23 years. She had gone 23 years without seeing Elliot Stabler in an indecent state. 23 years of above board encounters at work. Sure, she'd seen him shirtless countless times. Once, she'd even seen him in just his underwear. That time she had been too concerned with not getting murdered by a psychopath wildlife smuggler to really take it in. Despite the imminent threat, she did note that he wore boxer briefs.

As a new detective, she quickly saw that Elliot was determined, passionate, and strong while doing his job. Rough and gruff, but gentle and compassionate with victims. She wondered if he was that way in bed. If he satisfied Kathy. If Kathy satisfied him. If he was adventurous in bed. If Kathy preferred things vanilla. How often they fucked (made love?) But, her partner was never hers to think about in that way, so she chased those thoughts away when they arose.

And boy, did they arise.

During the years they were partnered together, on lonely, horny nights, his face would make unsolicited appearances in her mind's eye as she pleasured herself. Those blue eyes boring into her soul. That body ravishing her. Olivia would usually chase mental Elliot away as soon as he arrived in her mind, trying to think of anyone else. But sometimes she'd let him stay…just for a little while…just to help her out a little. Partners helped each other, right? The fact that mental images of his face and imaging his body with hers triggered orgasms that no other man, toy, or her own fingers could replicate was something she refused to ponder deeply. Those orgasms from mental Elliot that left her screaming and writhing in the darkness of her bedroom were not something she could afford to linger on. Even when she was with other men, she'd close her eyes, and it would be his back she was scratching, his tongue licking her clit, and his dick she rode into oblivion while he played with her tits. Every time, she'd tell herself not to go there. But there she went. Like a moth to a flame.

In the light of day, it was not something she was particularly proud of. When it happened, she could barely look at him the next day at work. He knew her so well that she was afraid he'd take one look in her eyes and somehow know what she'd done. She'd spend the next day moody, providing short, terse replies that left Elliot wondering what was up with her, and pressing her for answers. It would usually culminate in a stupid argument that Cragen had to mediate (and that they wouldn't even remember the next day.)

She still despises herself for the fact that even after he ghosted her, abandoned her without a word, she'd still let her imagination take her to him. In times of intense lightness and darkness he'd come to her in her dreams. Sometimes as a friend, sometimes as a lover. These times, Olivia didn't even try to send him away. She welcomed the dreams as they were all she had. In her dreams, he was still the partner that cared for her, protected her, and loved her. Upon waking, the friendship dreams were even more painful than the sex dreams. Either way, she'd wake up wet. Sometimes from arousal, sometimes from the tears on her face as the knowledge that he was truly gone hit her once again.

But still, 23 years on the up and up. Never anything even close to sexual or inappropriate had happened between them. At least not outside of her imagination.

Until today.

She left work early to swing by his apartment to drop off a few files on a case they were working together. Technically, she could have sent them to OCCB by messenger, but the truth was she wanted to see him. Just to make sure he was OK. That the dark circles of grief and his haunted expression were faded. That the recklessness and fire of Eddie Wagner was extinguished. That there were no holes in his walls and he was caring for himself and his children.

When she called to let him know she was stopping by, Elliot mentioned that he was going to meet his kids for dinner and needed to leave by 7. The usual invitation for her and Noah to join the Stablers had been extended and swiftly declined. She wanted to see him, but she wasn't ready for all of that. Protecting her heart so that it was solid and strong enough to be the best mother to her son was all she could afford to care about. Whatever this was between them, had to be on her own terms.

"I'll only be a few minutes, I just have some files for you" she assured him (and herself) while on the phone driving to Long Island City (which was completely out of the way from her Upper West side apartment.) Noah was spending the night at a sleepover, so she had time.

"OK, Liv…just use the spare key I gave you, I'm heading home now and you might get there before me"

At 6:38, having hit some traffic, Olivia found herself rifling through her purse for his spare key as he did not respond to her knocks. She assumed he was also running late in that same traffic. She huffed, trying to balance the files, her phone, and her purse. She finally located the keys at the bottom of her purse, let herself in, and walked into the apartment.

Just at that moment, she heard a door open from down the hall and glanced in that direction. Thinking it was Elliot arriving home through the side entrance, she walked toward the source of the noise and almost crashed into him. When she stepped back, she was not prepared for what she saw.

Elliot Stabler in all his glory, naked as the day he was born.

Eyes locked, they both stood there, frozen in shock. She felt a magnetic pull downward and glanced at his cock and then right back up to his eyes. His dick was mere inches from her and semi-erect. Her mouth watered, her pussy clenched, she felt a fluttering in her lower belly. A feeling she had not felt in quite some time. Between work stress, raising a kid, and menopause, her libido had taken a hit. But damn did he just ignite a spark.

"Don't even think about it, OIivia," she told herself, "he hurt you, he left you, he's used that very same dick to fuck murderess professors and sex-trafficking mob wives. He didn't want to use it on you. He's probably planning his next European escape."

No stranger to hiding her feelings, she chose the familiar standby of anger to chase away the arousal and shock.

"Jesus, Elliot! What the fuck?! Cover yourself!" she spluttered. She tried to hold the files up to cover her eyes but only succeeded in dropping them on the floor. She bent to gather them and on the way back up, her gaze landed on his crotch again. Being the ever-observant detective that she was, she took in as many details as she could. She saw that his cock was thick and long with a pink head and a smattering of hair trailing from his belly downward. He was the biggest she'd ever seen and he was not even fully erect. It bobbed on top of his balls. Her toes curled, nipples peaked, and she held those files tight to her chest like they contained nuclear codes. His cock continued to bob between them as its owner stood still as a statue. She had a crazy, fleeting desire to throw the files back on the floor, lift her skirt, and grind her pussy against him. She exhaled. "Get a grip, Benson," she told herself, "are you really this hard up?"

"Yes, you are" she thought miserably.

While she processed her thoughts, Elliot seemed to unfreeze and walked into the room he had come from. Seconds later, he came out wearing a robe that must have belonged to Kathleen or his mother, as it was pink and hit mid-thigh. Under any other circumstances, she'd laugh her ass off seeing him like that. Maybe take a picture and threaten to send it to Fin and Munch. But after seeing what she just saw? She was paralyzed. She let out a silent plea to the Gods to get her through this moment without embarrassing herself.

While she was a professional at masking her feelings and suppressing her impulses, Elliot was even better at seeing through them. Walking back to join her, he raised his eyebrows suggestively and mused "Well? Did you at least like what you saw?," half joking to ease the tension (and half genuinely curious.)

"Grow the fuck up, Stabler. Seriously." she barked defensively. "You look like a fucking idiot in that robe!," she added for good measure. Her face was red. Her body tense and rigid in complete contrast to his relaxed stance. He was suddenly unsure of himself, believing that his joking had gone too far, forgetting for a moment that they were not back in joking territory. Olivia was a police captain; a former friend that he had hurt badly; someone who had been there for him in the worst moments of his life. She deserved more than his stupid dick jokes.

He didn't want her to be uncomfortable. A decade away from SVU still left him sensitive to these things. Here he was trying to rebuild a "friendship for now" with the hope of more and he screwed up once again. He was just trying to make her laugh, she was so damn tense these days. His face sobered up. How could she tolerate him?

"Liv….fuck…I'm sorry. I didn't…I just got out of the shower…obviously… I didn't expect you to come in the 3 seconds it takes to walk from the bathroom to my room!…I'm sorry."

She flung the files in his direction, slamming them into his robe covered chest. "Elliot, let's just forget about it, OK? I've got to get home. Call me when you've read through the files." She turned without saying goodbye.

She was out of his apartment and buckled into her car by 6:47. Nine minutes and her entire world was changed.

Driving home, she was a mess. Mentally and physically. Her pussy was soaked, making her panties wet and uncomfortable. She could not stop picturing him naked. It invaded her thoughts like some horny teenager. She tried to distract herself but it wasn't working.

"Need to check the DD5s on the Moreno case…I SAW ELLIOT'S DICK!…Need to make a dentist appointment… ELLIOT'S DICK HOLY SHIT!…Do we have enough evidence for the Johnson case to go to trial?…I SAW ELLIOT NAKED AND HE ASKED IF I LIKED HIS DICK AND I ALMOST BLURTED OUT YES…"

Though she'd only seen it for a grand total of 4 seconds, it was seared into her mind. She'd be able to describe it to one of their department sketch artists with extreme detail. She was the perfect witness with an accuracy that detectives could only dream of.

She could just tell he'd be able to satisfy her. Moaning, she thought "He would feel so good in my…" Her thoughts trailed off as her phone rang, bringing her out of her dick trance. Speak of the devil, it was Elliot.

"Benson" she prompted in her most captain-like tone, answering the phone on speaker. "That's it, Olivia, just be professional and pretend this never happened," she thought.

"Liv…please… listen…I just…I'm heading out to dinner…I'm driving…I wanted to apologize again. I really had no idea you'd come in at that moment. It was bad timing. I'd never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. Please tell me that you know that. I love…Liv, please I'm just so sorry." He sounded like he was going to cry. "Jesus, Stabler, if only you knew…" she thought.

"Elliot, it's fine. We'e both adults. Please just…let's just forget it, ok? It's OK. We're OK." She waited a moment, "Besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before!" she attempted to laugh and lighten the serious turn this discussion had taken.

Why was it that they were having more in-depth conversations and apologies about his accidental dick exposure than his fleeing to Europe for a decade without a word?

Elliot breathed out a sigh of relief when he realized she wasn't angry.

"So, uh…speaking of things you've seen before, just how many have you seen?" he asked her to try and break the tension.

She wanted to slam her head on the steering wheel. She wanted a huge glass of wine. She wanted to see his dick again.

"Goodbye Elliot. Enjoy your FAMILY dinner. Call me about the case."

"We're going to Giorgio's, right by your place. They have the tiramisu you love. Are you sure you don't want to join us? Maybe just for dessert?" he prodded. He wasn't surprised when she once again rejected the offer but he was happy that debacle seemed to be past them.

After hanging up, she called Fin and Amanda with the excuse of briefing them about the Golder case (which she could have very well done tomorrow at the office) but really to distract her on the rest of the drive home.

She called to check in on her son at his slumber party. He was busy playing some sort of video game, answered in one-word replies through a mouthful of chips, and had her off the phone in two minutes.

She arrived home to an empty house, still on edge from what happened at Elliot's. She took a hot shower to relax and try to ease her "tension." She put on silky pajamas that felt incredible against her skin without a bra or underwear to get in the way. She made a light dinner, poured herself that generous glass of wine, and sat down to watch some TV.

She turned on the new detective show on Netflix that she had a love/hate relationship with. She mostly watched it to hate-like it, to criticize how unrealistically it portrayed the job. If only her cases could be solved in an hour and their technology was so advanced. She had bitched about it with everyone from Stabler to Fin to Carisi. Stabler had agreed with her assessment but added that he liked the female detective on the show. "She's spunky and sassy and easy on the eyes, just like someone I know" he'd claimed over dinner with a goofy grin on his face. She had rolled her eyes at him and changed the subject.

But she had to admit to herself, the lead male detective on the show was gorgeous. Broad chested, muscular, masculine…a brown eyed version of…"Don't go there!" she chided herself.

Three episodes later she still felt worked up. In recent years, she hadn't dated much and she hadn't been touched, let alone had sex with anyone since Tucker. Her younger self would be horrified. She owned some toys which helped take the edge off, but nothing was as good as the real thing.

Thanks to Elliot and his "appearance" tonight, she was unbearably horny. Horny for her recently-widowed, partner-abandoning, espresso-drinking, dick-exposing partner. Ex-partner, but in her heart of hearts, he'd always be her "partner." The partner whose dick she had seen today, ending two decades of private speculation as to what it looked like. She knew it would be impressive. Damn him.

Speaking of toys, she suddenly remembered the newest toy she bought for her collection. A fairly expensive, high-end vibrator that had an attachment to stimulate her clit. It was light blue, just like… No that's not why she chose the color. She just likes blue.

She'd purchased it on a whim late one night when she couldn't sleep. That evening had been spent out to dinner with Elliot in a three piece suit. It fit like a glove and turned her on. What happened to those loose fitting off-the-rack suits he used to wear? As soon as she returned home, feeling turned on, she made the purchase.

She had been so paranoid when she ordered it, erasing her search history and terrified that Lucy or Noah would accidentally open it when it arrived. If that happened, a triple funeral would surely follow. Noah was nosy and prone to opening packages in case they contained toys or snacks for him. She quickly regretted the impulse. How would she explain to a traumatized Noah why his mother received a huge blue battery operated penis in the mail? She had tried to cancel but it was too late.

When she received the phone notification that her package arrived at her apartment, she snuck out of the precinct, acting more like a perp than a decorated captain, raced home and hid it in her closet. She stowed it away in the back of her closet, inside another box, inside a zippered bag, shoved into her suitcase that she never got the chance to use anymore.

Since then, life had been crazy and despite her initial exuberance when she ordered it, she had forgotten about it.

Apparently tonight was the night she'd break it in. Feeling calmer from the wine, she retrieved the package and spent almost ten minutes opening it and then hiding all the "incriminating" packaging. Followed by another 10 minutes looking for D-batteries. "Please let me have them after all this," she prayed. She ended up removing the D-batteries from one of Noah's rarely used toys. Even though it was totally fine, she felt like a terrible mother. Should she call SVU on herself?

She went back to the couch, disrobed, and settled down on the couch. Turning the vibrator on low, she began by caressing her body. Breasts, then down to her stomach and thighs. She let her fingers and vibrator roam. Pulled on her nipples, hard, just the way she liked. Teased her pussy, denying herself entrance. She tried to imagine it was someone else pleasuring her.

Tucker? No, no that was too sad.

Cassidy? Ugh, just, no.

The TV detective? No, his terrible detective skills were too distracting.

She was running out of people...

Fin? Jesus, no he was her brother.

Carisi? She laughed at that one. She could practically be his mother. And Rollins would not be pleased

That attorney that Garland had tried to hook her up with? Edgar? OK, that could work. He was big and handsome, just like…

"Fuck it!" she said out loud. So what? She could imagine it was Elliot touching her. She'd done it before. After all he'd put her through, this was the least he could do.

Stupid fucking asshole Stabler and his stupid bouncing dick.

Who would ever know? She wouldn't even have to feel guilty as he was single now. She wouldn't have to lock eyes across a desk with him tomorrow morning.

The second she let herself think of Elliot, her pussy gushed. She bit down on her lips thinking of his gorgeous cock. Gripping the vibrator, she turned it higher. Opening her legs, she used one hand to spread herself open. The other tapped the vibrator on her clit. She moaned. "Elliot! Please! Baby touch me! Ahhh!" she begged.

If she was going to do this, lose all the dignity she'd worked so hard to maintain, she'd go all out. "El!" she cried out to fake Elliot, "make me cum, I need you" She let the clit attachment tease her, imagining that it was Elliot's tongue flicking her clit. "Uhhh…ahhh….so fucking good, lick me, El!" She closed her eyes and pictured Elliot kneeling before her. Using his tongue and fingers to send her to heaven. "I'm so close!," she gasped. The orgasm that followed was loud and explosive. Her first in a long time. Her body writhed as she screamed out in ecstasy into her empty apartment. When she came to, she noted that it barely took the edge off. Her pussy continued to clench and throb as she lay panting and breathless on the couch.

She needed to be filled. Fucked. Taken. It had been so long and Elliot's dick was just a fucking masterpiece. Rubbing the head of the vibrator along her clit, she then brought it down to tease her opening. She definitely would not be needing lube tonight. She eased "Elliot" into her aching hole and began pumping it in and out, hard and fast. "El, you feel so good. Please baby fuck me, fuck my pussy!" She turned the TV up, knowing she was going to be loud, and not wishing to provide her neighbors with an audio show. While little Elliot thrust inside her, she used her fingers to rub her clit. "Yes, ugh, touch my clit, Ellllll…ugh, my god, fuck me harder….uhhhhh"

Meanwhile, minutes from her apartment, Elliot was finished with dinner and carrying a to-go tiramisu as a peace offering. It was barely 9, so he knew she'd be up, probably reading over case files, needing a break. He wanted to surprise her, show her that she was still his very best "friend," and that he thought of her; it wasn't a one-way street as she had accused. Maybe they could sit and have a conversation, talk about her for once.

Lucky for him, another resident was coming out as he approached her door. Riding up to the 5th floor, he thought about how grateful he was that she allowed him back into her life. In whatever way she wanted, he was just glad to be there.

Arriving at her door, he knocked. He heard voices and stiffened. Did she have someone over? Better not be a fucking date he raged, then immediately calmed down telling himself she was allowed to see who she wanted. She had not mentioned that she was dating anyone but he couldn't blame her. Maybe it was just the TV.

He knocked again, a little louder. "Liv? You there?" he called to her.

On the other side of the apartment, Olivia was soaring. She'd established a satisfying rhythm and was fucking herself to oblivion. "Elliot I'm going to cum…please, cum in me, cum inside me!" she moaned trying to keep her voice down.

Through the door, he heard her respond "Elliot, come in, come in" and assumed she had heard him but was occupied. Maybe she was elevating/icing her ankle and didn't want to get up. Understandable. She probably just wanted him to let himself in. Holding the tiramisu in one hand, he located her "in case of emergency spare key" on his key ring and opened the door.

Like his partner earlier that evening, he was not prepared for what he saw.

There on the couch, lay Olivia Benson…naked, eyes closed, legs spread, and a huge toy pumping inside her. He could see everything. Her incredible breasts, so much larger than they'd been before he left, bouncing with her movements. Her nipples pointed and peaked. Her pussy gripping the toy for dear life. The wetness she left on the toy. He heard her moans and how she'd called out for…him? What?!

"Holy shit," he wondered to himself. He dropped the tiramisu and the plastic to-go container hit the floor sounding like a bomb went off and shattering the moment.

Her eyes popped open. Locked eyes with him. She lay there with no stupid pink robe to cover herself with. She could not have spoken a word if you'd offered her a million dollars. Her hands remained in place, the vibrator still all the way inside her, humming away,

Equally speechless, Elliot just stared. He knew he should walk out and pretend this never happened. Instead, he walked over to her and knelt down next to her. Moth to a flame.

"Liv…" he whispered.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream at him to leave but was too far gone. Too close to the edge. She could not stop thrusting the toy. "My god," she thought, she was to going to cum right in front of him. He was going to see and hear her orgasm. Real live Elliot Stabler, not the dream Elliot of the past two decades.

Her back arched and a keening sound that he didn't dare imagine she was capable of producing came out of her mouth.

"El…El please" she cried out, her body shaking.

"Liv.." he reached for her…

TBC…