A/N: Well here we are again, another new story, a new romance, some drama, and lots of chances to poke fun at Edward and Alice xx Alexis
'Are you sure this is the path you wish to take? If you are discovered, it will mean your death! My illusion will only last as long as you remain hidden from him, my daughter. If he speaks your real name, it will shatter! You will become the age you should be! Very well, then so be it, Teresa' (the Year 1875)
ILJACL
Bella
"The Denali's will be here soon, love," Edward said giving me a patronizing warning look,
As usual, I internally grimaced at the endearment and raised an eyebrow at the way he spoke to me. I am not a child to be warned to be on their best behaviour. He's spent the last two days telling me what I can't do and can't say! But not once did he say what I could do or could say, well damn free rein, how novel! Because I sure as shit will not be following his ridiculous set of instructions. Edward is so far up himself he can't see how pathetic I find him and his immature rules. Can he not see I hate him with every fibre of my being? He can't understand my biggest desire is to set fire to his pompous ass, or that contrived hairstyle! That was a shocker, it's not natural at all, he styles it that way. With mousse and hairspray every morning no less, it's like the rest of his persona, fake!
Ever since Edward and Alice's return from Volterra, I have been slowly pulling further and further away from him. He doesn't even notice, but some of the others do, however not him! The trust is gone; the love nonexistent now, the dream is beyond shattered. But I have been doomed by him, to be a solitary vampire now. His own petulant melodramatics outweighed his love for anyone but himself, even his so-called family. So he placed me and them directly in the crosshairs of the Volturi and he expects me to forgive him for that catastrophe! I am not and never was his mate, I see that now. Why won't he or is he hiding his head in the sand, because he brought this all to pass? I glance at poor Jasper and he nods back with a terse, tense smile. I feel for him having to suffer our emotions all the time.
Maybe one day, once I'm changed I can give him some relief from it all, shield him from others. Because it all is continually going around and around in my head. Edward apologised for leaving, he apologised for what he said, he even apologised for where he left me. But the one thing he never apologised for and it's the most important thing to me. That was his adamant refusal to change me ever. Said right there in the throne room of Volterra, to Aro Volturi himself. I suppose I want him to apologise for something he isn't aware I know, but I overheard Alice telling Carlisle what had occurred, once they unfortunately for me had returned to Forks. He would rather see me dead, than as a vampire and he thinks I can forgive him for that! Talk about arrogant, talk about delusional!
The only reason they got out of there alive was Alice. Before she went to Volterra she came to see me, to check if I was really dead like her vision had shown her, but she found me alive and well. She demanded I go with her to save Edward from himself, I refused point-blank. Okay, I told her to fuck off and Jake was there to stop her dragging me away and she tried! The point was, well in my mind, why waste some precious time of Edward's looking for a dead person? She's a lying bitch, that's why! She would have traded me for him if I'd gone with her, she knows I know this and not through any damned vision. I found out later that was the last time she saw me in a vision when she saw me very much alive. That was the day I finally broke free of their hold.
Now I'm giving her not a vision as such, but complete blackness where I used to be. My disgust at her is total and in fact, I haven't spoken to her since she returned. But I've been dragged back in their drama because of that stupid man-child; crazy how I once thought I loved him. Alice arrived in time to stop Edward by force and then take him back in front of the brothers. She showed them me as a vampire and said if necessary she would change me herself or Carlisle would! She basically traded the allure of me, to save him. Alice said that Edward would accept our mating bond once I was a vampire-like him. This whole farce I realised when they returned had been all for Edward and him alone. I was never important in the grand scheme of things and if he accidentally killed me back then, well I was his singer after all!
But a promise was made to their leaders and I was the one who had to pay the price. It's not as if I could refuse, the Volturi would come and execute me and the tribe and probably half of Forks just in case anyone else knew about them. So stuck between a rock and a hard place I agreed. My plan is simple to play along for now and once changed kick Edward's ass into next week and probably Alice's too. But because I agreed, only to save a slaughter, they think everything is back to the way it once was, as if! It's not just him with his head in the sand, Alice is just as bad. She's still forging ahead with a wedding I will never attend. I will not marry someone I barely even like anymore; I am not that much of a masochist. I am usually an easy-going person until you push me too far and then I dig in my heels.
I know she has seen it because this affects them too and she would see him alone at the altar. So why then, the continuation of plans that will never bear fruit? It makes me dislike her more and more every day, does she not understand that? If yes, then she was never my friend at all! Is she's so desperate to plan Edward's wedding that the wants of the non-compliant bride are treated as irrelevant? I think she is deluding herself that I'll forget all of this during my change, no she's praying for that! Carlisle and Esme have their heads buried so far up Edward's ass, they see nothing or should I say they ignore everything. My only real allies were Rose and Em. I know Jasper tries to help, but I have a feeling Alice has asked him not to interfere. But I sense he's pulling away from her more and more every day.
His sense of honour demands he does not stand idly by. I'm sure he won't want to go up against the family, but will he be in it much longer? I'm not so sure they are mates at all. Rose has offered me a plan, once Carlisle turns me because Edward still refuses to, of course. They will take me and run, while I'm still changing and we will stay hidden until I'm no longer a newborn. But meanwhile, I have to play along with this carefully crafted act. My only condition was to demand I be changed before the wedding not after and the idiots actually agreed. That confused me why Alice was still planning a wedding that would be one maybe two years away! They seem to have me mixed up with the old shy, compliant Bella. But I think it's because she's convinced herself and them I will agree once I'm changed.
But I know once I'm changed there will not be a snowball's chance in hell; I'll stay with Edward if I last that long. Nor will I stay with the Cullens if I'm being honest, Alice would know that too. Rose explained all about repeating your memories over and over as you change to cement them in your psyche eternally. Now I have to put up with being paraded like a pampered show dog for their so-called cousins from Denali. I don't know them and frankly, I don't want to if they are anything like the Cullens. Another bunch of supercilious asses might send me over the edge. I find every day I'm a little more disgusted by them and I know I barely hide it anymore. So if they don't see it, it's because they don't want to. Well, so far I'm not wrong they are all as obnoxious as the four main Cullens.
The sister's dear me, how can I say this politely! Good God almighty, with all their money, can't they afford to buy clothes that fit or cover the bare, extremely bare essentials? Okay, Kate's not so bad, in fact, she's kind of bad-ass all in leather! The other two are..., well, Irina is a bitch and Tanya is a skank actually! But damn Eleazar, he's not what I expected; I was expecting another Carlisle type of pompous ass. But he's like that, not at all. He's a down to earth, polite and a genuinely honest vampire male. He asked normal questions and never once talked over my hearing limit and included me in all his observations. He explained things if I looked confused, so the complete opposite of the Cullens. He also confirmed I was a shield, he mouthed it to Carlisle, but he was looking over at me, making sure I knew as well.
So who's this woman? That's not how they described Carmen? She's supposed to be small, dark-haired and from the Mediterranean, Spain I believe like Eleazar! Wait a minute; they just introduced her to me as Carmen! What the fuck! Oops, I know, it's a bad word, naughty me. Apparently, ladies don't swear, well that's what Prudeward tells me every day, so of course, it must be true! So back to the problem at hand, nobody's that blind, are they? Thank goodness for the occasional visitor, it's one of the only times I get to talk to Jasper without a full-scale war, apart from during Edward's hunting times. Edward can't be seen to be a controlling weirdo in front of his extended family. While Edward is trying to avoid the grabby hands of the skank, oh excuse me, Tanya, I take the chance to talk to Jasper.
I sit on one side of the chessboard and send Jasper some confusion, worry and disbelief. He moves toward me and sits down, without further ado we start a game. I have the pleasure of being the only worthy opponent he has in the family. Alice doesn't care that Jasper likes to play. Edward cheats obviously, Carlisle plays it too safe and the others don't play well enough to make it worthwhile for him. I also have worked out a system where we can talk unheard, through sign language. So I taught Rose, Emmett and Jasper. Having a deaf friend in Phoenix has paid off now. Everything is tighter into the body for us to not be seen, but it works very well. I make sure my back is to the room and sign,
"I'm confused!"
Jasper
Bella's emotions towards the family are worsenin' with every day that passes. Only Rose, Emmett and I for some reason are exempt from the disgust, displeasure and the weight of her abject hatred. I've tried to temper Alice, but she won't listen at all. She's plannin' a weddin' I know for a fact, will never take place. The stupid thing is Edward is pleased with the withdrawal of signs of affection from Bella. He was never comfortable with her expressions of a sexual nature and now she no longer proffers her love or her body, he's beyond happy. He of course brought it on himself. I know what killed their love, he does not! Carlisle and Esme pretend to be ignorant of Edward's failures, but they can see it too. But by pretendin' that they don't, is what only aggravates Bella more. They have forfeited her respect, on his account!
They insist on treatin' her like a child and apart from Em, Rose and I nobody else has apologised to her for their part in this cock-up. Bella is as smart as a whip and they can't see it. No, won't see it! She taught the three of us American Sign Language and we have private discussions all the time. It relieves the tedium and has helped us set up an escape route for her. I know she thinks I'm not that involved, but that's for Alice's benefit just now. We can't afford for them to find out too soon. I have a feelin' everythin' is about to change and I won't stay; Alice isn't my mate, even if she says she is. I know what I feel and it is clearly deception. But that's not what's botherin' Bella today; she was aggravated the Denali's were comin' that's for sure. But I saw it was more about Edward's orders on how to act and behave around them.
Like she cares what they think of her. She's a grown woman who he treats like a child, she has a father and Edward could never begin to replace that bond! He wrongly assumes because they don't talk a lot they have no lastin' ties, how wrong he is. Their love for each other is deep, strong and feels glorious to me. Since the Denali's arrival, Bella has rightly worked out their strengths and weaknesses. Her initial shock at Tanya and Irina's mode of dress nearly made me laugh out loud. Now she senses Kate is a strong capable fighter, but that Irina is a vapid bitch and Tanya is, of course, a woman of loose morals! Her reaction to Eleazar was interestin' that's for sure. The sudden spike in heart rate showed me the attraction she had felt and the realisation he was nothin' like Carlisle. But her emotions concernin' Carmen are strange.
Confusion, disbelief and worry, what has brought them on I'm sure I'm about to find out as she sits down at the chess table and sends me her emotions. This is a well-crafted technique Bella instigated, as I said an intelligent woman and not a child. I see Rose move into our line of sight, she too knows somethin' is wrong. Emmett as well has oriented himself to see us clearly. While looking like he's in the zone, with one of his many games. It's laughable that the two without powers can get around two out of three who have them. Nobody can get around my empathy, the minute they try I notice. So it's a moot point, they never seem to grasp. Alice and Edward aren't aware of this and think they are foolin' me, but emotions talk loudly and cannot be altered. They think by emotin' one thing it fools me.
But that is exactly the opposite of what happens it sets off all the warnin' bells and I just dig deeper!
Rose
I sensed something was bothering Bella and it wasn't the tramp trying to climb on Edward's dick as we speak! It was when she was introduced to Carmen, she seemed confused. Now that she has signalled for a game of chess with Jasper, I know I was right. So I sit myself down in a position to see what she was telling him, but to also make sure Alice and Edward didn't. I wasn't worried about Carlisle and Esme; they wouldn't see an elephant on a unicycle coming through here unless directed by Edward to see it. I had lost all respect for them since Bella came into our lives. Well not Emmett and Jasper, of course, they are above reproach. But so many glaring lies and anomalies started to show themselves clearly to me now. Things I ignored before to my shame. I know I wasn't her greatest fan before we left.
But the way Edward did it was cruel and heartless and I have apologised for my part in the whole thing. In fact, we three are the only ones who have. Edward has tried to pay lip service for what he thinks Bella sees as his wrongs. But the fool has no idea how far he has fallen from grace. I haven't spoken to Alice since she lied to Bella and said I had told Edward she was dead. That honour goes to Esme, not me and I can't forgive those four for blaming me. They did it to save face, but what they don't know, is Bella knows the truth. Well at least Esme, Carlisle and Edward don't, Alice I know must have seen it all, didn't she? She is pretending otherwise, or can she really no longer see? Alice is convinced she can get her original vision back on track, but that is no longer possible.
The one where Bella love the four of them unconditionally, but it is damaged beyond repair. She no longer loves Edward, distrusts Alice, knowing she was willing to trade her for Edward. She has no respect for Carlisle and Esme anymore, which is understandable by the way they are behaving. Her bonds with Emmett are stronger than ever, Jasper too and she now has given me the privilege of being her sister and confidant. I think that's what rankles the most with Alice. Well, she shouldn't have tried to take human Bella to Volterra. Now, what exactly is Bella asking Jasper? How well do we know Carmen? She's asking him to describe her in great detail. I pick up a pencil and quickly sketch a likeness of Carmen. Standing up I wander over to Emmett who's pretending to be lost in the game he's playing.
I drop the sketch in Bella's lap and she shakes her head and flips it over before doing one of her own. That's something the others aren't aware of, Bella is an extremely talented young woman, she draws, she writes and she can play the piano excellently. She holds it out so we three can see it and well, that is nobody we know at all! But obviously, this is who Bella sees when she looks at Carmen, but why? Of course, she's a shield, so no illusion would get past it or her! But why did this woman need to be hidden from everyone including Eleazar? Who is she, is she a danger to us? Jasper shakes his head slightly and I relax. He stares at the drawing for some time before slipping it into his pocket.
Emmett
I don't know if the others noticed, but when Bella was introduced to Eleazar and then later he mouthed 'shield' and Carmen actually flinched. I wonder why? Carlisle and Edward nodded; they always knew and hadn't mentioned it to Bella. It was unimportant now anyway because we had already told our little sis that particular nugget of information. In fact, Rose, me and Jasper tell her everything nowadays, no more secrets they only hurt her more. It was beyond ridiculous how they were all behaving. They pretended the last eight months never happened and everything was rosy in their make-believe garden. But I've a feeling it will come back to bite them literally, it could happen to more deserving vampires. I wait for a lull in the unspoken conversation and sign my thoughts.
Everyone assumes I'm the dumb backwoodsman in this family, but I just let them think that. Like now, for instance, I'm having an in-depth discussion with the other three, musing through my own thoughts and on the surface of my mind I'm thinking about the game I'm playing and of course Rose, for Edward's benefit. A vampire's mind is all about levels, like lines of code, some are embedded, some are not. Edward can only read surface thoughts, the fleeting inconsequential ones and he thinks he's so important, ha! He's a spoilt brat and an arrogant asshole, who has an overinflated ego to match! From my position I can see Carmen glancing at Bella surreptitiously, is that fear in her eyes? Why? What could she be afraid of?
Carmen (Teresa)
This was a mistake, a dreadful mistake! That human is going to ruin everything for me, after all this time. I was warned this could happen, But who knew Edward would meet a human shield? I must get everyone to leave, maybe I could use Tanya's deplorable behaviour towards Edward as an excuse, not that Edward is fighting her off that hard. He doesn't want her sexually, but he glories in the attention, like the child he is. Yes. I'll talk to Esme and say that we should leave rather than insult Isabella. One of the main reasons I took Carmen's place one hundred and thirty years ago, was that nobody would find out. We were supposed to be hidden in the wilds of nowhere, hidden from humans and vampires. I even put up with these vapid over-sexed bitches for him; I did it for him and him alone!
But if he finds out I will die, he doesn't understand I did it because she didn't love him like I did! She was leaving him and I couldn't let her, she laughed at me and said he'd understand! But I didn't and we fought about it. I killed her how I don't know, it was a freak accident. It all happened so fast, she fell backwards into the blazing campfire, I was the human, but she the vampire died. Then that crazed male vampire came and I had to kill him too. I don't even know what he wanted back then; he was rambling and dementedly pawing at the ashes around the edges of the campfire. I did him a favour and put him out of his misery. I know now, what happened, but it was too late. Why would she want to leave Eleazar? For her real mate, that's why! The male I killed was her mate!
Anyway from the day, he returned Eleazar pulled away from me as if he knew I wasn't her. But that wasn't possible, the illusion made sure I looked exactly like her. But he refused all of my advances and I know he slept with her, so why not me! Again in hindsight, because he didn't love me, he loved her. But I was young idealistic and fancied myself in love with a vampire. Now I'm trapped in a loveless marriage, that I can't leave, I'll die excruciatingly if I do! After all I did to get him? It's a hollow victory, as long as he believes I'm her, I stay alive and never age. I'm tired, tired of pretending to be someone, something else. I long to look in the mirror and see my own face once again. I long to be loved, wanted and needed! For me, for the real me! For Teresa!
Eleazar
I am trying not to stare at young Isabella, it's not just her shield that intrigues me, it's her whole persona, her innate beauty. She is quite the actress, either that or the Cullens are blind. No, three of them are aware and on her side, the others are deluding themselves. She's assured, she's outwardly calm and she is not the delicate doll, Edward wants her to be. I sense a strength of character in her which is lacking in most of the Cullens. Alice is prattling on about the wedding, Edward and Isabella's that is. I believe if the young lady was a fire-starter, Alice would be no more. I see that the only ones who think a wedding will take place are the aforementioned delusional ones. I also see when any of them get too close to her she moves her head away and looks above them, over their shoulders or at the ground. Surely they would never stoop so low?