He should have known something would go terribly amiss the moment he set foot in Nico's rattling deathtrap of a van. All of his misadventures seem to begin there. There was no reason to think today's would be any different.

"Hey there momma's boy, ready ta' rumble?!"

He quirks his eyebrow at today's borderline offensive nickname but ultimately shrugs, thinking nothing of it. Nico has an endless number of tasteless monikers ready to pull out of her ass at a moments notice and she uses them liberally. Normally it'd rile him up, but today, he's just too damned jetlagged to care. It'd been two days since he flew back from that primitive bumcrack village in the middle of the godforsaken desert, and Nero is perfectly happy avoiding the fucking bastard who dumped him there in the first place.

That means he's staying in Fortuna full-time, which means Nico peddles his work for him (for an extravagant fee, of course). He raises a hand and yawns a greeting. In response, she flashes a grin so mischievous, it'd scare The Devil himself.

"Hey Nico."

"Aww, you look like yer damn ready to drop. What wrong. Baby wanna nappy?"

He doesn't honor that with a response. Not that Nico needs one. She snorts and laughs at her own obnoxious joke before violently revving the engine and throwing them haphazardly across a ditch. (In all honesty, he doesn't know how this fucking van in still in one piece with how ridiculously Nico treats it.) Nero gives her the most withering glare he can muster before rolling his eyes and settling in to watch the sky and the road corkscrew through the windshield. Is Nico especially excited today? Normally, theyskid around the city like a chimpanzee in roller-skates. Today, the chimp's definitely on crack.

Different. Also concerning. He yawns again.

"So what's the job today?"

"Same old, same old. Dirty ass demons runnin' around, eatin' people... you know. The usual."

"Hm."

"Speakin' of eatin' people - you know how yer old pappy got the hankerin' for demon flesh while pregnant?"

"...wha-"

It takes a moment for the statement to sink in. When it does, Nero almost feels his eyes squeezing out of his head. How the fuck would Nico know that?!He hadn't told anyone! Even Kyrie doesn't know! Did Dante spill the beans? Did fucking Vergil decide to tell her - maybe just to spite him?

Nico cackles and blows smoke at his dumbstruck expression. Her eyes sparkle like she's about to ruin his entire day, and, in retrospect, she doesn't fucking disappoint.

"... anyways, I was thinkin' - maybe the reason he wanted ta eat that ... Qliphoth blood apple so bad was cuz you've got a sibling cooking in the oven! Did yer daddy look any fatter last you've seen him? It's prolly why he's so cranky all the time too-"

"Oh god damnit Nico!"

Nero groans and presses his fingers over his eyes. He needs none of these mental images and wishes he could scoop out his brains and dunk them in bleach. He drags his fingers down his face and lets out an exasperated groan.

"Fucking hell... just... please shut the fuck up."

She does not, in fact, shut the fuck up.

"Y'know, pregnant moms are scary. I once saw this lady almost kill a store clerk 'cause they ran outta rocky road ice cream. Pregnant Demons? Weew-whee! I can hardly imagine. You know, I gave Vergil a jar of pickles yesterday and-...(etc...)"

By the time they reach the infestation site, Nero is far too happy to scramble-crawl his way wildly out the window and into the embrace if empusas, just to escape Nicoletta Goldstein's sick biological musings.