The Winter Garden

1634 Broadway, New York, NY 10019

Saturday, June 18th, 2022, Ten-thirty pm

Bright dazzling lights shine as the curtain opens and performers race on and off stage. Backstage, it's hot as hell. Sweat is dripping down my forehead and back. Being inside such an icon venue is giving me goosebumps. It was always Christine's dream to perform on this stage, one she saw become a reality several times.

I can picture every one of her performances with the vibrant smile she held as she raced off after each number was completed. Each time it would bring me back to the memory of us lying in the grass back home in Loganville as Christine would recite the facts about the winter garden to me.

The first Theatre in NYC to bear the name The Winter Garden Theatre had a brief but essential seventeen-year history beginning in 1850 as one of New York's premier showcases for a wide range of theatrical fare, from variety shows to extravagant productions of the works of Shakespeare. Originally called the Tripler's Hall or Metropolitan Hall, it burned down in 1854 and was rebuilt as The New York Theatre. Although it burned to the ground several times, it rose from the ashes under different managers, bearing various names, to become known as one of the most important theatres in New York history.

Christine secretly nicknamed it the phoenix because it always rose from the ashes. "We're like the phoenix, Amanda, cause life keeps trying to knock us down, burn us, but we never die. We cover up the scars and keep smiling. Like a genuine artist."

The audience is electric tonight, cheering and clapping with unmatched enthusiasm. Laughter and music fill the hall and echo off the stage in waves. Jenny is getting ready to go on stage, nervously pacing. I'm drained emotionally and don't know how much more I can handle.

All evening Chris's colleagues in the theatre world have been approaching me, shaking my hands and wrapping me in hugs.

"We are so sorry for your loss."

"I'm going to miss her, too."

"I hope you feel surrounded by much love."

"Sharing in your sadness as you remember Chrissy."

"Sending healing prayers and comforting hugs. I am so sorry for your loss."

I've heard every version of condolences tonight, and if I hear one more, I might puke. Mike, a.k.a Kent, is standing ten feet away from me, smiling and laughing as he touches Jenny's hair. Two other girls stand close by. I assume they are Hillary and Sophia.

"Kent looks like your ordinary elementary school teacher. God, it scares the shit out of me, Amanda. Who are we entrusting our children with as we send them off daily?"

"I don't know, Liv."

Moving closer to the stage, Jenny nods to one of the stage techs, smiling at Noah, who comes running up, taking her hand. I notice the side-eye Kent gives Noah and hear Olivia intake her breath. She isn't happy Noah is so close to Kent, but she's sticking to her word. Noah committed to the Theatre, and she won't allow her fear to interfere with Noah's work ethic. We're afraid that pulling our kids tonight would scare Kent into knowing something was brewing.

We head to the stage to watch from the left wing. They are presenting an award, and Noah is beaming. The cast of Everybody Is Talking About Jamie is finishing up a number as Noah and Jenny hang back.

"What about Broadway makes everyone so crazy, Amanda?"

"I used to say the same thing, Liv. Until I started accepting that Christine and Julian could love the Theatre and still make time for me by supporting their dreams, I was a good friend. An unselfish friend."

"When I let go of my jealously and shed my preconceived notions of what the Theatre meant. I could open my eyes and see why they loved it so damn much. Musical Theatre is simply transforming. It is the impossible unfolding before your eyes. A Broadway show has defied the odds to be where it is. Something this unique should be celebrated: like a dapping unicorn, gay pride, or an accurate weather forecast—so many creative people with so many ideas colliding in the same room, propelled by the energy of a live audience."

"Many of these artists, writers, producers, dancers, actors, set designers, costume designers, directors, lighting or sound associates, cabaret performers, and composers started without money, living in sin, squatting in lofts, hoping not to get evicted while they spent their days writing, creating, and trying to get someone to believe in them even after rejection after rejection."

"They hated working three or five jobs to afford to keep a roof over their head while they auditioned, but these artists did it because they only had themselves to believe in. Many of these artists have been thrown out of their families because they are gay, transgender, or artistic, and too many people in the older generations believe artistic means different, which is bad. Society has labeled them the scum of the earth or the deviants of the community with hopeless dreams."

"All these people were so down on their luck, giving up on hope before the unthinkable happened. Their hope and time spent praying to make their dreams a reality have finally come true. So many of them lived through the AIDS epidemic watching their friends and lovers die, fearing they would be next."

"Now they are celebrating! There is nothing…NOTHING else like it. The Broadway Musical is a community like the church, where the congregation comes together to worship creativity, self-expression, and collaboration. To celebrate life, love, music, and freedom of creativity."

"It's unimaginable, Liv, to watch someone you love struggle so deeply they consider suicide and finally see their dream become a reality."

"Julian?"

"Yeah. He struggled with his mental health for years since we were teens. Ooh, but Liv, when he sang, ooh girl, he saaaang you've never heard a song belted until you heard Julian sing. There was NOTHING like it. Broadway songs are primarily built for this kind of thing. Julian filled the loft with music all day, between him belting out lyrics and Christine playing the piano or the guitar. There was never a quiet moment. Now it's all silence."

"We'll get him, Amanda."

How do I tell Liv it won't cure the silence? Her bed remains empty across from mine, and two chairs at the table will never be filled by my friends again. There is a permanent hole inside my family and my heart. It's infinite and heartbreaking.

All those nights we spent drinking wine, our table covered drafts of her script in papers, scores for hundreds of musical numbers. We were exhausted from our day jobs and tending to our kids. Each night they came alive, though. They were excited about the possibility of someday having their own show on Broadway.

Now I see their faces as shadows on these walls, phantoms haunting me, reminding me. I am alive, and I must be their legacy.

Jenny was nominated for two awards; both categories have passed she won one of them. Jenny's last number is coming up after Noah's speech; we suspect he'll grab her after she's done.

"Oh, Noah is presenting."

Olivia squeezes my hand, letting out a deep breath. "My baby boy."

"Is growing up, Liv. Soon he'll be a teenager."

"Shut up, Amanda."

"Excuse me, are you Amanda Rollins?" My chest squeezes in agony as the bastard approaches me. He was grinning, holding out his hand. "I'm Mike Reynolds. I just wanted to convey my sympathies about losing your best friend. Christine was a remarkable, gorgeous, compassionate woman; her voice could transcend a person into another world. I was lucky to be friends with her in the theatre world."

"My little girl Jenny worked with Christine in several Broadway charities. They performed a melody of wicked songs last summer to benefit AIDS, and two years ago, they were in The Lion King together."

Breathless with anger, I clench my fingers, silently praying I can keep my anger stewing in the coils of my stomach. If my fury springs to life, the entire operation could be blown.

The rage is nearly consuming me, not knowing if he is telling the truth. Has this bastard been stalking Christine for years, waiting and watching? Or is he is trying to get a reaction out of me? He raped her when she was fourteen. His looks have changed. Would she even recognize him now?

Fury vibrated through my being, but I smiled, somehow remembering all the times Julian or Christine felt too sick and exhausted to perform but always reminded themselves the show must go on. We pick our battles based on their importance.

Punching his smug face would momentarily please me, but it would put many more innocent kids in danger. Kent would get away, and all the people he hurt would never get justice.

Alex and Christine. Two names, I can instantly say and picture their faces.

"Aw, Heavens to Betsy, thank you, sir; always grateful to hear such endearing thoughts about my sweet Christine. Funny, I don't remember her ever mentioning you. Must have been in the shadows watching."

Kent's face deepens in a shade of red. I'm not sure it has a color definition. Oh, I've gotten under his skin. "Then again, Christine was a star. She always had gumption; no one such as yourself could come close to touching her. I am not trying to be rude, sir, but you are way out of her league."

Olivia pulls me away quickly. "Sir, isn't that your daughter onstage now? Wouldn't you like to watch her?"

"Oh, yes, you are correct. Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome." Olivia pulls me away from him, shoving me downstage. "Are you trying to sabotage this operation?" She whispers harshly. "No, I tried to keep my cool, but I will not tolerate him practically salivating over my best friend's death."

A hush has overcome the audience as Noah and Jenny step up to the microphone. Clearing his throat, Noah adjusts the microphone.

"Good evening, everyone; thank you for having me here tonight. It is an honor to be here among so many phenomenal artists. I am only eleven years old; unlike many of my peers, I haven't been training my entire life. I only started dancing two years ago, but ever since I started, it's been my dream to be on Broadway someday, standing here on this stage among the artists who have inspired, delighted, encouraged, and challenged me. Today, that dream came true. Thank you very much; to everyone who helped me get here. I love you all. Tonight, I am here with my lovely co-host, Jenny. We are presenting the night's final award—lead actress in a Broadway Musical."

Jenny smiles, showing her perfect teeth, and kisses Noah on his cheek. Noah is taken off-guard but plays his part perfectly. Wrapping his left arm across her shoulders, he pulls her closer. Jenny speaks next, projecting into the mic, so her voice bounces off every wall.

"Tonight's nominees are ..."

She turns expertly to the giant screen, grinning as the screen flashes to life, showcasing each of the nominees she mentions.

"Adrienne Warren – "Tina: The Tina Turner Musical"

"Karen Olivo – "Moulin Rouge! The Musical"

"Elizabeth Stanley – "Jagged Little Pill"

"Christine Cattaneo- Eliza in Hamilton The Musical."

The screen reverts to the Tony award picture as Noah opens the envelope. Nervously, his fingers pry open the sealed gold envelope.

Jenny overlooks Noah's shoulder as they reveal the winner in unison.

"The winner of the 2022 Tony award for lead actress in a musical is Christine Cattaneo."

The audience stands as a wave goes through the arena; all 1,526 seats are filled tonight. It's times like these I have no words overwhelmed by the love shown for my best friend.

Haley glides onto the stage, holding the award she hands to Noah. Exchanging kisses on each other's checks. Noah refaces the mic. Tears fall from his eyes.

"I'm speechless but honored to accept this on behalf of a woman who was more than an aunt to me. She was my inspiration, teacher, second mother, and someone who guided me and showed me the beautiful richness and brilliance we call Broadway."

"Losing Christine has taught us all death doesn't discriminate. Between the sinners and the saints, it takes, and it takes, and it takes. History obliterates in every picture it paints. We lost a brilliant woman, and I lost a hero. Another genius was stolen from the world. I survived, but I paid for it. We will all pay for it because we are the ones who are left to carry on with a world a little less bright, a world that doesn't quite make sense anymore. I ask all of you know to join me in honoring my aunt, a woman who not only helped define Broadway but who dedicated her life to serving and protecting the citizens of New York. All I ask is a moment of silence to honor her legacy and sacrifice."

Heads bow at Noah's request. How did Noah become so wise, so gentle, and so professional? It takes everything for me not to cry.

"Legacy, what is a legacy? Many of us will ask ourselves this question? Is it like Leslie Odom Jr. and Lin-Manuel Miranda want us to believe? Planting seeds in a garden you never get to see. The way Eliza Hamilton did when she built the orphanages here in New York City, or is it writing music that transforms times?"

Jenny takes over speaking as she replies to Noah. "Maybe it's love and acceptance, two traits Christine embodied in spades. She loved and accepted you, no matter who you were or where you came from; once you walked through the door of the Theatre, you were family."

"Tonight, we honor her love with the acceptance of this award. Thank You to the academy and to everyone who supported her in her journey."

The audience remains standing, applauding wildly. I don't think there is a dry eye in the arena. At this exact moment, the light goes out. It's suddenly pitch-black, and a scream rings out from onstage with a gunshot.