HAJIME HINATA AND THE GUIDE TO ULTIMATE TALENT
aka "Hajime Has Enough Of Everyone's Bullshit"
The boy perches on the edge of the tower, seemingly untouched by the wind. A strange staff floats by his side, radiating soft light. He steps forward, the words swept by the wind into a delicate whisper-
"Screw you, Monomi!"
"Kimi no nozomu mono wa nani?" miminari uso mitai na hanashi
Douyara boku no sekai wa bagutte shimaimashita
Saegiru bonnou soitsu ga iu ni wa touka koukan dato
Yuuwaku shitagai zaregoto ni oboredashita
Ou-sama GEEMU kyousei sanka
Kyohiken nante kiicha kurenai…"
Hajime Hinata fumbles for the alarm. Five minutes behind schedule. Great. At this rate, he'll be late. Great. He doesn't need another mark on his record. He grabs a piece of toast left on his bedside table, his bag, and a bus pass.
Five minutes later, Hajime arrives at Classroom 77-B and grabs an empty seat next to his best friend, Chiaki Nanami, the Ultimate Gamer.
"Morning, Nanami! I played the game you recommend. It was fun!" Chiaki gives him a gentle smile. "Thank you, Hajime. It was f..f..f.." Chiaki falls into her desk, dead asleep. As gently as possible, Hajime takes the pillow under her seat and rests it under her head, giving it a gentle pat.
"Good morning!" Chisa Yukimoze, the former Ultimate Housekeeper, calls as she enters. A petite woman with long ginger hair held in a bow, she's more of Hajime's mom than his actual mother. Today she's wearing her usual ruffled apron over a fluffy teal dress. Her olive eyes are a shade lighter than Hajime's, and sparkles as they survey her students. Hajime holds back a smile. Some of his classmates think Chisa is odd, or isn't old enough to be a teacher, but he couldn't disagree more. She is generally very lively and confident, always working hard with a smile on her face and facing new challenges with a positive attitude. In general, she is a kind person who comforts those who need it and takes care of others.
Shit, he's so lucky to even be here. Hajime's really not an Ultimate anything, not like these people faked his way in as the "Ultimate Mind Reader". His parents were so proud. He can't let them down now.
""Oh dear. I'm assuming Fuyuhiko and Akane are skipping?" Chisa groans. Hajime barely holds back his resentment. He knows it isn't really their fault, but he worked his ass off to get into the Main Course. It isn't fair that they can skip class. No, he's just bitter.
In the back of the classroom, Hiyoko perks up, hand shooting into the air. "I saw Fuyuhiko on the way here!" Nekomaru shakes his head. "Nah. That was Hitrosu. They're gonna be late, flu or something." Chisa frowns. "Oh. I hope they're alright. Now, where did we leave off…"
—-
"Oh, it's almost lunch. Let's continue the lecture later. Enjoy your break!"
The west door opens into a wide courtyard, wild flowers dotting the grass. The air smells of blossoms and freshly baked bread. A wave of affection rushes through Hajime. Hope's Peak is his home, and he won't let anyone tell him otherwise.
"Want to eat lunch in the garden?" Chiaki asks. The garden is Hajime's favorite place on campus. "Sure- wait," Hajime pauses. " Ah, I forgot my lunch. Should I meet you there?" Sonia nods.
Chiaki and Sonia head for the garden. Hajime turns to find his lunch. "Wait!" Chisa runs up towards him, huffing. "I wanted to talk to you about something." Great. He already knows what's happening. "Sure, Mrs. Yukizome." "I saw the reports. As soon as we increased the difficulty, you've been failing your Talent Sessions. I'm worried about you…" "I'm fine, thanks." "I wanted to suggest this to you before the Academy gets involved. Have you considered the Reserve Course?"
Hajime's blood runs cold.
"I'm sure they'd let you transfer without the usual fee, with your scores and the fact you've already done a year and a half in Main." Chisa pulls a pamphlet from her apron. "Just consider it, alright? To be totally honest, I don't want you to transfer either. You're a calming influence on Class 1B, and an outstanding student. I know you're not really a mind reader. But it takes skill and effort to fake it for so may not be an Ultimate, but you're still just as important. There's more to life than just talent. Interacting with others like you do will build character and help you make memories. Let's make something more important than talent shine: your hope. Don't be afraid to talk to me if you need anything." She smiles and waves as she walks away.
"See you tomorrow, Hajime!"
—-
Later that night, Hajime settles into a comfy chair with a glass of orange juice. The house is empty at the moment. He pulls out the pamphlet. The cover showcases Reserve Students frollicking on grassy hilltops, studying over cups of cappuccino, eyes bright and smiles wide. Hope Peak's Reserve Department: A Fun, Accessible Time for All! He remembers the pamphlet he received two years ago: Hope's Peak Main Course: Cultivating the Next Generation of Elite Promising Youth.
He rips it in half. Then in fourths. Tiny scraps. Finally he takes the remains and drops them in the rubbish bin. What bullshit. The Reserve Course is the campus joke. Hope's Peak is a multi-billion dollar school with the most expansive and gorgeous facilities available. With those kinds of costs, no school could get by on charity. Thus, the Reserve Course. Rich parents pay fortunes to get their kids the prestige of being a Hope's Peak graduate. In reality, the Reserve Course is the world's greatest party school, in which students are allowed to run wild and still receive a degree of the highest honor. The fucking nerve to say-
CLANG.
Something is inside the attic.
There's no other explanation. The strange sound could only have come from somewhere above. He climbs up the ladder, phone flashlight shining a beacon in the piles of junk. No one really goes up in the attic, as long as Hajime's been born. Maybe to fish out Christmas lights or store aging photo books, but not long enough to take a good look. He sneezes twice. It wouldn't be surprising to find a rat or two.
His eyes catch on an open cardboard box, labeled BOOKS. On the top sits a thick leather tome, coated in dust. With one soft blow, the dust fades away, revealing an elegant script: Izuru Kamakura's Guide to The Ultimate Talent.
The soft creaks and whirrs of the attic are drowned out by the drumbeat of Hajime's heart. Tha-thump. In a trance, he reaches for the book. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. This is it. The answer to all his problems. Tha-thump. His parents wouldn't look at him with that horrible pity in their eyes. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. He wouldn't have to leave his friends. Everything he wanted could be his and his alone. The Ultimate Talent, better than any other. Tha-thump. All his. Tha-thump. All his. Tha-thump. All his.
"All mine." He opens it, and-
Dozens of cards fall out,a hurricane of paper, whirling torrents of ink and aging wax .
The edge of a card skims his throat and he feels wet blood leak down his cheek. Dimly, he wonders if anyone would care if he died here. A perfectly ordinary boy in a perfectly ordinary life, dying a most peculiar death. It'd be hard to explain. How did I die? Ha, it's kind of a funny story. You see, I went to the attic and found a nice book, then a bunch of magic cards cut me to death. Weird, right? If no one knew he existed, had he ever lived at all?
The storm dies down. All that's left of to encounter is the book, lying on its spine. He scans the pages- all empty. A single card is stuck in the fold. It's beautiful, half in black and the other in white. A girl is drawn in blood red foil. Dressed in a performance suit, tiny hair clips shaped like music notes hang on a soft bun. She's sitting at an antique piano, fingers outstretched. Thousands of people sit in the theater, clapping wildly. Around the edges is sketched sheet music. A banner reads: THE MUSICIAN. The back is done in swirls of monochrome. At the center sits a strange red symbol- a sideways lightning bolt? A malformed Z? No, something inside him answers. An eye.
Fur brushes Hajime's ankles. "Shit, a rat!" He jumps away- "I'm not a rat! I'm a rabbit!" the not-rat squeaks indiganditly. In Hajime's opinion, it doesn't look like a rat. It looks more like a plush toy. Its shape resembles an white overstuffed teddy bear, but two rabbit ears stick out of the head. A pink and white tutu is sewn into the waist. "I am Monomi, the Ultimate Magical Rabbit Girl! Nice to meet you!"
Hajime whips his orange juice at the plush. It squeals. "Hey! What was that for?"
"You're a teddy bear," Hajime answers unthinkingly. "You're a teddy bear and you're talking to me. I'm dreaming. I'm sleeping and you're my sleep paralysis demon. Or…" Was it possible Izuru Kamakura's Guide to the Ultimate talent was some sort of super weed? A magic mushroom that causes hallucination just by being near it? Maybe it'll make him smarter, too. Nope. Still depressingly average. He checks his watch. 4:20. Hajime knew it.
"I told you, I'm not a bear! I'm a rabbit!" "No. You're a hallucination from Kamakura's secret stash."
The rabbit cocks its head. "Izuru? You know Izuru?" Her eyes catch at the book. "The cards! You found the cards! That's so awesome. Thank you so much, kind stranger!"
"I have done literally nothing so far." Monomi rolls her eyes. "No way! You unlocked the book and gathered the cards under you, our new master- what's your name?"
"Hajime Hinata, Hajime is fine. But, hate to break it to you, by the cards are long gone. Except for this one." He hands her The Musician. "Sorry about that, but you probably should have secured them better if you didn't want them to fall out. Like a Ziploc baggie. Then again I'm having this conversation with a hallucination, so I'm not the best person to give advice."
"Hmm. You see, way back when I was a young rabbit, magic was really popular! A very strong and amazing spellcaster named Izuru Kamukara captured the greatest forces of the world and sealed them inside cards, just like the one in your hands! That way, their magic wouldn't hurt innocent people! I was created to protect the cards, mm-hmm! But it's been centuries since anyone found them. I was starting to think no one would ever show up to harness the Card's Power! But here you are! We have to work together to collect all the cards before someone gets hurt- wait," Monomi hisses. "There's still a Card here. Be careful-"
WHAM!
A figure leaps out behind a box of exercise equipment. It's a girl, her whole body glowing with golden light. Long white hair flows behind her like a miniature universe, eyes are molten silver. Before Hajime can think, she draws a poetry wire, sharpened into a razor's edge. The whip flashes outwards, cutting his hand. He screams. Definitely real.
"What the hell? What the hell!" Monomi flutters to his side. "I told you it was real! This is the Artist Card, and we're going to seal it.
"What-why-when-who" Monomi's fluffy paws slam into his side. "Focus!" She presses the Musician Card into his hand.
The card flashes. In a burst of light, a life-size piano floats beside him. The girl on the card is taller than him, drawn in full color. Her hair is pale blond, eyes magenta. Her suit is blood red, edged in copper. She perches on the lid, while invisible fingers play a slightly familiar melody: Der Flohwalzer? Hajime's grandma tried to teach him, before her passing. The Flea Waltz is a beginner's melody, easy to perform. Yet something about the way she plays is enchanting, hypnotic.
"Do something!" The spirit binks. "Er, what is a "something?" "Seriously? Stop that thing before it destroys my house!" The spirit bows. As you wish. The music takes a sharp turn, climbing into a shrill shriek, speeding to a fever pitch. The Artist wails and covers its ears.
"Quick, Hajime!" Monomi calls. She handed him a gold necklace. Dangling at the center in a charm, like something Mikan might wear. It's a little golden wand, with red jewels at the ends. Near the top are a pair of wings and four arches, like hollow hearts.
Hajime decides to take a very, very cold shower until the weed wears off, and turns to leave.
But Monomi doesn't give up. "Take the necklace off the chain, and say "Oh Card impronished by Izuru Kamakura, I, Insert Name Here, seal you in the name of Hope! Kuma… CARD! It will seal the card within the wand!"
"Like a Pokemon? What the hell are you even talking about!" "Just do it, stupid!"
The necklace slips off the chain. In an instant, the charm grows into a sparkling six foot baton. Hajime slams the baton forward. "Oh Card sealed by Izuru Kamkura, please get in the stupid Pokeball wand before you literally murder me! Kuma…CARD!"
Hajime mentally spams the B button. The baton shakes once, twice… then stops. A card slips into his hand. The Artist mediates below three identical suns, paintbrush in one hand and a sculpted flower in the other.
He turns to the Musician. "If you understand me, thanks. It was a big help. Erm…do you have a name? Other than, y'know..if not that's fine…" The Card smiles. When she smiles, the narrow curves of her face lighten, revealing a soft cheerfulness. No problem, teehee! I'm Kaede. Call on me anytime."
"Why didn't you leave with the other cards? You don't seem murderous… er, I think. Hopefully. Do you want me to release you?" The Musician frowns. No, thanks. Being unsealed drives us Cards crazy. If you released me, I'd just attack you. And you seem nice, so I don't want that. But call on me anytime, 'kay? Another flash of light and Kaede is gone.
After a moment of silence, Monomi sqkauddles forward. "I knew it! You're the destined Cardcaptor, Hajime! The one to save Tokyo from the Kuma Cards! I'm so glad! You know-"
"No, thanks." Monomi blinks. Hajime's eyes narrow. "I've had enough of this, thank you very much. Talking rabbits and enchanted cards- no, thank you. I almost died while you sat there and spewed happy bullshit. I've seen Magical Girl Madoka. I know what's up. I'm going to get some more orange juice and pretend this never happened." He turns away. "Hope's Peak is about five minutes from here, down West Street and a left. I'm sure you can find some superhuman genius there who could help you out. I can give you a map if you'd like. Bye, I guess."
"But your uniform! Aren't you a Hope's Peak Student too?" Tch. "Not really. I'm just faking it. So leave me alone before I get a rabbit-induced migraine."
"Call it."
"Call who? Animal control?"
" The Artist, duh!" Hajime rolls his eyes. "If I call her, will you leave me alone after this?" Monomi nods. "Yep! Just give it a shot!" He sighs, and pulls the necklace off the chain.
This time, it doesn't even take a thought to transform the charm. The wand glows with warm heat under his fingers- not burning hot like the last time, but a gentle, welcoming warmth, like steamy liquid chocolate on a deathly cold day, like the last ray of summer sun peeking out of the window panes. He twirls it in the air twice and taps it on the card.
"Oh Card imprisoned by Izuru Kamukura, I, Hajime Hinata, politely ask you to come and say hi so the annoying demon rabbit will leave me alone! Um, if you're cool with that!" The card flashes, and the Artist comes out. Her unblinking eyes fix on Hajime. Monomi waves a hand. "Angie! Please do me a favor and help Hajime paint! Thank you!" "W-wha-" He doesn't finish the sentence before the Artist slams into him. Everything is bright, too bright, burning and falling and twisting and-
He blacks out.
—-
"Wake up, Sleepyhead!"
The world blinks into focus. Hajime yaws. What a weird dream. Something about a rabbit? Eh, whatever. He reaches for the alarm, catching soft fur.
"What- what the hell-" Mononi prodds at his face. "Get up, silly! It's time to-"
With all his strength, Hajime drops kicks the rabbit demon off the rooftop, punting her into the stratosphere. A job well done. He dusts off his hands, finding… gold paint?
The entire rooftop is gold. A hundred, a million, infinite shades of gold, of dozens of different paints. Gold glitter sparkles in the light. It's a sun, more beautiful than any other, more spectacular than the real thing. It covers every inch of the rooftop. The sunset above looks weak and pale in comparison.
"W-what..w-who.."
"You, duh!" Monomi calls. Somehow, she's already back "Or to be technical, the Card possessing you. But to anyone watching, you, Hajime Hinata, the Ultimate Painter!"
"I-I'm not the Ultimate Painter!"
Monomi turns to Hajime. "But you could be. Don't you see? This could be every day. Don't you want to be special? Helpful? The cards are wild, dangerous. You, and only you, can save Tokyo." Hajime takes a sharp breath. "W-what are you-"
An ancient cunning sparks in Monomi's eyes. "Once you gather enough cards, you can command them at will. They'll do anything you ask. I bet you could even stay out of the Reserve Department! Wouldn't that be nice? You could stay with your friends, right? The Ultimate Ultimate. Doesn't that sound nice? No, that doesn't have the right ring. You'd be bringing so much happiness to the city. What about the… Ultimate Hope?"
Click.
Click.
Click.
Mahiru's camera flashes with feverish speeds, capturing the boy and the talking plush. Click. Click. Click.
Perfect.
—-
NEXT TIME ON CARD CAPTOR HAJIME (if I actually remember to write this lmao)
"Are we getting closer?"
The girl steps out of the banquet hall, swords held aloft. The boy nods. With their silky white hair and ghost-pale skin, they could be twins from a distance. Up close, they couldn't be more different. The girl's beauty is cold and regal, red eyes glowing like a cats. In contrast, the boy is shaggy, wraithlike. Ceremonial robes practically hang off wispy angles. He's so tall and frail it seems a single wind could blow him away into nothing.
"Why are you in such a hurry to leave, Peko?" the boy laughs. "I never knew you were interested in the Kuma Cards. Hmm.. a mystery! If only there was someone competent at that sort of thing, ahahaha."
The girl's eyes narrow. "None of your business, brat." A black limousine pulls up to the curb, scattering half-eaten trash and dirt. A withered hand beckons them , the car is smooth leather and sleek iron. The boy kicks open the mini fridge and pops a can of soda nonchalantly.
"Oh, I don't mind at all, as long as it doesn't impact the mission. I want to explore Tokyo, too! Can you believe I've never been? What a glorious city filled with-"
"If you say the H word, I will literally murder you."
The boy grins. "Ah, wonderful! I'd be glad to be a stepping stone for your dreams. However, would you mind waiting until after I get the Kuma Cards? After all…"
"What, Komaeda? When will you finally give up? When will you stop this madness? When will you be satisfied enough to give a damn about yourself?'
The laughing, easygoing boy is gone. In his place, the wraithlike boy's eyes are alight with madness, an unhinged slash of a smile carved across his face. "Isn't that obvious, Peko? Until I find the only thing that can conquer Luck, the greatest force in the universe, Hope! Only then can Tokyo be safe!"
"You're insane."
"Aw, jeez. I like to think I'm fun. Now let's go find the Kuma Cards."