Chapter 20: Recipes

Jay really didn't have much free time to text Nikki that night other than a quick message just after midnight to wish her goodnight. The case was picking up speed and when Jay did get a few hours to rest, he decided to spend the time at his apartment catching up on some sleep and going through the box that Will had brought him the week before.

It was 48 hours after their heated kisses on Nikki's sofa before they saw each other again and this time it was Nikki showing up at Jay's apartment with dinner. When he answered the door, Nikki could instantly tell any sleep he had gotten over the past two days was restless and she had no doubt that even at home, the case was consuming his thoughts.

"Hey," she said softly when Jay opened the door to his apartment. Jay didn't say anything, just leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the lips before moving back so she could step in out of the hallway.

"I brought chicken parmesan and roasted broccoli," Nikki said, almost in a whisper, as she held up the dish.

"Thank you," Jay said, leaning down to give her another soft kiss as he took the dish from her. "And why are you whispering?" he asked in a teasing tone, also whispering.

Blushing as she looked at him, she shrugged. "I just didn't want to be too loud. You seem tired."

"I am but I'm not going to fall asleep on you yet," he winked, turning to put the dish in the kitchen. "Are you hungry? Or can we wait a few minutes for dinner?" He turned to look at her and Nikki noticed his eyes seemed a little brighter than when he had first answered the door.

"I can wait."

"Thank God," he sighed as he closed the gap between them, capturing her mouth with his as he moved his hand to cradle the back of her neck. It only took Nikki a moment to get past her initial surprise at the intensity of his kiss before she moved her arms around him and let her hands wander back and forth from his shoulders to his back as her mouth explored his.

Breathing heavily, Jay pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. "Sorry, I just missed you these last couple of days."

"I told you before, you don't ever have to be sorry for doing that. And I missed you too," Nikki told him sincerely, interlocking her fingers with his between their bodies.

"I'm sorry work kept me away. It can be so unpredictable sometimes."

"You don't have to be sorry for that either," she assured him, moving in to convince him with another kiss. "I've been keeping busy. Being short-staffed at the office has actually given me an opportunity to work on a bigger story, so there's been a lot of work to do."

"Staying safe though, right?" Jay asked, thinking back to what she had said about her job the last time they saw each other.

"Yes, Officer," she teased.

"Nikki," he started but she stepped back and shook her head.

"Don't worry about me, Jay. You have enough on your mind." She stroked her thumb against the palm of his hand as she leaned in to kiss his shoulder, around the place where his scar could be found. "I think we're best just focusing on our work when we're working and focusing on each other when we're together."

"I can agree to that," Jay said, smirking. "I can definitely focus on you right now," he grinned as he leaned in to bite her lip. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Nikki couldn't help but laugh when she heard his stomach growl as she kissed along his jawline.

"Hungry, Officer?"

"I haven't had a decent meal since I was at your place," he admitted.

Nikki moved around him to grab some plates and cutlery. "It should still be warm," she told him, nodding at the food. Following her to the table, Jay set the food down and they silently filled their plates and took the first bites.

"Oh my gosh, that's so good," Nikki said, as she took another bite.

"From a restaurant nearby?" he asked.

"Actually, I helped make this. My neighbor, Mrs. Allan, is an amazing cook and has been teaching me a few things. She helped me make the meal this afternoon."

"Is Mrs. Allan one of the neighbors that we're thankful is old and can't hear us through your apartment walls?" he grinned.

"She certainly is," Nikki laughed. "We're grateful for her cooking and her poor hearing. And also her patience because I am not the easiest student," Nikki confessed. "My biggest contribution was the broccoli. I don't think she trusts me with the chicken just yet."

"The broccoli is the best part," Jay winked.

"Is being a good liar part of the requirement to become a Detective?" she quipped back.

"I'm not kidding, it's really good," Jay said, taking another bite of the broccoli just to prove his point. Nikki stared him down. "Ok, maybe not as good as the chicken. But it's good!"

"I'm glad you enjoy it," Nikki said, smiling at him. Nikki told him more about the new story she was working on, highlighting the challenges women in low-income areas of the city face when trying to access funding for school or when trying to find better paying jobs.

"So, do you have the night off or are you heading back to the district later?"

"The plan is to have the night off and start early again in the morning. Unless something unexpected comes up."

"Maybe rest and fresh eyes in the morning will help with the case," Nikki said as she stood and cleared their plates from the table.

"Yeah, maybe," Jay sighed, coming behind her and bumping her hip so he could take over rinsing the dishes.

"Rough case?"

Jay was silent for a few moments, contemplating how best to answer. "It's just…this one will stay with me for a while," he said quietly.

Nikki moved to rest her hip against the kitchen countertop, facing him. "Does that happen a lot?"

"Does what?"

"Do cases stay on your mind for a long time?"

Jay looked at her like he was going to protest having the conversation but Nikki let her fingers graze over his forearm and whispered, "just getting to know my boyfriend."

Boyfriend. Hearing her say it still took the air from his lungs. If someone had told him two weeks ago that he'd be dating an amazing woman, he'd have laughed in their face. Hell, if someone had told him he'd be head over heels he probably would have arrested them for lying to a police officer.

Jay's silence made Nikki's heart drop but she could accept that he wasn't going to open up as easily as she wished he would. As long as they kept moving forward, it would all work out.

"It's ok," she whispered and leaned up to kiss his cheek, making her way from the kitchen to the living room. Jay wanted to follow her, tell her things that he usually kept to himself or only shared with Hailey over a stiff drink. But he couldn't find the words. So he watched her leave and then finished washing the dishes.

When Jay finally stepped into the living room, he noticed that she was looking at some of the papers on the coffee table. When he cleared his throat, Nikki jumped and placed a hand over her chest. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Those are some things I borrowed from Will," he said, nodding towards the coffee table. "Things that belonged to my Mom."

Nikki stood quickly as he came around the sofa. "I wasn't snooping, these were already out of the box," she stammered, waving her hand at the papers and a couple of photos.

Jay stepped closer. "It's ok," he assured her. "No secrets," he said quietly, smiling at her. He shook his head when she tried to hand him the papers she was holding, instead resting his hand on her lower back and guiding her to sit on the sofa with him. "It's taken me a long time to be able to look at some of this stuff," he told her, his voice almost a whisper. Nikki shifted to look at him and noticed that his eyes were glazed over and it was evident he was trying to hold back his emotion.

Resting a hand on his knee, Nikki showed him the paper she was holding. "Was this one of her recipes?"

Taking the paper, Jay let his eyes wander over his mom's handwriting. He nodded. "Her chili. It was Will's favorite."

"We know I'm no cook but it sounds delicious," Nikki laughed as she read through the ingredients.

"Will's tried but he hasn't been able to get it just like hers. She wasn't always the best at writing down the right measurements." Jay smiled at the memory.

"Is Will the cook of the family now?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Jay said, laughing. "But he makes sure we don't go hungry."

Nikki watched Jay as he read through the recipe again and she let her hand rub his knee, turning her head to place a soft kiss on his shoulder over his black t-shirt. "What was your favorite?" she asked quietly.

Jay took a deep breath and leaned forward, shuffling through a few papers on the coffee table until he found what he was looking for. "This one," he said, handing her another handwritten recipe that had clearly been well-used.

"Italian Beef Hoagies," Nikki read aloud. "She made them a lot for you?"

"All the time. If I had a bad day, a good day, if I got a good grade on a test. I used any excuse to beg her to make them," he smiled.

"And I bet she could rarely say no to you," she winked.

"The Halstead charm is hard to resist."

"Don't I know it," Nikki murmured.

"What was that, Ms. Dane?" Jay teased as he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"I like to think I can do almost anything," Nikki started.

"You definitely can," Jay agreed as his kisses moved down her neck.

"But I fail miserably at resisting you."

"Oh yeah?" Jay replied as he ran his hand along her thigh and moved his kisses to the exposed skin at the front of her button-up shirt.

"And I don't feel bad about it all," she grinned as she leaned back against the sofa, giving him better access to the skin above her breasts.

"You shouldn't." Jay's kisses continued as he moved over her, his hands moving along her hip and then down her leg.

As he moved his lips closer to her mouth, his phone rang, startling them both.

"You've got to be kidding me," Jay growled as he reluctantly turned and grabbed his phone off the coffee table and looked at the screen. "Sorry, I have to take this," he told her as he stood and moved towards the kitchen. "Halstead," Nikki heard him answer, confirming her suspicion that it was work.

While Jay was talking, Nikki pulled out her phone and quickly took a few pictures of some of the papers in the box.

"Sorry about that," Jay said as he walked back in.

"Do you have to go?"

"Not right now, Voight was just giving an update on some work another team is doing tonight. If they need us, he'll call."

As Jay sat back down beside her, Nikki held up the recipe to the Italian beef hoagies, asking "does Will make this for you?"

"No," Jay shook his head. "We couldn't find the recipe. I found it last night tucked into a recipe book that I don't think we've looked at since she died. When my dad died, we packed up a bunch of things but it was too hard to go through a lot of the stuff at the time. We stored some boxes here and some at Will's place."

"I'm glad you kept things. Sometimes people throw away stuff to avoid having to face the memories and then they regret it later." Jay thought she probably wanted to say more but she hesitated and Jay didn't want to push her. Instead, she moved her fingers to the back of Jay's neck massaging the tight muscles and turned her body so she could kiss him. Pushing his tongue in her mouth, Jay moved his hands to her hips and tried to pull her on top of him but she resisted.

"Everything ok?" Jay whispered against her mouth.

Nikki stood up and started to undo the buttons on her top as Jay watched, clearly aroused. "Jay? Can you take me to bed?"

Holy hell. To bed. To the shower. To a secluded island. To a church. Wherever she wanted to go or whatever she wanted to do, Jay was all in.

"You don't have to ask twice." He winked at her as he stood, helped her undo the buttons and tossed her shirt to the side, exposing her red bra. Nikki couldn't hide her grin when she saw his reaction. "I thought if you liked red on my lips, you might like it in other places too."

Jay could only grunt as a reply. He grabbed her hand and quickly led her to his bedroom. "In a hurry?" she asked innocently as she stood at the end of his bed, the moonlight once again the only light in the room.

Jay opened his mouth to reply and then closed it. Instead, he pulled off his t-shirt and starting working on his belt, never taking his eyes off of her. Nikki shrugged and smiled smugly, undoing the button on her jeans and slowly pulling them down so he could see the red lace panties that she was wearing.

"Fuck," he muttered.

"Yes, please," Nikki laughed, letting herself fall back on the bed, her dark curls spreading across Jay's pillow.

Jay quickly finished kicking off his jeans and briefs and joined her. Moving between her knees, he ran his hands up and down her thighs as he leaned down to kiss her breasts that were spilling out of her bra.

"Nikki, please tell me you're ready for me. I want you so much," he professed between kisses.

Nikki lifted her hips as she captured his mouth with hers, swallowing his moan as he felt her against him. "Trust me, I'm ready for you." She took his hand to show him her wetness, to let him feel how ready she was for him. "I've been ready for you for the past two days. I didn't even touch myself when I was alone, I only wanted you," she confessed blushing, her breath quickening as she lifted her hips again to help him pull off her panties.

Jay let out a long breath as images of Nikki touching herself on her bed ran through his mind. "You shouldn't deny yourself," he teased as he nipped her lip and then kissed her hard, running his hand along the curve of her hip.

"Would you like that? Knowing that while you're at work, I'm at home thinking of you?"

Jay liked to think he could do a pretty good job of staying in control but that was definitely being put to the ultimate test. "Nikki," he rumbled, his eyes changing color with desire. She moved to undo the front clasp of her bra but Jay stopped her. "Leave it on," he said gruffly. "Please."

Nikki grinned up at him and kissed him hard, arching her back and crying out as he showed her just how turned on he was by her.

It was the middle of the night when Nikki felt Jay's fingers absentmindedly moving over her hip as she was lying with her back to him. Feeling his body behind her, holding her, made her feel protected and it was a feeling she was quickly getting used to. She knew from his movements and his breathing that he was awake, so she reached her hand back to rub his forearm, letting him know she was awake too.

She thought Jay might be ready for round two but he didn't make a move, just kept moving his fingers over her hip and keeping his breathing steady.

"They're kidnapping woman, raping them, torturing them, using them as drug mules." Jay spoke softly, still moving his fingers along her body.

Nikki's hand stilled on his arm but she didn't turn to look at him, afraid that if he saw the fear in her eyes he would stop talking. She didn't say anything, just waited for him to continue.

"Then they just dispose of them. Like they're trash, like they've served their purpose and there's no use for them anymore."

Nikki took a deep breath and found Jay's hand, holding on to it for dear life. She knew that he probably didn't open up like this with many people, if anyone. She couldn't begin to imagine the horrible images he kept to himself, carrying around the burden of victims and families that couldn't be saved. She could feel his breath against her bare back and she knew there was more he wanted to say.

"The last victim was 15."

That was it, his voice broke then and Nikki quickly turned and gathered him in her arms. He buried his face in her neck, letting her pull him close. He was the taller, stronger, fitter one in their relationship but at that moment he felt so small in Nikki's arms. She gently let her hands rub his back as she felt his shoulders quietly shake and the dampness of his tears on her neck. They stayed like that until Jay eventually settled back on the pillow, still facing her but keeping his eyes closed. She wasn't sure if he drifted off to sleep anymore that night but his breathing became steady and he was still until the sunrise poured light into the room the next morning.