.
.
"Shiga-kun! Guess what? I'm getting a pancreas transplant!" Sakura said.
His eyes widened.
Sakura was beaming. The sky was a bright blue, and her body was backlit by sunlight, which ran through her hair in airy strands. "They say, if it takes, nine out of ten people survive at least a year, and eight out of ten make it to five years," Sakura was saying, but the words were drowned out by the ringing in his ears, the sound of his heart beating frantically.
He threw his arms around her, catching her off-guard. "E-eh?! Shiga-kun-"
The first time she had hugged him, his hands had hung limply by his sides while she clutched his neck, holding him. Now, here beneath the open sky and the sakura trees that were shedding pink petals, Haruki clung to her like a drowning swimmer, squeezing her and burying his face in her neck, his body pressed tight against hers.
"Shiga-kun. Ano, Shiga-kun?"
"I'm so glad." Haruki gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes, the tears welling up at the corners. "I'm so, so glad."
Sakura blinked. She turned her head, slowly until she could see the curve of Haruki's neck. Slowly she raised her arms and hugged him too.
"You're such a crybaby, Shiga-kun."
xXx
.
She still had her things on her bucket list. "I could get stabbed by an insane murderer or run over by a runaway train! It doesn't have to be my pancreas."
Haruki watched her with a small smile on his face while Sakura pouted and crossed her arms, then made a great show of flouncing away from him, showing her displeasure. He placated her by docilely following her to the supermarket, where her bucket list stated she wanted to put her name in a drawing for a FREE VACATION. "Let's just see if one of us wins. We'll double our chances if we both put our names in."
"Oi. You know this is just a scheme to get our contact information," Haruki said. Sakura clutched his hand and grinned.
He mustered up the courage to confess to her just before their final exams, the students filtering slowly in the hallway while Haruki waited for her outside the classroom, standing nervously.
"Eh? This is a first. You never text me to meet me." Sakura met him in the hallway. She smiled up at him, her hands playfully stretched behind her back, while Haruki glared at his shoes, swallowing.
"Y-Yamauchi-san..."
Sakura blinked surprised. "Eh?"
"Yamauchi-san...ano. Ireallylikeyou, pleasegooutwithme!" He shoved out the words before he could lose courage, throwing himself into a bow, bending deeply.
Sakura blinked. Then blinked again. Then brought her hand up to her face and started to laugh. Haruki looked up, stricken.
"You're laughing?"
Sakura laughed harder, doubling over and clutching her sides. "Shiga-kun," Sakura said, beaming. She wiped the corners of her eyes, still giggling. "Shiga-kun, your face is red."
"I confessed to you. Why won't you answer me?"
Sakura's smile softened. She stepped forward, taking his hands.
"Did you know, it's the first time you said my name?"
Haruki's eyes widened, shocked. Sakura smiled at him. "I like it," she said, stepping close. Her thumb brushed shyly across his knuckles. "You should call me by my given name. Sakura."
"If that's the case, then you should call me Haruki," Haruki said. Sakura giggled, covering her mouth again.
"You're so serious, Haru-kun," Sakura said. She pulled him close. "Haru."
Haruki scowled. He suddenly felt foolish, blushing angrily and turning away from her.
"Hey." She tugged his arm, pushing up on her toes, leaning close to him. "I want to go out with you, Haru-kun. I really like you too."
Haruki turned. Sakura was smiling up at him, her eyes bright and her hands clasped over his.
She hugged him again, and Haruki hugged her back, bringing his arms up shyly across her back.
xXx
.
The sky was dark and overcast, and pretty soon it began to rain. Haruki walked with Sakura to her house, sharing an umbrella.
"My parents aren't home," Sakura said, unlocking the door. "We can play videogames since we can't go out."
She was his girlfriend now, but things weren't all that different. Other than holding hands, and sitting closer together at school, they still did the same things and acted the same way when they were together, except that Haruki felt more at ease with her. He didn't have to guess at her intentions, because she was already leaning next to him, resting her cheek against his shoulder or reaching out to hold his hand.
They were playing a racing game when the lights went out.
"Crap," Sakura said. The rain was so dark it looked like night out. "I guess the electricity's out. Sorry Haru-kun. There isn't much else to do."
"Wanna play cards?" Haruki said. Sakura brightened.
"Yeah!" she said, sitting across from him. "Truth or Dare! Let's play cards."
They played a hand, Haruki picking a card from the deck, then sliding it over to Sakura.
"Ah! I won," Sakura said. She held up her cards. "Truth or Dare?" Haruki considered.
"Dare," he said. Sakura grinned at him.
"Ah ha," Sakura said. She waved her cards, grinning. "I can dare you to do something 'cuz you're finally my boyfriend."
"You would dare me to do it anyway. That's the way the game is played."
"Dare," Sakura repeated. She leaned closer.
"I dare you," she grinned. "To give me a kiss on the head."
Haruki blinked. He blushed.
"Look at your face!" Sakura squealed. She laughed, pointing at him. "You're my boyfriend now, you don't get to be embarrassed. We haven't even kissed yet. Just give me a kiss on the forehead."
Haruki scowled, blushing. He furrowed his brow, then leaned forward, giving her a peck on the forehead.
Sakura pouted. "That wasn't a good kiss."
"It can't be helped. I performed the dare as you asked it."
"Alright alright. Let's go another round."
Cards landed on the table. "I win again," Sakura said. She waved her cards. "Truth or Dare?"
Haruki sighed. The rain pattered on the window behind him. "Truth."
"Oh? Let's see. Truth." Sakura grinned. "Now that you're my boyfriend, would you ever want to do naughty things to me?"
A shadow fell over Haruki's eyes. Outside, the trees were whipping frantically in the rain.
"A-ano. Haruki-kun? Haru? That was just a joke. You don't have to answer..."
Lightning. It illuminated the side of Haruki's face. Thunder crashed a few moments after.
"Sakura-chan."
Another clap of thunder. The rain lashed hard against the window.
"Sakura-chan. I-"
His hands tightened into fists.
"I want to kiss you and make love to you. I don't think of it as naughty. I want to show my love for you."
He grimaced, blushing furiously, his eyes still covered. Sakura searched his face, touched.
"Haru-kun." She reached out, covering his fist with her hand.
The rain fell. Flashes of lightning brightened, then receded. Haruki hunched over, humiliated.
"I want to kiss you and make love to you too," Sakura said, and Haruki looked up, shocked. Sakura smiled, stroking his hand. Lightning flashed, illuminating Haruki's face. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were flushed. He looked like he was ready to flee at any moment.
Because she could get struck by lightning or have her whole house knocked over and kill her in this storm, Sakura barreled forward. She kissed Haruki on the lips, slowly scooting closer until she was holding him.
"I love you." Haruki's voice was quiet. Sakura kissed him and answered.
"I know, Haru-kun. I love you too."
xXx
.
They were kissing on the bed when Sakura murmured.
"Did you know, Haru-kun? I'm not supposed to get pregnant on these medications. So I'm already on the pill."
Haruki's eyes flew open. Sakura bit her lip, smiling shyly at him.
xXx
.
He wanted to become a better lover.
"Ehhh? You're reading books on lovemaking? Are you serious?"
"Don't make fun of me." Haruki's face was pinched. Sakura laughed, hugging him.
He began reading those books in earnest. Pouring through the contents, intensely studying everything on the pages.
"Do you want to try this?" he'd ask, and Sakura would laugh and add it to her bucket list.
(The soft little cries she'd make, when he'd kiss her there, or touch her there, or when he moved inside her and softly licked her there. Those were his favorites. It was another secret they shared, something else besides her illness.)
She was always touching him. At the cafe, she poked his leg with her foot, tapping his arm for emphasis. She clung to him as they walked and she leaned against him when they looked up a the stars.
She liked it when he'd smile shyly, just before they'd start kissing.
"Am I still only the third prettiest girl in the classroom?" she asked, beaming. Haruki nodded.
"Well yes, objectively-"
Sakura laughed, swatting him on the arm. "You're not supposed to say that, dummy! I'm your girlfriend!"
"You're the one who makes me happiest," Haruki said.
The answer caught her off guard. He gave her a little smile. She smiled back at him and kissed him.
xXx
.
They moved in together after college.
"Eh? A cake? What's with the cake?" Sakura said, as Haruki quietly set the table settings, two plates and two forks, and a strawberry cream cake at the center.
"It's your five-year transplant anniversary," Haruki said, and Sakura beamed at him, because she forgot and he remembered. He smiled shyly at her. "Happy five years."
It had been a rocky five years. There was the rejection scare, where the doctors thought the transplant wasn't going to take; then there were the frequent hospitalizations, her body chronically immunosuppressed. There were times Haruki was sure Sakura wouldn't make it, where he'd stand vigil at the side of her hospital bed, stoic and silent and holding her hand.
That night, they curled up in bed, Haruki holding her from behind and fitting his body against hers, when he quietly asked, "What do you think about marriage?"
"Eh? Marriage?" Sakura turned.
Haruki smiled. "It's the five year mark," he said. His thumb gently caressed her stomach. He pressed a thoughtful kiss against her shoulder. "We didn't start going out until you got the transplant. Until we both knew you had at least a year."
"The odds go up after the five year mark," Sakura said, looking out into the darkness. She turned in his arms, leaning against his chest. "With my meds we might not be able to have kids."
Haruki smiled quietly. He gently cupped her cheek. "You're the one who taught me to live day by day. We'll come to it when we come to it. But I know I want us to be married."
"Haruki." Sakura's eyes filled with tears.
They kissed. He smiled and hugged her, and she nuzzled against him. He pulled up the covers, which were warm and comfortable, and hugged her tight, resting her in his arms.
xXx
.
The first time they made love, when the clouds were dark and it was raining hard, and there was no electricity in her house, they had kissed clumsily and fumbled badly. But afterwards they held each other, curling under the covers, Sakura resting her head on Haruki's chest and softly breathing together.
"Truth or dare," Sakura murmured. Haruki's lips brushed against her hair.
"Truth."
Sakura rested the tips of her fingers along his sternum. "That day, when you pushed me on the bed. Why did you do that? Were you mad?" Haruki considered.
"I was mad," he admitted. His fingers carded through her hair, gently stroking her locks. "I thought you were making fun of me. It really hurt my feelings."
"I'm sorry I teased you, Haru-kun."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I scared you."
They fell quiet for a moment.
"Haru-kun?"
"Yes?"
"I get scared, sometimes." She pressed tight against his chest. "I've had other boyfriends. They never last. You're so important to me. I'm afraid now that we're dating, we'll break up and I won't get to see you again."
"Day by day," Haruki said, softly.
"Eh?" She shifted to look at him.
"Day by day," he repeated. His fingers stroked her scalp. "We shouldn't look too far in the future. We should live in the now. That's what you taught me. Just be happy in the little things. Like how we're both here, right now."
Sakura beamed at him. Her eyes grew wet and misty.
"Let's make out again!" she said, grappling him. Haruki jerked back, startled.
"Sakura! I just came, I don't think I can go again-"
"Eh?! Then work on me first, then afterwards we can do it again!"
They kissed. Sakura grinned against his lips and Haruki smiled against her.
Humans know they're alive because of their bonds with other people. Haruki wrapped his arms around her, cradling her. They smiled and kissed gently, curling together. This is how I know how I'm alive. Because this person - this precious, irreplaceable person - is with me. Because she loves me, and I love her.
