AN: A lot of creative license in this chapter. This was supposed to be a short conversation between Seth and Ruth, but he had a lot to say once we got started, lol. Did the best research I could on both Frank Fletcher & Ruth Hazlitt, to find only that Ruth died of an undisclosed illness and a reference to medical bills. I saw a reference where someone said that Frank had heart disease in the books, which admittedly I haven't read, but from research am under the impression that his illness and ensuing death happened more quickly. Also taking liberties with Seth and Ruth's even less mentioned daughter. Where were these research skills in college? lol. Am taking Ruth's illness a creative step further and picking cancer as its easier to write about what you know. But If anyone knows something more specific about their passings, feel free to enlighten me. This chapter may not be as humorous, it took a more serious turn as we look more into Seth's POV. Thanks so much to PixieKayGirl and guest reviewers. And yes great catch guest reviewer on the Hobday reference.
Seth couldn't stop smiling as he drove home recalling the kiss. He had expected and gotten his day of easy camaraderie with Jessica, barely daring to hope for anything else. While it had been mostly luck that he had turned his head at the right time for her planned kiss on his cheek, he had felt his heart hammering in his chest when she initiated a second kiss. It had taken every ounce of self-control he had to downplay it at the time instead of pulling her into an embrace. He had seen the conflicting emotions in her eyes afterwards and knew that it was not the right time to pursue anything further. He turned up the heat as he entered the house, feeling the chill of a Maine winter in the air.
As Seth began his nightly routine of changing into his pajamas before going to brush his teeth, his mind strayed from Jessica to the Valentine's days in his youth. He let his memory briefly travel through the past, flashes of images of serving Ruth breakfast in bed, a tray laden with pancakes, orange juice, and a single red rose. Followed by an evening of going out to a fancy restaurant and dancing before they came home to make love. He tried to remember what that had felt like, to be so young and virile, so close to someone before the cancer had crept in and taken her from him. She was strong and did her best to fight but in the end no amount of treatment had been able to save her. And then she was gone, leaving him with stacks of medical bills, some of her belongings and memories of the life they had shared together. Looking into his reflection as he put his toothbrush up, he studied himself. Age had not been kind he thought as he saw his reflection in the mirror, the once smooth complexion gone, the dark hair now mostly white, he shook his head and turned trying not to envision the happy young man who used to return his gaze in the mirror.
He moved not to his bedroom next but to his comfy recliner in the living room as he glanced at the picture of Ruth he still had hanging on the wall. He would never confess it to anyone but sometimes it felt soothing to still talk with his late wife. It took the edge off his loneliness even if he knew she wasn't there. As a doctor he had seen enough people die that he did not find comfort in envisioning them still existing in another dimension and being able to watch their loved ones suffer. Sometimes he talked about their daughter Margie who was successful but a free spirit. He would occasionally get a postcard from some part of the world where she and her husband were at either for her art career or her husband's business. He sometimes wished she would come settle back closer to home, but knew better than to push it, she wouldn't be happy staying in one place, she had barely been able to make a few visits home while her mother was dying. Other times he talked about his day's work, some of the patients and mind-boggling cases he dealt with. But occasionally he also talked about Jessica. At first he had felt like he was being unfaithful until he remembered Ruth encouraging him to love again. At the time he told her that he would just to make her happy, he would have agreed to anything she asked as she laid dying if it would ease her worries about him. Even when deep down he didn't think he could ever love again when she addressed the topic.
Seth pulled the worn afghan that Ruth had crocheted so many years ago over him as he settled more deeply into the worn recliner, reminding himself there was no one around to hear him as he continued to look at her picture and began recounting the day, his tone conversational.
"It sure was cold out today. I had a nice day with Jessica. I really surprised her when I showed up at her house, sneaking some food into her refrigerator for dinner. The woman barely keeps enough food in the house for a decent meal." He laughed at the usual sad state of his friend's refrigerator. "Though you don't have to keep much food around when cooking for one." He added as if to justify his statement. "We went out for lunch, then down to the antique shops. I really surprised her. She was going to sit at home and mope, just like I would have done. She wore a really nice sweater, really brought out the blue in her eyes. After we got back, I cooked an omelet, then we shared dinner. He paused again, thinking of their meal. "I've turned into quite the cook without you here to spoil me." He paused thoughtfully. "Jessica can cook also, but not like you. She likes it when I cook for her, so it all balances out. I've gotten to where I really enjoy cooking, I guess improving it became both a necessity and a hobby after you left." He smiled as he remembered how Ruth had loved to cook for him. She had been the quintessential homemaker, happy to keep their small home running, raising their daughter and keeping her husband cared for as he worked the long hours to build his medical practice.
"Unfortunately for my waistline, I'm a little too good at it." he said with a bit of a smile as he rubbed his hand over his stomach before returning to the more serious feelings. "I took up cooking and Jessica took up writing, guess everyone has to find something to fill the void when you lose someone." He said thoughtfully, pausing as he let his thoughts settle.
"But sometimes no matter how much cooking or writing you do, you still want someone to be close to." Seth reflected, as he listened to the clock ticking in the background before he continued. "You'll always be my first true love Ruthie, I used to think I never wanted to be with anyone else, I promised you I would move on, but I didn't really think it would happen. But you were right, I don't want to keep going on alone." He said sadly as he again studied the picture of his once young and vibrant wife.
He felt the usual pang as he remembered Ruth's words to him as they began talking of his future without her when it became evident that the cancer invading her body was not going to be defeated. His heart wrenched with the memory of her on her deathbed, not mourning her own fate but even then, still focused on him. Even as her health declined, she spoke eloquently about how he had been a wonderful husband and how she wanted him to find someone else to be able to share that love with, she laughed when she said she knew him and that she didn't want him to turn into a lonely grouchy old man. He smiled a little at the memory as he thought she wasn't far off the mark.
"I think you would like Jessica, she's different from you in many ways. But she's warm and intelligent, we have fun together. A part of her will always love her husband, just as part of me will always love you. But maybe she's reached a place where there's room for another in her heart." He stopped again considering what he had just said. "I sure hope you and Frank Fletcher are not hanging out up there laughing at us… he chuckled considering the image. Briefly wondering if Frank had been as encouraging to Jessica as Ruth had been to him about finding someone else.
While he didn't know all the details, he had gathered that Frank's death from heart disease had taken him much more quickly than Ruth. In a way, as horrible as it had been to watch his wife slowly waste away, he supposed he was fortunate that despite the agonizing slowness of the cancer, they had all the time to say the things they needed to by the time she had died. While he and Jessica had never talked in depth about their last days with their spouses, he surmised that he and Ruth had achieved more closure than Jessica and Frank had been afforded. He could easily envision that Jessica had been the one trying to help Frank cope with his pending death as opposed to Ruth helping him cope with hers. He imagined from what he knew of the man, and men's nature in general that he would have probably been more focused on organizing the finances and making sure Jessica was going to be taken care of more than considering another man stepping into his place. He could be wrong he knew, but those were his suspicions.
"I did what I told you I was going to do, with the roses. I guess I'll find out soon if she can consider me as more than a friend." Seth considered, wondering how much Jessica had discovered after his departure. "She has enough clues to see it if she's looking." He said, confident in her intelligence and quick eye for detail. If she was looking for evidence, if she was having similar thoughts, she would see the trail he had laid out. If she was quick to dismiss it as a day between friends and not see the clues, then so be it.
"She'll never take your place Ruthie, just as I can never take Frank's, but maybe we can enjoy our remaining golden years together. I know we will continue to be friends regardless, but….." he paused, still not sure if he could say the words aloud. "It started as friendship Ruth, for both of us, but I've fallen in love with her. He still struggled to say the words aloud, "I want someone to hold hands with as we walk, to cuddle with when we watch a movie. For our eyes to meet across a crowded room and to have that intimacy that surpasses platonic friendship, someone to hold close at night and…" he stopped, feeling his cheeks redden a little as he had almost mentioned someone to make love to. As much as he knew Ruth wasn't really listening, there were still things he couldn't say aloud to her memory. "I want that someone to be her." He sighed as he said it aloud.
"I did become that lonely old man you cautioned me against Ruth, before Jessica and I became friends, even if we don't become more, she's changed that for me. I have a hard time imagining her returning my feelings. He spoke his fears aloud. "She is a famous author. She travels often for her work, and I've seen pictures of her with other men. Wealthy, dashing, interesting men who could offer her the world. She could have her pick of them, so what would she want with a stodgy small-town doctor like me?" He considered, trying to keep from getting maudlin. "I know I have to try though, I'm happy with her in ways I haven't felt in a very long time. I just don't know if she can love me too. But she knows I'm here taking care of things while she's gone, oh and she kissed me tonight, that was a surprise, it was nice even though I think it may have scared her a little," He chuckled and rose, turning off the lamp by the chair as he turned from the photo, feeling lighter after his evening talk.
Seth climbed into the bed, pulling a pillow close to him. Hoping he could get some sleep before what he knew would be a busy day in the office. While February 14th was a day of romance for the residents of Cabot Cove, the 15th brought an array of clients worried about everything from pregnancy to STD's and even the occasional minor injury from overly adventurous amorous activities, not to mention those who would be calling in leaving messages about needing refills for their little blue pills.
"They should sell condoms with the roses" he thought with a sigh as he retired to his bed. For a moment he tried to imagine what it would be like to have Jessica there with him in place of the pillow he habitually spooned in his sleep. He had to admit feeling a little awkward just imagining it. He hadn't been lying to Ruth about all the things he wanted with Jessica that did not involve sex, but that didn't mean he hadn't considered that also. "Snow on the roof but there's still fire in the furnace" he laughed to himself though tried not to let his mind wander too far as to what it might be like with Jessica, replaying the memories of the day one more time as he let himself drift off to sleep.
