To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten – Arne Garborg
Trigger Warning:While not graphic, this chapter has a violent attack on a female character in a departure from what happened in Season 5's episode Slabtown.
Amanda Shepherd is pissed off, and she knows it shows as she strides through the dim corridors of the hospital. Granted, the times she isn't pissed off are far rarer than the times she is nowadays, but today is just shittier than normal. A shift spent in the city fruitlessly looking for Noah has her torn between hoping the boy is half a state away and figuring he's probably fallen afoul of walkers and no longer findable anyway.
Either way, it frustrates her because unlike most of the wards here, who are just civilians she's obligated to protect, she's fond of Noah. She never wanted to get attached, but something about him reminds her of herself at that age, the careful chameleon act necessary to blend into a hostile environment. Now he's on his own, and the spiteful part of her wants to blame the newcomer even though she knows Noah has wanted to try to go home to his family for as long as he's been here.
Noah never would have gotten that key without Beth's assistance, although Joan's suicide in Lerner's office did provide quite the distraction. Gorman and O'Donnell had been outraged when they'd pursued the escapees earlier, with Gorman's brush with the vengeful once-Joan nearly taking care of one half of the duo who have warped the concept of serve and protect into a perversion that makes Amanda's skin crawl anytime she sees either man.
Wards duck out of her way until a barked request to one tells her that Beth was last seen headed in the direction of Lerner's office. She certainly hopes Beth isn't relying on Lerner as a source of protection. The lieutenant is erratic in her loyalties on the best of days, and if such a thing as a department shrink still existed, Lerner would be living in their office. The only reason the assholes haven't ousted Lerner is that she stays out of their way. It's a standoff Amanda is fed up with.
When she reaches the office, the door is slightly ajar, and something she hears sets every wary instinct on edge, not just those instilled by years as a cop. Drawing her weapon, she eases the door open and her blood runs ice cold at the sight before her.
Once, she would have to identify herself and follow at least a dozen regulations. Today, she just hits the end of all her tolerance for the corruption at Grady, and she fires. With his brains splattered all over the wall and desk, Gorman won't be harming anyone ever again. Later, when the shock wears off, she'll have time to think about how satisfying that disbelieving look in his eyes was when he looked up in the split second before she pulled the trigger.
But for now, she shoves the man far away from his victim, reaching out to take Beth's pulse. It's faint and thready, but there, and shouting tells Amanda she's about to have company. She wraps a fleece blanket from the end of the couch in the office around Beth as best she can before anyone arrives.
To her immense relief, it's Tanaka and McGinley, and both are below her in the chain of command even as messed up as it is now, one barely out of his rookie year when the world ended and the other only two months out of the academy. They snap to her orders, with McGinley lifting Beth and setting off at a run towards Edwards' domain. It doesn't take long for the news to travel, and by the time the doctor is working frantically on Beth's injuries, Lerner is there and demanding answers.
"What the hell do you think happened, you insane bitch?" Amanda shouts, because apparently today is just the end of her ability to tolerate what happens within these walls. "Your pet rapist finished what he tried to start this morning."
There's no doubt in Amanda's mind that Gorman was intent on finding a way to make Beth his new Joan. The problem with Beth is that she lived outside these walls, and the usual bribes simply don't work on someone like that. With the injuries she barely had time to assess, there's no way Beth consented to his advances.
"She probably was looking for special benefits she couldn't get from me," Lerner states, but her eyes narrow at the heated insult. Amanda will pay for it later, if she gives Lerner the chance.
Lamson arrives, fast on the heels of O'Donnell and Bello. All the off duty officers are here now, and Amanda resists the urge to punch the smug look right off Lerner's face.
"We all know what Gorman was, and O'Donnell's not one damn bit better."
The officer in question is offended, but they've been at odds since Amanda was a rookie. Nothing about him turning into the worst sort of asshole surprises her. Before the virus, he was protected by being some higher up's bastard son. Now? Lerner just can't forget the habit of kowtowing to that sort of thing, as if the command structure they once answered to is going to magically reappear.
"Amanda," Lamson cautions softly, and she knows how worried he is just by the fact that he uses her given name and not her surname. "Where is Gorman?"
It's to Tanaka and McGinley's credit that neither of them volunteer the information. There's no way either man missed Gorman's dead body, ironically laying near the spot still stained from Joan's blood. Then again, Tanaka's training officer was here at the beginning and met with an 'accident' after opposing some of the restrictions laid on the wards.
"In Dawn's office. He won't be hurting any other women ever again."
Lamson looks terrified, and while she understands it's for her, there's no going back from what she's done. Frankly, she doesn't want to. Either she won't live to make it to her own bed tonight, or she'll finally sleep with a clear conscience.
"You murdered one of your fellow officers?"
The sheer hypocrisy of Lerner's outrage makes Amanda's fingers itch to resolve the biggest problem facing them all the same way she did Gorman. Maybe she needs the old department shrink even more than Lerner. It shouldn't be this easy to contemplate killing another human being. She never felt this way even with the worst of the criminals she arrested back in the day, aside from the ones who hurt kids.
"I put down a monster that no longer deserved to live." Meeting Lerner's gaze evenly, Amanda scoffs. "And I'll do the same to any other person here that abuses someone weaker than them."
Because Lerner's physical abuse is just as bad as the sexual favors O'Donnell and Gorman solicit from the wards, or the occasional blows they dealt out of annoyance to the males that get in their way. And as more time goes by, more of her fellow officers seem inclined toward those sickeningly casual blows, too.
"Edwards! Stop wasting our supplies on that girl. She caused the death of an officer."
The doctor pauses at the barked order, but he doesn't reach for the ventilator. His gloves are bloody from the tracheotomy he performed to even be able to intubate his patient, and he strips them off with a regretful look toward the unmoving girl that Amanda thinks might actually be genuine. He does seem fond of Beth for some reason, although not with Gorman's slimy intent.
"Let her die, Lerner, and I will walk right out of this hospital." Amanda is done with trying to get Lamson to step up. She can't get enough of the men to follow her to safely overthrow Lerner on her own, but she won't stand by any longer.
"Abandoning your duty as well as murdering a fellow officer? Take Officer Shepherd into custody," Lerner orders, but O'Donnell's the only one who moves. To Amanda's surprise, Tanaka steps in front of her, squaring his shoulders and looking prepared for a brawl.
Amanda doesn't even hide that her own hand goes to her weapon. If she's sunk here, she's not going down quietly, especially with O'Donnell's leer. Stripped of her badge's protection, she'll meet the same end as poor Beth, without a doubt.
But she's saved from drawing the Glock again, because finally, Lamson makes his move. His gun bumps into the side of O'Donnell's head with an ungentle thump, causing the man to lose all his cockiness as both Bello and McGinley step into line next to Tanaka.
"Dr. Edwards, you'd best do your best to save that young lady," Lamson orders. "Or you'll be out on the streets of Atlanta before nightfall. The lieutenant is no longer in charge here."
Before Amanda can check to see if Edwards follows orders, she sees Lerner go for her gun. Who the lieutenant was going to aim for will never be determined, because the only two shots that are fired are Amanda's and Lamson's. In the space of an hour, they've finally cleaned house of the rotten sewage in their midst.
"Shepherd, stand guard over the doctor and make sure he follows orders," Lamson tells her before turning to the other officers present. "The rest of you, take out the trash. Gorman, too. We'll have a meeting about the changes about to be made here in two hours at shift change."
No one argues, and Amanda steps over the blood pooling from the woman who once ran this place and steps into the room where Edwards is back at work as if there aren't two bodies outside the door. Not even when the all call goes out for the meeting does she leave, although by then, Edwards admits he's done all he can for Beth's injuries.
"Whether she lives or dies is up to her at this point," he admits, tossing his gloves in the bin. "And I'm betting you've seen enough women like this to know it might be easier for her if she doesn't wake up."
Amanda can't fault him for the assessment. She knows as more time passes, Beth's battered body will only bloom more signs of what happened in that room, beyond the broken cheekbone, crushed larynx, and other injuries he detailed that Amanda is studiously trying not to think about. At least Edwards has the meds to keep her sedated for now.
"Nothing about our lives is easy now, doctor, and she's already a survivor."
Lerner might have seen the scars on Beth's wrist as a sign of weakness, but Amanda knows that someone who has hit that sort of rock bottom and chosen to live despite it is capable of coming back from today's horror. It's just a matter of letting her heal enough to wake up, and Amanda intends to be there to tell her that her tormenter is where he belongs, along with the woman who enabled him to become the monster he was.
A/N: To fulfill a reader request on AO3, who asked for the following:
Primary POVs: Amanda & Eugene
Pairings: Some canon pairings, Eugene/Connie, eventual end game Beth/Kelly, No Amanda Pairing
Canon Issues: Canon deaths until the prison's fall, including Hershel, Merle, and Lori. Time from prison fall to reunion is about 6 months, starting right before Rick beats Pete (S5E15). No Negan. Daryl & Carol never see the Grady car, so Beth is left at Grady.
Themes: Mute Beth. Connie & Amanda as big sisters to Beth. Beth adopted by stray Akita. Make the story less about romantic love and more about familial love. Beth can't sing anymore, so her new family sings for her.