. "Mmmmppph" she moaned, entirely truthfully for she was a Loud and Louds liked chocolate. "sho goood."
The brown haired 'baby' looked up in curiosity, then their little nostrils widened as the faint scent of the caramel reached them.
"Oh yeah, that's good." Lana grinned, then broke off another piece and held it out to the child. "Come on kiddo, you can have a bit of the good stuff."
The Child eyed the piece curiously, then unwrapped one of their arms to clumsily bat at it.
"Yeah, go on." Lana let her grab the piece in pudgy fingers, but kept a light hold on part of it so she could gently push the piece to the child's mouth. "Just take a lick, did Lisa teach you how to do that in her weird womb-lessons?"
"I think it was the machine she had me use for ultrasounds," Lincoln tiredly speculated. "And I don't know what it…"
The Child was indeed licking the piece of chocolate. Lana smiled as the little pink tongue scooped at the caramel, and drew in a stray shard of chocolate into her mouth.
The Child's pupils expanded as the first flavours of the world exploded upon her tongue.
Her fingers twitched.
And then Lana's fingers grasped upon nothing as The Child stuffed her mouth with the entire piece in one go.
"Yeaahhh, she knows how." Lana nodded in satisfaction and waved the remaining bar in her hands. "Hey tiny, you want some more?"
The child's big blue eyes fixated upon the bar, and she nodded.
"Great, why don't you come down here and I'll give you some mo-"
There was a little thump as The Child landed on her bottom, then half crawled, half-ran to Lana with grabby hands.
Lana grinned as she let her new niece have the rest of the bar. "See, just gotta know the right grub for the critter and for Louds that's chocolate; no exceptions."
"Okay that's one," Lincoln eyed the little traitor happily sitting and eating with no thought at all for the father she was abandoning to a fate worse than death. "I have eight more-"
There was a sudden rustling as various Loud sisters produced small, wrapped chocolate offerings from various purses, pockets and (in Luan's case) from seemingly nowhere.
"Dang it…" Lincoln sighed, realising he'd failed to consider that no Loud woman would ever go without some morsel of their favourite treat if they could avoid it.
The Loud girls waved their sugary bribes beneath the noses, and before the faces of the various new Louds. One by one they took notice of the treats before them, and be it out of curiosity or the elder Louds simply sticking morsels into their half-open mouths, they each experienced the wonders of Chocolate for the first time.
"Ooof!" Luna gasped as one fell into her arms, a dark-eyed blonde who had once occupied Lincoln's upper left arm.
"There we go…" Lori hummed as she gently pulled one half-clinging child from Lincoln's waist.
They popped off like ticks greedy for a new host, and before long Lincoln stood bereft of children and aching as the full sensation of his limbs returned to him. Still covered in their gore of course, but lacking the protection his little excuses had once offered.
"Alright, that's the last of them." Lori nodded to the one in Lucy's hands, a larger girl with almost grey hair lazily munching at a nougat-cored treat. "Looks like you're ready to go-"
"Oh come on!" Lincoln protested, looking around the room. "I've been stuck down here feeding and cleaning Lisa, all of Lisa for months- I didn't even have Ronnie for most of it and it just got weirder when I did!"
"Hey!" Ronnie-Anne blinked away her haze for a moment, "what's that supposed to mean!?"
Lincoln glared at her, then pointed at the mass beside him. "Oh hey, what's this?"
"That's…" Ronnie's eyes lost focus again as they witnessed her idol once more. "Perfection…."
Her mouth hung open a tendril of drool issued from her lower lip.
"See!" Lincoln motioned with both hands, "that, that on top of everything else. Just look around here- this has been my entire world for the past nine months and now you want me to climb in on top of everything?"
"Aww, is Linky feeling sorry for himself?" Lola asked with mock sweetness, before switching to a belligerent roughness. "Boo! Hoo! We're not the ones who gave Lisa enough spooge to make twenty kids-"
"I only gave her the stuff for Lily!" Lincoln protested. He may have gone on about how Lisa had evidently stolen the overwhelming majority of the 'seeds' she needed, but a chill went up his spine, and he saw his own mother's withering gaze bore into him.
" 'Only for Lily' son?" Rita Loud's voice could have chilled The Sahara. "Oh yes dear, I'm so glad that three of my… God only knows how many new incestuous grandchildren were made with you knowing full well where your 'spooge' was going- namely into your teenage sister!"
Lincoln paled, "I-"
"NO!" Rita snapped, and pointed into Lisa's vagina. "Get. In. There. Heavens know you've wanted to before."
Lincoln winced at the blow to his now long exposed fantasies, but persevered anyway. "Okay, I know I'm not innocent in this, but I've already done some much of the work already- and what about everyone else!" He outstretched an arm to the sisters. "They're not innocent either and they've barely been here since the kids went in Lisa. And we all know I'm going to be stuck on babysitting duty for the next eighteen years, so why can't someone else do the dirty work for once!?"
Rita looked like she was going to snap back with something, probably again related to his knowing insemination of his youngest sister. But a sudden sniffle caught their attention.
It was a little thing, and wouldn't have caught the attention of the adults on its own. But between the momentary silence and what acoustics Lisa's 'state' provided, it made it through anyway.
Lana tiled her head to listen ,"is that-"
"Shh," Lori commanded with a hushed voice. "Just listen."
The room quietened once more, and sure enough; the intermittent whimpers of a child issued from Lisa's absurdly enlarged crevice.
"She's scared…" Lincoln realised, he looked around to see all the kids sitting and staring around the room. "She scared and alone."
"Probably the first time for her," Lana mused.
"No, it's literally the first time she's ever been on her own." Lori corrected, then turned to Lincoln with serious eyes. "Lincoln, the kids 'know' you somehow, you're probably the only one who can go in there without traumatising her-"
"No…. no, you're right," the sole boy of their generation sighed, and sized up The Maw with bitter resolution. "She'll know me. It has to be me."
And with that, Lincoln stepped forward, gingerly rested a knee on the floor of Lisa's opening and braced himself with a hand on either side of expanded entrance.
The fleshy walls pulsed under his touch and a thick film of something he didn't want to know oozed between his fingers. Nonetheless, the very brave and sad young man persevered, and pulled himself in.
"I beg your pardon!?" Lisa suddenly squawked from the other side of the room, "what is- WHO IS CLIMBING INSIDE ME!?"
Rita tapped Lincoln on the shoulder, "keep going, I'll talk Lisa through this-"
"THROUGH WHAT MATERNAL UNIT!?" Lisa all but screeched, evidently now listening very intently. "WHAT NONSENSE HAVE YOU-"
"YOUR OWN YOUNG WOMAN!" Rita snapped back, her voice slightly muffled as Lincoln squelched further on. "Lincoln keep going!" She hissed to him.
"Sure thin- ulp!" Lincoln gagged as the full stench of a (very) pregnant woman's lower parts hit him like a truck. His head swooned for a few seconds and he very nearly fell out, but someone helpfully pushed on his buttocks and shoved him in further.
Sqeulch
"Thanks," he wheezed with dubious sincerity.
"No problem!" Lana's voice piped up. "C'mon Dude, get those legs'a movin' or you'll be in there all day!"
Lincoln just gave a non-committal grunt this time rather than opening his mouth, and started pushing onward. He couldn't really see anything since his own body was blocking Lucy's light, but the 'cave' was tight enough that it wasn't an issue.
The walls were as fleshy was one would expect, and his hands found purchase on semi-smoothed out ridges. His knees were damp as he continued on, and his shoulders quickly joined them as the walls pressed down on him and undulated on any body part that dared venture too closely.
Splat, his knee met a puddle of something.
"Dang, think…. he's gonna make it?" Luna's voice faded in and out as the 'tunnel's' walls shifted around his body.
Schqueee, the sound of his shoulders pushing past gripping meat.
"…. Stuff's nasty…. not even…." Lynn's disgusted tones echoed in.
Schalk, Schalk. He made steady progress now.
"Lucy stop… photos!" Lori's voice snapped.
There was a light tightening around his shoulders, but whatever Lisa had done to widen herself kept Lincoln from being anything more than distressed as she pressed down on him.
"…. HIM TO GET OUT… INSTANT OR…"
"Uhh, guys?" Lincoln called back. "Should I come back or-"
His voice echoed, and there was another frightened whimper.
"NO!" Lori called back to him, "just- just keep going and get the kid out!"
"Sure thing…" Lincoln grimaced and continued upon his bitter, slimy and sad journey to the centre of his sister.
It was ironic in a way, because as harsh as she'd been, his mother wasn't entirely wrong.
There was a point in his life that Lincoln Loud had fantasied (even if he would never have truly gone through with it) about getting inside one or more or all of his sisters' naughty parts.
That time seemed very distant as he bumped into Lisa's cervix.
Of course, he very much doubted that any of his worst fantasies and poor decisions justified this.
At this point, he couldn't see anything. Between his body and the constricting walls, Lincoln could've put on a blindfold and witnessed no change. But he could feel, despite the viscous fluids coating his fingers, the change in the material around him, from the spongier flesh covering muscles to the firm, almost cartilaginous 'organ' before him.
"Okay," he muttered, then gently called out. "Hey there…"
There was another whimper, then more splashes. His heart sank as he realised The Child had retreated further into Lisa's innermost sanctum.
On some level, Lincoln had imagined that he'd be able to coax her out with his words and proximity alone. Maybe if that didn't work, he'd cleverly reach in through the darkness and somehow snare a limb or umbilical tube to literally pull the protesting progeny from Lisa's womb. But that was dependent on her being close enough to the cervix that he could just reach in and grab her.
If words weren't enough….
"Hey there again…" he whispered again. "Sorry about scaring you like that."
A light sniffle came from deep past the hole.
"I just want to talk for a bit," he kept his voice low, gentle. He didn't really know how much Lisa's 'ultrasound' had programmed them with English, but hopefully his soft tone would let her know he was friendly nonetheless.
"Hwwwww," a wordless sound came from deeper in, somewhere between a sob and a whine.
"It's okay to be scared." He tried to soothe, "I bet it's not nice being all alone in there."
Another low whine came from inside.
"Don't you want to go outside like the rest?"
Silence this time.
Dang it.
"… Maybe you want to stay in here for a while instead?"
"Hmmmm…" the tone was closer to approval this time.
"Okay then." Lincoln sighed, happy at least that some kind of communication was established. "Do you want me to go or-"
Another frightened whimper.
"I guess I'm staying then," Lincoln sighed and settled himself down as best he could.
He'd be there for a while.
Time passed like molasses, but the walls of the tunnel continued their unsettling movements, reminding Lincoln that he wasn't in some strange-smelling cave despite his dearest wishes. Now and then The Child would issue some new sound of distress when the sloshing of organs grew louder for some reason or another, and Lincoln returned the favour with some soothing tones to comfort her.
It felt like an hour had passed before something changed.
Namely, his phone went off.
Lincoln practically yelped in surprise, both that he had it and that it still worked under all the damp grime that he'd accumulated. The Child of course promptly started whimpering in surprise and fear.
"It's okay, it's okay," Lincoln assured her and her shoved an arm down in between himself and the 'wall' to fish out his phone. "It'll be all right- what?" he quietly snapped into the phone.
"Dude, you've gotta hurry things up," Luna's voice came through. "You've been in there for ten minutes and Leese's getting pretty pissed off-"
"Oh poor Lisa." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Tell her-"
"Nah, nah, she's not playing Linc." Luna cut him off. "If you don't get out in the next five minutes, she says she going to give birth on her own."
"She can do that?" Lincoln regarded the walls and organs around him, illuminated by what light his phone provided.
"I dunno Dude, but I really wouldn't test her." Luna gravely replied, "what's taking so long anyway? I thought you'd just kiss 'er and she'd come out happy like the rest."
"It's not that easy," Lincoln looked up into the hole before him. As before, the light failed to penetrate the inner darkness, but the glistening edges of Lisa's cervix gleamed as an ominous circle. "She ran off inside Lisa's… um… uterus, and she's not close to enough to grab."
"Dang, wanna call it quits?" Luna suggested. "I mean, she'll be coming out one way or another anyway."
Lincoln was tempted.
He was really tempted.
But the continuous sniffles and whimpers from his scared child chipped away at him "I… don't know."
Luna was silent for a moment.
"What?" Her voice was choked by disbelief. "Dude, you just said you can't get in and Lisa is gonna push both'a you out if you stay in, what's the deal? You discover a new fetish in there or somethin'?"
"No." Lincoln sourly replied, "and I'm not going to be lectured about my sexual preferences by a furry."
Luna fell silent and a suitably childish "Ooooh!" from the background confirmed that Luna had been using the loudspeaker.
"That goes for the rest of you too-" Lincoln snapped, "Lisa let us all know each other's dirty laundry that day and don't any of you forget it."
"Whatever Dude," Luna sounded miffed, and a childish part of the man gleefully basked in his victory over his elder sister. "But why're you styain' in there then?"
"Honestly, she's just scared." Lincoln replied, looking into the darkness. "And if Lisa pushes her out that like, I think it could do more harm than good. If I can just reach her then maybe I get her to come out on with me."
"… But she's right in the back right?" Luna recalled. "How're you gonna get her out?"
"Maybe if Lisa can wait for a bit longer I can coax her out on her own," Lincoln suggested. "I think I'm making progress here."
"I'm pretty sure she's gonna push you out on her own either way," Luna's sounded doubtful.
"Can you tell her to stall for a bit then," Lincoln insisted. "I just need a few minutes more!"
"… I'll ask." Luna sighed, then her voice grew quieter as she took the phone from her mouth. There was a brief moment of silence, then an outraged Lisa's voice rumbled something incoherent. "Yeah, no Dude. If you don't wanna get reborn you need to get out."
"How long do I have?" Lincoln eyed the hole before him dubiously. "If-"
"You've got five minute tops," Luna shut him down. "And I'm not gonna lie, I don't think she's really gonna wait that long. She's really pissed off at the moment."
Lincoln looked into the hole once more, and his heart sank knowing his chances of leading The Child from her only known home in that time was next to zero. The only real way to calm her down in that time would be if her could 'pacifiy' her with a kiss like the others, and that meant…
"Dang it," he sighed with misery. "I… I think I'm going to have to go in."
" 'Go In'?" Luna asked in confusion. "You're already in, what're you- oh." Her voice shifted with realisation. "Oh you mean, in."
"Yep," Lincoln measured the cervix before him with his hands. If he squashed down a bit more, he could probably fit through without too much problem (outside of therapy costs of course). "… Are you sure that Lisa can't wait a bit longer?"
Luna took a moment to point her phone in Lisa's direction.
"… I WILL SUFFOCATE HIM WITH MY VAGINAL MUSCLES BEFORE ALLOWING MORE THAN 300 MORE SECONDS WITHIN-"
"Dang it, " he resolved himself.
"Sorry Lincoln, looks like it sucks to be you." Luna shrugged. "Really it does."
"I know," grimaced.
"No… really…" Luna's voice took on a special tone, somewhere between teasing and simple enthusiasm that Lincoln remembered in the haunted fever dreams of his childhood. "It sucks to be you…"
"Really Luna?" He griped as the musical sister stated singing.
"Sucks to be you." Luna continued, "it sucks to be you."
" 'Cause you didn't need to be in there!" Lynn joined in now.
"But you couldn't keep hold'a your piece!" Lana chortled.
"Now you're reaching for a daughter-niece!" Lola cackled.
"Inside Leese's crease!" Luan interjected.
"It sucks to be you!" Almost the whole family (he couldn't hear Lana or Lily), and maybe even his parents if Lincoln wasn't hallucinating from the smell, joined in. "It really, really, really sucks to be-"
Lincoln pointedly ended the call, but kept the phone out for light. "Me."
And as much as life really did suck for Lincoln Loud (literally so, considering that's exactly what Lisa's walls were doing to him at that moment), he still had job to do. Grimacing once more, the man reach forward to grip the edge of Lisa's cervix, and used his knees to push himself forwards.
There was a rumbling from outside, probably Lisa feeling him going someplace he should never had been, but the tunnel remained open- so he put his other arm through to give him light, then pushed his head past the 'doorway'.
Oddly enough, the smell here wasn't as bad, if the air was a little more stuffy and copper-tainted.
The 'room' was largely oval, with a dark purple-red shine to the walls where the light of his phone glinted back. There was a shallow pool of liquid with floating lumps of meat that Lincoln guessed might have been the placentas of his many children, and there- to the very back and shivering like a leaf in the wind was The Child he'd come for.
"Hey…" he issued again, trying to affix a friendly expression even as he wriggled his top half through the cervix. "You okay in there?"
The child wordlessly stared at him with wide eyes, her blue irises standing out against the whites of her eyes and the bloody mess of her skin and hair.
She seemed more stunned than anything else, perhaps the idea that a full grown adult would come into her 'private room' was shocking even to an 'infant'.
"Yeah, I didn't see my day going like this either." Lincoln sighed as best he could, then pushed forward again until his waist was resting on the border of Lisa's 'inner sleeve' and 'room'. "How about you?"
The Child remained silent, staring as her father now pushed himself forwards by the walls of the womb beside him with his arms rather than with his legs outside.
Finally….
Shhpallt.
Lincoln tumbled into the mess of fluids and flesh, narrowly closing his mouth in time to avoid getting a first-hand taste. Nonetheless, he sprawled into the pool for a moment, dazed and numbly horrified to find himself submerged to the knee in gore.
A new whimpering sob caught his attention and he looked up to find his little daughter staring at him in fear. From what little illumination his phone offered she looked utterly terrified, probably because a man many times her size was standing before her covered in bloody chunks, and the light of his phone only made him all the more disturbing.
"Ummm," Lincoln looked over himself and winced. "D-do you still know me? I mean, you and your siblings always-"
"Hmmm…" The Child issued a noncommittal sound.
"Hey Linc!" Lana's voice echoed through the newly opened 'tunnel', "you might wanna get a move on, Lesse says a minute and a half!"
"I'm on it!" Lincoln called back as calmly as possible, still trying not to scare the 'infant'.
For what it's worth, she didn't seem to get more scared.
"Whatever Dude, it's your funeral." Lana shrugged.
"The opposite actually!" Luan chortled.
Lincoln pointedly ignored them in favour of his daughter. Almost on instinct he crouched to reduce his profile (he could barely stand anyway) and switched off his phone to let the natural light of the outside illuminate The Child's face. His eyes took a moment to adjust, but she seemed a little better now that the artificial light of his phone had vanished.
She still looked scared, but less so.
A good start, all things considered.
"… Tough day?" He whispered.
Of course, he wasn't expecting anything from her even if she understood, but he needed to start somewhere, and as long as he kept his voice gentle she should get he general message.
"Me too."
He inched just a little closer.
She whimpered.
He stopped.
"I'm not here to hurt you," he assured her, then slowly extended an arm. "You know me."
The Child watched him with big eyes, but Lincoln carefully kept his hand half closed and the fingers facing down. Inch by inch he approached, stopping whenever she issued a new sound of distress, then continuing once she calmed down until he reached her cheek.
She stared at him, and he kept eye contact as he lifted up a finger to stroke her left cheek. Then the rest of his fingers followed to gently cup the side of her face.
"It's okay…"
He leant down, and this time she didn't whimper as he reached her and planted a soft kiss in the middle of her grubby forehead.
Her eyes brightened, and her lips stopped trembling. "Dada?"
Lincoln lips turned to a smile as he lifted up enough for her to see it, "yep, that's me. I've been waiting a while to see you."
She gave a shy smile, but from the way she fidgeted he wasn't sure how much she understood. "I… cold?"
"Cold?" Lincoln noticed for the first time, that despite the warmth Lisa's body provided, the rapidly drying gore he was covered in was sucking the heat from his body. "Ah, okay… all right, you want to come in for a hug?"
He offered out his other arm.
The Child looked confused.
"Okay…" Lincoln breathed out. "This is going to feel nice, you know what nice is?"
"Nice?" The Child asked, has little eyebrows almost came together. "Nice… good?"
"Nice is good," Lincoln agreed, then carefully scooped his arm around The Child. "Nice is warm."
The Child 'eeped' as he drew her in close, and remained stiff at first. But as remained still, and kept his 'grip' on her gentle but firm, she slowly relaxed into him. Letting their shared warmth dampen the loss of both.
"Yea… warm nice…" The Child agreed. "Dada warm."
And they stayed there for a long moment, father and daughter together for the first time in the creepiest possible place Lincoln could have conceived. It wasn't to last though, Lincoln had come in there with a mission after all and time waits for no man, woman or overdeveloped child.
And Lisa patience even less so.
"… SAID OUT!" An echoing bellow came through the tunnel, chilling Lincoln's blood.
The Child shivered and tucked her head into her father's chest. The walls of the womb groaned and his heartbeat increased as the dour realisation of just what was about to happen dawned on him.
"Sweetie?"
The Child look up at him.
"This is going to be scary but-"
SQUELCH
The womb walls suddenly flexed and Lincoln lost his balance for a moment, prompting The Child to squeak in terror and clamp onto his chest as tightly as her siblings had his limbs. Lincoln himself groaned.
"Dada…" she sobbed.
But there was no time for soft words and gently leading his (technically) youngest daughter out of her predicament. It was time for action, so the man tucked his phone into his pants with one hand, then secured both arms around The Child to hold her in place as he rushed to the opening of the cervix, knees slopping through the mess even as his progeny panicked.
SKLLLRRRSCHHH
And then something pushed him. Just as he had fit his upper body through the cervix as well he could without squashing The Child, something pushed on his feet. Lincoln stomach dropped to his pressured soles, and when he looked up-
The Tunnel was rapidly shrinking into a tight mess of slick, muscle-lined flesh.
"Dada... hwwweee," The Child whined, and stuffed her head into his chest once more.
"It's okay, shhh." Lincoln stroked her sticky hair with his free hand as he lied. "It's okay."
It was not okay.
The pressure behind him suddenly increased, and his hips ached as they were forced through the cervix. He landed in the slimy sleeve of flesh, and barely had time to take a rank breath before his head was suddenly gripped by his sister's meat.
The next minute or so was a very specific kind of hell. One of darkness, disturbingly smooth surfaces that pressed and squashed down on Lincoln's whole body and it nigh impossible to breathe as they all but formed to his face, and when he did manage a breathe the air was thin and laced with vile fluid. The muscles behind Lisa's vaginal walls pushed down with an almost bruising force and he had to keep his arms cradled around The Child for fear she would be squashed against him.
And then it was over.
Lincoln found himself almost spat out by the force of Lisa's 'maw', and landed on his back with an 'oof'.
"… AND STAY OUT!" Lisa's enraged voice declared. "Of all the indignities to have suffered this…"
Lincoln tuned out her rambling in favour of focusing on the small child in his grip.
She was lying against his chest, and while he was momentarily afraid that she had inhaled some of Lisa's fluids she quickly coughed, and then gazed up at him with big blue eyes.
"It's okay…" he murmured, "it's all over now…"
The Child blinked, then looked around her with a slack jawed mix of awe and trepidation.
All around her were New Things, and New People- except for her siblings who were clean and covered in things that her programming told her were warm.
They looked happy, and her Other One was over next to the lady that looked like them so they were all safe now. And that lady who looked like them was coming closer with something in her hand…
Lori crouched down next to The Child and unceremoniously shoved an already broken piece of chocolate into her mouth. She looked shocked, and almost offended before the full taste ran through her juvenile tongue, and the same dinner-plate pupils that her sister sported appeared.
She smiled and with standard gratitude of a child whose parent had just done a difficult thing for them, promptly scrambled out of Lincoln's weary grip and started clamouring after something more interesting. In this case, Lori's purse and presumably any more sweets she may have had inside.
"Hey…" Lincoln feebly reached for where she once was. "I… dang it."
"It's fine Lincoln, just let me handle this." Lori grasped the grubby Child with the casual resignation to becoming filthy that came with experienced motherhood, and calmly carted her off to the same assortment of buckets, sponges and blankets that her twin was currently sitting next to.
The tired man flumped down and stared at the ceiling.
"… Hey Linc?" It was Luna.
"Yeah?" He numbly replied.
"You okay down there?"
He flicked his eyes over to glare at her, "I'm fine. It just sucks to be me."
Luna almost looked apologetic.
Lori rolled her eyes at the embarrassment that was Lincoln's state as she sponged down the second of the children who shared her features. "Was that the last of them?"
Lana took a look at the currently closed maw. "Sure seems like it, think Linc would'a pulled out any stragglers after he… y'know, went in."
"There are no further subjects to be found!" Lisa interjected, "and I will not tolerate any further incursions!"
"Yeah, yeah, not like it's your own fault or anything," Luna rolled her eyes.
"There was no need to violate my person with this method!" Lisa snapped back.
"Oh yeah, you're gonna talk about violating personal boundaries!?" Luna bristled. "Sure thing Leese, let's talk…"
While the two argued, Lynn Sr crept over to his only son. The elder Loud patriarch was a well experienced father himself at this point, and for the first time in a great while he could see the utterly exhausted expression upon Lincoln's face that he so often remembered being on his own.
The younger man had sported it often enough in his earlier years thanks to the managed turmoil that was the Loud Family, so much so that he'd more or less been permanently bag eyed by eleven. But not even during The Incident with the Squirrel Suit had Lynn seen him so done with life.
"Hey kiddo," Lynn asked with an uncertain laugh. "Long day?"
Lincoln's eyes moved on their own to lock onto his father, his expression unchanging. "… Yes. Can today be over now? I want to go sleep now."
"Oh son," Lynn sighed in sympathy. "You're a parent now, today is never over."
Lincoln said nothing and his eyes returned to staring at the ceiling. Whatever went through his mind, Lynn had no way of knowing. Regret? Remorse? Maybe just a desire to wake up from his new life to find that he'd never accepted Lisa's invitation to try out her invention all those months ago?
Maybe he was just contemplating his future, and how it was going to revolve around the dozens of little people that he was now responsible for. That what he had just gone through would be just the first of many trials to follow.
Lynn's heart swelled in sympathy as he remembered his own, from Lori to Lily he'd been tested to reach the standard of fatherhood, and he'd stumbled and fallen enough to realise how difficult that effort was. He reached down to pat his son on the shoulder in solidarity.
Lincoln didn't look at him. "Don't touch me, I'm not clean anymore."
Lynn hesitated before his hands reached the grime from where Lincoln's shoulders had scraped against his daughter's inner walls. "Yeah. That's, um, that's probably for the best. Uh, maybe you should get a shower and change-"
Lynn Sr found himself jumping back as a spray of water stared raining down from beside him, plastering his unflinching son with clean water to wash away the filth. He turned to find one Ronnie-Anne Santiago, seemingly recovered from her usual daze holding a hose.
"We do this for each other," she replied. "It gets gunky down here a lot, and taking a full shower takes a while so we got used to this."
"Well, that explains the water bill," Lynn Sr mused, though to be fair, they'd assumed the higher amount was mostly due to Lisa anyway. "And you're really both used to-"
Lincoln flipped over with a splat so Ronnie could do his back.
"Okay then."
While Lincoln was getting his impromptu 'shower', The Child was enjoying her first meal and 'bonding' with her mother and sister. Overall, her morning had been quite the experience. At first she'd been anxious and excited to go see the rest of the world, or just see at all because there wasn't really much to inside the womb.
But then she'd been pushed and shoved around, and the outside looked so bright she couldn't help but be scared, and then a big hand tried to grab her so she ran away. Then someone came into her special home and she was really scared when light appeared in there and he was all gross and meaty. But then he was Dad and warm and she felt better for a little bit.
Then the scariest thing happened and it was all pushing and shoving again until she was in The Bright Outside and this other person her programming told her was her first Mother came along and gave her tasty stuff and now she was happy and eating next to her Other while her first mother used the squishy square thing to make her clean.
It made her wet and cold, but it was okay because she had a sweet thing in her mouth and her Other was helping her be warm with a fluffy thing.
"Hmmmm," she hummed happily. Then the sweet taste in her mouth stated going away because she didn't have any more Tasty left. She looked up at the woman who was cleaning her, "Tasty?"
The woman looked at her with a funny face (The Child's programming didn't have all the expressions in them just yet) and said something that she couldn't really understand but included 'no'.
The child thought for a moment and scrunched up her face when she tried to remember, then brightened as the word she was looking for came up. "Tasty please?"
The woman's eyes went around in a silly way, then she put her hand into her small bag and pulled out another tasty. She snapped it in two so the yellow goo came out and gave one bit to her Other and one to The Child, who was happy to put it in her mouth.
One of her sisters looked like she wanted Tasty too though, Subject Twelve was sitting next to their Dad who was being watered, but when she saw that… her (she didn't remember her own Subject number, Subject Twelve was special though so everyone remembered hers) had gotten another Tasty, one of her face parts came out to smell the air.
The Child thought Subject Twelve was nice, she so took some of her tasty out and broke a piece off and showed it out so that Subject Twelve could take it. Subject Twelve looked happy when she saw the Tasty in her hand, so she used her mouth parts to reach across and take it, and when her mouth-parts touched Her hand Subject Twelve sent happiness through into her brain to say thanks.
The Child brought up the memory of Dad and her being warm to say 'you're welcome' and Subject Twelve was happy twice as much when she saw it through her mouth parts!
Alas, while the two 'newborns' were having their psychic-communication session, one Leni Loud happened to awaken.
"Ohh, like; what happened." Leni groaned. "I totes had a nightmare where-"
Leni's eyes opened to see her new niece's eldritchian mouth on full display. Fortunately, it was a brief sight as she promptly passed out back into her makeshift bed of blankets.
"Dang it," Lincoln sighed, just freshly cleaned himself of the various juices that had clung to him. "Leni's down again."
"She'll be fine dear." Rita Loud stuffed another blanket under Leni's head for a pillow. "The real question is exactly what we're going to do about this mess."
Lincoln looked around the room.
Even disregarding the many new children who would be making new messes of their own shortly after, there was a nasty puddle of fluids forming around their shoes from where the kids (and himself) had been cleaned off. The countless machines Lisa had installed to 'assist with her care' still beeped away in the corners of the room with great, looping tubes and Lisa herself still took up the majority of the room.
"I'm guessing that Lisa has something planned," he shrugged. "I don't see how we could even get her out otherwise."
"But you don't know what that something is?" Rita asked with suspicion.
Lincoln shook his head flatly.
Rita 'hmmed' for a moment, then marched over to the side of the room where there was space to shout to Lisa's head. "Young woman, are you ready to talk like an adult now?"
"Oh very much so," Lisa sniped back. "Why I am so calm that it's almost like I haven't had my own Fraternal Unit climb inside my vaginal canal today!"
Lincoln sighed, knowing she'd be snippy until she got his apology. He called up from his position. "LISA, I'M SORRY OKAY? I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO TRAUMATISE THE KID!"
There was silence.
Then Lisa spoke, "Maternal Unit, from Lincoln's voice I estimate that his location remains almost directly across from my genitalia. Is that correct?"
"Yes…" Rita eyed Lincoln with worry, then motioned him to move. "Why do you-"
SPLURRSHH
The once closed lips of The Maw opened once more, and a vile reddish mix of meat and liquid spewed forth with the force of a hose, slamming into Lincoln's chest and promptly ruining his clothes again. The scent made made Rita's eyes water as Lincoln stood there, looking more sad than anything else as the combined afterbirth of twenty children dripped from him.
There was a moment of silence.
"Apology accepted, Elder Brother Unit" Lisa's voice declared primly.
Lincoln just shook his head, and motioned for Ronnie to start cleaning him off again.
No one dared speak to Lisa for the next few minutes, for even as her genitals hung wide open again there was a distinct fear that she might have not 'finished her ammunition'. No one wanted to be in Lincoln's position, even as Ronnie finished hosing him down.
Instead they did what cleaning they could.
The kids were put in a dry corner where they wouldn't wander into the mess, a few adults were left in babysitter duty and were promptly mobbed with by the various children demanding more sweets.
Leni was left with them, since she'd probably faint again.
The Child with Tentacles was pointedly left with the others, since they didn't seem to care and everyone else was done for the day.
But in the end, when all the cleaning was done and there was nothing else that could be dealt with downstairs; there remained one, major, glaring problem to take care of.
In the end, it was Luna who ventured forth to ask the vital question. "Uhh, Leese?" Luna ventured, awkwardly scratching the back of her head. "Did ya get something to deflate yourself? 'Cause I gotta say…"
"You're not looking too good right now."
"If you are referring to my functionally disabled form, I would have to agree." Lisa gravely replied. "Without intervention, this body would never more than a managed problem in varying degrees.
Fortunately, the moment has been prepared for. Elder Brother Unit?"
Lincoln blinked out of his post-Whatever that was- daze. "Yeah Leese?"
"I believe there is a red button next to the staircase with a thumb scanner attached."
