Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility, where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am Mitchell Movie Productions. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me, and ponder the question... What if?
This time, I ask you, my friends: What if BoJack never abandoned Herb? What if Sarah Lynn became like the BoJack we all know and somewhat like, what if Diane gave up on life after all the shit she endured? What if Mr. Peanutbutter had a family with someone else? What would life be if some roles were swapped?
Charlie Rose was having an interview as he opened up with a narration, "In 1987, the situation comedy Horsin' Around premiered on ABC. The show, in which a young, bachelor horse is forced to reevaluate his priorities when he agrees to raise three human children, was initially dismissed by critics as broad and saccharine and not good, but the family comedy struck a chord with America and went on to air for nine seasons. The star of Horsin' Around, BoJack Horseman, is our guest tonight. Welcome, BoJack."
Next to him was a brown horse (medium bay) and a short gray mane, with a white snippet on his snout that begins at his upper lip and ends underneath his eyes, a white diamond-shaped mark on his forehead, and a pink spot on his nose. He has an outfit that consists of an olive-green jacket with darker green trim, a light blue button-up shirt, and grey jeans]. He keeps his red and white sneakers from his original attire on Horsin' Around.
"It is good to be here, Charlie. Sorry I was late. The traffic—" BoJack said, embarrassed.
"It's really no problem." Charlie replied. "Anyway, we were talking about Horsin' Around. To what do you attribute the show's wide appeal?"
BoJack then said, "Charlie, listen, you know, I know that it's very hip these days to shit all over Horsin' Around, but at the time, I can tell you I think the show's actually pretty solid for what it is. It's not Ibsen, sure, but look," He cringed as he said, "For a lot of people, life is just one long, hard kick in the gut, and sometimes when you get home from a long day of getting kicked in the urethra, you just want to watch a show about good, likable people who love each other, where, you know," He then sighed in relief, "No matter what happens, at the end of 30 minutes, everything's going to turn out okay."
Charlie replied, "Well, let's talk about real life. What have you been doing since the show's cancellation 18 years ago?"
"Well, that's easy, I've been working with Princess Carolyn, I've been sober for at least 7 years now, and things are good." BoJack said.
"Well, we haven't heard from Sarah Lynn in a while, what has she been up to?" Charlie asks.
"Huh, I haven't spoken to her in 7 years either... Not since," BoJack said, surprised. Then he shuddered, "The BoJack Horseman Show."
BoJack asked himself that and wondered what's going on in Sarah Lynn's life, she was the biggest pop star in the world, but she hasn't done much since 2009. Wonder what she's been up to all these years?
It was another morning in Hollywood as in the house of Sarah Lynn, she was getting ready for another morning.
Sarah Lynn had light brown hair, pale skin, aqua-green eyes, and freckles on her cheeks and nose.
Her hair is worn in a somewhat messy style with her bangs styled over to the left side, she wore red lipstick, had dark circles underneath her eyes, and she had a tattoo on her right arm of a green and blue snake twisted around one another.
She wore a button-down top with blue sleeves and trim, one side being lavender with white skulls, and the other side having a lavender and white striped pattern. She also wore black denim short shorts and yellow high top sneakers. She was about 5'4.
"Morning, sunshine!" A voice said. Sarah Lynn blew a raspberry as she passes the living room.
On the couch is a Vietnamese-American woman. She wears thin, square glasses, and has light skin and messy midnight blue hair. She is about 5'3. She was wearing an orange shirt and flannel blue pajama pants and a white bathrobe. She was Diane Nguyen.
"Why so gloomy, roomy?" Diane joked.
"First of all, we're not roomies, you're my house guest." Sarah Lynn said, exhausted.
"You don't need to put a label on things." Diane said, grabbing a bowl of cereal.
"You sleep on my couch, and you don't pay rent. I've had bugs that were less parasitic. I don't even remember why I let you stay with me in the first place." Sarah Lynn scoffs, getting a blender ready.
"Because I gave up on life after all the Bullshit I've put up with, and I had nowhere to go, and even though you don't want anyone to know it..." Diane said, before pausing once Sarah Lynn turns on the blender before Diane has a chance to finish her sentence before turning it off. "You secretly have a good heart."
"You told me they didn't approve of your "alternative lifestyle." I thought you were, like, a troubled drug addict. I didn't realize by "alternative lifestyle" that you meant you were lazy and a quitter." Sarah Lynn said, frustrated as she looked in the cabinet.
"That's on you for making assumptions. Also, if you're looking for the My Little Pony Snacks, I got really high last night and ate them all." Diane said, this made Sarah Lynn growl in frustration. Diane jumped up in fear as she asks, "You said you had bugs?!"
Later at Silver Spoon Diner, Sarah Lynn met up with Pinky Penguin, the Publisher of Penguin Publishing.
Pinky is an adult male emperor penguin who wears a pair of large-framed glasses. Pinky wears a button-down collared light pink button-down collared shirt, dark brown jacket, a brown necktie with white stripes and polka dots, dress pants, and black dress shoes.
"Thanks for meeting me here. I would have invited you to my office, but the electric company shut off our power." Pinky said, voice shaking in nervousness. Sarah Lynn was too busy texting someone.
"That's unfortunate." Sarah Lynn cringed a bit.
"Just an issue with the bank and a lack of money in it. Now, as you know, Penguin is very eager to publish your memoirs, but you keep missing your deadlines." Pinky gulped, nervously.
"I know, and I'm sorry, but I am making great progress." Sarah Lynn said, even though she's lying, in fact, she's been procrastinating.
Pinky groaned, "Look, we really need a bestseller here at Penguin. Things are not that great for me, money-wise."
Humored, Sarah Lynn said, "Aren't you an editor at a major publishing house?"
The Publishing Penguin condescendingly replies, "Yeah, a publishing house. When was the last time you saw a book?"
"I thought I saw someone reading one in the park the other day, but it turned out it was a kid watching Gravity Falls on his tablet." Sarah Lynn said, confused as the waitress arrived with the check. "That girl with the braces does sound familiar, though…"
The Cow Waitress states, "Whenever you're ready."
Pinky clears his throat as he looks at the check, implying that he wants Sarah Lynn to pay the check instead of him. Frustrated, Sarah Lynn groans as she pulls out her wallet.
Pinky pleads, "We're living month to month here. We're kind of counting on your autobiography to save the company, no pressure."
"That's actually a lot of pressure."
"Have you considered working with a ghostwriter?"
Sarah Lynn scoffs, "Ugh, no, thank you. Look, just give me one more week, and I will give you some pages that'll knock your ass back to the North Pole."
" I'm from Cincinnati. It,- that doesn't matter. I'll.. I'll call you in a week."
"Yes, one week. I'm telling you, this book is a top priority for me."
However, Sarah Lynn lied as throughout the week, she was busy being lazy, watching Horsin' Around.
She was watching the Halloween episode where a Magical Wizard grants Sabrina the ability to be in more places than one every time she pulls a reflection out of her mirror, resulting in too many Sabrinas living in the house.
She was watching a scene where Sabrina was caught by her adoptive siblings.
"Was there a house of mirrors here?" Ethan said, confused.
3 Sabrinas replied, "Uh….yes?"
Olivia gasped, "Wait, the Sabrina in front of you all didn't talk! Sabrina, what did you do this time?"
The Real Sabrina asks, "Which one?"
All the Sabrinas replied, "We're all Sabrina!"
Sarah Lynn laughed as Diane woke up, annoyed as she clutched her blanket.
"I improvised that line. I mean, it was written, but I gave it the old Sarah Lynn spin."
Diane said, "Hey, how many times have you watched this episode?"
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Sarah Lynn said, offended.
"It's not even Halloween, and you watch it every day." Diane said, annoyed.
"You know what they say about a little bit of nostalgia." Sarah Lynn replied defensively.
"Shouldn't you have a biography to write about?" Diane said, leaving.
"Oh, shit…." Sarah Lynn said, realizing it.
"Were you getting high throughout the week?" Diane asks as she grabs a pizza from the fridge.
"No….." Sarah Lynn sheepishly said, hiding her pot brownies away from Diane.
"You're just bummed out because Andrew Garfield dumped you last night?" Diane asks.
The girl jumped up in surprise as she asks, "Who told you that?"
"Princess Carolyn and BoJack," Diane answers. She clarifies, "Horseman, obviously."
Flashback to ten hours earlier-
Sarah Lynn was with her boyfriend, Andrew Garfield at the Mall, and behind her was BoJack Horseman and his co-worker, Princess Carolyn.
Princess Carolyn is a female Persian cat. She has pink fur, with a curl of pink hair on her head. She has green eyes with bags under them and long black whiskers. According to model sheets, she is only about 4'9" tall when barefoot and 5'1" in heels.
She wears a knee-length teal green dress with a yellow fish pattern on it and a grey belt around the waist, a yellow sweater, a gold necklace with an upside down triangle-shaped pendant with a red gem in the middle, and dark pink high heels.
Sarah Lynn didn't notice as she was with her boyfriend, who was signing autographs in fangirls' journals. To bide her patience, a jealous Sarah Lynn was texting her friends about something. She was gonna text another friend, but as soon as she saw Mary Lynn in the contacts, Sarah Lynn cringed as she kept scrolling through her phone.
"And what's your name, darling?" Andrew asks a fangirl. The fangirl anxiously stammered. He awkwardly replies, "I'll just make it out to "Evelyn."
"Uh, Andrew, shouldn't we be going?" Sarah Lynn said, curious.
BoJack and Princess Carolyn noticed as they walked over.
The horse responds by greeting them, "Um, hi. Sarah Lynn, hi."
Noticing, Sarah Lynn smiles as she said, "BoJack? Hey." Andrew paid attention, "Andrew, this is BoJack, my TV dad."
Andrew places his head on his hands dramatically as he said, "Oh, hello, I'm Andrew Garfield."
Sarah Lynn replied, "Andrew's my boyfriend. We're a celebrity power couple. It's no big deal." She whispers to Princess Carolyn, "It's a really big deal."
"I'm sure…." Princess Carolyn said.
Andrew Garfield shrugged a bit as he said, "Sarah Lynn, I actually wanted to talk to you about that. When we started dating, you were the biggest star in the world, but your last few albums tanked, so now, I don't even know what you are anymore."
Sarah Lynn felt like someone pierced her art as her smile fades away. Her eyes well up with tears, "Are you...Breaking up with me?"
Desperate, Sarah Lynn opened up her sugar pills and started to immediately swallow them.
"Oh, bother..." Andrew said, embarrassed.
"Um, are those candy pills, 'cause if so, that is a lot of sugar." BoJack asks, concerned.
"Sarah Lynn, honey, don't make another scene..." Princess Carolyn said, disappointed.
Sarah Lynn then shouted, "Why are you doing this to me?! Do you like seeing me suffer?"
As this scene was being made, more people gathered around. "Because you know I'll bleed for you!"
Sarah Lynn then punched a glass window, shattering it to pieces and grabbing a shard and stabbed herself in the stomach, disgusting the crowd of people watching it.
"Whoa-oh-oh. Um..." BoJack stammered.
"Here we go again," Princess Carolyn said, covering her face in exhaustion.
"Darling, please, I wanted to do this in a public place so you wouldn't make a scene." Andrew said, awkwardly.
Sarah Lynn shouted angrily, "You think I won't make a scene, you limey bastard? Then you really don't know me at all. Hey, everyone!" Then she calls out to everyone in the mall as she continued, "Who wants to see me take a dump on that sofa?"
Everyone gasps in shock. But a certain roommate of Sarah Lynn raised her hand as she saw this from Cinnabon.
Later that day at the hospital, Sarah Lynn had just come back from getting Stitches on her abdomen, with a disappointed and frustrated BoJack and Princess Carolyn walking with her to the parking lot.
"Who does Andrew think he is?!" Sarah Lynn scoffs.
"Sarah Lynn, we can't keep doing this." BoJack said, frustrated.
"Keep doing what?!" Sarah Lynn asks. "Hey, I'm not the crazy one. Andrew's the one who flies off the handle whenever his agent sets up an audition on a Monday."
"Do you even know why we're frustrated with you?!" Princess Carolyn snapped. "You always act like this. You're still acting like an immature brat! And every time you hear something you don't want to hear, you do something thoughtless!"
"How many times do I have to tell you?" Sarah Lynn asks, revealing her wound being stitched up. It was only a small wound, so it only took a few stitches. "I'm fine, it wasn't a big deal."
"You lost a lot a blood, Sarah Lynn," BoJack said, sternly. "We can't keep playing "Mommy and Daddy" with you whenever things don't go your way."
"Are you embarrassed of me because I'm a has-been? Because you know that I'm writing that book that is gonna make everybody love me again." Sarah Lynn scoffs.
"If you were writing a book, you would've finished it by now!" BoJack snapped.
"Well, I already spent my advance, so that's a first step." Sarah Lynn shrugs.
"Look, this has been a lot of fun, but I need to start thinking about my future." Princess Carolyn said. "It's time to grow up and stop throwing tantrums, Sarah Lynn. Stop being afraid of being mature!"
"I'm not afraid of maturity. If I was, I wouldn't have gone on that Confident Sexy Virgin Tour back int 2007!" Sarah Lynn shouted, stomping her foot in anger. Then, she quietly gasped as she caught sight of a familiar deer… "Oh, god, not her…."
The female deer has taupe brown fur, with cream fur on her eyes, mouth, neck, chest, and inside her ears, and darker brown fur on the top halves of her ears. The fur on her cheeks and neck are longer and fuzzier.
She has green eyes, brown freckles on her cheeks, shoulders, and snout, black eyebrows, and a tuft of dark brown bangs. She wears a dark grey short-sleeved shirt, dark mauve jeans, a necklace with an upside-down gold triangle-shaped pendant, a blue bracelet, and an orange bracelet on her left wrist, black and purple sandals, and a ring with a green gem on her left hand. Her name was Penny Carson, whose famous for being the toddler Lily from Fox's Mr. PeanutButter's House, which aired from 1992 to 1998.
Noticing Sarah Lynn, Penny asks, "Is that Sarah Lynn?"
Sarah Lynn groans, "Oh, jeez, here we go."
The doe walks over to the former child star as she said, "Penelope Carson and Sarah Lynn in the same room. What is this, a crossover episode?"
Sarah Lynn sarcastically said, "You know, that gets funnier every time."
Penny replied, "You're being sarcastic, but I think it does actually get funnier every time."
Sarah Lynn said, "We're actually in the middle of arguing right now, so if you could just…"
"Yeah? You're in the middle of it?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"So would it be awkward if I joined you right now?"
"Yes, actually, it's very awkward. Is that not clear?! So, please leave."
Princess Carolyn asks, "How are you, Ms. Carson?"
Penny laughed, "Oh, living the dream, P.C., living the dream."
Sarah Lynn scoffs, "Why are you making conversation?
Princess Carolyn condescendingly spoke, "Oh, let's see, it's the English word ... It's called being polite, Sarah Lynn!"
Sarah Lynn rolls her eyes, "But am I crazy that this is a bad time?"
"Always a Clydesdale, never a Clyde, eh, Sarah Lynn?" The Carson doe chuckled. Sarah Lynn shrugged in confusion. "You'll get that one later, girlfriend." The doe notices something else as she leaves, "Matthew, get out of here with that face!"
BoJack then said, "You know why we're tired of pampering you like you're Sabrina, Sarah Lynn? You use things like Andrew Garfield to justify your excuses for your wild behavior.
"No, that is definitely not happening." Sarah Lynn said, hastily.
Back to the Present-
Sarah Lynn tells Diane, "So yeah, technically I was dumped, but the real headline of the evening was, "Dumb girl takes shit on sofa, gets free couch, the end"."
"Oh, hey, let's throw a party. That'll cheer you up." Diane smiled.
"No, it won't. It'll cheer you up. I'll stand in the corner with BoJack while he's eating cotton candy until he barfs like last time at your last party." Sarah Lynn groans.
"That was a good party. Hey, didn't we get a cotton candy machine for that party?"
"Who told you Andrew and I broke up?"
"Princess Carolyn did."
"What?"
Diane got her phone out as she gave it to Sarah Lynn as she said, "She's on the phone."
Sarah Lynn grabbed it as she said, "Hello?"
"Sarah Lynn! It's your favorite agent."
"But we just got into a public dispute…." Sarah Lynn asks.
"Even so, but I'm still your agent. I pride myself on my ability to separate my professional life from my personal life." Princess Carolyn said.
"Then, as my agent, do you think I'm immature?" Sarah Lynn asks.
"No way, Andrew Garfield was not good enough for you!"
"What about as a person?"
"You're a snot nosed Brat."
"What? Snot nosed is the worst one!"
Princess Carolyn replied, "I'm not calling you as your ex. I'm calling you as your agent. Remember that book you're pretending to write? Well, Penguin wants an update on your progress. Does Tuesday work for you, or are you going to be too busy this week masturbating to thought of you literally having sex with yourself?"
Sarah Lynn growled, "I told you, I would totally do me!
"So, Tuesday, though?"
"Yes, fine!"