Deep in the galaxy laid a fleet of Simulant Death Ships, currently on the prowl for what humans were remaining in the universe.

It was a prowl that had borne little fruit over the past few thousand years.

At this point, there was now the fear that they had finally killed the last humans remaining in the universe, and there was talk among the other Simulants about just giving it up and starting careers in popular music.

As he dwelled on this in his personal inner dwellings room, Simulant General XX-001 clenched his fists in anger.

Hopeless, the lot of them. They simply don't have enough drive, enough ambition, or enough hope that one day they'll find a human. And when they do…

Ohhh, the screaming will be such a joy.

Suddenly, his inner musings were interrupted by one of his fellow Simulants entering the room. The Simulant looked anxious, as if a wrong word would send him running down the corridors and throwing himself into an airlock.

XX-001 groaned in annoyance at having his dwellings interrupted.

"Go on then. Spit it out."

"Sir…uh… good news. We've finally located a human on our scanners."

XX-001 practically pumped his hand in the air. Finally, a human! His mind immediately drifted to all of the fun forms of torture that he was going to create with this human.

That said, it didn't explain why his fellow Simulant was not happy himself.

"…XB-002, why aren't you happy then. You look like a computer running Windows Vista."

"Well-I-Uh…I know you don't like bad news on top of your good news, XX-001, but well….uh….you know that cyborg who devastated most of your fleet before you left the solar system. He's there too."

Oh, smeg.

Of course, it had to happen. The one really good thing to have happened in several millenniums and he had to go through one of his worst nightmares to get there!

Of course, lesser Simulants would give up the chase and head off to another sector of deep space, normally to pursue something calmer by learning how to cook. But he wasn't a lesser Simulant.

And he was becoming desperate for a human.

"XB-002, set a course for the human. Additionally, burn any settlements that are on the planet. We don't want the cyborg alive."

To his annoyance, XB-002 only shook on the spot. When he spoke, it was with a higher pitch of voice than normal.

"But XX-001, there's GELFs on that planet. I don't think they'll be happy to see their settlements destroyed. They might cancel that trade deal we made with them recently!"

XX-001 growled in anger, briefly entertaining the idea of just throwing this Simulant into an airlock. However, he decided to give him one last chance.

To understand the consequences at play here.

"XB-002, you need to know this. By housing, this cyborg, this population of GELFs have forfeited their rights to live. The other GELFs will understand after we explain to them what happened."

There was a brief pause as the Simulant's processors whirled. Then…

"Okay,s-s-sir."

As he ran uncertainly out of the room, XX-001 lounged back in his seat.

I'm going to get you, Gordon Brittas, and when I do…

You'll wish you'd never crossed paths with us.

Up until this trip to this planet, Lister had thought he had known what true boredom was – namely listening to Rimmer ramble on about Risk for several hours straight.

But no. He knew that this wasn't true. He knew that a game of risk was merely a blip on the chart of "most boring things to do".

He knew now that true boredom was filling in a 300-question questionnaire asking the most inane details (how does his eye colour have to do with anything!") just to get a chance to talk to a cyborg with a thing for destruction.

Honestly, not the way he would have liked to go out if he was going to be honest with himself.

Turning to his right, he could see that the Cat wasn't even bothering with it anymore, preferring instead to play on a piece of string that he had found in one of his pockets.

To his left, he saw Kryten try to finish it too, although judging by the expression on his face, Lister suspected that his head was about to blow up again.

And they really didn't have any spare heads on stand-by like last time.

He honestly wanted to quit as well, but if this "Brittas" fellow was as tough as they say, it may be the only way that they can talk to him and get him to leave peacefully. Possibly encourage him to pursue his Dream elsewhere, whatever that was.

He sighed and stared at the door in which Brittas and Rimmer had gone through,

It was sort of his fault. He had locked off the database and library off to Rimmer after all and hid the truth about his ancestor from him.

Who knew that a good deed for Rimmer could have led to such horrific consequences?

… then again, he really should have learned his lesson after Lise Yates. Plus it's Rimmer, so of course, it was going to happen.

Still, the worst thing about the situation was that Rimmer was acting all chummy with the cyborg. Of course that was going to happen – they both seemed to have an obsession with the rules and tidiness, but still.

Hoping that Kryten would be eventually correct about the two falling out, he looked down at his questionnaire again.

200 more questions to go.

Joy.

"So you are my ancestor, then?" exclaimed Brittas as he examined the data relating to Rimmer's light bee. The precise method in which this was done was, needless to say, very uncomfortable for Rimmer in that it seemed to involve every single appendage under the sun jammed into him. Even in places that he would rather not mention.

The exact reason why this was the case according to Brittas was that, according to him, he really needed to have a complete survey of his hologrammatic body so that he could provide tips on his lifestyle for him and that this was the only device that could do the task.

Rimmer wanted to make a nasty comment about him but decided against it for two reasons. One was that the appendage on his tongue was making it hard to speak right now. The other was that he feared that the cyborg would try to destroy him if he insulted him.

And believe him, he didn't want to fight him. It was simply against the Rimmer directive.

Soon, Brittas had come around to finally taking the device off of his body. He briefly tried to rub his tongue off the weird taste that the appendages had before he spoke again.

"I don't think I've had that many devices rammed into me since…well… ever."

"Well, apologies, but that check was indeed a necessary one. Impersonation of a person is illegal, you see. I've personally encountered it a couple of times in my life."

He moved a couple of steps towards Rimmer in a way that was slightly uncomfortable to the hologram before using the opportunity to look at him from top to bottom.

"But still, you're my ancestor. I didn't think I had any ancestors anymore, what with me being three million years into Deep Space…"

For a moment, Rimmer thought he saw the smallest sign of sadness cloud over Brittas' eyes, although it passed within seconds.

"But enough about me. Seeing as you're my descendant, you must be spreading the Dream!"

Rimmer's face fell. "The what?"

"The Dream! See, I have a Dream. A Dream that one day, the universe will be joined together in peace and unity. Everyone across the cosmos will work together as part of a team, and poverty will be abolished. I, personally, focus on the physical aims of achieving the Dream, although I've also had to balance the more spiritual side of it too ever since my brother passed away…"

Rimmer scoffed.

"Fat chance. I've seen a lot of monsters out there in the cosmos, and if I would have a penny for the amount of them out there who saw us more as friends than their dinner, I would be a rich man. Besides, it's difficult spreading this Dream when your crewmates are sluggish half-wits who fall apart over a game of Mineopoly."

This however didn't faze Brittas in the slightest.

"Ah, but that's because you're not attempting to even spread it!"

"What do you mean? It's not like I even heard of it before today."

For another moment, Rimmer could see a slight look of sad confusion reign over Brittas' face, but it too passed like his sadness.

"Well, for starters, your uniform. I can tell from it that it doesn't exude authority. You need a better uniform, one that shows that you're in charge."

Rimmer was beginning to understand why the GELFs feared this man so much. "Listen here squire: my uniform is perfectly fine, thank you very much, and may I quote Space Corps Directive 456…"

"Cats are barred from scuba-diving on desolate moons?"

"No…er…what I'm trying to say is that "all hologrammatic lifeforms on board an official Space Corps ship are required to wear a uniform from a limited range of official uniforms. And this, miladdio, was the best one out of the bunch!"

Brittas just stuck his nose up in the most obnoxious way. "Maybe, but there are better uniforms out there that emphasize one's leadership better than that. Then there is your misquoting of the Space Corps Directive. How can one act as a leader knowing full well that he hasn't had the rules memorized? What if one day, a young child gets themselves electrocuted simply because you didn't manage to fix the lifts because you couldn't remember the rules pertaining to it. And then there's that paunch around your belly. If one expects to be leader, they should always keep themselves physically fit. After all, how can one expect to spread the Dream if they're trying to do it whilst huffing and puffing, you know!"

Rimmer was pissed. Very pissed.

Oh, how dare he mock my leadership skills and my appearance. How dare he mock my knowledge of the Space Corps Directives. How dare he.

That did it. He was going to grab the man and do some horrific things involving… something. His forms probably.

Before he could do anything else, there was a loud rumbling sound. He wasn't the only one who noticed because Brittas had picked up on it as well.

"Gotta go now. Slight emergency." He said as he made to walk out of the building.

Rimmer waited until Brittas left, then decided to look out of one of the windows of this building. Unfortunately for him, he could see one of his worst nightmares out there.

Simulants.

There they hovered, looking much like those UFOs one saw on cheesy sci-fi flicks.

That said, they were behaving strangely, like they were a drunk person in Manchester, Instead of making a scan for humans, they were instead shooting at everywhere where there were signs of life. It was especially strange behaviour seeing that most of these weapons were aimed at GELFs, and Simulants were usually quite friendly to GELFs.

It was indeed very strange behavior.

Still, Rimmer decided to cower under a nearby table.

After all, if he was going to get shot, he was going to do it under the comfort of something.

The rest of the Dwarfers ran out when they heard the ships.

"Where's Rimmer?" demanded Lister.

"Knowing him, probably using his uniform as a lattice somewhere." responded the Cat.

As they spoke, Brittas defiantly walked up to the ships currently launching death and destruction on this planet.

Lister facepalmed.

They were smegged.

On the bright side, the Cat seemed amused by the whole thing.

"I'm betting on the killer robots killing Not-Goalpost Head whilst we head out and leave this dumpster of a planet! Say, can we lure out Goalpost Head and have him killed too?"

"Mr. Cat, might I point out that there is an extremely high possibility that we're all likely to be killed next anyway, and I'm personally not looking forward to being scattered across the place. It's certainly not a good state to do mopping, that's for certain!" said Kryten.

As they were talking amongst each other, Brittas was trying to remove the Simulants from the planet the only way he knew how.

Through the rulebook.

"May I have your attention please." Replied Brittas, using a microphone that he had picked up before he had left the building. "You are charged with the violation of intergalactic boundaries, the murder of peaceful citizens, something which I must add doesn't have a calming effect on my fellow colonists, and for entering this planet's atmosphere with the incorrect type of ship!"

Even from here, one could feel both confusion and anger roll over the death fleet. Within the biggest ship, Simulant XX-001 snarled in anger.

The man had to die.

"Seize him! Now! I can't wait to see him squirm under our torture."

Immediately, a tractor beam, much like those that one saw in those goofy sci-fi films, came down on Brittas and began dragging him up to the ship. This did not faze Brittas in the slightest who continued to rant and rave.

"And there's another crime to be added to your list – unauthorised tractor-beaming of a person. As a result of your actions, you will be detained under the Space Corps Offence Against Killer Robots Act."

Before he could say anything else, however, he had vanished into the warship. For a few seconds, nothing happened.

Absolutely nothing at all, something that was notable in the fact that this nothing excluded the killing of life from its definition.

And Simulants liked to kill humans especially.

"What do you think is happening, Krytes?" asked Lister.

"Well, judging from my knowledge of the man, he is likely doing a combination of boring the Simulants and doing destructive acts whilst in their ship, likely by showing them how to use their ship properly. At least, that is what I hope is happening."

Lister nodded and continued looking up.

Suddenly, the fleet began dramatically imploding on itself, a chain of ships vanishing in a chaotic mess of fire and mayhem. Soon, there was no testament to the existence of the Simulants.

…well, no testament with the small exception of a small comet which promptly crashed onto the ground below, creating a small crater hole. As the dust cleared, the prone form of Gordon Brittas could be seen lying prone on the ground. As it turned out, Kryten was correct in his assumption that the man was using a morphing belt, because his form was flickering on and off, revealing a tough-looking robotic body underneath.

The Cat shrieked in horror as he took in the form of the robotic body.

"Yowwll! No wonder he hides his true appearance from everyone. He looks like a runaway prop from The Terminator!"

"Cat. Someone could have died giving his life to save us." Pointed out Lister, staring with some sadness at the seemingly lifeless body. Sure, he was annoying but he did try to save them all, something which he did appreciate.

"Is it over?" asked Rimmer, having finally gained the courage to leave the centre.

He took in the sight of the man himself.

"Well, clearly not."

"If you mean the Simulants, then they are dead, the method of which I suspect is them being so shocked at the sight of a cowering officer that they just gave up." snarked Lister.

He turned to Kryten. "Is he dead?"

Kryten took a brief check-over of the man before he made his report.

"Fortunately no. In fact, the damage is minimal. The only thing that was affected was his morphing belt, which is merely a matter of needing an automatic reboot."

Sure enough, Brittas' form eventually stabilized, and with a groan, he sat up.

"Are the Simulants…"

It was at this point that he realized that by standing in a crater with small fires blazing around him, he had probably answered the answer to his question.

"…Exxxcellllent!"

Suddenly, they were all interrupted by a flock of GELFs coming out of random and small hiding spots who were all cheering for the cyborg.

"The Dream Demon has saved us all. We're not going to die. He's our hero!"

They surrounded Brittas and lifted up to carry him in a bit of a crowd surf. For a minute, the Dwarfers saw a look of confusion wash over the cyborg's face, but that soon subsided as he reveled in said crowd surf.

As the crowd departed, the Dolochimp from before came out of one of the bushy areas surrounding the centre and came up to the Dwarfers.

"Before you follow, I am to tell you that you will no longer be needed to dispose of him, for we intend a better position for him."

The Dwarfers breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"So what are you going to do with him?" asked Lister.

"Well, he did save our lives, so we're giving him a promotion to "Community Defender", which is one of our highest ranks in our society. He'll defend our planet from hostile threats and pass rules to maintain the safety of the community. He'll also be given our Kkkkahssskk medal for Bravery. However, in return, we intend you to be there for the medal ceremony. After all, you were with him when the Simulants attacked."

The Dwarfers breathed a collective groan.

Rimmer was not in a good mood. Of course, he was never really in a good mood, but this was the bad mood to beat bad moods.

His ancestor was one of the most annoying people that he had ever encountered in his life and that included Lister. Yet, here he was being promoted and being given an award for bravery.

And where was this luck when he needed it?

The worst part wasn't the fact that he was being made to watch this ceremony, oh, no. The absolute worst part was the feeling that Lister may have had hidden away the truth about his ancestor away from him. Why, he didn't know.

Personally, he suspected it was some form of a cruel prank set up to humiliate him.

Still, for now, all he could do was smile like one of those Stepford wives as he saw Brittas be awarded a medal from a Sakenyeko as the other GELFs praised him.

"Are you sure you'll be okay here?" He could hear Lister ask as they observed Brittas getting the new medal.

"Absolutely. Besides, these people are still just little hatchlings who need to grow further before they can leave the next. They need a mother bird to keep them in line." said Brittas. "The real question however is why aren't you staying with us? I mean, as a group, you need a lot of improvement. Especially if that Rimmer wants to spread my Dream."

"Thanks for the offer, Brittas, but we need to head off into space. Kochanski's still out there and I need to find her."

Now that caught Brittas' attention. "A woman, you say? Well then why didn't you say so? Go out, find her, and continue the human race!"

Relieved, the Dwarfers turned to return to their ship, but before they could do so, they were interrupted by Brittas.

"Before you head off, however, you'll need these." He said as he dumped what looked like a brick of documents into each Dwarfers' hands.

"Mr. Brittas," asked Lister, "What exactly are these?"

"These are your development plans. I would have had them in more detail and specifically tailored to your weaknesses and strengths but there was a remarkable lack of time between our meeting and your leaving. This of course doesn't account for the fact that you left the documents incomplete, but because you're in a haste, I suppose there's nothing I can do about it, is there?"

A bref moment passed whilst he tapped on his chin thoughtfully, then.

"Well, I suppose I should just let you head off, as long as you get them back to me within the next few weeks. After all, those spare miniature Space Corps Enforcement Probes should still be working. Still, off you pop!"

The Dwarfers made a run for it yelling goodbyes as they did. During this run, Rimmer was using the opportunity to look at the documents that he received and he was annoyed, to say the least at the fact that they seemed to go up to his head and their starting position around his chest. This was something that became even more pronounced once he took a glance at Lister's document and saw that it was half the length of his. That this was unacceptable because to him, Lister was more of a curry and beer monster masquerading as a human than an actual human being.

Still, it was over. He never had to look at Brittas again.

…although that depended on if Brittas was serious about the fact that he had miniature Space Corps Enforcement Probes of course.

And knowing the man, he probably did have that sort of technology.