Buster felt sick.

Awful.

The anxiety of the day to come was clawing up his spine and ripping around in his stomach. He just wished he didn't always have to be this way. Today had been a good day; an excellent day, at that. He'd gotten the fantastic opportunity to work for The Majestic! To put on the show he and Gunter had worked on under the iron fist of a monster in order to make a reality. Folks actually wanted him around, and more importantly, they made it very clear that they valued and respected his cast with the highest sincerity. The theatre was beautiful, he'd gotten to know some of the staff. He'd even gotten to know Si a little better. Right. Si. Not Jimmy. Simon Oaks. A completely different person with a completely different agenda. All of this should've reassured Buster, but instead, he could feel this unwanted pressure building up in his chest. He rolled over in his bed, feeling his side heave painfully and letting out a miserable groan. How selfish of him, he thought, that he already wished for a break. He'd just had an entire month to recover from the situation at Redshore, and he had decided not to. He'd decided to push it to the back of his mind and get back to work. He always had to work. It was a part of his nature, he supposed. So, upon second thought, he considered the fact that even if he had the opportunity to take a break, he certainly wouldn't take it.

Still, for one moment, he wished for peace. Maybe not peace in the sense of not doing anything and relaxing, but peace in the sense of letting all of his thoughts roll off of his shoulders. All of his negative and scared and anxious emotions... just gone with the wind. That's all he really wanted. That, and he didn't want to let anyone down. Not again. Not like he had before. He'd almost perished because of it, and even though his cast... his family came before him in every aspect of life, he found himself once again being selfish (at least in his eyes) and wanting the constant security of knowing he was safe. Knowing he wasn't in danger and maybe, if the universe allowed, forgetting that he'd almost died at all. He just wanted to stop being so scared, but his fight or flight reflexes had been so torn up since he started working for Crystal, and they were shaken to their utter core. He truly doubted he'd not feel afraid all of the time, as unfortunate that sounded.

Again, his side groaned, and this time he had to clench his teeth to keep from letting out a sharp whine. The entire New Moon Troop, including Suki, had been very nicely situated on the fifth floor. Even though the suites they were placed in were fabulous and lavish, he didn't want to risk one of his crew hearing him in pain, or in any sort of discomfort. They needed as much rest as they could get, and they needed him to be strong. He could be strong for them. He could. He had to be.

Slowly, he sat up in his bed, running his hands down his face. Sleep no longer came as easy to him as it had in the hospital, though he could admit that even then, he never felt truly rested. Swinging his legs over his bed slowly, he slid to the floor, making his way over to his bag in the darkness to try and find his painkillers. Ash had been the one to remember to pack them, leaving them in the very front pouch of his duffle. Moon smiled, reminding himself to thank her in a few hours. Right. It was already technically "tomorrow" which meant that their first day was today, which meant that Buster needed to be in the best shape possible. That was going to be hard, however, whenever he'd only managed to sleep for an hour and a half. He couldn't get himself settled. He knew he had a big day ahead of him, and instead of doing what every other reasonable mammal on the planet does, Buster's mind forced him awake. He might not wake up to his alarm; it's happened before, so he can no longer be trusted with that task. It was best he just wait it out and get through the day. He might need to intake a couple more coffees than usual, but that was fine. He'd manage. He'd have to manage. For them. For all of them.

Swallowing his painkillers and his pride, Buster made his way to the kitchen, putting on a fresh brew of coffee. He touched the fabric of his sleep shirt as he sat at the kitchen table, waiting. He was still waiting for the feeling to return to his paws completely, but in a drastic change of luck, some of it had. This shirt was particularly soft; it was the one Eddie had lent him whenever he was down on his luck and had to stay in the pool house with his best friend. Buster thought of Eddie often, in truth, he missed his best friend. He missed the help and the constant support, even if sometimes it was meager. Though he missed Eddie, he was more proud of him than anything. The sheep had gone back to school about a year after the New Moon Theatre had been built, going out into the world and trying to find a new purpose. He'd told Buster before he left that a big reason as to why he was leaving was because of the showman.

"You've shown me that I don't have to just be a name anymore, Buster," he'd said, tossing the last of his bags in the cab just outside of the theatre. He turned and knelt down, placing his hooves on Buster's shoulders. "You've given me hope, buddy. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I've got a chance out there. And I've finally got the guts to go and chase it."

Buster could only remember really crying two other times in his life. One time, whenever he was beaten up by some bully kids at his school and his old man had to patch him up. The second was whenever the theatre collapsed, and he felt like a hollow shell of the man his father had wanted him to be. The man that he wanted to be. But that day... the day Eddie left... he'd cried a lot. He'd cried saying goodbye, holding onto his friend as if his life depended on it. He'd cried later that day, after rehearsal, when everyone left. He'd cried that night. And then the day after, he allowed himself to sit in that sadness but was eventually able to turn it into a deep, overwhelming pride. Eddie deserved this; he deserved a life of his own. Buster had just been so proud that he'd decided to chase it down himself.

Now, though, sitting in the darkness of his hotel kitchen, Buster just wanted his friend back. He wanted his friend who wouldn't care if he broke down and cried. He wanted his friend who would just sit and hold him for hours if that was what he needed. He just wanted his best friend back. He knew he had his cast, but they were his responsibility. They should not have to carry any sort of load for Buster, and as long as he was breathing, they never would. They'd already been through so much regarding the Redshore situation; he wouldn't allow them to go through anymore. He wanted them to grow and thrive and to dream big dreams. They couldn't do that if they were worried about him all the time.

Though he had to admit, he'd been awful at reaching out to folks recently. Whenever Eddie first left, and for the months that followed, they would either text or call every day, checking in on one another and updating each other on the lives they were leading. Since Buster took the position at Redshore, however, he'd stopped reaching out as much. Mostly because he was under constant stress and couldn't find the time to eat or sleep, let alone catch up with his best friend. And then, just a month ago, whenever Suki had given him that damned business card... Buster could count on both paws how many days he sat and just stared at her name... willing himself to call her up and just talk to her. He'd promised her he would. Yet, he couldn't. It physically hurt him to reach out. It seemed to go against his moral code. He didn't need help. He didn't deserve it, even if he did need it. He'd been the one to ghost the people he cared about. He'd been the one to put his cast through hell. He'd been the one to do all of it. They all wanted to blame Jimmy Crystal for what he did, but Buster was the one who'd been selfish. He'd hurt the people he cared about. He had. There was no one else to blame but himself, and he knew that, sinking into his chair and clutching the shirt up to his face. His paws had started trembling again as tears pricked at his eyes.

God, he just wanted all of this to stop. He wanted his mind to stop racing. He wanted his body to stop hurting. He wanted his life back. He wanted to stop being scared. He wanted to feel alive again, and not as if he'd shatter into a million pieces at any given moment. He couldn't live a single moment not being reminded of what happened. Those memories... those flashes of time were burned into his skull, just ready to break out from beneath his eyes at the slight mention of something even relatively similar to the experience. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair. It wasn't fair to his cast, to Eddie, to Suki, to- Oh, and how selfish he was being! It wasn't fair to him, and he knew it, and he wanted to scream it from the rooftops and allow himself to wallow in that pain and despair for as long as it took for him to feel better. How pathetic that sounded, and just how awful it made him feel to realize that he was actively experiencing those thoughts.

Suddenly, he was outside of his room, outside of the golden columns of The Majestic. Outside of any safe haven he knew. He was somewhere dark and cold. He was scared, and his memories knew he was. It was like they were working against him. They wanted him to feel the pain again. His wound flared up. He heard Jimmy cackle. He suddenly felt as if he'd be sick, his legs dangling off the chair instantaneously feeling like they were thousands and thousands of feet above the ground. He was going to die. He could feel the cold steel. Smell the crimson iron. He heard the wind. The wind was what terrified him the most because that was a sign he truly was going to perish. He didn't have a choice this time.

And then Suki was there, clasping his wrists as tightly as possible while his hands shook uncontrollably. He was surrounded by absolute darkness, a deep red seeping through the shadows except for near her. She was staring at him with a sort of bent determination and frustration.

"You need to leave this city and never, ever come back. Do you understand? Never."

He hadn't wanted to leave or give up. But he'd been so scared. He still was scared. He was terrified.

"S-Suki..." he whimpered, falling to his knees as she held him in place. He could feel everything. His senses were being overloaded, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. "S-Suki, please... I..." He let out a choked sob. "I need h-help..."

Suki woke up with a start. She hadn't been dreaming, at least, not that she could remember. Sniffling and rolling over, she squinted her eyes to see the bright red numbers on the clock reading 3:46 AM. Groaning, she rolled back over, completely prepared to fall back asleep. That was until...

Knock, knock, knock.

It was such a faint sound that at first, the Saluki thought she'd imagined it. Who would be knocking on her door at nearly four in the morning?

"S-Suki..."

Her eyes snapped open. Okay, that was definitely real. And it was recognizable. Suki didn't even stop to put her glasses on before she made her way over to the door. She looked out of the peephole, though she was unable to see anything.

"S-Suki, please... I..."

Her ears pressed back fearfully. "Buster?" she mumbled, unlocking the door quickly and swinging it open, revealing a very tired, very disheveled, very upset Buster Moon. "Oh, my God," she exclaimed to herself, bending down in order to face him. "Buster? Hey, are you-"

"I need h-help..."

His voice was so small and desperate. It was nothing like anything she'd heard before. Even whenever he was released from the hospital, he still had this sort of polished, fake confidence laced into his voice. She'd never heard him like this before. Slowly, she reached forward, taking his paws away from his face, as he'd been scratching his cheeks and his ears and the area just below his eyes. The moment her hands touched his, however, he seemed to snap out of the sorrowful state he was in and became much more frantic.

"I-I'm leaving, I'll get us outta here, I just- I just-"

"Buster," she said sternly, pulling him a bit closer so that he was no longer standing in the hallway.

"P-please, Suki, I-I just need-"

"Hey." She released one of his wrists, bringing her hand up to cup the side of his face. At her tender touch, Moon's eyes broke from their glass states, shining desperately with tears as, for the first time since he'd arrived at her door, he was no longer trapped in the past. He let out a few shuddering breaths, eyes still wide as they stayed locked on hers. "Hey, there," she said again with a smile, thumbing away at his tears. "Good to see you."

Moon's ears twitched and he swallowed hard, his eyes darting around the room, but still not moving from Suki's gentle hold. "W-where..?"

"Did you need me?" the Saluki chuckled lightly. "You came to my door."

The tired showman opened his mouth to respond, but Suki interrupted.

"Here, come sit down."

Still holding Moon's wrist, she helped to walk him over to one of the armchairs in her living room. He thumped onto the seat, eyes still wide and confused as he tried to piece things together.

"Let me grab you a water," Suki told him, leaving the koala alone for only a few seconds to grab one of the waters she'd stocked inside of her fridge. As she returned, she noticed that Buster didn't look as panicked as he had before. He was coming back down to earth, slowly but surely. "Here," said gently, handing the bottle to the downed showman. "Are you okay?"

Buster gripped the bottle tightly in both paws. "I don't... ugh." He suddenly sighed, as if remembering his situation, and closed his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Suki. This is... this has been a, uh, misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding? Buster, you were calling for me."

The showman looked up to meet her gaze. "I... right. I sh-shouldn't have left my room. I'm gonna go try and get some, uh, ya know... rest..." He began shifting out of his chair whenever Suki grabbed his shoulder. Moon didn't like that much, as he let out an audible yelp and threw himself back into the corner of the large chair. Suki retracted her grip, holding her hand close to her chest.

"Sorry. I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to do that."

Silence swooned around them for a long while. Suki was unsure of what to say or do, and Buster didn't seem to be willing to move just yet. Not after that. Until...

"I could feel everything."

Suki's ears perked a bit at that. "What do you mean?"

"I've been... able to feel everything. Everything that happened. They're like bad dreams, but... they feel so real."

Suki sat patiently, surprised that Buster was finally opening up about the experience, and to her of all people.

The showman sniffled, pulling the water bottle close to his chest and just holding it as tightly as possible. He hadn't even opened it yet. "This is awful. I'm awful. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have come here. I-I'm so sorry, Suki. I don't know why-"

"There's no need to apologize, Buster. I'm serious. I just want to make sure you're okay."

At those words, the showman let out a wet chuckle, shaking his head absently. "Am I okay?" he grumbled. "I'm... I'm..." It was as if he literally couldn't talk. Like his brain was working overtime to keep him from expressing his feelings. It almost hurt to let them roll off of his tongue. "Heh, S-Suki, I almost died. I almost died, didn't I?"

The Saluki watched on worriedly, raising her hands to see if Buster would let her get any closer without freaking out.

"D-didn't I?"

She nodded. She found it too hard to muster up the words themselves.

"I-I almost died. I almost... a-almost died, and... and I've been so scared since then. S-so scared that... that I'll have to go through a-all that again. I'm afraid I'm al-already dead, Suki... I-I'm afraid I won't b-be able to live a normal life... feel normal things. B-because... because right now I feel t-too much. I feel... I feel everything, a-and... and my kids need me... I need to be there for my- for my kids or I can't... I can't... Ugh! I c-can't do this anymore..."

"Hey, hey." she did her best to calm down the showman, seeing as he was on the verge of a complete mental collapse if it hadn't happened already.

"No, Suki! I-I don't need you t-to... to do this... I... I shouldn't have c-come here. I don't... I don't know why I did... I just-" He ran a hand down his face, his claws tearing just beneath his fur. "I'm so... so sorry, Suki! I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I p-put you under s-stress. I'm sorry I-I came here. I-I'm so... sorry I never c-called."

The scout's eyes widened with both curiosity and worry.

"I-I wanted t-to call you... I wanted to call you all the time and just talk to you... b-because maybe then I wouldn't feel like I'm- I'm... dying! I missed you, S-Suki, and I-I... I let you d-down..."

For a long while, Suki had no idea what to say. How does someone respond to something like that? It was clear that Buster was still dealing with the aftereffects of Redshore, of nearly dying in general. The Saluki had to assume that it wasn't an especially easy truth to come to terms with. While she was at a loss for words, she was not at a loss for ideas. She stood up, careful not to move too quickly as to agitate the tired showman further, and walked into her room to retrieve a thin blanket and her phone from her charger. She returned to the living room, wearing a gentle smile on her face as she settled back into a kneeling position in front of Moon.

"You said you... feel everything, right?"

Buster closed his eyes, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his face within the crevice they offered. "I-it... it's too much. All of the time... it's too much."

"Well, try just feeling this, okay?" Suki offered, opening her playlist and hitting one of Michael Bubble's hits; Where or When. It was a cover song, obviously, but she found that his version spoke to her the most. And considering Moon's previous taste in music, she figured he'd at least calm down hearing the sentimental jazz. The koala looked up at her in confusion, nervous as to what she meant before she pressed play. And at that moment, he heard the song and recognized the melody. His heart began to slow down, even if by just a bit.

"It seems we've stood and talked

Like this before

We looked at each other

In the same way then

But I can't remember

Where or when"

"I don't have it on vinyl, unfortunately," the Saluki began timidly, offering the koala a gentle smile. "And, ya know, even if I did, I wouldn't have packed it on this trip. He's got a brilliant voice, though, doesn't he?"

Buster sighed, leaning back into the chair, answering her question in silence.

"Not as nice as yours, though."

The showman's tired eyes opened again at that, meeting hers in the moonglow and shoving away the darkness. Suki clenched her jaw. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it now.

"Now, try feeling this, yeah?" she stood and allowed the thin hotel blanket to flutter over Moon's small body. Buster watched her carefully, taking hold of the blanket in his paws and releasing the water bottle for the time being. While the blanket was getting settled on the chair, the Saluki took her seat next to Buster, pulling her knees up in order to get as comfortable as possible.

"The clothes you are wearing

Are the clothes you wore

The smile you are smiling

You were smiling then

But I can't remember

Where or when"

Slowly, Suki began wrapping her arms around the exhausted showman, allowing him enough time to process the movement in case he wanted to pull away, or got overwhelmed. Instead, he sniffled, allowing his head to fall against her chest as his body slumped to the side in exhaustion. She embraced him softly, holding him in place as his body trembled roughly. Her heart hurt for him. She'd been waiting for an entire month for a call she had tried her best to initiate, not understanding how hard that could be for him, or how much pressure that put on his shoulders. She was never angry at him; perhaps embarrassed and a little let down, but never angry. She wanted him to understand that. That, and the fact that he wasn't disappointing anyone. He had been so strong through all of this, even with as much he'd had to endure. He needed more time, and Suki would be there for him whenever he needed her. Including now.

"I want you to feel this. Right now. Whenever everything becomes too much," she whispered, looking down at the top of the koala's head. "I want you to remember this. To feel this." At the emphasis of her final word, Moon looked up, just as the Saluki pressed her lips forward and against his.

"Some things that happened

For the first time

Seem to be happening again"

The air felt like magic. The world, finally, at least to Buster's ears, went completely silent. No memories were scratching at his mind. His body no longer groaned and hurt with the weight of existence. For the first time in months, he felt like his old self again. Suki pulled away, and Buster's eyes grew wide in surprise. The Saluki pressed her lips together and leaned back, a little shocked by her own actions and wanting to kick herself for what she'd just done. But then Buster's eyes glistened gratefully and he leaned up, pressing their lips together once more and cupping the side of her face.

"And so it seems

That we have met before

And laughed before

And loved before

But who knows

Where or when"

The two pulled away as the song came to a dashing end, both looking just as surprised as the other felt. And then fresh tears started flowing from Moon's eyes and he smiled up at the scout. "S-Suki, I-"

"You haven't let anyone down, Buster. I promise you that. And if you... if you need a break or someone to talk to, and you feel like you can't go to your kids, please, for the love of God, just come to me. I want to help you, Moon. I want to..." Her own voice broke as she placed her own paw against his face again, wiping the tears away. "I want to be around you. And care for you. And all that... that crazy cheesy stuff. I want to because you're worth it. You're worth it to me, Buster." The koala's ears twitched and his eyebrows knitted together as he tried to hold back the remainder of his turbulent emotions. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I told you what I did when I first met you. I was close-minded and opinionated. I didn't even give you guys a chance. You deserved better than that. You all did. B-but, I'm here now. I'm here now, not Jimmy. You're safe, Buster. I promise you, you're safe." She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "And until you believe it, we'll all be here. We'll be here after you believe it, too, just for good measure." She chuckled, nuzzling his ears. He hummed contently, pressing closer into her touch and finally allowing himself a moment to get the rest of his tears out. He finally grabbed her arm, holding it place around his abdomen, and closed his eyes.

"Can we just... stay here..? For a little while. Please..."

"We can stay here for as long as you want, Buster," Suki responded, resting her head atop his own. "As long as you want."