Disclaimer:
Since this fanfic is a parody of the movie, The Death of Stalin, there will be a lot of profanities and insults not suitable for very young audiences and those faint of heart. Viewer discretion is advised.
Dramatis Personae
Pravda Central Committee Members:
Katyusha - General Secretary
Nonna - Head of the NKVD (Nonna-Katyusha Victory Division)
Nina - Deputy Premier
Alina - Secretary of the Central Committee
Laura - First Minister of Senshado
Faina - First Minister of Foreign School Affairs
Valentina - First Minister of Club Affairs
Hanna - First Minister of Propaganda
Pravda Red Army:
Klara - Transfer Student (Head of Pravda's Airsoft Army)
Pravda Naval Fleet:
Kuznetsov - Admiral of the Navalkraft club (Katyusha's imouto)
Svetlana - Squadron leader of the new recruits of the Aerokraft club (Katyusha's imouto)
Proletariat:
Laika: Stage Director
Natasha - Pianist
Chapter 1: A Recording for the Great Katyusha
Laika's problems all started when the telephone inside her studio rang one evening in the middle of a concert.
The People's Hall of Theater and Arts was Pravda's jewel situated in the middle of the school-ship's cultural district. It hosted weekly concerts and plays that glorified the school's crowning achievements as well as promoting its founding country's culture.
Russian folk music was a staple in the People's Hall. From the melodious ballads of the Siberian tundra to the heartfelt love songs of the Cossacks. As a school founded by Russian expatriates a hundred years ago, Pravda proudly shares their Slavic roots.
Laika was a Russophile despite being of pure Japanese descent. She was obsessed with anything Russian and, as such, enrolled herself in Pravda to immerse herself with the culture. She considered it the proudest moment of her life when she was given stage director position for Pravda's People's Hall of Theater and Arts.
After this call, however, she cursed herself for falling in love with anything Russian.
"Who was that?" Her kouhai asked.
Laika didn't respond. She didn't even seem to hear her kouhai's question as Pravda's Red Army choir singing on the stage reached the crescendo of their upbeat rendition of Katyusha.
Vykhodila na bereg Katyusha…
Na vysokij bereg na krutoj…
"What?" Laika finally responded amidst the loud singing of the choir.
"The call," Her kouhai repeated as she took another bite from her apple. "Who was it?"
"It was uh," Laika's face suddenly turned ashen white. Her expression seemed to be an amalgam of excitement, confusion, and horror. Horror seemed to be winning, though. "A secretary of a general."
"The what?"
"No, I mean, the general of a secretary," Laika shook her head. "No, it was the secretary general of the general secretary…"
"Katyusha?"
The audience gathered below erupted into thundering applause. Of all the Russian folk songs, Katyusha was the most popular among the students and the most sought-after song to be sung in the People's Halls.
Laika stared into the eyes of her kouhai with absolute terror. Katyusha, the real Katyusha, just called her, and she didn't even recognize her immediately.
The stage director could hear her heart beating like rumbling thunder. The applause below somehow made her incredibly irritated.
"Stop eating apples," Laika blurted out, now looking even more frantic. "You're always eating those bloody apples."
"I'm, uh, hungry," her kouhai replied.
Laika started to pace, sweat soaking her red shirt uniform underneath her dark green jacket. Without thinking about it, she began to pull on her long jet-black hair.
"What did Comrade Katyusha want?"
"She said she wants a recording of this evening's performance," Laika answered almost immediately.
"Then let's give her the recording."
Laika stopped. She turned and gave her kouhai a long stare as if she just solved the Riemann Hypothesis or that she suddenly grew another head.
"Of course!" Laika's lips widened into a smile. Of course, she wasn't in trouble. The Great Katyusha simply wanted a recording of tonight's performance. There was no reason for her to be sent to Siberia. She aced her last bloody test. "We just have to give her the recording!"
"No."
She blinked, still smiling.
"What do you mean, no?"
"We don't have the recording."
"What do you mean we don't have the recording?"
Her kouhai pointed at the empty phonograph recording machine. "We don't have the recording."
"No."
"Yes."
"But you said to give her the recording?"
"Yes."
"So you do have the recording?"
"No."
For what seemed like an eternity, Laika did not move. Not a muscle, not a drop of sweat. The stage director stood utterly still as she glared into the soul of her kouhai's eyes.
As for her kouhai, she grabbed her apple again and slowly took a bite from it.
A minute later, Laika was on the ground floor shouting at everyone to go back to their seats.
==0==0==0==
On the other end of the school-ship, inside a fancy dacha located inside an artificial forest, Katyusha was busy signing off stacks of papers containing a list of names.
The little General Secretary of Pravda scrutinized each paper of the names listed. As usual, it contained students who had an abysmal performance during the midterms.
After her defeat by Ooarai, she considered turning over her resignation as the school's General Secretary. However, Pravda's Alumni Association rejected her resignation papers. They told her the real cause of their defeat lay in the decadent culture that had gripped the school for years. The Alumni Association ordered Katyusha that, in her remaining time, she should enact sweeping reforms to Pravda's educational system.
Thus, Katyusha intensified her purge of underperforming students by sending them all to Siberia, a series of unheated classrooms below deck that served as a place to take remedial classes and detention. Katyusha even expanded the list to students that had barely passed their exams to be taken down below for 'extra' lessons.
As fire tempers iron into fine steel, so does the cold bring out the resilience of the soul.
Katyusha pinched the bridge of her nose. She had been on her desk the whole day reviewing and signing the forms on her desk. She felt a little warm, but not much to keep her away from her work. She only had less than half a year to implement her reforms. She needed to complete everything before she handed over her position to Comrade Nina.
Strike while the iron is hot. Temper while the water is cold.
Katyusha's brows furrowed. One particular paper caught the little General Secretary's attention. It contained a list of names that started with the letter 'K'.
"Nonna," Katyusha called out her confidante.
A tall girl with long flowing black hair made her entrance into the General Secretary's office. She wore the dark green jacket of the school with a matching black skirt. Contrast this with her own unique uniform of a white shirt and white skirt.
"Yes, Katyusha-sama?" Nonna asked, standing in attention in front of her desk.
"We have five first-years named Katyusha?" The little General Secretary showed her friend the paper.
"That is correct, Katyusha-sama," Nonna concurred. "One is from the General Studies Department, one in the Engineering Department, another in the Fashion Department, also another in the Naval Studies Department, and the last one is in STEM."
Katyusha studied further the first-years that bore the same name as hers.
"They are all failing," Katyusha announced.
Nonna tilted her head in a quizzical manner.
"Perhaps I can agree with the lackluster performance of the first four," Nonna reasoned. "But the last Katyusha studying in STEM seems to be doing well with her studies."
"It's not enough," Katyusha countered. "Having an average score of A- is not enough for someone that bears the same name as me. It should be more than that."
Nonna didn't respond. She remained standing, donning a neutral expression.
"Send them all to Siberia," Katyusha gave the list to her confidante. "Put them all in one classroom and let the STEM Katyusha help the other Katyushas with their grades. Also, put them in a Penal Battalion if need be. They must not see the light until the four gets at least an A- and the last gets an A+."
"Understood, Katyusha-sama," Nonna nodded. "It will be done."
"Good," the General Secretary smiled. "Let's have a break and eat dinner."
Liking the premise of the story so far? If so, then please don't forget to Follow/Favorite this story. I always appreciate it if you also write a Review as it will help me better in my writing. ^^
A/N:
Last Christmas, I wrote a parody one-shot fanfic of the movie Downfall (Der Untergang) which has Erika as the Fuhrer called Der Unterburger (It's actually here in FF). As I was watching the famous bunker scene in Downfall over and over again, I saw the Fuhrer telling his generals that he wanted all his high-ranking officers executed just like what Stalin did. Stalin... I knew then and there that I must write a parody of 'The Death of Stalin' but starring the characters from Pravda. ^^
So yeah, this parody follows a somewhat similar plot as that of the movie, but not all. I've also added some of the memorable dialogs from the movie. I mean, we simply can't have a parody of TDoS without Zhukov (Klara) asking what does a war hero needs to do to get some lubrication. XD
The book cover was done by Kuroumikei. You can follow him on Twitter Kuroumikei.
Revision History:
- Originally published on February 10, 2021