Chrissy's mouth literally fell open. "No. That can't be. You graduated the year before I was born."
"Technically, yes. I graduated and you were born the next year. Your father and I were already planning on getting married at some point. Instead, we had a quick ceremony right after graduation. Everyone thought you were conceived right after we got married. I never corrected them. You were a few weeks late so that gave us a little leeway. I'm sure people, your grandmother being one of them, suspected the truth. But it wasn't really their business, was it?"
Laura stood and busied herself again straitening up the makeup and hair styling products that were scattered over Chrissy's desk. "Well, what happened?" She asked.
"Nothing happened. Grandma let the dress out a few inches and I went to prom wearing the dress she made. It doubled as a wedding dress." Larua smiled warmly then, "And then I had you. Life went on."
Chrissy smiled in return. It was one of the few times her mother seemed happy about Chrissy's existence. Well, that may have been an exaggeration. But some of the puzzle pieces were falling into place. The demanded perfectionism. The insistence on perfect grades and going to a good college.
"You didn't get to go to college."
Laura shook her head no. "Back then if you got pregnant, you got married. Not too many married women with a child also went to college. Things were so different then."
"Do you regret not going?"
"Sometimes," Laura sighed. "There are many paths you can take in life. Some paths are harder than others. My life," she rolled her shoulder, "It changed trajectory when I found out I was pregnant. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I gone. But I do not regret having you."
Tears stung Chrissy's eyes and she didn't know what to say. In eighteen years would she regret not going to school? After a moment of stunned silence, Laura lightly clapped her hands together and said, "Well. Now that you know my secret let's finish getting you ready."
Chrissy took a big gulp of air like she did when she was about to jump off the high dive board at the school pool. "Mom, I have to tell you something."
Laura sank back to the bed. Her blue eyes large like a deer caught in the headlights. "Oh my God, are you pregnant?"
"What? No, not that." She laughed a little. "I'm not…"
Laura waited expectantly. Chrissy had her mother's undivided attention now. "Then what is it? You about gave me a heart attack." She placed a hand with perfectly painted pink fingernails on her chest, letting out a breath of air.
"I'm not going to MSU," she spoke in a whisper hoping (uselessly) it would soften the blow.
They sat a foot apart, Chrissy at her desk, her mother on her bed. She knew Laura had heard her. When she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out and she snapped it shut.
"I'm not going to MSU," Chrissy said again. This time a little louder, her voice hiccupped. Tears threatened to smear the makeup Laura spent so much time applying. "I didn't get the scholarship."
"How is that possible? There has to be some sort of mistake."
"It's not a mistake, Mom." She'd called and checked just to be sure. The bored woman on the other line confirmed what the letter said. It was humiliating.
Laura spoke quickly. "There's got to be something we can do. Another scholarship. Your dad and I can take out a loan."
"No, really. No." A definitive no. She wasn't going to put her parents in that much debt. Or herself for that matter. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to go," her voice waded back to a whisper.
"You're sorry?"
Here it comes, Chrissy thought. They'd had a moment. A real mother and daughter moment. She thought - hoped - maybe they'd broken the invisible barrier that had always been there.
"You're sorry?" She said again.
To Chrissy's shock, instead of launching into an hours-long lecture about how disappointed she was and how she should have worked harder, Laura stood and pulled Chrissy to her feet. She wound her arms around her shoulders. Chrissy couldn't remember the last time her mother hugged her. Still, it felt familiar. It was what they both needed.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You worked so hard. You must be so upset."
Chrissy felt herself smile against her mother's shoulder. "Actually. I'm not upset. Not really." Then she did the craziest thing. She laughed. The kind of belly laugh where you can't catch your breath. And soon Laura joined in.
Chrissy considered telling her mother about Eddie, quickly deciding against it. One thing at a time.
They pulled themselves together in time for Jason to pick Chrissy up. Laura took almost a whole roll of film and when they left Chrissy was feeling lighter than she had all year. The closer they got to the school, though, the heaviness overcame her once again.
"You look really nice," she tried, thinking maybe talking would help to alleviate some of the heaviness, while they waited for the red light to turn green. Maybe if she refocused her energy on her relationship with Jason, things would get better. She knew she was lying to herself. But still, she tried.
Jason did look good in his black tux and green silk vest and tie. The boutonniere she bought him, a single white rose with greenery pinned above the left pocket of his suit jacket. His looks weren't the problem.
"This shirt is strangling me," was his response, shoving his finger in between the collar and his neck. "Itchy as hell too."
And that was the most he said to her since he walked through her school's front door. The main hall was transformed, having been decorated with balloons and streamers in school colors. Loud music came from the gym. This was the last place she wanted to be. She was an emotional bundle of nerves, she didn't want to appear too sensitive, she bit her inner lip until the sharp metallic taste of blood flooded her mouth.
They stood in line and took the required prom photo - girl in the foreground, the boy standing behind his date with his hands on her hips. Stand still, look pretty. Faking it wasn't new to her. She tried to make the best of it. Talked with a few friends, mimicking their excitement as they made their way to a table on the outskirts of the dance floor.
They were seated with Alex and Patrick and their dates who coincidentally were cheerleaders. Thankfully they kept the conversation going because Chrissy didn't have the wherewithal to do it herself.
After a while, Jason finally spoke to her, leaning in to be heard over the music. "We should probably dance," he said, motioning toward the dance floor where a few other couples and groups were dancing to a Michael Jackson song.
"Probably?" She asked. It didn't sound like he wanted to.
"Yeah. It's kind of expected of us. As prom king and queen."
"You don't know that we'll win," she said, shocked at his audacity.
He made a pfft noise, disregarded what she'd said with a swat of a hand. "Yeah right. Don't worry, we'll win."
She was disgusted by his arrogance and excused herself to the bathroom instead of the dance floor. He grabbed a hold of her wrist before she left the table. "Don't be gone long, they're going to announce the winner soon." She said nothing, snatching her hand away from him.
She wanted to be alone she went to the restroom furthest away, the one down the freshmen hallway. She didn't want to have to talk to anyone, afraid she'd break down and cry right in front of them. And wouldn't that be embarrassing?
She passed the hallway that she and Eddie snuck off to when she first approached him about buying marijuana and considered escaping out the side door. The want to be with Eddie grew stronger and stronger by the minute. She wanted to talk to him. Hang out with him in his trailer or anywhere. She just wanted to be with him.
In the bathroom she stared at the overdone version of herself in the mirror, wondering if her feelings for Eddie made her as bad as Jason.
She hadn't wanted Eddie to stop kissing her the other night. She wanted him to kiss her. Played that moment over and over in her mind. She wanted him to tell her he loved her again. But what did she know? She thought she loved Jason at one time. She couldn't trust her own feelings.
Feeling no better about her life choices, she exited the bathroom and walked a few feet down the hall where a familiar voice echoed off the brick walls and metal lockers.
"This is bullshit!" She said in a harsh, high-pitched whisper. "I want to be your date, Jason. When you're called up on that stage, I want to be by your side."
Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you'd like. Things get interesting in the next chapter. Promise.
