Chrissy fell asleep on Eddie's couch. Exhausted after crying and the emotional letdown of news about the scholarship, she could no longer keep her eyes open. And the weed they smoked mellowed her out. He'd relit the joint he'd been smoking before she got there and held it out to her lips, squinting through the smoke as he held it for her, she inhaled deeply. Instantly things didn't seem quite as bad. When she woke, it was dark except for the low light coming from a corner lamp. The room was in shadows and it took her a minute to remember where she was.

The memories of the day came back to her and she sort of wished they hadn't. Momentary amnesia didn't sound like such a bad thing. Then she'd be able to claim she couldn't remember the letter from the college or how she came to be lying with Eddie on his sofa.

Eddie was kicked back, asleep. His temple rested on his fist, his elbow bent on the armrest and she had been sleeping with her head on her chest, curled into his side, her legs bent in front of her on the cushion. She wasn't sure how they got into this position, but she quickly sat up on her knees and backed away.

His face was lax and he appeared totally at ease. Smiling warmly at him, the irony of the big bad rocker, snoozing peacefully on the couch. She traced his stubbled jaw line with a finger. It must be the weed lowering her inhibitions because she'd never have the nerve to touch him under normal circumstances.

He stirred and she snatched her hand back, swallowing hard. What has gotten into me? "Eddie," she whispered, not wanting to startle him, wishing they could stay this way the rest of the night.

"Huh?" His opened his eyes blinking her into focus. He came fully awake, sitting up abruptly, running a hand over his face.

"I gotta go home," she told him as she stood, reaching for her coat.

Having to go back home was the last thing she wanted to do. Back to the stifling house where the walls of her own bedroom felt like they mocking her, where her clueless parents didn't seem to notice her unless she wasn't living up to their expectation of perfection. Where she'd call Jason, her boyfriend, and listen to him drone on about things that didn't really matter - which wasn't fair because they mattered to him so they should matter to her too.

She wanted to stay here with Eddie. Feeling more at home here, on this old couch, in this trailer on the 'bad' side of town, than at her own home. She made it as far as the door before he was up, trailing her. "Wait, let me take you."

"It's okay, I'll catch the bus," she said slipping her coat over her shoulders. She'd never taken the bus this late, her mother would not approve. Her mother probably would not approve of her smoking pot with Eddie Muson either.

He looked at his watch. "No, you won't. It's not safe this late. I'll take you."

She hesitated, chewing her bottom lip. "I'll drop you off a few houses down from your house, how's that?" He asked, knowing he couldn't just roll up in his van again. He understood her and what she was thinking.

Without thinking for a change, thinking too much was more her style, she stepped to Eddie and put her arms around his shoulders, emotion brimming to the surface again. A different kind of emotion this time. Not anger or desperation or confusion. Just affection for this person she didn't expect to be in her life a few short months ago.

He said, "Whoa." Encircling her waist with an arm. "What's this for?"

"Oh, nothing. Just for being quite possibly the best friend I've ever had." He'd given her shelter when she needed it. A person to yell at. A shoulder to cry on. Shouldered her burden, all without judging her.

"Well, I am pretty great," he joked, burying his face briefly in her messy hair. "If I do say so myself."


The school year was quickly winding down. A part of Chrissy felt a bit robbed of the whole experience. Yes, she did cheer and became captain of the team, she did volleyball and been to a few parties. But she'd been working so hard on the future she forgot to enjoy the now. With the delivery of one letter, her future changed. Just like that. She wished she would have done a few things differently. She felt like she was floating through the halls, untethered. Detached. Not knowing where she belonged.

Not getting the scholarship was like having a bruise no one could see. Unsurprisingly the only time she didn't feel that bruise quite so deeply was when she was with the one person who knew about it. She wasn't in a great head space, Eddie somehow gave her distance while also keeping her close. As close as he could without being noticed.

He didn't miss any of their tutoring sessions and even brought her Mcdonald's regularly. He said he wanted to make sure she ate to "keep her strength up". "For what?" She asked. "I dunno. Just eat," he replied, setting the sandwich wrapped in paper in front of her. It was just a breakfast sandwich but it was the kindest gesture anyone had offered her in a long time.

When they were together, Chrissy didn't have to say anything. He didn't press her to talk, and he didn't change the subject if she brought up college. He understood she can be simultaneously upset and relieved that she won't be going to MSU.

Sooner or later though, she'd have to tell everyone, she just didn't know how. Her parents would be disappointed. Jason would be pissed. She'd be blamed.

Why didn't you try harder? Why didn't you study harder? Why didn't you do better than a 4.0 GPA?

There was no doubt Jason will be mad she messed up their (his) plans. He has his life planned out and if someone got in the way of those plans, it wasn't good. Now she'd derailed everything. More than derailing, she'd steered the train off the tracks and into the air where it exploded.

She wasn't sure how to feel about Jason going off to college without her - because he no doubt would still be going, as he should. She didn't feel left out, wasn't jealous he was going ahead without her while she stayed in tiny Hawkins. Deep down she knew she was dodging a bullet. Will he want to try to continue their relationship long distance? That would probably spell disaster. Knowing all this didn't change the fact that she wasn't sure how to reconcile her feelings of relief.

And then there's the fact she had to figure out what she was going to do with her life now. What would it be like to live for herself, she wondered. Making her own choices and decisions.

Well, it was time to start figuring it out.


She decided she'd start with telling Jason the truth. She had to tell him sooner or later and maybe sooner would be best. Just rip the bandaid off. A liar wasn't someone she wanted to be. It was time to have an open and honest conversation with him.

Because it was spring break, they hadn't seen each other since Saturday night and only spoke to him a couple of times on the phone. When they first got together they'd talk so long and so often on the phone, that they got in trouble with their parents for tying up the phone line. Jason's parents solved this by putting his own phone line in his bedroom. Chrissy's parents put a time limit on her phone usage.

Chrissy went down the hall to her father's office where she'd have privacy to make the call to ask Jason to come over. Sitting in her father's large leather chair, she picked up the receiver and dialed the number. She hated making phone calls. Having to talk to the parents of whoever she called was nerve-wracking.

She waited two rings before his mother's voice came on the line. "Hello, this is Chrissy. Is Jason there?" Chrissy asked.

"Oh hi, Chrissy. I'm afraid he's not here," Jason's mother said in her nasally, high-pitched voice. It took a while for his parents to warm up to her. Her family was a paygrade or two below them after all. Now they've seemed to accept her. Making this whole thing harder. "I thought he was going to see you."

Alarms bells sounded in her mind. He could be anywhere. At Benny's or playing ball. He didn't run every move he made past her before he did it. "Yeah, that's right. He probably had to stop for gas or something. I'm sure he'll be here soon," Chrissy said smoothly. She had no idea why she was covering for her lying boyfriend. It was just easier this way, to keep things on an even keel. She was slowly coming to the realization that she'd spent her life making other people's lives easier by not making any waves, by sacrificing her own wants and needs.

Her cheeks reddened with anger as she hung up the phone. She had a sneaking suspicion where he might be and she figured she had two options. She could sit at home and wonder where he was, her mind going through a hundred different scenarios. Or she could find out for herself.

To do that she had to borrow her mother's car. Laura was in the kitchen doing dishes. Chrissy watched her mother from behind as she seemed a mile away as she washed then rinsed plate after plate, cup after cup. What had her life been like, she wondered. Before she got married and started a family. Her mother never struck her as particularly happy. Why was that? Chrissy thought of spilling everything right there. Maybe Laura would know what to do, how to handle everything from the scholarship to Jason.

No. She'd start with Jason. And depending on him, she'd figure out how to go forward with telling her parents, postponing their devastation. They'd know soon enough.

When she asked her mother if she could borrow her car to go see a friend, she distractedly nodded as she rinsed off a plate from breakfast. She only told her to be back by ten because "It's a school night".

"Mom, it's spring break. Besides, I've almost graduated. Are you going to tell me what time to be home when I'm thirty too?" She asked, trying to keep the mood light. Nothing's wrong here. Everything's a-ok.

"If you're still living here at thirty, yes." Laura hid the smile but it could be heard in her voice.

And yes, Chrissy understood the irony of living her life for herself but still lying to her mother about where she was going.

She took her mother's car keys from the bowl on the side table by the front door, and she left on autopilot. Not even taking a coat. She drove out of her neighborhood. The windshield wipers beating away the droplets of condensation from a chilly rain earlier that day. She didn't even turn on the heat. She was too angry to feel the cold.

Passing houses of varying sizes more spaced out than her own neighborhood, she took a right three miles down. A small road led onto a much bigger neighborhood with houses that could be described as mini-mansions. Tiffany's house, a beautiful three-story brick home, was fourth on the left in a line of similarly huge houses. It was the middle of the day and both Tiffany's parents would be at work. She was an only child and was left most days on her own.

They'd been friends since fifth grade. Chrissy had practically grown up there. They'd spent many nights in Tiffany's bedroom, talking, listening to music. Then as they got older they talked about boys and who was dating who. Calling their crushes on the phone only to say nothing when they picked up. They tried out of cheer together, both making the team. Chrissy remembered how excited Tiffany was when Jason asked her out. She thought she could trust her own best friend.

A pain pinged in her heart as she slowed passing the house, then it shattered completely when she saw Jason's car in her driveway. She didn't know betrayal had such a bitter taste.


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