There were, at a rough approximation, seven things he would rather be doing less right now. Only seven.

Halfway down the hall from him, Hitoshi remained frozen under his gaze, but the muscle under his right eye twitched nonstop. Not that Eraserhead was going to let up, not after the bleach he would have to pour in his eyes. "Explain to me why we're having this conversation," he said, arms folded across his chest.

Hitoshi stayed still, a deep red blush rising to his cheeks. He hesitated a moment, his jaw opening and closing, the soundless desperation of I've been caught.

Unfortunately, the other offender had no such shame. Monoma took a step back to face him, arms spread wide in a dramatic gesture. "Because you caught us canoodling in the hall."

Make that six things he would rather be doing less. "My office, now." Hitoshi's head bobbed once; he turned to hurry down the hall, walking slightly too fast to be casual. They'd have to work on stealth in their lessons, he thought as he started after his son. Beside him, a blond made to follow him; his arm shot out, pressing Monoma against the locker. "You stay here," he ordered.

"Okay, Dad! Oh, is it cool if I call you dad?" Monoma asked, beaming.

A vein pulsed in his temple. Five.

.

.

.

Now that they had some privacy, this discussion would go smoother. Hitoshi still didn't meet his gaze. Didn't matter, as long as he listened and saved his eyes from witnessing the travesty of Monoma's hand slipping down the back of his son's pants again.

"Hitoshi," he began, using the voice he reserved for scolding Midoriya, "I don't care what you do in your free time. But it is inappropriate to grope each other at UA facilities: this school is for education, not exploring your sexuality."

Hitoshi didn't look up, but his voice didn't waver. "I know. I'm sorry."

He sighed, the huff of air long and drawn out in his exasperation. "I accept. Now..."

"Midnight told me the news!" crowed the very last voice he wanted to hear. "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!" she said, grabbing Hitoshi's hand and shaking it vigorously.

All the confidence Hitoshi had gained from the privacy vanished, and he sank down in the chair until his eyes were barely visible over the table. The vein in Eraserhead's forehead pulsed again.

Emi didn't pause for a second. "So what positions have you tried? Doggy Style? Wheelbarrow? The Butter Churner? Although that one's a little advanced, it might take you some practice to get up to that!" She slapped her knee, bursting into laughter.

"Emi. Leave." As much as he didn't want to have this conversation, he needed to impress upon Hitoshi the importance of behaving appropriately at school. He may have been accepted into the hero program for next year, but if another teacher caught him, he could always be expelled from the program. In fact, he had half a mind to—

"Oh, but we're just getting started!" she said, relentlessly interrupting his thoughts. "So, quirkplay safety, lesson one! Always discuss your limits with your partner and what you're willing to try. You can get really creative with quirks to pleasure your partner, so there's a lot to consider! Why, Shouta and I—"

"I promise I'll never do it again!" Hitoshi burst out, hands pressed tight over his ears.

"We'll talk about this later," Eraserhead said, "but for now, you can go."

Without another word, Hitoshi sped out of the office. The desk drawer rattled when Shouta opened it, hand fishing around for the small white bottle he knew was in there somewhere. God knows he needed it after all the staring in disbelief. The cap screwed off easily, and he tilted his head back. "You didn't have to be that hard on him," he said, blinking as the liquid hit his eye.

"Pfffttttt," Emi replied, jumping onto his desk, and swinging her legs. Based on the crunching sound, she hadn't bothered to move the exams he had yet to grade. "If he's not mature enough to discuss sex and mutual pleasure, then he shouldn't be fondling his boyfriend in the hall!"

"You should have left it to me. I'm his father. Besides, he hadn't even told me he was dating Monoma yet."

She waved his concerns off. "You knew for months!"

"Yes, but I wanted him to tell me himself." He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, hoping this aching headache would go away. Still, he couldn't help the way his lips twitched in amusement at her tactics. He didn't envy her students.

"So?" she asked, sliding into his lap. "If he didn't want you to find out, then he wouldn't have done it right next to your classroom where anyone could see."

Her fingers tugged the hem of his shirt from his pants. "You're a hypocrite," he said.

"I am not!" The shirt came loose, and she dragged it over his head the next second. "We are adults, and everyone already knows we're boinking."

Her lips met his as he muttered, "Please, never say boinking again."