Chapter Five

Vala sat in the bakery, a large slice of truly decadent chocolate cake in front of her. She'd just taken her first (rather enormous) bite when Adria spoke. "Vala? Do you think we could…discuss your mother?"

The cake practically turned to sawdust in her mouth. Vala grimaced, chewing slowly and unhappily. Honestly, how dare Adria ruin chocolate cake?

But she finally managed to swallow and reply. "Do we have to?"

"No. But perhaps it would do us good."

"Eh." Vala was not convinced of that.

Adria sighed. "I'll go first. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I resented her. I'm sorry I refused to listen every time you wanted to talk about her. I know you were grieving, and you were a child, and you had a right to discuss your mother. I was angry and jealous and spiteful and bitter. And I was wrong to take it out on you. None of it was your fault."

Vala stared at the plate. "Thank you. That…helps. And I'm sorry I fought you so hard."

"Looking back, I understand why you did. At the time, it was infuriating and just added to my own resentment. You and Jacek both talked about her like she was perfect."

"To me, she was. It was nothing personal, Adria. No one trying to take her place would have fared any better with me."

"I know. I mean, I know it now. I wasn't wise enough to know it then. I just knew how hard I was trying and how it never seemed to be enough."

Vala nodded shortly. They sat in silence for a while, and she dared to try another bite of cake. After a couple more bites, she offered tentatively, "If it helps any, Jacek wasn't any better of a husband to her. He may have talked a good game about her, but he broke her heart over and over." Vala sighed. "I think I hate him for that more than I hate him for never being able to love me properly. He was gone for months at a time and never faithful for a minute. The last time I saw him, he made a dumb crack asking which woman was my mother. He'd had so many, you know. The possibilities were endless." She stabbed the plate with her fork. "I wanted to zat him."

"Jacek is a mik'ta, and I think we can safely say that he is incapable of loving anyone properly. He only cares for himself."

"Pretty much."

"I am sorry though," Adria said again. "I know we vied for his attention. You were only a child, and you deserved a father. I'm sorry for any part I played in taking him from you."

"Thank you," Vala said. "At the time I did think you had stolen him. Now…" She shrugged. "Now I know Jacek is just Jacek. He was never going to be there for me, and things would have played out the same whether you were there or not."

"True enough." Adria hesitated a bit, then asked, "Would you tell me a bit about Nalini? The real one, not the idealized version? Just a quick story or memory. I'd like…I think I'd like to know her."

Vala smiled faintly. "Jacek once said the best con he ever pulled was getting someone like her to look twice at him. She was from an old, wealthy, established family. He married her for her money. She was so beautiful and gentle and well-mannered. I was a bit of wild hellion even then. She never quite knew what to do with me." She laughed. "Once, in a fit of pure frustration over something I'd done, she let loose a string of profanity that you would not believe. Then she clapped a hand over her mouth, absolutely horrified. It was the funniest thing.

"I loved to hear her sing," Vala continued. "She had the most gorgeous voice, and she sang while cooking or gardening or doing housework. Sometimes she'd sing me to sleep, especially right after Jacek had left, when I was distraught. When she was…when she was sick, she'd still sing, to comfort me. Right up until her voice was gone completely." Vala got a faraway look in her eyes. "I'd thought…I'd thought maybe I could sing her songs to Adria. My daughter. Only not my daughter; she was never mine. And I never got to sing her anything."

Adria had tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Vala. Sorry that you had to endure all that with her. And again, sorry about your mother. Thank you for telling me about her."

"Sure. It's…nice to remember her a bit."

"We'll do it more often," Adria promised. "She deserves to be remembered and honored. I'm glad you have such fond memories of her." She made a face. "And sorry that Jacek was just as much of a mik'ta with her. All this time I'd believed he was not. Foolish of me, really."

"Perhaps, but I can understand why you thought so at the time. And why you resented her memory."

"You are very gracious. Perhaps your mother was as perfect as you both maintained, and you have inherited some of that perfection," Adria said dryly.

Vala laughed loudly. "That may be the first time in history anyone has called me perfect."

"Then I shall have to rebuke your husband. He should be cataloging your perfections regularly."

She snorted. "Nope, sorry, Daniel is quite aware of my many faults."

"I confess, I still harbor a bit of envy toward you. I envy your marriage. I may call the two of you ridiculous, but it's clear how happy you are. You'll never know what it's like to marry a man and always be second-rate, never measuring up to his perfect first wife."

"Um, actually, yeah. I do know a little about that."

"What are you talking about? Your Daniel adores you."

"He does. I know that. But Daniel was married before, and I'm not Sha're. He mourned her death for almost a decade before we got together. She was pure and innocent and good, and his love for her was all those things as well. She was actually given to him as a gift. The best thing to ever happen to him." Vala laughed hollowly. "My saintly mother aside, I could never be the best thing to happen to anyone. The first time I met Daniel I was stealing from him. Then I hunted him down and made sure he was stuck with me. I pestered him and plagued him and eventually wore him down." She looked down at her plate. "That was always my intention-to wear him down. But somewhere along the way, he wore me down. Somehow I found myself wanting to be this person he seemed to believe I was capable of." She shrugged. "He is the best thing to happen to me. And I made my peace with Sha're's ghost a long time ago."

"Perhaps you are wiser than I was then," Adria said. "I never could quite make peace with the ghost of Nalini, or with being viewed as so much less."

Silence reigned for a long time between them, neither quite sure what to say. Then Adria spoke hesitantly.

"Vala, you have been a…good thing to happen in my life. You know I never birthed any children. You are all I have as far as offspring. My only child. I consider you to be…one of the best things to happen to me.."

This was getting dangerously close to elephant territory, and Vala was not having that conversation in a public bakery. If ever. Time to shut this down. "Well, thank you. I'm glad."

Adria heard the finality in Vala's voice and nodded shortly. They moved the conversation on to other things as they finished their cake, Vala sharing a story about her crotchety neighbor and Adria dispensing tales about her fellow cooks. (She still complained about them, but Vala could hear a softening in her voice.)

As they laughed and went to get more cake, Vala decided it was a sign. They'd tiptoed up close to the elephant, had a "good talk," as the Tau'ri would say, and backed right off again.

No reason to ever do anything more than that.