Hello, puddin's! This is a rewrite of my old story, Make Me Wanna Die. I've been revisiting it the whole pandemic. The original is still on my page and I hope you enjoy. xoxo
—
Rose Evans was the youngest child of a muggle family. All except for herself and her older sister Lily, better known as Lily Potter, the mother of the boy who lived. Rose had always been a thorn in the side of her family. A black sheep and a rebellious spirit. She grew up unimportant. Her friend Severus Snape was her most trusted companion and the object of her much-repressed affection. To her dismay, Snape had always been very much in love with her older sister Lily. Rose was just his friend and the little sister of his crush.
Rose always felt a deep rivalry with her sister because of this. She only saw Lily as the perfect older sister whom she would never live up to. To make things worse, she watched her sister leave to attend Hogwarts and spent the entire year excited and hoping for her own letter to arrive. At night she would sneak down the stairs and sit outside her parent's room, listening to them discussing all of the interesting parts of the wizarding world. She was in awe. It was a world that finally made sense to her. But to her dismay, when she turned eleven, nothing came for Rose. Rose felt deep down that it was incorrect, the pain caused her to become a worse recluse than she already had been. Her depression caused her to withdraw. At school, she would refuse to do work. At home, she would refuse to come out of her room. She and Petunia would get into fights. She and Lily refused to speak. She spent her time writing intricate number charts in her notebooks. To muggles, it seemed unhinged but it was arithmancy. A divination practice. Rose was trying to figure out what went wrong and where she belonged. She frequently snuck out of the house at night to spend time with Severus. They explored the woods and spoke about Hogwarts. Severus agreed that she belonged in the wizarding world with him.
Everything would change on the eve of Rose's twelfth birthday in late June.
Rose climbed the stairs to her bedroom, tears welting in her eyes. Petunia screamed at her from the bottom of the stairs while their parents tried to calm her down. The two had gotten into a fight at dinner. Petunia had purposefully spilled a drink all over Rose's notebook. Over the years Petunia had become Rose's biggest bully and would frequently torment her in the same way her son would grow to torment Harry.
"This is why nobody likes you and why you have no friends, Rose!" Petunia screamed. "Because you're a freak who doesn't do anything but write numbers in her notebook like a basket case." Rose didn't say anything. It upset her parents but if Rose was good at anything it was compartmentalizing her feelings. They viewed her even attitude as "egging on" Petunia and so on this night, like most others, Rose had been sent to bed early. When Rose got to her room she shut and locked the door, hugging her notebook to her chest. She opened it and checked the pages for damages, some of the ink was smearing. Rose bit her lip to stop the flow of tears and she decided to sneak out to see the one person she knew could help her.
It was easy for Rose to sneak out because her family largely forgot about her when she was delegated to her room. Rose would just open her window and climb down the vines that grew alongside the house. When she hoisted herself over the window she held her notebook in her mouth. The night was chilly. As she climbed down she couldn't stop thinking about Severus. He brought her a lot of comfort. Their first year apart he had been a frequent pen pal. The two found solace in each other because they were both isolated and ostracized. In her life, people expected a lot from her. Rose was a beautiful and smart girl and because of that people expected her to be more like Lily. Outspoken, extroverted, and lively. However, Rose found herself deeply introverted and shy, much to the dismay of others. Her feet touched down onto the grass and Rose tucked her notebook under her arm, breathing in the woody night air. She snuck off toward a small woodland path toward Severus's house. She was excited to see the one person who never expected anything from her and simply accepted her as she was.
Back in her house, her family assembled to play a card game in the family den. Lily told stories about Hogwarts. Petunia made her occasional rude comments and their parents listened to Lily eagerly. Unbeknownst to them, a sudden knock at the door cemented this family dynamic permanently.
"Who could that be at this hour?" Their mother asked, concern lacing her tone. Their father shrugged and stood heading off for the door. Lily and Petunia exchanged nervous glances, both of them waited with their mother but Lily soon perked up recognizing the voice.
"Professor!" Lily exclaimed, rushing to join her father at the door, it was Minerva McGonagall.
—
Along the path Rose retrieved three small and smooth pebbles. When she made it to Severus's house she positioned herself under his window and aimed. Launching the pebbles one by one at his window until he exasperatedly came to let her in.
"Rose?" Severus whispered down at her. "What is it? Is everything ok?"
"Severus I need your help, Petunia almost ruined my notebook," Rose whispered back. Severus motioned for her to come up and she began to climb his vine-covered house up to his bedroom window. He waited until he could reach her and once he could he took her hand and helped her in.
The room was bare aside from a mattress on the floor and his unpacked trunk from school. Rose passed him the notebook, tears welting in her eyes once more as she sat on the trunk.
"I don't know why she has to pick on me so much." She softly spoke as Severus thumbed through the pages, studying the damage. He sat beside her.
"Wait, I know." He passed her back the notebook. "Close your eyes."
"Close my eyes?" Rose blushed. Severus nodded, his eyes bright with mischief.
"We're going to fix your notebook and prove you're a witch all in one go." He explained. Rose sigh but played along, closing her eyes. "Ok now let me see." He adjusted her hands so they were clasping the notebook over the front and back pages. "Now think hard about what you want fixed." Rose fixated on the watermarked pages and bleeding ink. Begging her mind to return her notes to how they were before Petunia had gotten a bright idea with her fizzy pop. Severus watched her for a long moment before telling her to open her eyes.
Rose opened them and quickly opened the book before gasping. Severus gave her an amused smirk.
"I told you!" He exclaimed, gesturing to the pages. It was as if nothing had been spilled, the ink was perfectly clean again. Rose beamed. The two kids say on the bed.
"Now all you need is a letter!" Severus spoke. "Honestly, I had a feeling you weren't a muggle."
"A muggle?" Rose asked.
"Non-magic person," Severus explained. "But this makes me wonder why exactly you haven't gotten a letter."
"Maybe Lily hid mine." Rose joked. Severus shot her a serious look. "That way she would be the only special person."
"Lily would never do that, she's too kind." He asserted. A sadness washed over Rose. "You should spend some time with us and maybe you'll change your mind."
"Maybe one day." Rose lied. She didn't have the slightest interest in spending any time with Lily and Severus. She knew about his feelings for her sister and couldn't bear it. She stole a look at Severus and a blush crept over her cheeks. Her one wish, second to receiving a letter from Hogwarts, was for Severus to care about her the same way he did Lily. But for Rose that was a dream that felt further away than the wizarding world.
Back at the Evan's residence, McGonagall was explaining the mistake at the dinner table over tea. Lily and Petunia sat on the stairs listening in.
"I knew she was a weirdo like you." Petunia remarked. Lily smacked her arm and stood to go upstairs and tell Rose.
"So you see, Rose should have received her acceptance last year," McGonagall explained. "If she comes with me tonight we can have her take the remedial courses to prepare her so she can enter her proper year when students begin in September. The school is prepared to cover all of her required materials for the course of her attendance in recompense for the mix-up."
"She's going to love this news, you see, in her normal school she had always acted out. This explains everything." Their mother spoke up, relief crossing her face. "Her and her sisters get into arguments a lot so I think this distance will be very helpful." Before the conversation could continue Lily interrupted.
"Rose is gone! Her window is wide open and she's gone!" Lily exclaimed. Everyone exchanged glances and stood to go into action.
—
"What is Lily like at school?" Rose asked.
"She's popular. I honestly don't feel as close to her anymore. It's harder at Hogwarts. She's always around other people. I can never talk to her." Severus explained.
"I'm sorry." Rose sympathized.
"It's not your fault," Severus reassured her. Before they could continue their conversation a voice interrupted.
"SEVERUS." The voice came from downstairs. It was Severus's mother.
"Yes, mum!?" Severus shouted back as the two kids scrambled to get to the window. Rose hoisted herself over it and secured herself on the vines with Severus's help.
"Good luck." She whispered to him before climbing down. He shut the window and returned to lay on the bed just in time for the door to swing open.
"Come downstairs." She beckoned. Severus joined his mother downstairs and was surprised to see McGonagall. She was alone, the witch had told Rose's family to stay home and wait for her return while she looked for her.
"Good evening Severus, you see your friend Rose tonight? It is of utmost importance we find her." The professor asked. Severus shook his head.
"No." He lied. His mother smacked the back of his head.
"You had better not be lying, I know you sneak out to see her." His mother scolded. McGonagall knew he was lying but didn't say anything about it.
"Mum I haven't." Shape insisted before his mother let him upstairs. The witch then thanked Severus's mother and gave her a curt good night before stepping out once more to look. She quickly took the form of a cat and wandered around behind the house in just enough time to see Rose finish her descent from the vines. Rose took off toward the woods, and McGonagall followed close behind.