Over the weekend, Kristy dragged Emily downtown because she needed to shop for Matt's birthday gift and wanted her opinion – even though Emily barely knew him and hated shopping that didn't end in her buying a new pair of shoes.
Ultimately, though, as she was so often wont to do, Emily ended up frustrating Kristy to the point where she'd left Emily to her own devices in favour of shopping by herself. Which is how Emily ended up wandering into a baby boutique out of some kind of perverse curiosity.
Emily hadn't been around babies since she was one, though somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd always known one day she wanted to have one of her own. She'd just always assumed it would be a long ways down the road, after she'd graduated and had a career and a life and, hopefully, a loving partner with which to raise a child. But when she'd found out Alex was pregnant, some switch in her brain flipped and babies were all she could think about.
She wasn't sure what she was hoping to find in the boutique – whether it was an answer or some kind of absolution. Maybe just the smallest of inklings as to the right decision. Unfortunately, she found none of those things. What she did find, though, was the most adorable assortment of literary themed onesies and sleepers...including one that said Future Bookworm, with a picture of a worm wearing a bowtie and glasses sitting on a book.
Emily didn't want to forgive Alex, didn't want to be sympathetic to her plight...but she could feel herself softening. Which, she supposed, is why she bought the onesie.
"Emily?" Alex said, clearly surprised, when she opened the door to find her standing there, hands in her pockets, signature awkward smile in place. "What... What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?" she asked instead of answering. She offered what she hoped was a smile worthy of forgiveness.
And, though she was clearly confused as to her presence, Alex stood back to allow her inside. Once Emily stood inside the familiar foyer, she seemed uncertain where before she would've felt at home, at ease and for several moments, they just stood there, glancing at each other with uncertainty when they thought the other wasn't looking.
"Do... Do you want to sit?" Alex offered. "I could make tea? I had to get rid of all the coffee...the smell made me so sick. Not that I can drink it anyway and..." She shrugged helplessly, unsure why she was apologizing...at least, for the coffee situation, considering all the other things she should be apologetic for.
She nodded gratefully. "Tea would be great," she agreed. Then, she seemed to reconsider. "Why don't you let me make it? You should be resting." Alex opened her mouth to protest, but Emily didn't give her the chance as she'd already filled the kettle.
Settling at the kitchen table, Alex remained silent for so long it was almost uncomfortable before she said, "I thought you didn't want to see me... You haven't been replying to my texts. I assumed..." In truth, she'd assumed that after the day she'd come to her rescue in the staff bathroom, that Emily's attitude toward her pregnancy had changed. Obviously, though, she still had some reservations.
"I'm an idiot," Emily interrupted.
Alex blinked in surprise for a moment at the confession. "Yes, well... I agree. But why?"
She heaved a sigh. "I shouldn't have blamed you for what happened. It wasn't just your fault." She could tell that Alex wanted to interrupt, but she hadn't finished apologizing. "Look, you...you did hurt me, but I could have handled it better."
"You shouldn't have to, though," she insisted. "I should have known better than to let James get in my head...or my pants. And I definitely should have had the sense to use a condom."
If that was a joke, Emily didn't laugh.
Alex winced. "That came out wrong..."
"Can I just ask..." Emily burst out, "What exactly did you see in him?"
She sighed, shook her head slowly. "We were so young when we met and I... Well, I guess I didn't know better. He just kind of swept me off my feet at first and I went along with it because it was what was expected of me. At the time I had never stopped to consider whether I liked him – or liked men at all, to be honest. I just wanted to be loved...and it seemed like he did." She chewed her lip for a moment. "Back then, he was so sweet, so charming. He was handsome..."
Emily scoffed.
Alex's brow raised at the sound. "What?"
"Maybe he used to be handsome, but now he just looks like a fucking asshole," she muttered.
The silence that followed was laden with awkwardness.
"What... Umm... What makes you say that?"
"Oh, I saw him," Emily said matter-of-factly. "At the walk-in clinic he's working at."
Alex stammered for a few moments. "You saw him?" she echoed. "How? Why? How?"
She sighed, glanced down at the floor, guilty. "Before you say anything, I just had to find out whether he's a good man, whether he deserves you and this baby."
"Emily..."
She shook her head. "I know, it probably was a dumb decision, but...I couldn't live with myself if I let you go back to someone who is only going to break your heart again. I need to know he's..." She trailed off, shook her head. She caught Alex's gaze and saw just how conflicted she was over everything and knew she wasn't helping the situation, but it was too late to take it back now.
"I'm not going back to James," she insisted.
Emily's mouth hung open slightly for a moment. "You're not?"
She shook her head. "The last thing I need is to rehash a relationship that ended in divorce the first time, regardless of whether or not I keep the baby." A beat. "Or whether you want to be with me."
Pouring them both a mug of tea, Emily joined Alex at the table and they both sat in silence for a long time, staring anywhere but at each other.
"I want to be in your life," Emily said slowly, "But I think, at least for now, it needs to be as friends."
Alex nodded, swallowed thickly. "That would be nice," she agreed. "I could really use a friend." She offered a faint smile. "If this is what you really want."
"It is." She reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "I don't want to let you go."
