Summary: He doesn't want to fall in love, not again. However, there's something about Magnus Bane that seems eager to draw him in. Can Magnus get past the walls Alec's built around his heart to protect himself? Especially when Alec's past begins to resurface bringing to light secrets that even those close to him were unaware of. S1!AU
Sequel to Falling
TAGS: Implied/Referenced Suicide; Implied/Referenced Child Death; Dark-er! Alec; Past Domestic Violence; Temporary Character Death; OOC!Ness; Season 1!AU; Canon Typical Violence; Angel!Alec
Chapter 1
"Has it really only been four years?" Murmured a voice, as its owner idly brushed his hand over the two names inscribed in the cool black stone.
David Alejandro Vitalino
August 7, 1991-September 30, 2014
Alejandro Mikael Vitalino
September 19 2010-September 30, 2014
His husband.
His son.
Both gone.
It felt like an eternity had passed since they'd been taken from him. Since he'd heard his beloved's rumbling laugh as the man told him one story or another. Since he'd held his son, who'd rambled to him about all the things he'd missed while at the institute during the day.
And he missed them.
For so long, he'd hidden his grief inside, only allowing it to come out on their anniversary and their birthdays, when he sat before the cold unforgiving stone and spoke to them. He spoke of missed moments and stolen wishes, beloved memories tainted, bittersweet by heartbreak and grief.
Every year, without fail, he visited, speaking until his voice went hoarse.
Then he'd stand as the sun slipped beneath the horizon and whisper his love to them and his prayers for their peaceful rest.
And leave.
He'd leave and shove down all the pain that made up Alexander Lightwood-Vitalino, widower, to become Alexander Lightwood, Head of the New York Institute.
This year was no different.
He spoke of the happenings of the institute, of Jace finding a new Shadowhunter who also happened to be Valentine's long lost daughter. He spoke of how he wished David was there to advise him on what to do and how he wished that Alejandro could've met Max. He spoke of how the pressure of following his parents wishes was slowly killing him.
He spoke of Magnus Bane.
"Jace and Izzy think I didn't notice he was flirting with me, but- I did. I did. What should I do, amato? I can't- I can't go through this again. I can't. Mom and Dad are pressuring me to marry, Izzy is trying to get me to go for Magnus, but I- he's not you."
"Maybe that is a good thing, tesoro." Alec jumped startled at the familiar warm voice, looking up hesitantly at the tall dark-haired man beside him. A man he hadn't seen since his husband's funeral despite the fact they spoke on the phone at least once a week.
"Michael…"
The crime lord sighed, taking a seat beside him, long hair unbound as he met Alec's gaze.
"Alex, kiddo, David would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to give up on your entire life. I can imagine AJ would've either."
A soft sniffle left Alec's throat. "I can't do it. Michael, Magnus is…I can't-"
Michael sighed once more, running a hand through his hair. "Did I ever tell you that Liza wanted you to file for divorce before AJ was born?"
His head shot up.
"We saw how our son treated you while you were pregnant. How you slowly became a shell of yourself and we- we hated it because we had never raised him to treat his lover that way. Mutual respect should be a given in any relationship, but he treated you like trash and we couldn't stand it. So, we started consulting with divorce lawyers in secret, to try to save you. Then AJ was born."
Alec shuddered, eyes burning with tears he knew he wouldn't allow to fall, remembering how their son's birth seemed to settle something in his husband. He remembered how the clear moments became more regular, how the drinking began to slow. How rough coupling became the love making that had gifted them their child to begin with.
Moreso, he remembered the pure love in his husband's eyes as he held their son for the first time. The way the hand that had painted his skin in purples and reds the majority of his pregnancy gently traced the babe's fragile features with a look of wonder.
Remembered his husband promising to get help and following through.
Remembered falling in love with the man all over again, even as the pain and fear lingered in his thoughts.
Michael continued speaking.
"AJ was born and suddenly you weren't showing up with new bruises every other day. You were smiling again and David, he seemed to be himself again. So, we left it alone, but we never forgot. So maybe it is a good thing this Magnus isn't my son. Maybe, he will treat you better than my David did. But, Alex," A gentle hand cupped his face. "You have to let him try."
Alec stared at his father-in-law for a moment, then pulled away, withdrawing back into himself.
"Its getting late. I need to go."
The older man's lips quirked into a sad smile.
"Just…think about what I said, Kid. Okay?"
Alec didn't respond sending a silent 'I love you' to both of the names on the stone, before he turned and walked away. Once he was gone, Michael leaned forward, pressing his fingers to his son's names.
"There are some days I wish you weren't my son. That way I could hate you for what you did to that boy. You destroyed him, son, and I don't know if he'll ever find his way back from that."
His peace said he stood and left.
Invisible to both, a nearly transparent red-haired man bowed his head in remorse.
'I'll fix this, angel. I promise you.'
*/*
Alexander Lightwood.
A small smile crossed Magnus' lips as his gaze landed on the eldest Lightwood scion, taking in the stoic expression on the boy's face.
He didn't really understand what his attraction to the raven haired beauty was, well beyond his looks of course, but it was the first time since his failed relationship with Camille that he found himself wanting to explore the possibility of something more with someone.
And a shadowhunter at that.
Had anyone said that to him a week ago he would've laughed in their face.
The only problem was, Alexander seemed to be fighting their attraction.
Had he not seen the boy blush at his compliments, not seen the curiosity and attraction in those beautiful hazel eyes, he'd have said that the younger man was uninterested in him. He would've thought the boy oblivious as his siblings did. However, he had seen the way the man's eyes lingered on him when they talked, how he seemed to be fighting a smile whenever he made little side comments at him.
Alexander was just as attracted to him.
So why was he fighting it?
It wasn't his downworlder status.
In fact, the elder shadowhunter seemed indifferent to that particular part of his dossier, treating him as if he were just another person.
It wasn't his rather…colorful past…was it?
No, he didn't tend to hide much about himself, so if it were that, the boy wouldn't have been attracted to him at all.
So, what was holding the shadowhunter back?
Why was the beautiful shadowhunter so intent on keeping him at a distance?
He huffed in silent frustration, fighting not to startle as Izzy placed a gentle hand on his arm.
"He'll come around eventually, Magnus." She assured. "My brother is very…repressed. Emotions are not something that he comes by easily."
He wanted to believe her.
He truly wanted to believe her, then he met the hazel eyed gaze of the man across from him, watching as it shuttered and closed itself off even more and he couldn't help but know.
If Alexander were ever going to open his heart to him, it was going to take more effort than Isabelle thought it would.
A slow smirk crossed his lips, and he winked at the stoic hunter who flushed and looked away.
Luckily, he was always up for a challenge.
*/*
It's a dream.
He knew it as soon as he took in his surroundings, and yet as he gazed into the warm oceanic gaze that often lingered behind his eyelids, he found himself unable to care all too much.
Instead, he raced forward, burying himself in the older man's arms as he had all those years ago.
His husband responded in kind, pulling him into a warm embrace that he had once loved and feared in equal measure.
"Oh, cariño" He felt the walls around his heart crumble at the sound of the man's voice, and he curled closer to him, trying to get more of the warmth that was so absent when he woke. "I've missed the feel of you in my arms."
Alec choked on a sob. "You made me come back."
He felt David nod. "I did. The world still needs you."
He shoved the man away. "And I needed you! I need to not visit our son's grave every year because he was killed in the one place he should've been safe. Because I failed to protect him! I need to wake up and not feel like I barely keeping my head above water. I just-" His voice broke.
"I just wanted us all to be together again."
His husband's eyes darkened with tears. "Xander, cariño, I couldn't let you die, not for me. I know, I know you are suffering. I see it in your eyes every single day when you think no one is looking. I hear it, every time you visit our resting places, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. But you have so much to live for. Your siblings, especially Max, they all still need you. The people you protect, the people under your command, they all depend on you."
A gentle hand cupped his cheek and he fought not to look away. "And you, you have so much good left to give the world. So much love left in you to give. Don't shut off your heart, my love. Not because of me."
Alec began to cry in earnest, all the grief he'd built up over the years hitting him with the force of a greater demon, and his husband pulled him closer, not yet finished. "You'll find love again. Someone that will treat you like the wonderful man you are. Someone that will love you and cherish you. And I want that for you, more than anything."
The darkness began to glow and yet, for the first time in a long time, the shadowhunter felt something within him settle.
He wasn't healed, nor had the pain dulled, but for the first time since that awful night, he could breathe.
"I love you," He whispered, pressing a kiss to the dimly glowing lips of the spirit in front of him and David smiled, that same smile he'd gifted him the night of their wedding. The smile that had melted his insides and left him blushing as if he'd been on the tail end of the more overt of Magnus' flirtations.
"I love you too, cariño."
"Kiss AJ for me?"
"Want me to tell him its from his mama?"
He cursed the man, blushing furiously as he began to vanish.
"You're the worst."
"And yet you married me."
Alec chuckled. "Yeah."
David was almost completely gone.
"Xander?"
His heart leapt into his throat, because he was losing him all over again. "Davy?"
A small smile left the man's lips his final words ringing in Alec's ears as he vanished completely.
"Its okay to let him in, beloved."
*/*
She knew she probably wasn't in the best state of mind.
She wasn't.
But, as she stared at the care worn picture before her, she couldn't help the pain that lanced through her.
She missed him.
She shouldn't, not after the way he'd hurt her. But-
She missed him so fucking much.
She missed his kiss, the way his arms felt around her. Missed the way he held her as they lay panting for breath after they made love.
Gods, did she miss him.
And yet, he was gone forever.
And it was all her fault.
Her vision blurred and she couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol, the tears, or the blood loss.
Nor did she care.
She-
She just wanted to see him again…
Tbc…