Sunday
Third Driving Lesson
Emma had had dinner with her Grandma Saturday night. After waking up at her grandpa's apartment, and eating a late breakfast with him at Kelly's, they drove to her Grandma's and he dropped her off.
Her grandmother had ordered food and they had been joined by Mac and Felicia, Bobbie Spencer, Laura Collins (the mayor), and Maxie Jones came by for a few minutes, but then she left.
Everyone was really nice, and the food was great, but Emma found herself slipping into her polite kid mode. They all said things to her about being an impressive young lady and "so grown up", but they didn't really treat her like they thought she was.
She heard Mac ask Anna if Robert was coming. Her Grandma said she had asked him but he had declined, saying that he had been monopolizing Emma's time for the last few days.
Emma thought about that and admitted to herself that she had spent a lot more time with her Grandpa these last couple days. She looked around the room and decided to listen carefully and be extra polite for the rest of the evening. She wanted her grandma to know how much she liked being with her.
At about 1pm Sunday she got a short text from her Grandpa.
"Want to try drifting this afternoon?"
Emma took a minute to google the term and watched a couple of videos. Her eyes went wide.
"Grandma?" She called into the living room where Anna was working at her desk. "Can I go out and see Grandpa for a few hours?"
She reached the doorway and looked in.
"Of course Emma. I'm sorry I've been so boring today, I've got to make it through these files."
"That's okay Grandma. Mom and Dad get busy some times too. It happens."
Anna smiled at her and shook her head in disbelief.
"Well, have fun with Robert," she said. "Don't do anything I wou… Oh scratch that. Use your common sense Emma, you probably have more than your Grandfather does."
Anna smiled like she was remembering something funny and it made Emma smile too.
"Thanks Grandma," she said walking out of the room while texting her grandfather.
"Yes please. I'm ready any time."
There was a moment's pause, and then his reply. "30 minutes."
They drove out of town again. This time they went to an industrial park that seemed only half completed. It didn't look like anyone had worked on it in a long time.
Her Grandfather had arrived in a different car. It was white and looked "sportier" than the Audi. Emma was more curious about these things now, and asked about it as soon as she had gotten into the passenger seat.
"It's a BMW E36. It's a much easier car to drift in than my car, and we only have a couple of hours. It's still a manual transmission, but you're getting pretty good at that, and it's a little over-powered which will help as well. The owner has put different tires on it that will tolerate a few more mistakes. You have to learn somehow. Now drifting takes a lot of practice, but it's a gas, so it's worth the time you'll spend learning it. Hopefully we can give you the beginning of that feeling today. Okay?"
Emma felt her heart start to beat faster. "Yes."
"Alright Luv, let's drive around a bit and figure out what's around.
They drove around scouting for about 15 minutes. They stopped a few times and Robert got out to toss debris from the roadway off to the side. Finally he came to a stop and looked over at Emma. He showed her how to snug down her shoulder belt and then he took off.
When he swung wide the first time, and then drifted through the right angle left-hand turn, Emma gave a little whoop of joy. He grinned at her as he accelerated, drifting left and right through the abandoned half-constructed buildings. When he began a drift in mid block, she felt her heart rise in her throat, but when the tires grabbed again they shot through a narrow alleyway and out the other side she shouted with joy and excitement.
He was laughing when he stopped the car near where they had started. Emma was grinning and laughing and struggling to form a complete sentence. Finally she blurted out, "Oh Grandpa, I want to do that!"
He smiled at her.
"Okay, let's get started. Remember, I don't expect you to get it today. There are lot's of steps and you'll have to use your shifting skills, but hopefully you can start to feel it."
They started with donuts. Robert wanted her to feel the initial loss of control when the rear tires lose traction. He found a battered traffic cone and placed it in the center of a large expanse of pavement. Emma was so excited she had no trouble driving aggressively, and the car swung easily around the center point as she turned the wheel into the turn until the slipping started and then sharply turned the wheel the opposite direction. It took a while, but eventually she made two complete donuts before the rear tires got traction again.
"That's great Emma. You'll be able to keep it up longer if you can just stay on the gas and not try to turn the car too tightly. But going round and round in circles is boring. We should try and have you make a regular turn. Head out that way," Robert said, pointing between two buildings.
They spent another hour trying to put together a decent turn, but it never really gelled. Emma started to get frustrated, but her Grandfather reassured her that it just took time. She'd get it.
She smiled at him and nodded.
"Sorry Grandpa. Sometimes I just feel like I want everything to happen right now, today. Yesterday sometimes. I feel tired of waiting for my life to start."
"I remember that feeling Emma. I wish I could tell you it will go away, but I'm not sure it will. I hate waiting for things. But you have lots of time for adventure ahead of you. This isn't time to be wasted."
"Today wasn't wasted Grandpa, and this time with you has shown me that there are so many things I want to learn, so much stuff I want to know. I guess I just need to use this time to prepare for what's ahead."
She smiled at him and he found himself swelling with pride and just a little terror. She was going to grab the bull by the horns, this one.
"Never stop Emma. Never stop preparing for what's ahead.
Now let's get you home sweetheart" he said. "You're driving"
x
She rested her hands on the wheel, looking out through the windshield at her grandma's house. She glanced over at him and then turned her eyes straight ahead again.
"Grandpa, can I ask you something."
The tone of her voice made him turn his head to look at her.
"You can ask Emma. I'll answer you if I can."
She chewed her lower lip for a moment.
"You love grandma, don't you?"
Robert ran his tongue across his teeth. Clearly, this was not going to be just one question.
"Yes Emma," he said. "I love her very much."
"I know you do. I can see it when you look at her. I hear it when you talk about her."
"16 and you know so much about love then, do you?"
"I've watched you guys my whole life. I've seen how you look when she's with someone else, even when you're trying to be a good sport. I've seen how it hurts you. And I've seen the women who like you, and how you just hold them at arms length and make friends out of them."
"Grandma loves you too Grandpa. I just don't understand why you aren't together. And don't say it's because you fight. Mom says you always did, even when you were happiest together."
Robert was staring at his hands. He really didn't want to talk about this. He hated examining his feelings about Anna. It just sucked. There was no upside to it. And yet, here was his granddaughter, who loved them both. Maybe she thought she would fix everything with a sound talking to.
He looked up at her and was surprised to see tears in her eyes.
"I don't know Emma. I'm sorry. Maybe we're just afraid of how much it hurts."
"Wouldn't being together make it hurt less?" she asked him, her voice catching.
He sighed. I guess we're going there he thought. He hadn't really said this aloud before, but he had always imagined Anna felt at least some of what he did. He stared through the windshield at her front door.
"Emma, when your grandma and I were first married, it was everything. She was my whole world, my future, my purpose. I wanted to live the rest of my life with her, make a home, raise children, spoil our grandchildren, and grow old together. Nothing else mattered. I was ready to leave my career behind, everything I knew, just to make a life with her."
"When everything fell apart, we were both to blame. Other people interfered with us, but she should have trusted me to understand, and I should have swallowed my pride and listened to her. But I didn't"
"Nothing in my life to that point had hurt me like losing Anna. I felt like I didn't care about anything anymore. And I wasn't going to let myself care about anyone again. I took a lot of risks, did a lot of stupid things, treated people badly to avoid them getting too close. I was shallow and cynical and stupid."
"When Anna came back into my life, with your mom, she overwhelmed me again. I tried hard to be the man that I should have been, but I loved your grandma and I couldn't put that to one side. She and your mom became an obsession for me I guess. I was going through the motions in the rest of my life. But it was always there. They were my priority, and Anna continued to affect me in a way no one else ever has."
"Then she married Duke. I was so fixated on trying to be supportive and trying to 'face the reality' of their relationship, that I gave her away at her wedding. I walked her down the aisle and gave her away to someone else."
He took a deep breath but avoided looking at Emma who sat next to him, her hands on the wheel as silent tears coursed down her cheeks.
"I was gutted."
"And it only got worse when he turned out to be such a self absorbed jerk. There was a time when I thought that I was going to lose your mom and grandma forever when they were going to go into witness protection to stay with him."
He leaned forward putting his elbows against the dashboard and his head in his hands.
"In the end though, we ended up together. We had, each of us, built up our defenses, but the day that I realized your grandma was ready to love me the way I loved her… it was, I think, the best day of my life. I thought we'd finally found our way."
"When Faison and the Bureau tore it all apart again, when your Mom and your grandma were beyond my reach. When I had lost them. When I had lost Anna again…. The pain of it nearly drove me mad Emma."
"I don't think I could survive feeling like that again. I'm not brave enough to risk it. I have to be content with being friends with your grandma. Seeing her, talking to her, helping her when I can, and being a part of our family, that has to be enough for me now."
He hadn't lifted his head from his hands. Emma let go of the steering wheel and turned to him, hugging him tightly.
"I love you Grandpa. I'm so sorry."
He didn't say anything for a long time, so she didn't let go.
"I'm sorry Luv," he said finally, "I got all sentimental on you."
He smiled at her and wiped her tears from her cheeks.
" I know it was hard Grandpa, but thanks for telling me."
He took a deep breath and let it out.
"Well, we should get you inside," he said.
They climbed out of the car and she took his hand as they headed up the walk to the house.
