Silence stretched for what felt like centuries between them.
"You... You're not keeping it?" Emily repeated, like the very thought had never occurred to her.
Alex shrugged then, suddenly shy. "I don't know," she whispered. "I-I've thought about it."
Mouth hanging open slightly, Emily stood almost frozen.
Alex winced. "Emily..."
She shook her head, attempted a smile. She took Alex's hand and just held it for several moments. Then, she whispered, "Let's go somewhere and talk, okay?"
"You don't have to do this," she insisted. "You don't have to...look after me. I made a choice and..."
Emily cut her off, asking, "How do waffles sound? When I was, you know...waffles always helped with the morning sickness."
"That actually sounds really great," Alex agreed with a faint smile.
Alex picked at her waffles with a decided lack of enthusiasm. She'd been hungry at first, but the food just felt like sawdust in her mouth. She could feel Emily's eyes on her, curious, concerned...
"Do... Do you want something different?" Emily asked. "You've barely touched your food... Is your stomach okay?"
She shrugged. "I just don't feel like eating."
"Do you want to talk about...something?" Emily offered. She wasn't sure how to broach the subject of, well, everything...but she was trying. Even if it felt like walking on eggshells.
"No." A beat. "Maybe." She sighed. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. "Do you regret it? Do you wish you'd tried?" She didn't need to specify what she meant.
She shook her head. "No. I think about it all the time, what life would have been like – but it's never been regret." She studied Alex for a long time. "Alex...I don't think you really want to have an abortion, though."
Her brows rose slightly and she stammered for a few moments.
"I think you want this baby..."
Alex chewed her lip, practically hard enough to break the skin. "I don't think I can do this alone. And you don't want to be with me, this isn't what you signed on for, and that's fine. But I do not want to bring a child into the world if I can't give them everything they need." She exhaled shakily, shook her head.
"Alex, I'll be the last person to judge you if you decide to have an abortion, but I just don't want you to regret the decision you make."
She nodded, insisted, "I don't want that either, but... I don't feel like I have much of a choice right now."
"You do have a choice, Alex," she vowed. "And you shouldn't rush into anything."
Alex nodded, offered a faint smile of thanks. But it was clear to Emily that she didn't feel any better.
Emily sat in the exam room of the walk-in clinic, knee bouncing nervously, almost frantically. She still wasn't certain this was a good idea (in fact, by all accounts it was likely a terrible idea), but she'd come this far already, so she wasn't going to stop now.
She'd found out where James was working while he was in town and decided she needed to do a little undercover interrogation. If she was going to advise Alex to keep her baby, she needed to know exactly what kind of man James Blake was... (Personally, she thought he was a complete and utter fuck up for letting someone as incredible as Alex get away, but that was her opinion.)
"I'm Dr. Blake," he introduced himself when he came through the door, "I'm filling in for one of the clinic's doctors. What's brought you in today?"
It took her a few moments to respond because she was too busy staring at him, trying to decide what exactly it was that had attracted Alex in the first place (certainly couldn't have been his looks...). When she realized he'd asked her a question, she fumbled through a lie, "I, umm, I think I've got a UTI." She proceeded to rattle off a few fake symptoms, walking the line between too much detail and not enough.
He asked her a few questions, then wrote her a prescription and was on the way out the door when she said, "Wait... I've got a question."
He turned back, raised a brow in silent anticipation of her query.
"I have a friend," she said, "And she's pregnant and she's... She's not sure she wants to keep it."
That seemed to stymie him for a moment, then he said (in a manner that made it clear he didn't believe there was, in fact, a friend), "Okay, so this friend... Does she have a supportive partner?"
Emily winced, feeling a sudden surge of guilt for not being the supportive partner Alex needed. "It's complicated. She has someone, but it's not the baby's father – he isn't exactly aware of the situation."
He raised a brow. "Your friend should talk to him then," he advised. "He deserves a say."
Emily didn't seem to like that answer. "What would you do?" she asked, prying deeper, "If someone you weren't in a relationship with got pregnant and wasn't sure she wanted to keep it?"
For a few moments, he thought on the matter, and Emily couldn't help but wonder if she'd tipped her hand...she wasn't sure if she'd be able to live with herself if she gave away Alex's secret unintentionally. "I'd want to help her, to support her so she would realize she could keep the baby. Maybe even try to be a family."
She liked that answer even less. "And if she didn't want you to be involved?" She couldn't keep the words from coming out just a little bitter, the idea of him coming back into Alex's life after tearing it apart, just for the sake of a baby, making her angrier than she had any right to be.
"The baby deserves a father," she said with a shrug. He studied her for a few moments. "Emily...are you sure you..." he started to ask.
She shook her head. "I'm running late, but thanks for your help," she said in a rush. She grabbed her things and hurried out of the exam room, leaving him standing there, rather confused by her sudden departure.
