Disclaimer: I do not own any character or settings in this story. Just a mega fan of the Gears fancies.

Spoilers alert to Gears1,2,& 3 and to Karen Traviss novels 'The Slab, Aspho Field and Jacinto's Remnant. I started writing this after reading Michael Stackpole new novel, 'Ephyra Rising.' Marcus seems a little more open with his feelings for Anya and I felt that there needed to be a reason for why he may have had such a huge change in emotional honesty.

Triggers: Depression and Dark thoughts

Much Needed Conversation.

Chapter 1

Sam Byrne was at a lost as to what to do. And that was a first for her, for all the Gears really. After 18 years of living in hell, sleeping with one eye open and never really being able to let your guard down; this was a whole new world for all of them. It has been One month since Adam Fenix set his lambent killing machine off, killing what they hope were the last of the grubs too. One Month since all their lives were turn upside down again. One month for everyone to come to terms again with how much the whole planet had lost.

'Hope you are resting in peace, Dom'

Sam thought a nice walk along the beach would clear her head. She has no idea what her next move for her was going to be and a long walk around the shore of Azura sound like a great idea. A real walk, not a patrol. It has been a long time since any Gear or anyone really, was able to say they went for a walk. Sam had left her armor in the room she had been assigned to. She would be lying if she told anyone that walking in her light brown tank top and fatigues didn't give her a little anxiety. But the warm, ocean air blowing on her skin felt amazing. Stopping to stare out at the ocean, she closed her eyes, just enjoying the breeze blowing through her dark hair, held out of her face by her trusty headband. As she opens her eyes and turn to continue her walk, she noticed a figure sitting on a piece of white driftwood a little way down, staring out into the ocean. The figure shoulders were hunch over and moving up and down; the way someone who is silently crying moves. Arms were wrapped around themselves and blonde hair blowing in the wind. This is how Sam found her friend and only other current female member of Delta squad, Anya Stroud.

Anya was so deep in thought that she must not have heard Sam approach her. Otherwise, Sam was sure she would have wiped the tears falling down her cheeks. Even from the profile, Sam could see the dark circles under Anya red, swollen eyes. It was no secret that the poor thing hasn't slept much, and everyone knew why. Marcus Fenix. While most gears have spent the last two weeks celebrating and just living in amazement that the fight was finally over; Anya has spent most of her days by his side, just trying to be there for him. He was even more guarded and closed off than before (if that was even possible), grieving over the loss of his father who he had just found out was still alive a few days earlier only to lose him again and his brother, his best friend Dominic Santiago.

'Who taking care of you Anya, while you take care of him? And everyone else.' Sam thought to herself.

Sam cleared her throat to save Anya the embarrassment of someone else seeing her cry. Sam assumed that is why Anya was out here all by herself. Daughters of legends, like Helena Stroud, don't cry in front of people. The large piece of driftwood was hidden by some debris, hiding the occupant sitting there from the view of the building. If it wasn't for Sam walking along the water's edge, she probably wouldn't have even notice her.

"Oh…HI Sam!" Anya exclaimed in a hoarse voice, quickly wiping the tears from her cheeks that had deepen red with blush when she noticed she wasn't alone anymore. "I didn't hear you, must be off my game today." She tried to laugh off her embarrassment.

'Damn it Anya, you are a Gear! There is never a reason that you should let someone sneak up on you.' Anya inner disappointed voice always did kind of sound like her mother. Anya rolled her eyes at herself. All kinds of ghost were haunting her today.

"Thought a walk on the beach would clear my head. Not many seashores in Anvil if I decide to go back." Sam joked, taking a seat next to Anya. Sam kept her eyes on the water, giving Anya time to compose herself more. "Been a long time since I could walk around without armor on too. I almost feel naked without it. Had to stop myself from putting it on before walking out here." Sam noticed that like herself, Anya had opted to wear her fatigue pants and a gray tank top.

"It is a strange feeling. I know I haven't been frontline as long as you, but it's still strange walking around without the security weight of my armor." Anya appreciated Sam attempt at small talk as she clears her throat and blinked a few more times. "But it is nice to feel the warm air on my skin."

The ladies of Delta sat in silence for some time. Neither knowing what to say. Sam and Anya were still new at this having another female friend to talk to. Sam didn't really know where to start. She wasn't really the touchy-feely girl type, but it was clear that Anya needed a friend to talk to right now and there was no way Anya was going to ever "burden" Marcus with her own grief. And she no longer had Dom to go to. Sam decided she would be that person for Anya. She could tell the poor women needed to get something off her chest.

When everyone heard about Dom death, their first thoughts were of Marcus. Which only made sense, they were the best of friends since childhood. Hardly ever did you see Marcus without Dom right beside him. It was hard on everyone to see Marcus walk up without his shadow, smiling and making jokes behind him. But what other people seem to forget, is that Marcus wasn't the only one that lost someone very important to them when Dom died, and Sam didn't mean herself. While yes Sam did have a crush on Dom and wanted at the time nothing more than to be with him and take care of him, Anya was hurting more. Everyone forgets that Dom had been in Anya life the same number of years that Marcus has. Dom and Marcus were all Anya had after her mother died at Aspho Field. Fenix wasn't the only one that lost a brother that day in Mercy. Sam wondered if Marcus even realized that, lost in his own grief, his girlfriend was hurting just as bad.

"I know we only known each other for a short time. But I am here if you need someone to talk to. If you are anything like me, I know you feel like you need to be as tough as the boys. But I can see that you are hurting Anya. It might be better to let it out and talk to someone." Sam, finally turning to Anya, stated.

Anya smiled at Sam, despite her eyes filling up with tears. "Thank you, Sam. That means a lot. I just don't know what to do. I am trying to hold it together and be understanding but I am just so angry at him."

"At Marcus?"

"At Dom. He'd normally would be the one I would go to talk to when I felt like this." Anya said with a shake of her head, causing a few strands of blonde hair to fall into her eyes. Anya brushed them away and sighed. "Guess anger is one of the stages of bereavement. Or at least that's what the grief counselor said when Mom died. But I am so angry with him for leaving us. And I hate myself because my reasoning seems purely selfish."

Sam just sat quietly, waiting for Anya to continue. She needed to let this out and Sam was more than ok with being her soundboard. Anya didn't need someone telling her it was going to be alright or that Dom was in a better place with his wife and children. Anya needed to vent her anger out. But Sam was shocked at Anya words. She was the most unselfish person in the world. Just the way she puts Marcus before herself when he would hardly even show Delta how he felt for her, was proof of just how unselfish she was. Crazy maybe, but not selfish.

"Dom has always been there for me. When mom died, he was right there with me and Marcus at the award ceremony. He just lost his own brother, but he was there helping Marcus protect me from the camaras. Everyone was trying to snap a picture of the Major Helena Stroud little girl who was able to carry on with her job even after hearing her mother die. And when Marcus was in prison, Dom was all I had. He was always there making sure I was ok. Reminding me that Marcus did care for me, that he loved me in his own way, that there was never anyone else. Hell, he became a third part of whatever relationship me and Marcus had. Being Marcus voice when he couldn't tell me himself that I was important to him. And now he is gone! Marcus is locked even more into himself than he ever has been, and I can't get to him. The only person who can is dead. I know it's only been a month and I know I am being selfish, but I lost someone close to me too. But it's like I'm not even there. He works till he can't keep his eyes open, hardly eats or sleeps. Pulls away when I reach for him, disappears in the middle of the night. More than ever right now I need Dom sitting here telling me that Marcus loves me and needs me, because he won't! I need him here to convince me that it wouldn't have been better if I was in that truck instead of Him!"

The words spilled out of Anya mouth so fast that she didn't know she was going to confess all her fears till it came out. But that was how deep Anya sadness and depression had hit. There was this nagging thought in her head that things would have been easier for Marcus if it was her that had died instead of Dom. She only wanted Marcus to be ok, to let go of the weight of the world on his shoulders. She often wonders late at night, laying alone in bed, how Marcus would be if she was the one that didn't make it out of Mercy. Would he be just this depressed, or would it have even mattered to him? Without Dom reminding Anya how important she was to Marcus; it was easy for her to believe that he would have been happier with his best friend beside him instead of her. She knew deep down that wasn't true but all the emotions of the last few weeks, hell the last few years, hit her all at once. She needed her best friend, her big brother to tell her everything was going to be alright. Just like he always done before.

"Oh my god…Anya…I…" Sam just stopped trying to talk and pulled Anya in a bone crushing hug. Sam had no idea what to say. She just held Anya while the blonde cried lightly on her shoulder. She knew Dom was important, that he was a close friend to Anya. But even Sam didn't realize how much she relied on Dom. Maybe it was time for someone to have a talk with Marcus. No more tip toeing around him. And since Dom wasn't here anymore to be that person, maybe Sam would be. She had no problem telling men, even men like Fenix, to get their shit together. However, Sam knew that Anya was venting to her because she didn't want to put this on Marcus. She was still protecting him while he was hurting her. Sam had no idea what the next move was to help her friend. That is when she heard footsteps and a deep, growl voice behind her.

"Sam, I need to speak with Anya…Alone."

Anya froze next to Sam, her breathing coming in fast, short gasp. She never had any intentions on telling him her dark, hurtful thoughts. But as Anya pulled away from Sam, there was Marcus Fenix, standing in his own fatigue and tank behind them, do-rag firmly in place. His face was set in his normal emotionless expression. He held himself perfectly still. The way he normally did when he was upset, like willing himself not to react.

'Damn, we are both off our game today." Sam thought. 'How long was he there? Did he hear her heartbroken confession? I don't know who to feel worse for.'

As Sam stood up to leave, giving Anya shoulder a tight squeeze, Anya finally looked up at Marcus. She looked into his clear, blue eyes and could tell he heard everything. No one else might have noticed but she did. He was upset, now it was just working out which part he was upset about. Was it that Anya thought it better that she died, that he was hurting her this bad and didn't know, or the fact that Anya was talking so openly about things usually kept in the dark? Whatever it was, the cat was out of the bag, and it was time to have a conversation that neither looked ready for.

(Again, I felt that it was beyond time for poor Anya to have a meltdown. She is one of the strongest women characters if you read all the books and realize she was there every step of the way. From the tragedies at Aspho Fields to the hammer strikes, to watching Marcus be put in prison, to both Dom and Adam Fenix death and never once was shown breaking down. She deserves a moment.) Chapter 2….soon, if I don't get ripped apart for this one.. lol