Well, are a little hungover? Thank you for reading along with me on this silly adventure! Here is the end of this wild ride!


Booth was jarred awake by the sound of his phone ringing, startled by his surroundings until he realized he'd fallen asleep in his easy chair in the living room. "Booth." he answered gruffly, trying to chase the grogginess away. He was used to middle of the night calls, but he had been in a deep sleep, clearly exhausted enough to pass out in his chair with the TV still on.

He listened, only half paying attention to the sound of the officer on the other line, assuming it was going to be a murder, and he'd have to send the Bones B-Team, Aubrey and Clark. "I'm sorry what?" he asked the officer to repeat himself. "My wife is where?!" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Just a bunch of moms networking and having margaritas... my ass.

Hanging up the phone, he shuffled down the hallway toward the kids' rooms. He was, blessedly, able to get Hank into the car without waking him up, and by the time they were pulling out of the driveway, Christine looked like she was about to fall back asleep too.

"We're too old for this." he muttered to himself in the silence of the car as he pulled up in front of the police station. In his rearview mirror, he saw Caroline's car pull up behind him, and he knew he'd be getting an earful any second. She'd been brief yet acerbic on the phone when he asked her to meet him, but he wasn't so dense as to think he was getting off without a lecture for waking her up in the middle of the night.

He hopped out of the SUV as she exited her Gremlin and started heading up the steps to the front door. "What in God's name are you getting out of your backseat?" she demanded, crossing her arms when she realized he wasn't right behind her. He smiled sheepishly, hauling Hank onto his hip as he moved around the car to the other door. "You have got to be kidding me right now. Give me that boy." she demanded, walking down the steps and taking Hank.

Booth smiled again, watching as Caroline heaved all of Hank's solid five-year-old body weight onto her own hip and marched up the steps like she had nothing but a bag of feathers in her arms. He quickly unbuckled Christine and lifted her up, hoping she'd stay asleep this time as he jogged up the steps behind their grouchy Auntie Caroline.

Settling the kids in the waiting area with a beat cop that Booth knew, he and Caroline were led to an office where the arresting officer was writing up his report about the incident involving Bones, Cam, and Angela.

"What exactly are these employees of the Federal Government being charged with?" Caroline demanded, and despite her casual nightwear and the silk scarf wrapped around her hair, she commanded all of the respect here that she did in a courtroom.

"Just the mouthy one." the officer said with a smirk. "The other two are free to go whenever their ride arrives. Didn't seem right tossing two drunk women out into the street at night. We're here to serve and protect, if you haven't heard."

Booth groaned inwardly, in part because he just knew in the depths of his damned soul that the mouthy one was going to be Bones, and in part because this was one of those officers. Flashing his badge around and asking for some inter-departmental cooperation was not going to fly today. Not that he wasn't about to try though.

He listened as the officer listed the charges that were being laid against Bones, nodding along and looking at Caroline's grim face. By the end of it, she'd assured him she would have Bones in front of a judge first thing tomorrow morning to see about getting the charges dismissed.


After a quick trip back to his car, Booth followed the officer down the hall toward the holding cells where the ladies were currently being detained.

He let out a dramatic whistle at the sad sight of the three normally well polished women. He had so many questions, like why Angela had a black eye, why the strap of Cam's dress was torn and hanging loosely down the front of her chest, and for the love of all that was holy, why the hell was Bones dripping wet and wrapped in a damn tablecloth?

"Booth!" they all shouted and jumped up toward the bars where he stopped to stand.

"Thank GOD!" Angela groused, she must have sobered up a bit, they all must have, because they looked pretty clear headed. Good.

The officer unlocked the cell door and pointed to Angela and Cam. "You two can leave." he told them, putting up his hand toward Bones, halting her when she attempted to follow them out of the cell. "Not you."

"But—" the officer cut her off, shaking his head and explaining that the other two didn't have any charges pressed against them.

"You mind if I have a few moments with my wife?" Booth asked, looking at the office and the guilty pair of science chicks next to him. "You guys wanna go wait with the kids? I already texted your husbands. I'll take you home when I'm done here."

Cam and Angela nodded, giving Bones one last apologetic look before they followed the officer out of the holding area. "She knocked him on his ass, Booth!" Angela shouted proudly as she followed the office down the hall. Somewhere in another cell, someone else was shouting about it not being a fair fight, and Booth wondered if that was the guy she'd knocked on his ass.

"Lucy… you have some 'splaining to do." he joked, hoping to lighten the mood, but Bones just looked confused.

"I don't know what that means." she told him, pulling her tablecloth more tightly around her body.

Booth nodded, glancing down at the puddle she stood barefoot in. He assumed it was of her own making, as she looked like she'd gone for a swim. From what he'd already heard from the cop, she had.

"Booth…" she started, cringing at his expectant expression. "Why can't I leave?" she asked, and he wasn't sure why he'd been expecting her to explain what had happened in her own words as opposed to wondering why she was behind bars.

"Well, because that guy you clocked, you broke his nose, and he just so happens to be the son of a federal prosecutor." He nodded when she simply replied with a quiet 'oh'.

"He assaulted us first. We're pressing charges too." she defended, and he wondered if that was how Angela and Cam had ended up looking like they did. "That's why you're locked up too, asshat!" she hollered over her shoulder.

"Even so, you also have charges for public nudity and mischief for swimming in a fountain." he told her with a disapproving glare.

She looked outraged, whipping the tablecloth open. "I'm not naked!" she shouted indignantly as she stood there in her soaking wet bra and panties. "I also didn't swim in the fountain. I fell in."

"Where are your clothes?" he asked in exasperation. "See, I knew… I told you to put more layers on. I know what happens to you when you drink tequila." he told her, and it felt great to be so damn right. He rarely got to be on this side of an I-Told-You-So moment.

"I– am not entirely certain. I did have more on when I fell in the fountain; however, I was wet…" she told him sheepishly, and he had to laugh because if he didn't laugh, he'd probably cry. How were they still getting into these ridiculous shenanigans all these years later. "Can we talk about this at home?" she asked, and he knew it was time to break the news to her. "We can take a hot shower…" she started, stepping closer to the bars to whisper to him. "... together. I'll do that thing that you like… to make up for you having to come bail us out." she told him with a sly smirk, and he chuckled again, nodding his head. Yep, he liked that thing a lot, and he was probably not going to get it for a very long time after this conversation.

"Bones, Baby…" he started, speaking in a quiet and soothing tone. "We're not going to spend the night together." he told her, watching as that information sank in.

"What? Why?!" she asked, her eyes suddenly wide with alarm.

"Tequila." he told her, quoting that oh so familiar line right back at her years and years later. Tequila would forever be a sexual buzzkill for them.

"Are you leaving me over a bar brawl? You said better or worse, Booth! This is, admittedly, pretty bad, but let's not be dramatic." she reasoned with him, and if she hadn't looked so panicked he'd have laughed at how foolish she sounded right now.

"I'm not leaving you, all right? Not in a million years." he told her, watching as she exhaled slowly. "But I am leaving you… here tonight." he told her, and her outrage resurfaced. "I have no choice, Bones." he spoke quickly. "That guy wants to press charges. Caroline is going to do some magic and get you in front of a judge tomorrow morning, first thing."

"But, Booth–"

"We'll get this sorted out, and you'll be home in time for lunch, all right." he told her, watching as his grouchy, drowned-looking wife paced the short width of the cell.

"What about–"

He lifted the gym bag he'd had in his car up and shoved it through the bar. "Put my sweats on for now. I'll bring you something presentable to wear before the judge in the morning." he told her as she begrudgingly yanked the gym bag through the bars. "I've already told the officer to keep the rest of the drunks in another cell for the night, so it'll just be you in here. It's almost four now. Get a couple hours of sleep, and they'll bring you up to the courthouse first thing." he was trying to sound reassuring.

She stepped closer to the bars and glared at him. "Can you hold this closed while I change?" she grumbled, gesturing to her tablecloth toga. Nodding, he reached through the bars and held it around her. Her wet bra and underwear hit the floor with a loud squelch and she carefully slid into his sweatpants and hooded sweater before he dropped the table cloth on the floor. She bundled her things up into the gym bag and pushed it back through the bar to him.

"C'mere." he told her, and she stepped closer again. "You gotta stop punching people in the damn schnauze." he told her with a laugh as she glared back at him petulantly.

"You used to think it was hot." she told him sassily, and he smiled, leaning his face through the bars to kiss her forehead.

"I still do." he admitted.

"Can't you just get federal on them? Flash your badge around a bit?" she asked, tugging the hood of his sweater up over her wet hair.

"I did." he told her grimly. "That's why you aren't spending the night in a wet tablecloth." he told her. "I gotta get the kids back home to bed. I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning." he told her, and sighed dramatically. "I love you."


Three Months Later…

"I swear, only Dr. Brennan could get out of community service early by finding the location of a serial killer's mass grave when she was supposed to be picking up trash on the side of the highway." Cam said with a laugh as they sat in the Jeffersonian lounge, compiling their reports on the case.

"Yes, well, it was foolish of him to bury the bodies there. The ravine is so close, the slope of the hill had become eroded over time and revealed parts of the decomposing body." she explained. "I hadn't even noticed until my spearing tool jabbed right into the skull instead of trash." she bragged.

"Good thing that judge and that prosecutor were preparing for an election year and needed a nice publicity case to ride along on." Caroline reminded them. " If I had my way, you'd be picking up trash for years to come." she told Bones, with a stern glare. "Dragging me out of my damn bed in the dead of night. We are too damn old for this, cherie. Too damn old."

"I assure you, I will be sticking to wine from here on out." Bones told them, flashing a cheeky grin in Booth's direction. He knew otherwise, and he wouldn't have it any other way, just as long as the tequila made her clothes fall off at home, like it had last night.

End.