Rita's left hand nimbly snatched Lisa's 'Best Mom' cup before it dropped and broke, the owner thereof however tumbled to the floor in a daze.

"Mashtrnal- owsh!" Lisa slurred in shock, her back to the kitchen cabinets as she raised a hand to cup her jaw. "Thatsh watsh- ahh- berry mirrature ansh entirshly uncessahry!"

"Well, so was not giving us a warning about you killing yourself." Rita snapped back sternly. "Do you have any idea what the last few hours were like for us?"

Lisa tried to mumble something, but Rita promptly snapped over her again; "we thought you were dead. Your father and I thought our daughter was dead, your sisters thought you were dead-"

"I shaid my clonesh boshhy-"

"Besides the point Lisa!" Rita growled.

The two of them proceeded with a very one sided (Lisa was in no state to refute much of anything after all) argument. Lincoln and the sisters meanwhile just stared on in mild interest, too caught up in the disbelief of today and the sheer totality of Lisa's actions across the past year or so to be truly shocked that she would pull such a stunt.

Except for Leni. She was a tad preoccupied with being comatose.

Ronnie meanwhile slowly came out of the stunned silence she had adopted since the object of her affections had 'autoterminated', and the sharp crack that had accompanied Rita loosening Lisa's new face finally seemed to be the wakeup call to bring the light back into her eyes. She blinked, and twitched like she was waking up from a daydream- and seemed to be surprised to find herself in the Loud House kitchen.

Lincoln idly watched her from the corner of his eye, taking in Ronnie's revival with mild interest; "hey Ronnie, back on earth with the rest of us?"

"Oh, hi Lincoln," Ronnie looked around with an uncomfortable expression. "Uhmm, odd question- didn't Lisa just-"

"Kill herself? Sort of," he shrugged with the sad nonchalance only the normalisation of Lisa Loud's antics could bring. "But she just reactivated a clone body or something. She's better now."

"Okay…" Ronnie eyed Lisa's decidedly slimmer form, devoid of the gloriously divine curves she could remember etched into her soul. "And she's not pregnant anymore?"

"No, they're all born, all upstairs sleeping." Lincoln nodded up, and his expression turned to a dreadful resolve. "And I don't think anyone's going to risk letting her get pregnant ever again."

The words were like knives to Ronnie's heart, and a sad whimper escaped her lips as she realised her globular goddess was no more- and would never be again.

A flash of irritation crossed Lincoln's face, but whatever objection he might have raised to Ronnie's paraphilia and all the mixed blessings and frustrations it had brought him for the past few months was promptly bowled over as Lori realised that her sister in law's mind had finally returned.

"Ronnie-Anne- you're awake!?" Lori gasped and grabbed the other woman by her upper arms to face her so she could see her now sane eyes. "Oh thank God, we literally thought you'd never get back to normal!"

"Wha-" Ronnie was cut off as Leni suddenly bowled Lori to the side so she could pull her into a crushing hug. "Ooof!"

"Like, we all thought you were gone forever in your weird crush!" Leni sobbed. "We've all so happy you're not a Chimp anymore!"

"Chimp?" Ronnie's confused mind centred on the odd word.

"Simp." A Very Done Lincoln calmly clarified, long since past caring what rage Ronnie might bring at this point. "You were simping for my sister for months Ronnie."

Ronnie's face contorted in offense, but Lori's words drew her attention away before another disaster (or mild annoyance by Lincoln's new standard; seriously, what Ronnie going to do to him that could even register at this point?) could occur.

"Bobby literally going to cry in joy when he hears you're back!" Lori sighed in relief. "Seriously, your family's been so worried about how you've been acting these past months."

"How I've been- months?" The time scale finally sank in and Ronnie's eyes widened as the events she'd partaken in since walking down the Loud House cellar and seeing her 'goddess' suddenly seemed a lot less wonderous with a terrifying clarity. The same kind of clarity one might experience at two a.m. having found themselves finally satiated after hours of poor decisions, only to now realise what the fuck they had just done and what they'd done said thing to. "Mierda!" She drew Leni off her, "I need to get back to Great Lakes- months ago! Where's my car!?"

She started searching her pockets.

"We put it in the garage," Lynn Sr offered. "Your keys are probably in your jacket-"

"Thanks Mr Loud!" Ronnie gratefully gasped, then bolted off to the front door where sure enough; she found where she'd left her jacket all that time ago and gleefully fished out her keys and ID from the slightly-dusty clothing.

"Wait," a dreadful possibility occurred to Lincoln, and he look back at her forlornly. "… You're not coming back, are you?"

Ronnie drew on her jacket and didn't look him in the eyes. "… Maybe later."

And like that she all but threw herself out the door, and scant seconds later the engine from her car spluttered to life. The Louds who weren't engaged in the argument between Lisa and Rita listened on they heard Ronnie back out of the open garage, scantly dodge the ageing Vanzilla and drive off into the distance.

"… Dang it." Lincoln sighed.

"Tough break Bro," Luna patted his shoulder. "But don't put her picture away just yet, you and her-"

"Are done." Lincoln dully countered. "It's fine. I knew she was only around because Leese was super pregnant."

"Oh… well, at least you can move on now?" Luna offered. "I bet the ol' Girl Guru'll be plenty popular!"

"Oh absolutely!" Leni chimed in with glee, "like; I know you're not working or anything anymore, but that means you have loads of time to go find someone great! And there's totally all these amazing girls who love kids, and you have so many now- you'll be so popular!" She squealed. "Maybe Lynn can introduce you to some Mommy friends after she gives birth!"

For a moment Lincoln considered enlightening Leni of the reality of an unemployed man in the dating world, even before the scheduling complications even a single child would bring to a relationship- nevermind the insane commitment of approximately twenty infants(?) that would drive off any sensible woman regardless if she was a mother herself already. That he'd be certainly celibate whether he liked it or not for at least the next two decades…

Then he decided Leni deserved to be happy;

"Thanks Leni, you always know how to cheer me up." He put on his best 'I'm not lying; really' smile for her.

While Leni unwittingly outlined the post-mortem of Lincoln's love life however, Rita seemed to be reaching the end of her lecture to her second-youngest. Mostly because her throat was starting to hurt;

"… And now we have twenty kids upstairs, all of which are at least twice the size we were expecting and barely fit in the cots we put in!" Rita's eyes bulged. "And there's a giant dead body in our basement- your dead body!

What the hell are we supposed to tell the police Lisa!?"

Lisa meanwhile had a little gadget in her hand currently pointed at her cradled jaw. The thing whirred for a second more, then shut off and Lisa tested her now repaired joint with a few movements. "Ash, yesh, yes that's much better."

She caught sight of the rest of the family staring at her, "nanomachines, assorted Familial Units. Highly effective repair units controlled by this activator." She held up the device. "I was able to install a prototype swarm in this body, but for security purposes they need -"

Rita smacked the activator out of her hand, and dragged Lisa up by the lapels. "Dead! Body! Lisa! The size of a small whale- HOW DO WE FIX IT!?"

"I could call my old mortician's club members," Lucy quietly offered. "I'm sure some of them are still in Royal Woods."

"Okay…" Rita let Lisa drop down to her feet and considered the option. "… But how would we get her- it out? And we'd have to pay for a plot of land for a grave… somewhere it wouldn't be found…"

"Yeah, I'm not so sure that's a good idea." Lori reluctantly put a pin in the idea. "We'd probably have to use Vanzilla, and trust me; the aircon isn't good enough for even a regular body."

"Oohhh!" Lana's eyes sparkled. "Did you ever see one of those videos about dead Whales?" She excitedly expounded; "when they get beached and die, they swell up because of all the gas and then they explode like a bomb! BOOM!

It's nasty!" She grinned with the same childish glee that had gotten her into Lisa's Funtime Machine in the first place.

"Indeed, and that's exactly what would occur if we attempted to dispose of my previous body in such a manner." Lisa calmly assessed. "And that's before considering the legal issues- which could certainly be dealt with considering my connections." A smug smirk briefly crossed her face before Rita's eyes reminded her why she'd needed her nanomachines so soon. "But the whole proposal is simply impractical for our purposes."

"Then what 'practical solution' would you suggest?" Rita asked through grit teeth. "Since you've so clearly planned ahead so well."

"Fortunately despite your ire, you are quite correct Parental Unit," Lisa calmly pointed in the direction of her bunker. "In this case, I have calculated that it will be a simple matter of transporting the 'material' to my old lab furnace- I took the liberty of ensuring its functionality before the meeting we had that lead to my 'ballooning' as it were.

Let it not be said that Lisa Loud does not prepare for all possibilities."

"Okay, that sounds… like you," Rita dryly noted, but she remained sceptical; "and did you make sure to set up some kind of transporter to take 'the material' out of the basement and into your furnace?"

Lisa froze. "… I must admit that, that particular detail slipped my mind."

"Oh for-" Rita threw up her hands.

"I was under the effect of pregnancy hormones at the time-"

"Do you have one that you can set up now?" Rita demanded. "As in before your dead body ruins the basement any more than it already has?"

"Currently my security system is still resetting to recognise this body," Lisa admitted. "It will be approximately thirty eight hours before I have access to my reliable equipment, in the meantime however I may be able to invent a-"

"No, no." Rita put her hand up, "I think we've all had enough of your inventions for a… decade."

"Then it would appear that our only practical solution would be to…" Lisa raised her fingers for airquotes; " 'divide and conquer' the problem as it were."

There was a stunned silence.

"I think she means cutting it in into bits to fit in." Lily 'helpfully' piped up.

"Yes, yes we know Lily." Lori shuddered, "but someone would have to do it though…"

Lincoln felt the girls' eyes on him in an instant.

"No." He folded his arms. "You've already-

"Not it!" Lynn promptly declared.

"Not it!" Lola followed.

"Not it! Not it! Not-"

Lincoln's eyes narrowed; "I'm not-"

"Notitnotitnotit-"

"You-"

"Notitnotitnotitnotit!" The chorus completed, leaving one of the Loud girls vulnerable.

"What?" Lana shrugged upon receiving their stares, "it sounds gross."

"Well, there's your volunteer." Lincoln sighed in relief at having escaped yet another horrific memory to suppress. "… Though how come Lucy didn't-"

"This shade of black stains all too easily," Lucy raised up her gothic-inspired dress skirt with careful finger-pinches to the fabric. "I don't dare risk the ichor of the dead."

"Sure…" Lincoln rolled his eyes at yet another impracticality from a sister's obsession. "Either way though-"

"Ah, no." Rita Loud put her hands to her hips. "It's going to take more than just one person to get that body out before it bloats- and you all had a part to play in this, so we're going to need at least-"

"Lincoln gave Lisa the Jizz!" The man in question glared at Lola as she pointed at him, tattling like she was six again. "He should do it!"

"No." Lincoln succinctly refused.

"What about Lisa? She's literally the reason this all happened!" Lori pointed an accusing finger at the mad genius.

"I would posit that you are disregarding personal responsibility in favour of baseless scapegoating," Lisa snarked back.

"Baseless scap- YOU KNOCKED US UP WITH LINCOLN'S JIZZ!" Lori's eyes bulged.

"After you willingly partook in the testing of my Funtime Machine," Lisa calmly educated her elder sister. "After a lifetime of experience with my 'process', it should be expected that there could be side effects."

There was a moment of silence as the sheer audacity of Lisa's statement sunk in, even Lori's jaw hung open in gobsmacked shock.

"Lisa; you're helping Lana and Lincoln." Rita curtly commanded. Lincoln's eyes narrowed at that, but Lisa was quicker to respond;

"I can hardl-"

"No backtalk young woman," Rita gave a stern glare at her second youngest. "I've had quite enough for today."

Lisa however seemed to take an issue with Rita's stance; "Maternal Unit, I appreciate that the events of the past few months may have caused strain and anxiety, but I feel it's necessary to remind you that I am, in fact, an adult-"

"So, you'll be taking responsibility for the mess you made in our basement?" Rita folded her arms. "Like an adult?"

Lisa froze, and her lips moved for a moment as her clever mind tried to find a ladder out of the hole she'd dug herself into.

Rita however just stared her down until the genius finally looked away with a barely decipherable; "yes Maternal Unit."

"Good," Rita nodded, "now, Lynn dear, do you have anything in the garage to… help them along?"

"Ah, I dunno honey," Lynn Sr awkwardly laughed. "My old power-saw died last week, all I've got are some basic hand tools."

"Well, it's better than nothing I suppose," Rita tried her best to keep her composure as she looked to the condemned siblings. "I suggest you get to this sooner than later."

Lisa sighed and began walking with a considerably more cheerful Lana to the back door, presumably to fetch their father's tools. Lincoln however remained stationary and stared back at his mother with a rare balefulness.

A twitch of irritation came across Rita's face, "Lincoln, go with your sisters."

"No." He folded his arms. "I already said no."

The remaining sisters turned to stare in shock at the rare blunt defiance. Rita regarded her son with similar surprise as her brows furrowed;

"Lincoln-"

"No." The man cut her off again with a scowl; "I just went through an unbirth, rebirth and then an afterbirth shower- and that was after everything else I've put up with down there for the past few months."

His blue eyes bored right back at his parents, and then at his sisters with cold obstinance; "I dare you to try and get me to do anything with that body after you all had me go cave diving."

Rita however had regained her bearings, and she was in no mood to tolerate her son's defiance; "Lincoln, I appreciate that today's been hard for you." Her tone was momentarily conciliatory before hardening again; "but the only reason this all happened was because you gave your sperm to Lisa-"

"Not for Lynn and Lola." Lincoln interjected.

"And what about the rest?" Rita countered. "What about Lily? Your sixteen-year-old little sister?" She coldly demanded. "The minor who hadn't even finished high school yet!?"

"Mom," Lily quietly spoke up; "I asked for this-"

"Dude, you could barely drive." Luna shook her head, "no one's buyin' you being ready for this."

"Okay, I'm a horrible brother!" Lincoln flatly accepted, but a frown of determined refusal remained on his face; "but you know what? I'm already paying for that sin. Heck I'm already paying for everyone else who went into that house's sins," he turned his gaze back to the remaining sisters, not one of whom (save Lily) could fully meet his eyes and blushed in remembrance of their eager use of Lisa's special machine. "I've lost my career- my life really. And we all know today was just the real beginning for all this, I'm going to be on daycare duty for at least eighteen more years unless Lisa does something else weird to make the kids grow up fast-"

"Yeah we're gonna wanna make she doesn't do that," Lynn mused, eyeing her own rounded stomach with concern.

"- and I had to climb inside Lisa's vagina, inside her freaking uterus." His eyes grew wide remembered horror, "all to get out some really weirdly overgrown baby no one else would!" He paused to amend his statement upon seeing Lily's face; "at least no one else without some really weird fetishes that would make them enjoy all that-"

"Not sure you can throw shade there Lincoln," Luan snorted.

"Yes- Yes I can." He snapped back, "because that was beyond anything I could have ever imagined- nevermind gotten off to.

It was humiliating and it was disgusting in a way that no amount of therapy will ever make me feel clean again. It was the cherry on top of this year and I'm still going to be the main caregiver for the kids- so you know what?" His glare intensified. "I'm calling that karmic debt null and void; you got your last payment with that fucking song.

Lana and Lisa can play chopshop, I'm just going to get started on taking care of the…" He tried to remember how many children had come out of Lisa, then gave up. "The Kids. I'm going to go to the kitchen, and get started on getting the formula… or the mush… or just food I guess since they've all got teeth and got the chocolate down."

Rita was taken aback, and Lincoln seemed to take her silence as a victory as he stone-facedly turned to march towards the kitchen.

"… Okay."

Only to be halted at Leni's sad voice. The man turned and his heart sunk in dismay at the sorrowful expression of his second eldest sister. "Leni…"

"It's okay Linky, you've had a really rough day." She smiled, "and you were really brave before, I know I couldn't do it!" She put a bit of cheer into her voice, though her expression still wobbled. "So if you want to go and make nice food for the babies instead of…" her cheeks greened, "ch-chopping up Lisa, th-then I can do it instead."

"Oh, Leni…" Lori gasped.

"I know I've not been a good big sister for ages," She admitted with a downward look. "And I totally slept when everyone else was busy helping out with the babies. But I'm really strong, so I can probably chop it up really good!" Leni insisted as she raised up her arm to show off her deceptively petite bicep whose strength easily dwarfed that of most grown men. "L-leave it to me Linky!"

Lincoln gazed upon the earnest expression of the Sweetheart Sister, and sighed.

"Hey guys," Lana walked in from the back door, a toolbox in hand and Lisa close behind. "How come you're all still hanging around here?"

"Indeed," Lisa echoed. "Anyone not required to participate in the disposal should evacuate to a suitably remote section of the household to avoid potential trauma."

"Oh now you care," Lola huffed.

Lincoln however was still lost in thought, his rancour shaken by the genuine kindness on display from Leni. His eyes caught sight of Lana's toolbox though, and a dark thought occurred to him that might yet satisfy the thirst of frustration that had built up without needing to sacrifice the golden-haired sweetheart.

"Hey Lana?"

"Yeah Bro?"

"Dad's cutter is still down right?" Lincoln recalled. "So what's in there?"

"Oh, yeah it's gonna be rough going." Lana admitted as she raised the old fashioned toolbox. "All we've got are the basic hand tools and some buckets for the gore-"

"I estimate a prolonged period will be required for disassembly," Lisa sighed as she pushed up her glasses. "In hindsight, a dematerialiser would have been a better investment than the shotgun. But I suppose this will serve as a lesson to not skimp on certain necessities."

Lincoln was more preoccupied with other matters however, "Lana, what are we supposed to cut up the body with?"

"Uh…" Lana popped the toolbox down and opened it up to reveal several cutting tools, including a large hacksaw. She grasped it by the blunt side of the blade to hold out the wooden handle to her brother, "this here's the best we've got."

Lincoln took the blade without a word. It was a basic hacksaw, albeit of an older model. It was rusty places, and it had clearly seen better days in the years since Lana had departed the house and their father had only brought it out for whatever hobby work he might have done.

The blade and teeth however were the same, slightly misaligned, vicious mess he remembered needing to take such care with on the rare occasions he'd pushed himself to try his own hand with woodwork as a child.

"… Okay." His contemplation came to completion. "This will do."

"Well it kind of has to." Lana mused. "Don't know what else we can do, me, you and Leese'll take turns-"

"No." Lincoln calmly let the saw rest in his hand. "I'll do it."

"Yeah, for a third or so." Lana confirmed. "Whoever's not on saw duty'll being on buckets though-"

"No." Lincoln curtly cut her off. "I'm doing the chopping."

"You mean all of the sawing?" Lana looked at his arms doubtfully- decently strong or not. "No offense Lincoln, but that body is pretty darn big-"

"I'm doing it." He looked over Lana's shoulder to stare Lisa in the eyes. "It'll be more efficient."

The Scientist swallowed as she paled for some reason.

Lincoln looked back to Leni, and a smile crossed his face. "It's okay Leni, you can go help the kids up here instead, okay?"

"Oh, um- if that's okay?" She looked to Lori and Rita as if for permission, clearly confused at Lincoln's sudden change of heart, "but weren't you really-"

"It's fine…" Lincoln walked, and gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder to reassure her. "It's the thought that counts."

He gave her as normal a smile as he could manage, before looking back over his shoulder with a decidedly less normal grin. "Come on girls, we've got a lot of work to do."

The other inhabitants of the room couldn't see whatever expression graced his face, but from the troubled visage Lana bore and the downright disturbed discomfort upon Lisa's, it was probably better that they didn't.

Nonetheless, the three departed down to the basement with little more fuss.

Lead by an unusually chipper Lincoln.

"Do you think we screwed with him too much as a kid?" Luna broke the silence.

"Totally."

"Yeah…"

"What screwed?" A high-pitched voice queried, and the remaining family collectively turned to see a little blonde toddler(?) sitting on the last step of the stairs, clutching at the banister to keep herself steady while she stared at them with curiosity.

The child sat there, lightly swaying from her arms and covered only in some scrounged pyjamas that had previously resided within the attic for the past decade or two before the offspring in question had been cleaned and needed covering. The diapers they'd stocked up on were just too small for them, so they were collectively hoping that Lisa had had the presence of mind to add potty-training into their programming.

"Uhmm… j-just give me a sec little dude" Luna looked to Lori, "I… I think she's one of yours? Do you wanna handle this?"

Lori appraised the smaller blonde (who helpfully smiled at her). She had a distinct paler tone to her hair than Lori's, or the other child who they were pretty sure had Lori's genes that in turn Lincoln had gone above and beyond for, but the resemblance to herself (and sadly her brother) was undeniable.

"Okay…" Lori sighed before marching over to crouch down face to face with the small child. Fortunately, as an already experienced mother she knew distraction with an infraction was the best way of getting out of an awkward conversation with one's child; "aren't you supposed to be upstairs young lady?"

"Yeah." The Girl smiled, evidently uncaring about having gone against parental authority. "But we get bored though."

"We?" Lori looked around, and her heart sunk.

Gathered around the top of the stairs were a half-dozen spawn with curious eyes, one of which was the darker blonde Lincoln had 'rescued'. She locked eyes with Lori for just a moment before quickly hiding behind a smiling brunette with buck teeth who waved upon eye contact.

Lori awkwardly smiled and gave a half hearted wave back before casting her gaze further around the house. Sure enough she could see little heads and limbs sticking out from behind furniture, the TV, walls and of course the vents had faces behind the grills.

All of them covered to varying degrees in what old clothes they had that had survived their parents' own childhoods and the odd repurposed rag to hide their naughty bits.

"Aww man," Luna backed towards the centre of the group, "we're surrounded!"

"We bored." The Girl repeated. "We no have stuff to do. So, we come down."

"Want Dahda." One of the girls peered out from the Dining Room room.

"Want Mama," a boy with blonde hair demanded, sticking out from behind the couch- prompting a jerk of surprise from Lynn Sr.

"Want…" the voice of the rescued blonde came up from the top of the stairs again, and Lori could see her poking out just a little from behind the friendly brunette. "Tasty…"

"Tasty…" the entire group echoed as one, prompting a chill to run down Lori's neck as the odd curiosity in their eyes was replaced with a single-minded hunger.

"Did their eyes just glow!?" Lynn joined Luna in the middle of the group, pointing at a vent whose inhabitant could indeed be identified by a pair of yellow slitted luminous eyes.

"I think it was just the one," Rita half-heartedly offered as she, and most of Lori's siblings slowly retreated into one huddle in the centre of the room. The children seemed to move as one as they started approaching from their various hiding spots, all murmuring their simple English as they looked up at their progenitors (and progenitors of progenitors of course) with hungry eyes.

The eyes on the vent disappeared in a little blink, and then a fleshy, indistinct mass pressed against the grill before pushing through in multiple slits like play dough.

"I think I saw this in a movie once…" Lucy murmured. "It didn't end well."

Leni paled and swayed, but somehow remained on her feet.

Possible shapeshifting imposter or not, the mass It quickly reformed into a shape the group could recognise as the child who most resembled Lisa, and hung from the vent as nude as she'd been born a few hours ago. Her face twisted up in confusion as she tried to pull something through the vent grill, her right hand still mostly unformed.

Shllppproop!

And then she dropped. Her little hand had solidified and now held a little pair of brown trousers that had once adorned a far younger Lisa, but having successfully pulled the clothing through the grill, there was nothing left to hold her body aloft.

A pair of bat-like wings sprouted and flapped, but failed propel her as she tumbled in mid-air-

Whump

And landed flat on her face.

"Ooof," Lynn winced, "good thing she's flexible or that would've-"

"Urhhhhhh…." a low whine came from the fallen girl.

Then a sniffle.

"Oh!" Leni gasped, then to the shock of the other adults; the once pale woman's expression firmed up and she rushed forwards between the other staring children to scoop up the fallen girl. "There, there…" she gently held her to her chest and soothed the aberrant infant with the same care she'd provided her own siblings, and Lori's own children many times before. "It'll be okay…"

"Unnn…" The Child looked up with wet eyes and hiccupped, but the flow of tears slowed accordingly.

A low hum came from Leni's throat as she started rocking the newborn, and she slowly settled in the Sweetheart Sister's arms. All the while the older and new generation of siblings simply watched, be it out of shock or curiosity.

But still, under Leni's hum there was the sound of something relentlessly scraping beneath them, and Rita found herself disturbed to remember just what her only son and two of her daughters were doing downstairs.

"Ahem!" She coughed, prompting everyone in the room to look at her, "right; I know we've all had a long day, but I really think we need to get the kids someplace else-"

"Want tasty." The Children, save the one in Leni's arms, intoned again.

"Kitchen it is!" Lynn Sr nervously declared with beads of sweat running from temple to cheek. "C-come on kids!"

The patriarch bolted for the kitchen, leaving his wife and their own children to corral the creepy collective.

"Thanks Dad," Luna rolled her eyes, "… hows about we all handle 'ours'? Seems like that's more or less fair for everyone."

"Sure thing," Lori sighed, and knelt down to where the lighter blonde of her new twins happened to be standing. "Come on… dang it.

We need to do names…"

"We can do them when Lincoln comes back up," Lily spoke up as she looked around for hers, and spied all three currently staring at her from the corner of the room, the central one having oddly horn-like like little tufts of hair at her temples. "Oh there you are…" she purred as she approached, "you wanna go with Mommy?"

"Yes." The middle one replied with an oddly cold tone. "We will go with Lisa."

Lily froze, and her lip trembled a little. "Lisa?"

"Lisa is Mom." Luna found herself equally surprised as the two brunettes that she reached for behind the couch, both of whom had her eyes and the girl of which could have been her toddler-self's clone spoke up in turn; "you no want us."

"Oh… right, you know about that hunh?" Luna awkwardly looked to her own Mother for help. "I guess Lisa included that in the programming."

"Well…" Rita sighed, and looked towards her assorted grandchildren with as much calm and authority as she could muster after the day's events;

"I understand that today's been quite difficult for everyone, but I promise we'll all do our best to take of you from now on. Even if some of us weren't ready to before."

The children remained silent, though by Rita's estimation there was more confusion than obstinance in their expressions.

Looks like Lisa didn't give them enough vocabulary…

She would have to try something simpler;

"Okay Kids!" She plastered on a bright smile and made a marching motion with her legs; "follow me for some more tasty!"

"Tasty!" The Children collectively cheered up, and promptly rushed towards Rita- even the little shapeshifter slithered out of Leni's arms join the crowd. The elder woman jumped in shock, and all but sprinted to the front door as the babbling horde threatened to crush her under little feet.

"I'LL KEEP THEM BUSY!" She shouted as she bolted to the front garden started a lap around the house, "GET SOME FOOD READY LYNN!"

"Will do honey!" Lynn Sr called. "Just give me ten minutes!"

"GREAT!" Rita's voice started fading; "GIRLS, GO GET SOME MORE STUFF FOR THE KIDS…. EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS FOR BABIES!"

"Shoot, she's not wrong," Lynn recalled the nursery above, and just how overfilled it was. "You think the thrift store down from Gus' is still open?"


It turned out it was, but it didn't really matter. With so many kids to clothe, they'd needed to search out two more stores anyway. Regardless, they rushed as fast as they could, breaking up into teams so that they could scour Royal Woods for the necessities that twenty plus children demanded as quickly as possible.

Even so, it still took an hour before they'd managed to load up Vanzilla with all their members, bearing new food, clothes and assorted accoutrements that might be required to pacify their progeny.

Rushing home, they found Bumper Yates staring at their house from his window, eyes wide with horror and certainly regretting his choice to return to Royal Woods for retirement.

"Hey, what's up with him?" Lynn nudged her head in the Yates house's direction as she loaded up on supplies from Vanzilla to carry in the house.

"I think I might have an idea," Lori replied grimly, and Lynn followed her line of sight to discover exactly what she meant.

The grass was stained red in a trail leading from the house to Lisa's bunker, with little bits of meat collecting flies scattered here and there. And marching along that red road, and dripping with fresh gore to mark out his path was one Lincoln Loud.

Thud

Leni, of course, promptly passed out again.

Lincoln's clothes were more red than blue or orange now, and even his hair was a muddy grey-red while his face was splattered with drying flakes of Lisa's ichor. His sleeves had been rolled up in some pitiful attempt to spare his white long sleeved undershirt, but it had only ensured that his forearms now bore scabby gore like a gloves of filth.

Clenched between his fingers on each hand were a pair of steel buckets, their interiors now empty, but caked in the same fluid that was now drying on the man whose dead stare now locked on the sisters;

"Hi girls," his voice sounded as flat as his expression. "You came in just in time."

"J-just in time?" Lori uncharacteristically stuttered.

"Me, Leese and Lana just finished up carrying out the leftovers," a flicker of disgust crossed his face, but resignation replaced it as quickly as it came. "And Mom and Dad are almost out of snacks to distract the kids, you'd better get inside before they get bored and do… whatever Lisa's done to them lets them."

"Sure thing…" Lori looked him over again, and for a second she thought about asking him if he was alright. Then she quashed it as the obviously stupid question it was.

"You're finished already?" Lynn looked him over doubtfully. "That body was the size of a fuckin' whale Bro!"

A flash of something dark crossed his face, "I had motivation."

"Uh, okay?" Lori looked him over in concern, "maybe you should go get cleaned up? You literally look like a butcher."

"Yeah, yeah that's a good idea." Lincoln raised his hands in dull contemplation, and his eyes flickered over to the Yates' house as he felt Mr Yates' eyes on him.

The two men held their gaze for only a second before Mr Yates issued a yelp audible even through the walls and distance, and escaped deeper into his home.

"That's going to be a problem," Lincoln muttered. "For Lisa. Lisa can clean up that mess. When she and Lana are done with the furnace."

"Sure thing…" Lori looked back to her sisters with concern. "Could someone grab Leni too?"

Lincoln instinctively moved to help, but stopped as he remembered his state. Instead, Lynn ended up carting around the blonde along with two shares of the weight. The girls went first to avoid any potential bumping and resulting smearing that might result from close contact with Lincoln's befouled form

The sisters found themselves in a small warzone. In years since the elder set of siblings had (save Lily) moved out, the Loud House's interior had become largely stable, and peaceful place.

This was no longer the case.

The walls were covered in smears of mush and juice, the stair bannisters had vanished, leaving only broken poles to line it. The carpet had mysterious holes within it, where it wasn't stained with blood leading to the basement and the TV was blinking on and off as half a dozen Loud toddlers played with the remote.

The rest of them could be heard if not seen, with echoes of spraying from the upstairs bathroom, the wails of despair from the kitchen (evidently the eldest parents in the house had yet to escape) and some kind of rapid tip-taps from inside the vents to indicate a race.

"Yeah, they're Loud kids alright." Lynn shook her head, "I can really see why Mom sent herself to jail those times now."

Lynn's voice was just a drop the ocean of noise, but it was enough to spark catastrophe.

One of the yet unnamed children fighting over the remote happened to hear her, and the little blonde who bore Lola's genes looked up at her auntie's voice. That wasn't the disaster though, rather it was what happened when she saw the dead-faced Lincoln slope in behind the sisters.

Her little face brightened like the sun, and she dropped the remote in favour of pointing a pudgy finger towards her paternal progenitor; "Dahda!"

The noise immediately dropped into silence, dreadful like the quiet that follows the cry of a Jaguar in a Jungle.

"We should go." Lola stepped away from Lincoln, and the rest of the sisters followed suit as some collective instinct warned them of something terrible to come.

And of course, it did.

"Dahda? Dahda!" The siblings near the TV turned and confirmed The Girl's accusation with glee. "Dahda! Dahda! DADA!"

The cry was echoed from all corners of the house, from the rooms above, to the kitchen and the vents that surrounded them in some great rumbling of a battlecry.

"Aw beans." Lincoln sighed, then gasped as the wind was knocked from him by the impact of six small bodies slamming into him. The sisters had long since stepped aside of course, so they could watch on with trepidation as the kids grabbed onto their father and quickly started climbing up his body.

"Dahda…" the blonde who'd stopped him declared happily as she drew herself up on his shirt until she was face-to-face.

"Hi…" Lincoln wheezed.

The blonde blinked at him, then gave him a toothy smile. "Hug!"

Lincoln blinked.

"Hug!" She insisted, and started bouncing as hard she could while clinging to him. "Hug! Hug! Hug!"

"Oh, sure…" Lincoln slowly nodded, and tried to hug The Girl as best he could without getting her dirtier than she'd already managed by touching him. Alas she wasn't having any separation, and stuffed her face into his grotty shirt, so he just gave in and gave her a full squeeze. "Better?"

"Yea…" She murmured. "… I luv you Dadha."

"Oh…" Lincoln swallowed as a tickle of something warm well up in him. "I… I love you too-"

"Hug me too Dada!" Another child tugged at him, and Lincoln looked down to see another child clinging to him.

"Sure," Lincoln smiled, but found himself regretting his acceptance as suddenly that child jumped up him like a monkey and found handholds next to her sister. "Uh, wait-"

The child pressed her face into him and Lincoln loosened his grip on the first to give the new child a squeeze.

"Dahda!" More children below demanded, though he couldn't see them for the two already on him.

But he could feel them.

Little hands and feet jabbing into him as they started climbing up.

"Uh, guys, I think I might need some help?" His eyes gained a new life as he looked to his sisters for aid. But the sisters backed away in fear as the pounding of many feet alerted them to a horde coming.

Lincoln's eyes followed theirs, and he could see a small army of jealous faces atop the stairs, all sharing greedy eyes. There was another battalion poking around the corner from the kitchen, still smeared with baby food that had been used to placate them for a time.

Even the vents were starting to poke open as limbs pushed past the grills with an unnatural strength for kids of their age.

The man gulped, and knowing that there was no way out with so many kids already on him, resigned himself to getting to the couch for some support before The Children drew him to the floor.

It honestly rather impressive that he managed it.

"We heard the yelling," Lynn Sr and Rita trudged in about a minute later, their eyes now as heavily bagged as they'd been in the earlier years when they'd been the full time parents and providers to eleven children. "What's going… awwww."

The two grandparents sighed as one as the witnessed their son covered in a close-knit blanket of little limbs and bodies.

Aside from his face, not a single patch of Lincoln's clothes or form could be seen under the mass of his children. Every thread, hair and most of his skin was obscured by the bodies clinging to him and making happy babble in the presence of their 'Dahda'.

"It's literally way sweeter than what we were expecting." Lori admitted.

"Yeah, I was expecting them to try and eat him or something." Lynn titled her head, then rolled her eyes as the rest of the family stared at her. "What?

I can't have been the only one thinking it!"

"Aww…" Leni, having since awoken from her sleep, held her hands clasped close to her face with glee. "It's like; the cutest part of this whole thing!"

Lincoln, for his part, didn't seem to disagree. Rather, he just sat there, slowly blinking and occasionally giving a gentle tickle to whichever child happened to be closest to his fingers.

"… This is actually pretty nice." He murmured.

He didn't even mind that he was pretty sure he could feel two dozen little tongues licking Lisa's blood off of him. "It's just my imagination…" he repeated to himself.

But there was one more child who had yet to fully get involved, and The Girl known as S-12 to her mother and siblings finally found her way to the top of Lincoln's head.

"You having fun up there?" Lincoln quietly asked to whoever had climbed up top.

"Buh." The Girl replied.

And then it began.

Lincoln found himself a tad curious, seeing as most of the other kids already had some amount of speech capabilities. But he contented himself with maybe one of the children being a little behind.

Then something stung him in the back of his neck.

"Ow- what!?"

"Oh God what now!?" Rita groaned.

"Lisa's shit obviously," Lynn uttered.

"Lynn!" Leni protested, "don't be…" the blonde swayed for a moment upon seeing what was happening, but managed to stay on her feet. "… Wow, I stayed up that time!"

"We're proud of you Leni." Lori flatly declared.

Lincoln wasn't privy to whatever sight had inspired their conversation, but to the onlookers it was quite clear. The topmost girl who resembled Lisa had affixed herself onto Lincoln's head, displacing another child who'd made do by just grabbing onto his ear instead.

Immediately upon settling down, the girl's feet began to unravel into boneless tendrils the same colour as her skin, with the rest of her body soon following. Before long, everything but her oddly smiling face and head was converted into those same tendrils, leaving her as some kind of weird, happy octopus-like crown upon Lincoln's head.

The 'tenacles' quickly stretched and extended down, feeling around her siblings' spine until a tip found certain spot- and then attaching itself to the back of their necks before sprouting a new tip from a little further up the tendril and continuing downwards to repeat the process. The tendrils quickly connected to every child in the pile, none of whom seemed to so much as blink at the sensation.

The tendrils started growing sideways to connect to each other, and before long the entire pile was held together with a web of thin, pulsing flesh with an (otherwise cute) toddler's head crowning a very wide-eyed man's.

"I see the bonding has commenced." Lisa uttered as she and Lana finally walking in through the front door.

"Bonding- oh Bobby Flechter's gasket!" The Tomboy yelped as she witnessed the scene. "What the actual fuck Lisa!?"

The family turned to Lisa as one.

"Yes Lisa," Rita's voice was steady. "What the actual fuck is going on?

Again."

"It's nothing to worry about-"

"With you, that's always 'something to worry about'." Luna folded her arms.

"Noted," Lisa rolled her eyes. "Regardless, S-12, the subject who is currently sitting upon our Fraternal Unit's head, is a special variant. One of her abilities happens to be the capacity to transform her body into a kind of organic interface between other lifeforms with similar nervous systems, a kind of internet between bodies if you will."

"And she's what, dialling up her brothers and sisters?" Luna looked at the pulsing pile with trepidation.

"Indeed," Lisa confirmed. "There is nothing to worry about, S-12 has been more than capable of safely performing the procedure since three weeks of development, and has done so on a regular basis in-utero, thus assisting in the rapid mental development of her less-enhanced Sibling Units. If anything, this is a good sign that she has grown to accept the household as a safe location if she's willing to undergo the full transformation…"

But while Lisa engaged in her lecture, Lincoln had other concerns.

He was feeling…

Odd.

No. He was feeling…

Cramped? No, his legs were fine.

Warm? Yes, but he could feel cool air on his thigh despite it being buried bodies deep.

But he was definitely feeling like his tummy was sore, there was a big finger poking too hard into a tender spot. But he didn't want to let go because he was finally close to Dad-

That's not me.

Lincoln's mouth went dry as he realised just why he could feel so many things at once.

The pile seemed to twitch though at his dread, and he could feel a kind of… fear? Yes, he scared because he didn't want Dad to not want-

It's okay. He closed his eyes and tried to send the though back through whatever weird network they were in. It's okay.

The children settled again, if a little less contently than before.

Okay… okay… he experimentally twitched his right hand's middle finger, and he could feel it poking into his stomach. Carefully, he drew it back, and suddenly the pressure in his inside went down again.

A sensation of gratitude bubbled up inside him, and he looked down to his side, and through the web to see a brown-haired boy looking back up at him.

He smiled back at him, and he could feel more bubbles of happiness spike up from the boy.

"Oh shi-shoot," Luna moaned. "He's starting to like it!?"

"Lisa Loud!" Mom pointed at him, "you stop your brother from being absorbed or assimilated or whatever this is this instant!"

"No… no, it's fine." Lincoln spoke up with a smile.

We love you Dad.

"I think this is fine." He repeated, a little wet eyed, "they'll let me go when they're done right Lisa?"

"Indeed," Lisa nodded. "S-12's intercommunication form doesn't have life support capabilities yet."

"Okay then." Lincoln mentally filed that 'yet' away under 'ask about later'-

No hold if not want.

There was another feeling of reassurance that pulsed through him, and he relaxed again.

"… Well okay then." Rita calmly backed away, "we'll just go and… discuss some things in the kitchen then."

"Yeah, we'll do that." Lori quickly nodded, and grabbed Leni by the arm. "Like, literally right now."

The other sisters and Lynn Sr went to follow, but Lily and Lisa remained for a moment;

"Linky?" Lily bit her lip. "Can you let mine know I still want them?"

There was a sensation of mild annoyance, but acceptance.

"I think they know," Lincoln frowned. "Hey Leese? Just how far does this connection go?"

"As far as the receiver will allow it." Lisa surmised. "At least on a conscious level, I believe the subjects can gain temporary technical enhancement via joint knowledge base."

"Thanks Lisa." Lincoln accepted it, and settled in…

As another little something floated up in his mind, like a memory he'd forgotten.

Lisa was turning to leave when he spoke up again;

"Lisa?" She looked back with a raised eyebrow. "She likes 'Lulu'."

Lisa's face twitched into a short smile of her own at she looked up at the transformed child in question; "I suspected she might."


A/N:

As always, thanks to Nuuo, and to Blaze1 for Beta-Reading.

Well, wasn't this a delightful journey?

I can honestly say that I never expected to write anything like this, especially when this was just a Oneshot built around the idea of how Omega Ultra's Lisa's Loud's Funtime Machine's ending had a very practical solution, and how Lisa might have tried to subvert it. Now it has snowballed into something beyond even that story's grottiest moments, though the intention for this story's depths was more dark humour in how sheerly disturbing the situation became than any titillation.

Still though, there were some sweet moments that crept in here and there and I can't say I regret writing it. Though there were more than a few times when I genuinely taken aback by the material I just wrote.

Regardless, dear reader, you chose to read this to the very end. And you can never forget that.

I certainly couldn't have made you do it. Whether you enjoyed it, found it appalling, didn't care either way because you went numb to the internet's travesties years ago or somehow manged to 'enjoy' it in a more physical sense;

You did this to yourself.