People are born whenever they want or not. I was also born that way and lived an ordinary and reasonably happy life. But life is often unpredictable, some of those are absurd enough to write books about to win prizes and be shared over the internet to be ridiculed.
I dreamed myself into this world and now I have no way to go back. A world where kings and queens still exist, where war and hunger is prevalent and it is also a world where magic is real. To be precise, it is a world of a common fantasy romance novel I read some time ago.
I woke up as Alina Starkov, the protagonist of this story. The only Sun summoner in the existence, one that has power to destroy the evil shadow fold. The only possible opposition to the Shadow summoner. One destined to become a saint and disappear from the public eye with her best friend. Some people may be ecstatic to live through this, but I was not sure I loved this world. So, I have decided to kill myself and return to my world.
Pounding on the door jolted me awake.
"I don't have time for this," said a female voice, "open. Now! "
I unlocked the door in the unfamiliar place and was almost hit by it. Ginger hair, golden eyes, and flawless skin in a creamy garment.
"All Saints!" she exclaimed. "Have you even bathed? What happened to your face?"
I tried to protest but the girl was already ordering the other girls that came into the room with her. The girls came down on me, pulling my clothes of off me. That scared me heavily.
"Stop!" I shouted but my own voice sounded weird to me. "What the fuck is going on?! Who are you? Where are we?!"
"Hold her down if you have to," said the girl.
So, I did what any normal person would do, I punched one of the servants, relaxing my muscles, ready to bolt.
That seemed to stop them somehow. They hesitated, looking from me to the girl and back to me. The brown-haired one, that I punched was crying, holding her nose.
"Out!" ordered the ginger one and the girl leaped on the change and ran out of the doors. "Did you really have to do that?" she asked me but without waiting for my answer once again she spoke: "My name is Genya. In less than an hour, you will be presented to the King. It is my job to make you look presentable."
Genya clapped her hands, and the girls went into action.
Perfect. This did not answer any of my questions. Nor did it explain the unfamiliar room. I was beginning to feel the anxiety and anger rising. Deep breath, breathe. In and out. In and out. In and out. Soon I was in a bath, scrubbed and touched in all the places. My body hurt. It did not take long, and I was once again ushered out and dried. Finally dressed in a heavy velvet robe and back inside the previous room. I was left alone with Genya.
She took hold of my chin and started brushing my face with her fingers. It felt wrong. It was not a pleasant experience. It hurt. But I held on, trying to be as still as possible while thinking about what to do next. Minutes passed and the itching receded. She handed me a mirror. Dark brown hair, skin white as milk, lips the color of blood. I saw an unfamiliar face in the mirror, and it scared me to death. "It only lasts for a few days," she informed me as she held a petal next to my cheek. I watched in the mirror as the face changed to one with a pretty blush. "Now the hair." She picked up some gold leaves and held them up to the hair and pulled the comb through it. Golden leaves dissolved into the hair, leaving it shiny. Then she brushed through them with her fingers waving them. Genya. Genya. Genya… Finally, I understood after seeing all the magic. The scene was quite familiar. Genya Safin, a tailor. Oh no. No. Hell no!
"Isn't it better now, miss Starkov?" Genya said with a smug smile.
I did not answer and instead looked out of the window. The day has dawned. It was a perfect day to kill myself.
She huffed and let the other girls back into the room. They pushed me and dressed me in a tunic with trousers. I did not protest this time. There would be time for that. I was about to be presented to the King. Well, not me, Alina Starkov, the Sun summoner, with me at the wheel.
"If anyone asks, I just helped you get dressed. I'm not supposed to work on Grisha," she whispered to my ear. I just nodded. When would be the best place to kill me? If I was not enough, I would get caught. I briefly remembered that they had healers. I needed to be alone for that. Okay, so not now.
We entered the huge hall full of people in colored robes. Blue, red, and purple. They were all very pretty. As they watched us enter the hall, every eye went to us. Grisha in a red robe came to us and made a low bow.
"I am Sergei Beznikov," he said smiling. "Let me introduce you." And took me by the shoulder.
Another girl, in blue this time approached us: "She is a Summoner, Sergei. She walks with us."
"Marie, you can't possibly suggest that she enters the hall as a lower-order Grisha."
Oh, so this was how it will be hm? I shook him off and faced them both, not happy about the situation at all.
"I will walk alone," I said.
"Oh no, you walk with me," said a low voice behind me. The whole room went silent.
The man was strikingly beautiful. Ink-black hair, piercing grey eyes and sharp features. The Darkling. Marie and Sergei backed away.
"Come," he beckoned to me. With that, in an instance, everyone started moving. They started filling through the large door leading outside. First went the purple, then blue, and finally the red. I noted in my head the order. It meant ranking.
I stayed where I was. A moment later, the Darkling was beside me, his eyes never leaving my face.
"You look well-rested," he said.
"I am not," I answered. I did not want to speak much; the voice was still so unfamiliar to me.
"The King will expect a demonstration," he said calmly, and I just nodded, noting a small smile on his most stoic face. It was gone in a second.
We moved in silence through a tunnel of branches. I knew that he knew what he was doing. What was the point of being anxious? If I fuck up, nothing will change. This place, this world, was not mine. I knew he will not let me fail. All the roads were built with stone and the castle, no, palace glistened in the day. I bet, the historians would have been envious from the standpoint of a modern person, who lived on earth. We climbed beautiful marble steps into the palace. The long corridor was lined with mirrors. Everything was gold. The walls, chandeliers, ornaments on the walls, and things. It was sickening. Finally, we were in the throne room. Men in military dresses and women in gowns blended with the Grisha. We walked slowly to the throne.
The King was not old. Not really. He had no chin, and I could see his veins from where I stood. His back straightened as we neared. The Darkling squeezed my arm.
"Your highness, moi tsar," he said in a clear voice. "Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner."
I felt it. The eyes from everywhere. And the murmurs. I was a pretty doll paraded around. Of course.
The King waved us forward: "Come! Bring her to me!" So, we walked. The King frowned when he was done with his small inspection. "She is very plain. Now, show me."
The Darkling spread his arms wide. Darkness swirled around him and filled the air. As he brought his hands back together, a loud crack got nervous cries from the crowd. The room was completely dark. I did not move and waited. Soon I felt a bare hand sliding into mine.
It felt right. Something was calling me. Golden light burst through me, flooding the room. More, I thought as a fresh surge of power roared through my body, stronger than anything I felt ever before. There was no end no beginning. It exploded from me, wave after a wave as it obliterated the darkness.
People shielded their eyes and loud applause erupted. They were weeping and laughing and clapping. The King was rising from the throne and clapping loudly. As the darkling let go of my hand, the light faded.
"My dear girl!" exclaimed the King and took my hand in his. I felt his wet lips. When he released me, he clapped the Darkling on his back. "Miraculous, simply miraculous. Come we must make plans immediately."
The King and the Darkling left, leaving me with a priest. I remembered the apparat. "A miracle indeed," he said, and I felt my skin crawl.
But luckily enough, or unluckily, I was soon surrounded by everyone else in the room, congratulating me, trying to touch me or speak to me. I hated it.
"The Queen wants to meet you," said Genya into my ear and walked me through the crowd. Great another bullshit.
"Moya tsaritsa, the Sun Summoner," Genya said and gracefully curtsied before the blond lady.
I nodded my head softly. I would NOT bow in front of anyone. King or Queen.
"Charming," she said but frowned. I was sure she noted this little gesture of mine. "We are very lucky indeed. Your family must surely be notified of your new status. Genya will send a messenger."
Genya nodded and gave another curtsy.
"This must all seem very strange to you," said the Queen and looked at Genya. "Take care that life at court does not corrupt you as the way it did others." I did not care and did not answer. She dismissed us soon after.
The Darkling quickly caught up with us as we went back into the hallway.
"How did you fare with the Queen?" he asked, and I frowned in response.
"Do I have to care?" I asked and saw his lips twitching.
"As long as we make a good show of it," he answered and looked to Genya. "I think we asked enough of Alina. Take her back to the chambers and have her fitted. She will start working on her summoning tomorrow."
Genya looked back, eyes big when he called after us. "The kefta will be black."
It was my turn to speak again, and I rolled my eyes. "Oh really?" I asked. The Darkling stopped midway and turned back to me. Genya was clearly horrified, and I did not care.
"What else would it be?" he asked clearly not pleased.
"Hm… let me think. Yours is black, others have blue, red and purple and Genya here have a white one. So, mine would be yellow, right? Unless of course, I will get the servant one."
"Alina!" Genya exclaimed, yes, I was scaring her.
The Darkling looked at me for a long moment. Clearly thinking about what I said. He was frowning but finally nodded. "As you wish, it will be gold." He turned his back on us and disappeared.
"Alina!" Genya squeaked when he was no longer near, "No one else was ever permitted to wear Darkling's colors."
"And I should care because…"
She sighed and without another word walked me back to the rooms. I felt a bit of happiness by disobeying the natural order of things. After the fitting was done, I was offered dinner with other Grishas, I refused. I wanted to be alone. I knew my indifference hurt Genya. She was another character in a book. I could not think of her as a person.
I sat down next to the dressing room. There was a brush, pen, and a pot of ink. Of course, Alina wanted to write to her best friend. But I was not Alina. I did not care about Mal or anyone else. Some servant brought food and quickly left. I eyed the butter knife. How much time would I have until they went back for it?
I stabbed my stomach with that knife and then opened the window and jumped from it. The world went black.
In conclusion, I did not die. It just was not possible. In a world where supernatural phenomena were taken for granted, causality interfered. The incidents, in which I was trying to kill myself, did not disappear. Instead, they were modified to be unfortunate accidents instead.
What does it mean? When I stabbed myself and jumped out of the window, I later learned that there was a mysterious assassin, that stabbed me in the same place, waiting for an opportunity, just below the window. Fortunately, he was caught without an incident, and I was saved in time. When I later jumped from a roof, the branches caught me. Despite it being apparent suicide attempt, people thought I had just tripped. Funny.
Another restless night led to waking up in this world. Some things changed but mostly did not. I had more guards; a permanent member was a Healer named Ruslan. He was with me more times than Genya, helping me to get accustomed to the palace. I think the Darkling noticed I was not comfortable around her. Or anyone whose name I remembered from the book for that matter. I also got a golden kefta with black embroidery, still better than just black. I was thinking about asking the Darkling about him changing the embroidery on his kefta to gold but decided to wait for a while. After all, we were not yet equaled.
I learned history and theory in the library. I also had physical training. I went through the motions, not thinking, not feeling anything. But it took some time before the training with Baghra started since I had my many "accidents".
"Thanks, Ruslan," I dismissed him and went in alone. The hut was round without any windows and very very warm. I closed the doors behind me.
"Finally," said a woman in shadows, "let me have a look at you."
Baghra looked like the mother of the Black Heretic would. Her hair was black, her face had sharp angles and her eyes were a shadowy mess. She looked me up and down as many others before her. I was tired of being watched.
"Where is the rest of you?" she asked, and I smiled grimly.
"I wonder," I answered.
"Hmph," she said. Then her hand rounded around my wrist and called sun powers out. Then released me and told me to call them myself. I didn't even try and just watched her huff and sigh. Then again calling power forcefully.
"You are not even trying!" she accused me.
"I am not."
"Sit," she ordered me, "Let's talk."
I sat down next to the fireplace without a word. I was tired of it all. I knew my cheeks were sunken, deep shadows under my eyes.
"Speak up, girl."
I was thinking about lying. I might have if there were no unsuccessful attempts to end my life. But I was tired. Ready to break.
"I can't do it," I whispered.
She watched me with her head to one side. "No. Not this. There is something else. What is it?" She pushed and pushed and pushed. And I broke.
"I want to go home," I cried. Did I die? Am I alive? If I disappeared, are my parents looking for me? "I'm scared…"
"Tell me, girl. A thousand other girls would sell their own parents to be in your shoes. Yet, here you are, miserable and sulking like a little child. What is your little heart pinning for?" she was ruthless, misunderstanding what I tried to tell her.
I understood that day, that no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I will be alone in this world. No one, not even a thousand years old Baghra would know how to help me. My parents, my brothers, my friends, my own face. I was desperately trying to hold on. Reality crashed into me. Bit hard on my hard. I felt it in my soul. I had nothing.
I closed my eyes with the realization. The exhaustion overtook me. And I dreamed.
The sea was dark and full of ice. The wind was cold a bit into my naked skin with ferocious love. I tried blinking and noticed my lashes were full of frost. I walked on the glacier with ease watching the waters in front of me with awe. The bright orange and yellow setting sun seemed to meet the water and melted like ice cream into its surface. I felt the rays of light on me, filling me in and calling my name.
White creature's head cut through the sea and his iridescent scales shimmered in the sunset, casting different colored light in every direction. He was like a rainbow itself. He watched me with red, jewel-like eyes, waiting for something. I reached my hands to touch him. I heard a sound more lovely than anything I ever heard before. The ancient creature was singing in thousands of voices, calling me. He lowered his head towards my outstretched hands. Golden light burst through me, flooding the sea. More, I thought as a fresh surge of power roared through my body, stronger than anything I felt ever before. There was no end no beginning. It exploded from me, wave after a wave as it obliterated the incoming night sky in a brilliant flash of gold. I felt his long tail wrap around my body and plunge me deep into the freezing water.
I woke up, understanding the truth. I called the light not only in my dream but also in reality itself. Because this was it for me, reality. It did not feel happy, nor sad, it surrounded me in a blazing bubble and embraced me in its embrace. It might have belonged to Alina but no more. It was mine and mine alone and I would be the one to decide what to do with it. And now? I just wanted to see the world burn.