How can Chief Virana calmly sit across from me? How is she not angry at the marines for abandoning Namaari!? How can she wake up every day and act as if nothing changed?! But we have to sit here calmly planning a funeral as if Namaari was never important. As if Maari was another average soldier.
"Chief Virana, in accordance with Fang we should…"
I tuned out the conversation from the elder. I looked at Ba begging to end this dreadful meeting. He started rubbing circles on my back. Guess that's a no.
"Raya." Namaari isn- wasn't complicated just follow Fang's colors! "Princess Raya." Who the hell cares if it's a public or private ceremony? She loved her people! She loved me!
Ba lowly whispered, "Dewdrop."
I shot back into reality to find half of the table staring at me.
"Would you like a say in the matter?" The chiefess calmly held her hands out to me.
Pfft Fang is strict, I'm only here because of Ba. "No thank you Chief Virana."
The council returned to discussing. It's still hard to believe she's gone.
Ba nudged some jackfruit jerky. "You haven't eaten."
There's nothing to eat for! "I'm not hungry." I can barely sleep.
The chief took a deep breathe. "You haven't talked about well anything. Do you think someone more qualified would help?" I want to scream! I want to kill everyone involved for killing Maari! Does that qualify as good help?!
"No, I just need some time."
"Raya." Why are you making this harder?!
"I don't want to talk!" I raised my voice. "Death happens all the time right!" Is my vision growing cloudy? "People die we cry for a bit and move on!"
He tightly held my shoulders forcing me to face him. "You haven't processed! You haven't grieved!" Namaari wouldn't feel sorry for herself she would hunt down whoever killed me! I'm acting like a baby!
"Don't you get it!" My voice cracked, "I don't know what to feel! One moment I feel she's going to come back and scare or tease me! In a blink, the ghost of her haunts me! Ba! I could've done more but didn't!"
"Dewdrop, it wasn't your fault!" There was time!
"I wasn't that far from the blast!" I shot from the chair nearly toppling the lean beta. "If I was closer, she would be here! Everything turned black in a matter of seconds!" I buried my face hiding from the shame from failure from letting her die. God, I failed Namaari! A straggled whimper became a howling sob. She's DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!
Gentle arms wrapped themselves around. "Time is a bastard Raya but heals all wounds."
Right because I'm not talking to someone who didn't lose their loving mate either…. At least you aren't judging me or making me feel like shit.
Chief Virana walked in I pulled away from Ba.
"Pardon the interruption but we will hold a private ceremony than a public one a few days later."
Why not just one?
"Thanks V."
The older beta just nodded quietly walking out.
"Did that help Dewdrop?" A little but at the same time no.
"Thanks Ba. For putting up with my harsh attitude for not judging me."
"We all process death differently. I'll always be here." He gently kissed my crown before guiding me out of the room. "How about I make some mango sticky rice with djangos? Maybe some popcorn? Sodas?" You're spoiling me.
"Just the djangos please." Maari and I would eat everything until we got sick.
Small private ceremony my ass. All the chiefs came along with their families. What the hell is Ashanti doing here?
"Ba! What is she doing?!" Ashanti of all binturis!?
"The elders requested the other chiefs attend hoping for sympathy and open minds." Bullshit.
"Building an alliance at the cost of their princess' death?" How low can they go?!
He sighed, "yes." The fucking nerve!
I loved… no love her! That's the only reason I'm here! Ashanti is only here because she's Talon's royalty! Fuck you!
The elders motioned we take our places.
One spoke. "Would anyone like to share a few words before we begin."
Ashanti stood up. "I would."
"Ba!" I lowly seethed.
"We will discuss this later!" Not good enough!
The binturi walked to the center finding her breathe. Faker!
"Namaari and I had a wonderful relationship." You exploited her!
"She showed me how to find the good in everything bad." You dragged her feelings!
"She was funny smart very protective!" You always started fights!
She paused. "Sorry." And another deep breathe. "Namaari took up a brave mantle that most of us especially royalty should consider. To understand how the world works, what Kumandra thinks about us but most importantly to protect and build alliances with each other. After today Talon will request a formal alliance with Fang in honor of Namaari." Son of a bitch, the elders were right.
"I loved Namaari I just wish there was a chance for us!" That's it!
"Liar!" I stood up drawing gasp, but I didn't care. "You mistreated her! You threatened her! How dare you pretend you were happy you miserable selfish" "Raya!" "BITCHY WHORE!" Fuck that felt good!
"CHIEF BENJA EITHER YOU CONTROL PRINCESS RAYA OR SHE WILL BE ESCORTED OUT!" Fucking make me!
"Raya that's enough apologize now!"
I lowly gritted, "or what you'll ground me?!" They think using the title will scare me!?
He tugged my arm harshly whispering. "Apologize now! For the sake of Fang for fucking Namaari!" I'm doing this for Maari!
"Fine."
"Apologies. It's been hard processing. Allow me to make up for my behavior."
"Sit down!" Fine!
I crossed my arms fighting the burning tears as the ceremony continued. That's another thing to apologize for. I never apologized to Maari. Would it be too late? How the hell am I supposed to do it? Without making a fool of myself again? God Pengu where are you?
Aside from Fang's and Heart's chefs I was still in the room. Processing, accepting I have to do this again but for the public.
"History between us hasn't always been the best but I've changed." Why are you talking to me?
"I'm sorry for how I acted before." Now please leave.
The binturi sat next to me. "How have you coped?" You never learn, do you?!
"I'm alone for a reason!" Balled fists shook read the goddamn signs!
It was a mistake to look up because Ba glared again. FUCK!
Ashanti stared at me. Her hands shook before lowly speaking, "This is shitty, but I was jealous of you always have been." Why!?
"That doesn't excuse the shitty behavior!"
She choked out. "I'm trying to fix it! What do you want?! An apology? A spar?" Nothing from you!
"Answer me!" This prissy princess gets to yell at me?! How is that fair?!
"You want the truth!" I stood up towering over the shorty. "Do better! Make the alliance between Talon and Fang strong! Don't let your Ba weasel his way out of this!" After all this time, death is what binds us!?
"Prove you have changed Ashanti." I turned ready to leave. I should thank you for ending my alone time. But that's not happening.
"I'll do you one better. You and I will work together to unite Kumandra complete your Ba's dream." Hmph pretty words coming from your big mouth.
"Good luck." I left ready to get yelled at. I'll tune out the conversation play an imaginary scene of Namaari giving me shit. Huh I wonder what she would think about bitchy whore.
