Authors Note:
I do not own Star Trek or any of its characters or ships. If I did, I would commandeer the Enterprise and go exploring the galaxy with Chris Pine, Karl Urban and a case of Jack Daniels!

I have rewritten this story because my first version felt dry and missed the mark. I couldn't quite get what I was going for.
I feel this version is closer to what I am trying to do, and written much better too.

This story is written around the Into Darkness movie so I have skipped over describing the dramatic action scenes because the movie does a better job than I could.
Feel free to listen to the song 'Call Me' by Shinedown which helped inspire this fic :)

Hope you enjoy!
- D.A.

The Enterprise crew were on leave pending review of the actions surrounding the Nibiru incident. As captain and first officer, Kirk and Spock were debriefed and reprimanded before the rest of the crew were spoken too.

Jim was sitting in his apartment that Starfleet had organized for him as he had no place of his own. It had never felt like his though, never gave that comfortable, secure feeling he imagined a 'home' would feel like. But, like the place or not, he was stuck there. He had been placed under temporary house arrest until Starfleet could figure out what to do with him.

He felt like a rat in a cage. He did not cope well with confinement, especially solitary confinement. He was trapped in his own thoughts and feelings- replaying Spock's rescue and the ungrateful bastards betrayal, the loss of his captaincy, his crew, and his ship. He was second-guessing and doubting himself.
He needed to go somewhere, anywhere. He couldn't stay in this room or he was going to suffocate because he was starting to feel like he couldn't breathe in here. He needed to go somewhere he could get himself together, somewhere he felt comfortable. There was only one place on Earth where he felt like that - Bones place.
Come to think of it, he had probably spent more nights at Bones apartment than he had at his own place. Jims 'home' was his friends couch.

He walked down the road to another 'Star Fleet Apartments' complex and let himself into Bones place. Bones had given Jim an access key card for his room not long after getting assigned the place – mumbling something about not having to deal with Jim knocking on his door at ungodly hours. McCoy and Kirk were room mates at the academy. The two quickly adapted to each other and developed a close friendship. Despite no longer being at the academy or needing to share a room, they were still perfectly comfortable continuing to practically live together.
Jim knew McCoy was still at Star Fleet Medical attending a compulsory seminar and most likely wouldn't be back anytime soon, but he was welcome to stay as long as he needed.
He had intended to lay low here for a little while and sneak back into his apartment later, but being here now, he felt anxiety. He had never felt that before around Bones. Still replaying everything in his head his anxiety increased, what if Bones thinks they're right? That I'm still just some selfish reckless kid? He could not ever forgive himself if he had disappointed Bones, what if they never got posted together again? What if Bones was sick of him too? What if…?
No. No he couldn't handle it. He was so stupid – racing through the academy to finish first, instead of focusing on actually learning something for once in his life. His identic memory allowed him to recall information easily to pass whatever test they threw at him, but what was the point if he never bothers to actually comprehend that information. He told himself life was better when he was on Earth, getting into barfights and being the only "genius level repeat offender in the mid-west", at least that is a title he had actually earned. Maybe that is where he belonged. Not chasing the memories of some other Kirk, or trying to live up to some alternate universes expectations. His anxiety become a nasty voice in his head telling him he had burned his bridges and there was nothing here for him anymore. The need to run returned with insistence.

Jim accessed the apartments communications terminal and began to record a message to McCoy:
"Hey Bones,
I don't really know when you will get this…or uh, or what I want to say... (his body paused in deep thought before he continued) I thought I had finally put it all together, that I knew who I was, and I knew what I was doing…
but nothing really lasts forever does it! (he let his head hang low, not looking into the screen) I had to make a choice that was not mine to make- I couldn't let Spock die if there was a chance to save him, but as "Captain" I was supposed to have no choice but to leave him for the sake of the prime directive (he shook his head disapprovingly, took a deep shaky breath and looked back at the screen, an unshed tear blurring his vision) They took my ship from me Bones, and they want to kick me out of Starfleet (the tear fell) I, ah, I can't get my head around how sideways this has all gone. I actually felt at home here, and now I'm scared I have to say goodbye (he looked off to the side, his expression an unreadable emotion) Well if it is goodbye, then this'll be the last time … (he smiled a sad smile)
I lived my whole life in a suitcase, never really stayed in one place. Maybe that's the way it should be…You know I've lived my life like a gypsy. Things were better that way" (No attachments, no one to let down…)
I left your spare key on the table (he paused for a moment, back in his own thoughts) I feel like I've lost my whole life and a dear friend (now he looked straight at the terminals camera, his look of desperation well hidden under his poker face of resolved determination).
I've said it so many times - that I had changed my ways, that now I am a Captain! But I guess I was wrong… (he snorted exasperated) Never mind, God knows I tried!... I hope YOU know I tried?" (his sadness took on and angry tone now)
I'm being called a delinquent by the same people who called me a hero. I'm called reckless from the same person who endorsed my 'leap before looking' nature. I was trusted, and respected, and now I'm kicked to the curb for saving the life of a crew member - A crewmember who I thought was a friend! (the anger was flooding out now so he took a moment to calm himself down)
Sorry this turned into such a long message. Good thing I didn't do this in person huh (ha-ha) I guess what I was trying to say was, um, 'goodbye' and, ah, 'Thank You' - Thank you for everything Bones, you saved my life! Your friendship has meant so much more to me than you know. You are my family, Bones, everyone on Enterprise is like my family really but you – you are more than that….
If I let you down too, or if I had to sacrifice you for some stupid protocol - I couldn't do it… I couldn't lose you Bones and I would end up saving your grumpy old arse and losing my command again.
So if they kick me out then so be it, I will be on my way and you wont have to put up with me anymore. Again, thank you for everything. You healed my heart and my life. Goodbye old friend."

"Computer save recording as a personal message for Dr Leonard McCoy"
Kirk left his key card on the table before turning and walking away. He knew he wouldn't be coming back – he made decisions based on gut feelings and quick thinking, he did what he felt needed to be done- damn the consequences. Starfleet wanted captains that would stop and assess the risks with logic and statistics. That, he now realized, was not him. He was reckless and bold, and that had just cost him his command, his ship and one of his best friends. He felt burned, betrayed, guilty and stupid. Mostly he just felt angry and lost. He had just become accustomed to having a home and now it was gone.

He started walking in no particular direction. He had nowhere to go, so he just walked. He didn't know how long he had walked for before he heard music coming from a bar nearby. It wasn't the current club music, it was much older and much more interesting. Drawing him in he decided to try and 'drown his head' a bit- ordering a shot a Jack, then another, he was on his third drink when Captain Pike found him.
Then they had been summoned to an emergency meeting at 21:00 hours. Pike took Jim back to his room at headquarters so he could get changed and meet him at the command center.

Sitting in the meeting he felt awkward, so he busied himself with the information in front of him. Everything happened so quickly it was like a technicolor blur mixed with screams and pain. There was a ship, an explosion sent him flying, it started firing on the room, people and bodies were everywhere. Surged with adrenaline he ran to help secure the situation, the ship got disabled and he watched it crash, then he ran back to assess the scene. First he seen Spock and felt relief his friend was alive and seemingly unharmed, then his eyes fell to Pike…his lifeless eyes staring straight past him, he was overwhelmed with emotion as he collapsed and sobbed...then he felt nothing, just numbness.

Jim vaguely remembered walking down to the ground level, having people grabbing at him asking for help. He assisted a few of the casualties but soon the medics were on scene and taking charge so he left. He found his way back to his room and just sat there for a minute, his mind racing. Looking down he realized he still had his dress uniform on, and it was covered in blood…Pikes blood. Running to the bathroom he just made it as he vomited. He sat there for a few moments just shaking, until he felt like he could stand then he removed his uniform dropping it on the ground before having a shower. He sat there in the bottom of the shower and cried for what felt like hours and he was exhausted. Turning the water off he wrapped himself in a towel and collapsed onto the bed wrapping a blanket around himself. He woke 3 hours later as the sun was rising. He got himself dressed and was preparing himself to return to the scene when Spock called him.
The next few hours flew by in a haze as he was reinstated as captain and ordered to go after Khan. It was a scramble to get the crew together and the ship prepped for departure. He had bruised ribs, a bruised kidney and a pounding headache when Bones caught up with him in the hanger bay to board the shuttle to Enterprise – 10hrs after the explosion. He had not eaten in 18hrs and he had only had 1 glass of water in that time. But he didn't have time to do anything about any of that now, and if Bones found out he would have a fight on his hands so he had to keep moving, keep busy.

TO BE CONTINUED...

What do you think so far?
Thanks for reading
- DA.