(Author's note: People who follow my Bloodborne writing will probably recognize him right away. The Tarnished here IS my interpretation of Laurence from Bloodborne. However, don't fret, you don't need to know anything about Bloodborne to understand this fic at all. Laurence has gotten sent to the Lands Between through an isekai situation and he has complete memory loss, so no Bloodborne knowledge needed at all. I just found it a lot funnier to use him than making up an OC.
All you need to know is that he wears confessor armour, is left handed, uses the umugi and fire incantations and has auburn curly hair. The rest is up to your imagination.
Anyway, this fic spawned because I thought that Mini Ranni was kind of a brat to our Tarnished and then an idea spawned in me. What if the Tarnished that picked Ranni up wasn't the heroic mime we play in game, but instead never stops talking and calls her out on her bullshit and in general just doesn't take shit from her? Well, and that is when my Laurence made himself known and that is why this exists now, so, uh, please enjoy.)
"Where the fuck am I?", Laurence shouted out, cursing his own curiosity.
After Iji had told him that Ranni had gone on a journey from Renna's rise, Laurence had been too curious to see if he could enter the former locked tower now. It had indeed been unlocked and on the top he had found one of the sending gates. He had leaned down to peek at it, accidentally got his hand stuck and before he knew it, it had transported him to a whole other place. Laurence swore he would never get used to the sending gates, the way his whole body seemed to be hurled through time and space made him feel uneasy.
"Alright, I need to calm down and find out where I am.", Laurence murmured to himself, looking around, taking in the sounds. Water, he could hear a lot of water. In fact, he was standing in water right now, a shallow pool around his feet. More than a shallow pool actually, it was a whole stream spanning in front of him and behind him. There was a lot of greenery to the side and the light mainly seemed to come from external sources, like glowing mushrooms and some torches. As Laurence looked up, it was clear as day to him that he was underground.
"The underground river.", he concluded and then got his maps out, cursing when one of them nearly fell into the water. "Which one?", he murmured as he made sure to get onto dry land to not ruin the precious maps. Once he reached dry land, he suddenly tripped over something, yelping when he toppled to the ground.
"Stupid rocks.", Laurence murmured, picking up the maps, searching out the two he had found that depicted the underground rivers. Siofria and Ainsel. After studying the Siofria map for a short while, he tucked it away and looked at Ainsel. "Yes, that must be Ainsel.", he said, "There are areas I couldn't reach during my first time here. Who would have thought that the gate on Renna's Rise would lead to it?"
Laurence put the other map back in his luggage as well. "Well, I suppose I should explore this place." He took one step and then stopped. "I really should stop talking to myself so much...", he murmured and fell over the exact same rock that had already made him trip once, only that this time he fell face first into the water and spent a minute coughing out mud that had gotten into his system.
"Ouch, that stupid rock!", he cursed and turned around to search for it, only to see a doll. With his curiosity piqued, he picked it up and then his face started to gleam with a rapt smile. "A Ranni doll!", he said, "Looking like her, just in small. You are coming with me. Whoever did abandon you here had no heart."
Laurence put the doll into the breast pocket of his confessor armour (it didn't have one originally, but he had asked Boc to make adjustments) and then started walking, stopping once he saw the site of grace.
"Well, this will come in handy.", he said as he touched it and felt the grace swirling around his hand. He still didn't understand what any of this meant. All he knew was that he was a Tarnished, he couldn't die for whatever reason and should find something called the Elden Ring. Laurence had woken up with absolutely no recollection of the past, so he did the next best thing and went on an adventure, hoping that he would be able to restore his lost memories on the way.
Laurence sat at the site of grace and looked at the Ranni doll in his pocket. He just had told himself that he should stop with all the soliloquy, but talking to a doll didn't count as one, right?
"You really look exactly like Ranni.", Laurence said as he observed the doll closer. The only difference was that she fit into the palm of his hand, the real Ranni was as tall as him (which wasn't much, Laurence had noticed with disdain that he was on the smaller side).
"Hmm, strange...", Laurence continued as he looked at the miniature Ranni. His head hurt. His head always hurt when he saw or heard something that must have had a correlation to his forgotten past. Why did a doll that looked exactly like someone he knew have this reaction on him?
"I have the feeling that you can help me with my memory...", Laurence murmured, "What do you mean, Mini Ranni? Care to help me out what all of this means?"
"Oh? A dogged fellow, aren't we? Or is it merely thy habit, to talk to dolls?"
Laurence froze when he heard the voice. That hadn't been his voice and it was clearly the voice of Ranni and that meant...
His eyes went down to the miniature doll and then he shrieked when he saw it moving and hurled it across the river, to the other side of the stream. "The fucking doll TALKS!" Then, he noticed what he had done as well as remembered that the Ranni he had met also had been in a doll body. That really was Ranni, wasn't it?
"I am sorry, so sorry!", he shouted as he got up and ran to pick Ranni up, "You startled me. Anyone would be startled if their doll suddenly starts talking."
Ranni looked up at him and Laurence was unsure if she was upset with him or just aloof. She always seemed to be aloof.
"Fine...fine.", Ranni said. Ah good, it seemed she was just aloof. "I hadn't expected any soul to recognize me in this guise."
"To be fair, you look exactly like your big counterpart.", Laurence said, not being able to hold his tongue.
"Let me finish, wouldst thee?", Ranni said, in a slightly sharper tone, shutting Laurence up, deciding to listen to her words. "Now that the cat is out the bag, I cannot allow thee thy freedoms. Perform for me a service, as recompense. Eliminate the Baleful Shadows which prowl these lands. The name of Ranni the Witch is already sullied by thee. I will not brook disobedience in this matter."
Laurence let Ranni's words wash over him for exactly five seconds and then held her in front of his face: "What do you mean, I sullied your name?! It was me who went to fucking Caelid, who made it through this awful castle and then had to fight this fucking HUGE giant with his laughable small horse only to find the path to the eternal city and do you want to know what a nightmare it was to proceed down there?! If anything, YOU should be grateful for my help!"
Ranni didn't seem to be too fazed by his words. "Art thou finished?", she asked.
"For the time being, yes.", Laurence said, putting Ranni back in his breast pocket, "You are staying here. I will help you with your baleful shadows, but it wouldn't kill you to say thanks once in a while, you know."
Laurence swore that he could hear a long drawn out sigh and Ranni murmuring: "Let's get this over with..."
With Ranni securely in his pocket and the grace near him, which meant that Laurence was currently safe (nothing dangerous ever came near the grace), Laurence got his map out another time to study it. It seemed like there was only one way to go. As he looked behind him, he determined that there indeed was a boisterous waterfall, the same that was drawn on the map, so there was indeed only one way to go. To the west.
Laurence tucked his map away and got up. "Let's go.", he said and started walking. Of course on the map the way always looked like it was really short, but it was different in reality and after only five minutes of walking Laurence felt much too strange with how quiet it was. It wasn't the absence of any foes, there were more than enough places in the Lands Between which were quiet (or which would give him a heart attack because something like a basilisk or a revenant was suddenly appearing from underground), but the fact that neither he nor Ranni were talking.
Yes, Laurence wanted to get better withsoliloquizing, but technically Ranni was with him and that was someone to talk to, right? While his feet continued to wade through the shallow water, Laurence started to ramble.
"Woke up with no memory, you know, just there at this chapel with a dead woman and panicking because I thought I killed her, but there was no blood on my hands. Well, what else to do but move on and it was so high up and then I died and I thought to myself 'Great Laurence, you woke up with no memory and then you managed to DIE right away, this mystery will never get solved', but then I woke up again and I was not dead. And then there was this guy outside of the cave who insulted me or something, and I think he wants me to join some cult or something, but that isn't really important. Anyway, the whole Tarnished thing isn't too bad when you get used to it, even though I died so many times and by so many causes already. Impaled, stabbed, drowned, falling from a great height, burned alive, oh that HURTS I tell you, not my favourite death, well, none of them are favourites, but some of them hurt less than others, where was I? Ah yes, talking about ways to die. Being poisoned, being inflicted with the scarlet rot, that one is AWFUL, being hit by an oversized arrow, being ripped to pieces by wild animals, having my body crushed by these gigantic runebears... Oh, I have to tell you about the most stupid death I ever had! You won't believe it, but it really happened! So, I was climbing up a cliff and then I just looked into the distance to determine where I was, standing at the edge of the cliff and then I suddenly got hit by something and fell, really really deep and the thing hitting me was a fucking ram! I completely forget they had been there, they are normally not a threat at all and I came back at the site of grace ALL the way back and I just thought to myself 'Fuck it, I am not going back to this place and-"
"By the name of mine mother, thou really like to hear yourself talking.", Ranni said, managing to shut Laurence up.
"Oh, I thought you weren't listening, normally people don't listen when I do that.", Laurence said, "Do you want to hear more stories about how I died?"
Ranni had, in fact, not listened to anything that Laurence had said. She just had wanted him to shut up. His rambling was getting irritating rather quickly. "No.", she said, a little too fast for Laurence' taste, "Art we any closer to our destination?"
"Huh, let me check.", Laurence said, looking at the map and at the landmarks around him, "Hard to say. Would be nice if I wouldn't have to walk through the water, my feet are already soaked. Be glad that you can sit in my pocket, Ranni."
"Thou certainly hast felt worse than having wet feet.", Ranni said.
"Of course, but that doesn't mean that wet feet aren't comfortable.", Laurence said, lifting one foot out of the water and removing the boot to drain the water from it, "It's gross and uncomfortable and it makes your feet freeze and in turn your whole body freezes and even though I didn't even need to earlier, it makes me need to piss and-"
"Wouldst thou stop thine whining?!", Ranni would have rolled her eyes if she would have been able to, "Besides, wouldst thou not say such crude words whilst thou carry me around?"
"I haven't been whining, I just was complaining about having wet feet.", Laurence said, stated even, as if it was a matter of fact. "Believe me, you won't like it when I really start to whine. Which might be the case when I don't get out of this damn waterside soon." He then gasped when he realized that Ranni had complained about his language. "Oooh, don't you like it when I fucking talk like this?" Laurence would totally do it on purpose now. He didn't know why, but he never had licked pricks who got upset about his usage of crude language. At least it felt like it. It was hard to pinpoint without a memory.
"Thou art doing it on purpose now, aren't thou?", Ranni slumped in Laurence' pocket. What had she gotten herself into? She had of course met Laurence before, he had been a bit over enthusiastic but didn't seem to be a bad person, but she also only had needed to spend a short time with him. She never had known what a chatterbox the man was and also how annoying that quickly was becoming.
"Yes.", Laurence said, "And you would have gotten yourself out of my 'crude' language if you wouldn't have whined, my dear Ranni. Anyway, let's move on before something bad is heading our way, it has been far too quiet for my taste."
In Ranni's opinion it hadn't been quiet at all because Laurence had talked all the way through, but she got what he meant. The Lands Between always had a surprise in stock for the unsuspecting traveller.
"Keep thine guard up.", she said, "Unless thou want to walk the whole way again."
"Fuck no.", Laurence hissed, "My feet are already soaked. I think I see something in the near distance..." With that, Laurence fell into a slight jog and stopped when the spirit calling bell in his pocket started to glow, "Oh, that is never a good sign.", he sighed as he rung it and a headless mausoleum knight appeared at his side.
"I see thou art making use of mine gift.", Ranni said.
"It has been rather useful.", Laurence said, "That's my spirit, Luthel. She doesn't have a head, but she can still fight amazingly well. It just bothers me that I use up so much magic energy to summon her." Laurence drank from his flask of cerulean tears to replenish the lost magic energy, "I can never decide how these things taste.", he murmured, more to himself and then moved forwards.
Soon, it became clear why Laurence had been able to summon Luthel. Quite a few of the annoying claymen were heading their way.
"Of course it's them.", he sighed, "They are slow, but sturdy and they always come in great numbers. Before you know it, they have overwhelmed and killed you. Yes, that is where most of my deaths by impaling come from."
"Maybe if thou wouldst talk less and fight more, thou wouldst stay alive a little more.", Ranni murmured from Laurence' pocket.
"I plan to.", Laurence removed a metal whip, an umugi it was called, when he remembered correctly, from his waist and took it into his left hand as well as taking a finger seal into his right, "I just need to collect myself."
Luthel was the first to charge into battle, using her gigantic spear to impale one of the clayman. Laurence used her distraction to circle around one of the other ones and hit it in the back with his whip. The attack barely seemed to have an effect.
"They are so fucking hard.", Laurence complained as he kept whipping the clayman, only a bit of dirt crumbling away and falling into the water.
"Maybe if thou wouldst use a weapon that crushes them instead of trying to cut them...", Ranni murmured from Laurence' pocket. She thought that the Tarnished would have more battle prowess, after all he had beaten her brother, Radahn. Ranni assumed that it mostly had been Blaidd's feat.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea, if they wouldn't all be so damn HEAVY!", Laurence practically shouted the last word and then finally managed to get deep enough with his whip so that the clay-man crumbled into a pile. Luthel finished her foe around the same time and threw a ranged attack at the next one. Laurence in the meantime almost got hit by a harpoon attack and stumbled dodged into the water, coming up behind the clayman.
"Ewww, now EVERYTHING is wet!", Laurence hissed and bombarded the clayman with his whip, taking as long as the first one. Ranni just rolled her eyes at the scene in front of her.
"May I suggest to thee to train thine arms a little more? I am sure Blaidd or Iji could help when it comes to this.", Ranni said once the clayman joined the other pile of dirt in the water.
"Blaidd scares me.", Laurence said, "And Iji is four times my size." He then turned to the next clayman and let out a colourful string of curse words when a sudden wave of gravity magic was coming his way and hit him, forcing him to the ground. Even Ranni had to cringe when she heard how his bones cracked under the pressure.
Laurence managed to grab his flask of crimson tears and swallowed a mouthful, then got up and hid behind a pillar. "Of course one of them is here, of fucking course.", he murmured, more to himself, then looked down at his outfit with a frown. "I have already been cold with just my feet wet, now look at this.", he gestured down at his outfit and then noticed that Ranni was as wet as his outfit. "You, um, don't seem to be too bothered by this.", he said.
"I have the body of a doll.", Ranni said, "I am not able to feel the coldness of water anymore."
"Lucky you.", Laurence said and looked around the corner, eyeing the gigantic insect-like creature. He had never found out their name, he only knew that they were a pain in the ass to deal with. His spirit stood next to him, awaiting any actions.
"So, what is thine plan of action against the malformed star?", Ranni asked, genuinely curious how Laurence would handle this threat. Even though she didn't really have to, she squeezed the water out of her hair, much to Laurence' dismay who was not happy getting even more drenched as he already was.
"That is what their name is?! They don't look like a star at all.", Laurence said, "Anyway, my plan? Being a coward.", Laurence said.
"Pardon me?", Ranni said, wondering if water had stuffed her doll ears, but then she saw that Laurence had been dead serious about his words. He had gotten out a bow and sat down next to the pillar to craft some arrows. The ones that were doused in poison.
"You see, the good thing about this, uh, malformed star is, that it won't attack if it can't see you, so I have all the time of the world to create some arrows to take it down without ever getting close.", Laurence said, "I just wish I would be more comfortable. It's so cold and it doesn't help my need to-"
"Dost not say another word anymore.", Ranni said, not needing to know about every single ailment of Laurence, which he was far too open about.
"Whatever." Now it was Laurence' turn to roll his eyes, "Just sit back and watch. Hm, I guess you have a seat in the front row. Oh and Luthel, sit this one out."
After Laurence was done with crafting enough arrows, he took the bow up and snuck into some grass that grew around the pillars. The malformed star still saw him and he had to lunge into the grass to avoid being hit by its magic again. He hated being hit by gravity magic, it forced his body on the ground with far too much force, cracking bones and squeezing internal organs. It hurt like hell.
"Wilts thou be able to hit it from here?", Ranni still had her suspicions about Laurence and his way of fighting. He seemed like he barely knew what he was doing.
"Yes, of course, I just have to aim a bit higher and then...", Laurence fumbled with the bow and soon the first arrow was loose, actually hitting the monstrosity on the first try. Laurence didn't waste any time to fire another arrow, but he had to run back to the pillar to avoid the magic of the now very aware malformed star. This continued a few arrows more until the movement of the creature became sluggish and it wailed in agony.
"And now we wait.", Laurence said, leaning against the pillar, finally taking some time to squeeze water out of his cape. At least most of his armour was made out of leather, but that didn't mean that water wasn't leaking in. He probably would abuse the bathroom in the Roundtable Hold later for a nice hot bath.
Ranni thought that she maybe would get some peace and quiet while they waited for the creature to succumb to the poison, but of course Laurence had other plans and of course he took a topic that was majorly inappropriate.
"You know, one of the first things after I woke up as a Tarnished was going to Castle Stormveil. I had been told to go there by this guy with the white mask, the one who is probably a cultist, and the grace also pointed to it, so that was my best guess. And then there was this guy who said he was called Margit and he wanted me to put my foolish ambitions to rest and he did, several times, that staff of him HURT, I tell you, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that this guy wasn't wearing any pants and even though he had fur, I got a FAR too good look at his crotch regardless of what I did. You know, almost everyone here seems to be gigantic compared to me, you are actually an exception, Ranni. Anyway, I had to see his crotch when I stood in front of him, or he jumped or he wound up an attack or he just ran past me, but mostly because he jumped and he did that a lot and I always got such a fucking good look at his-"
"It appears the malformed star in our way has succumbed to the poison, I suggest we move on.", Ranni said as quickly as possible before Laurence could finish his sentence.
"It was REALLY distracting you know.", Laurence said, glancing around the corner, determining that Ranni's words were true, "And while I am sure that other things were the cause of my many losses, this feels like one of the main ones. I am calling this cheap battle tactics. You shouldn't flash your-"
"Thou will regret it if you ever finish this sentence.", Ranni said, being more than done with the topic on hand. She was a lady, how could he pick such a topic in front of her?
"Oh and what do you plan to do to me? Poke my chest or something?", Laurence said, amusement in his eyes, "I think I am having the upper hand here."
"Thou forgets that Blaidd is under my command.", Ranni said, but it felt like a weak threat, even though Laurence had admitted that he was afraid of Blaidd.
"But Blaidd isn't here.", Laurence said, "I am afraid as long as you are stuck with me, you will have to live with my stories."
"But dost thou have to tell such inappropriate stories to a lady?!", Ranni felt how she started to lose her cool. No, he wouldn't rile her up, she would keep the upper hand in this conversation.
"Listen, would it kill you to say please once in a while?", Laurence simply said, "A little politeness can get you a looong way."
"Wouldst thou stop if I asked politely?", Ranni asked.
"Maybe.", Laurence grinned and left it at this. Now that the malformed star was gone, there were several ways to go.
"Hmmm.", Laurence said, "To the east or the west... let me check my map."
Laurence got the map out and determined that the east would be a dead end, so he headed to the east.
"Why art thou heading to the dead end?", Ranni asked, not knowing if she wanted to know the answer.
"Because there is always treasure at the dead end.", Laurence replied, "If I wouldn't have looked at every nook and cranny, then I never would have find such useful things as Luthel or the poison arrows."
"As long as thou can get rid of the baleful shadow plaguing me.", Ranni said, thinking that Laurence was the greater plague than a baleful shadow. At least he had not tried to murder her. Yet.
"While we are heading to our destination, which of my stories should I tell?", Laurence said. Ranni already opened her mouth to say that she didn't want to hear any of his stories anymore, when Laurence cursed and ran to the side. Ranni quickly noticed that he avoided the magic attack of a big Miranda bloom.
"Oh no, not one of those.", Laurence groaned, "They are just awful to deal with. They take a lot of hits to go down and they always spew poison." Just as Laurence had finished, the Miranda opened and spewed a yellow powder. "Oh, it's even worse, this one has been inflicted by Frenzy." He shuddered. The first time he had died by madness, he had needed a few hours to get out of it. It had scared him, really really badly and he normally made a wide berth around any area where the foes had the yellow eyes.
"Hmmm... I should handle it from a distance then.", Laurence said, getting his finger seal ready. Soon, a fireball had formed around the seal and he threw it at the Miranda. At the same time, Luthel dashed forwards to engage in combat with some of the smaller ones who had hidden away in the water.
"That should do the trick.", Laurence said, only to jump in surprise when the Miranda, now on flames, trashed around. "Oh fuck, it's angry now!"
"Thou set it on fire!", Ranni hissed, hiding away in Laurence' pocket to escape any stray sparks. Her doll body would burn in the flames in seconds.
"Yeah, you are right, I guess I should solve the whole problem with more fire.", Laurence said and threw another fire ball. Ranni couldn't see the battle anymore, but she could hear it. The Miranda was trashing like crazy and Laurence send one fireball after the other at it. Finally, the battle noises ceased and Ranni dared to look out at Laurence' pocket to see a burning pile of Miranda, but not for long, because Laurence joined his spirit summon to fight off a few more claymen.
"This took a lot of magic energy.", Laurence said, drinking from his blue flask, then he proceeded to the waterfall. "See, treasure.", he said and bent down to pick something up.
"Hast it been worth it?", Ranni asked, only low-key interested in whatever Laurence had found, but it hopefully would prevent him from talking about other less appropriate things.
"A stonesword key and ashes of the clayman.", Laurence said, "I would say yes." Laurence then went to the edge of the waterfall, watching as the water poured down the stone walls. It made him a bit squirmy, his earlier need came back to his mind. Well, this area looked relatively safe, better to deal with it now.
"Ranni, could you close your eyes for a moment?", he asked.
"Why?", she asked in return, "What art thou planning? Thou better not try to leave me at a high place."
"Hm, maybe I should.", Laurence murmured, "But that isn't because I want to pull a prank on you. I told you I had to piss a while ago and I don't want to do it while you watch."
"Oh no, thou art not doing that with me in your pocket.", Ranni hissed.
"I don't have much of a choice.", Laurence said, "It's only taking a minute, don't be so prudish. I am sorry I am not having such a useful doll body as you." Laurence then noticed that Luthel was standing next to him and flushed a bit: "Luthel, don't you look as well."
"She dost not have a head.", Ranni remarked.
"Oh, good idea.", Laurence said and grabbed Ranni without warning, "Luthel, go stay with Ranni around the corner, alright? I am joining you the moment I am done."
Ranni supposed that was the best solution, so she let herself be carried by the headless knight who dutifully waited around the corner. "I am sure thou art only able to stand him because thou art literally missing thine head.", Ranni said to the spirit summon.
Shortly later, Laurence appeared. "Thanks for waiting.", he said, approaching Luthel to take Ranni from her.
"Didst thou wash thine hands?", Ranni asked, really not wanting to be touched by hands who had done this, even if they were gloved.
"Of course I did wash my fucking hands! Do you think I am as gross as Seluvis or what?!", Laurence said, startling Ranni a bit more than she should have been.
"What is Seluvis having to do with any of that?", Ranni asked.
"Oh Ranni Ranni Ranni.", Laurence said, taking her and holding her in front of his face, "I would be careful who you trust. This guy has traitor written ALL over his big ugly hat, I feel it in my guts."
"I assume thou wouldst have some kind of evidence?", Ranni asked, crossing two of her arms in front of her. Seluvis was her trusted preceptor, the one who maintained her doll body. He surely wouldn't turn traitor on her.
"Well, I have nothing tangible yet, but he gave me a potion and insisted that I let a woman I know drink it. I thought this was fucking fishy, so I haven't given her the potion. I am still holding onto it until I find out what it does, and I will come back and tell you once I am sure. Just so that you know, wanting someone to force feed a potion to a woman who hasn't even done anything wrong feels very shady to me.", Laurence said as he put Ranni back into his pocket, where she stayed, silent, but thinking, hating that Laurence actually had a point about Seluvis.
"I might be forced to talk to him once we are outside of this place...", she murmured, more to herself.
"I am heading back to the ruins now.", Laurence said, "I feel a lot lighter, so it shouldn't take long to return there. I just wish my feet weren't so sopping wet. The rest of me is able to dry pretty easily, but my feet are just in water ALL the time. Ah well, this is an underground river after all. And I suppose it could be worse, at least this place isn't Caelid. Could you imagine a lake full of the scarlet rot? Down here? That would be the absolute height of impudence. Just be glad that you don't have to walk through the water, Ranni."
As Laurence had said, he managed to reach the ruins again a lot faster and this time turned to the west, where two giant statues framed a passage. He walked towards it, Luthel following quietly as always, Ranni peeking out of his packet. It was a lot quieter here with the monstrosity from earlier gone.
Of course the quiet didn't stay. Laurence gasped when a clayman appeared and tried to hit him with a dagger, dodging backwards, cursing a bit more when he noticed another one of them, this one wielding bubble magic, which looked harmless, but really hurt when it exploded in your face.
"Luthel, let's to this.", Laurence said and hastened to the magic wielder while Luthel threw a spear or whatever it was she threw towards the one with the dagger. As with the others, Laurence' whip had some trouble taking the clayman down.
"It would be funny if it wouldn't be so sad.", Ranni mentioned, prompting Laurence to stop in his tracks instead of helping Luthel.
"Well, maybe if you would help, I wouldn't have to hit each of them ten times.", he said.
"Oh, but looketh at my form, how shall I be able to help thee?", Ranni said and Laurence swore she was just messing with him. Well, it wasn't like he couldn't mess with her too. He looked at Luthel who held her own pretty well and then went to a nearby tree.
"If you aren't able to help stay here and think about this cheeky mouth of yours.", he said and threw Ranni into the branches, the witch voicing out a loud protest when Laurence just left her alone.
"This isn't funny. Come and get me down from here at ONCE!", she commanded, to no avail. She could hear the battle noises from the distance, holding onto a branch, hoping that she wouldn't fall down, hoping that Laurence actually would pick her up again. As much as an asshole the man was, she still needed his help.
The battle noises ended and Ranni could hear the sound of a spirit vanishing. Laurence appeared underneath the tree and looked up. "Oh mighty witch Ranni, art thou ready to continue our quest?", he said. Oh, he definitely was mocking her now, even imitating her manner of speech.
"I command thee to get me down here at once!", Ranni almost screamed at him. Laurence however, didn't move, instead he leaned against the tree.
"This place isn't too bad, beside the wet feet, it even is really pretty with all the green and there are mushrooms everywhere, the ones that melt, you can make soap out of these. Soap is the greatest thing EVER. I get dirty all the time here and just water doesn't help and you have to scrub so much and the water is freezing here, but then I found the recipe for soap and it is so easy to make and now I make sure to always pick up all the melted mushrooms for soap. I don't know if soap is useful to you, because you are a doll and all..."
Ranni blended Laurence' ramblings out, remembering what he had said a while before. That it wouldn't kill her to say please sometimes. As much as Laurence didn't deserve any politeness going his way, Ranni would have to swallow her pride.
"Wouldst thou please get me down?", she said, glaring at Laurence with her one open eye as much as her doll body allowed.
"Oh, would you look at that, you learned to not be a stuck-up bitch.", Laurence said, hitting the tree and catching her when she fell down.
"What didst thou call me?!", Ranni had trouble keeping her cool when Laurence sat her back in his pocket.
"Oh, I am just talking about the fact that you never had anyone tell you what to do and are used to anyone jumping at your will regardless of what you say. Be a bit nicer to your subordinates, is all.", Laurence said.
"Not having my own will is the whole reason I am like this.", Ranni said and then gasped, "I have not said anything."
"Now that you've made me curious?", Laurence said, "But fiiine, I won't ask. Besides, I prefer to talk myself, I haven't finished my story about the soap now."
"Wouldst thou please not?", Ranni cried out. Just how annoying could Laurence be? How did anyone ever manage to endure him for more than a few hours? Ranni wished she could still cry to get rid of her frustration.
"Oh, am I annoying you? Good.", Laurence said, "Everyone who ever said I was annoying got me to be even more annoying. I think. I still have memory loss. Where did this even come from? Whatever, look, the river is going downstream here. That looks like it would be fun to slide it down, but my pants are wet enough already."
Laurence carefully went down the river and stopped once he saw the giant ants.
"Oh no, them again.", he groaned, "They are so HUGE here, I am certain that where I came from they aren't that huge."
"Where didst thou even come from?", Ranni asked, curiosity suddenly piqued. A place which hadn't ants as huge as the Lands Between? She would like to see that.
"I don't know, I have amnesia. I did mention this to you, right? In fact, I think I mentioned it to you a minute ago. I just have... feelings and impressions and one of my impressions is that ants shouldn't be larger than me, but tiny, as tiny as my fingernail. How do they even work? They are insects, shouldn't they die at this size? I don't get it. I wish I had my memory so that I could make sense of any of this."
Ranni barely had listened to Laurence. It was indeed fascinating though to think that ants in other lands were very tiny. Maybe she should travel a bit more. Just not at Laurence' side, she would probably go insane within the first day. In fact, she felt like she was going insane after even one hour with the man.
In the meantime, Laurence challenged the ants, his whip cutting through their bodies. "This is so gross.", he complained while fighting, "There isn't even blood in these things, just, ugh, whatever it is that is in bugs. Honestly, I don't want to see their queen."
The ants were dead in a few hits and Laurence spent a bit of time cleaning his whip in the water. "I am not leaving all this insect mucus on it.", he said, then got up again and continued. "Ranni, how much longer do I have to walk?", he said as he walked, "I am tired and hungry. There hasn't been a site of graces for ages. I swear, when I die here and have to walk all this way again..."
Laurence wasn't able to finish his sentence because two winged ants were attacking him. "Oh shit.", he said, dodging backwards, getting all wet in the process again, then having to fight the ants, which left him with quite a few wounds, which he healed quickly with his crimson flask.
"Well?", Laurence said, looking at Ranni, "Or don't you know yourself?"
"The baleful shadow is near, but not around the corner.", Ranni said, and if only to shut Laurence up. "Continue forwards, Tarnished, then thou wilts find our goal."
"You mean your goal.", Laurence said, "I am just in here because I am nice enough to help." And maybe because there was a reward, but Laurence didn't say this out loud. "Besides, you can call me Laurence. How would you feel if I called you witch or doll all the time?"
Ranni didn't react, getting tossed around in Laurence' pocket when the man turned to look at something. It was another ant. Instead of engaging in a fight, Laurence just headed forwards.
"What art thou doing?", Ranni asked.
"Being a coward again.", Laurence said, "I won't fight anything I don't have to until I find a site of grace nearby. Especially if it looks like that. I also don't have a clue what happens to you when I die. Are you a part of my clothes now and come with me or do I leave you alone and have to pick you up? I can imagine nicer fates than being chewed on by a giant ant."
Ranni shuddered at the thought, but it still felt like a better fate than having to deal with Laurence for longer than she already had. At least the man was quiet for a change, probably because he had complained about being hungry and just moved forwards.
"Woah.", Laurence said, suddenly stopping, "This place is beautiful. As much shit as this land likes to throw at me, I am always amazed at the beauty of it."
"Art thou starting to understand why I am on my quest?", Ranni interposed.
"Maybe.", Laurence said, but for now I just hope there will be a site of grace soon. He crossed a small building and then went down some stairs behind them. At the end, Laurence finally saw what he wanted to see all this time.
"A site of grace, finally!"
Before Ranni could even say something, Laurence had already rushed towards it to rest.
(Author's note: I planned this to be a oneshot, but then I noticed that just Ainsel River Main was enough to fill a whole chapter, so this will get one or two more chapters. It also doesn't help that Laurence talks so much. It is fun letting him ramble. His ramblings are a huge paragraph to underline just how fast he talks, I hope they aren't too off putting.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter with my little weird sense of humour. I actually went back to Ainsel to make notes on everything. Oh, and I really hope I didn't butcher Ranni's archaic English. I am not a native speaker, give me a break, why do so many Elden Ring characters talk like this?!)