A/N Hello readers! After working on a somewhat fluffy In Disguise, it's time to get to my roots-angst. I hope you all enjoy!
A big shout out to BlueGreenAndPurple for being a wonderful beta and author (go check out their works!).
CW: discussion of infertility and pregnancy (though it is not the main aspect of this story)
~Dot
Hermione rushed through the corridor, eager to reach her destination. It had been years since she had seen the lilac-coloured walls, a colour she was sure was meant to evoke calmness and serenity–though it had yet to have that effect on her.
Even with so much time since she'd been in this place, Hermione could remember her last visit like it was yesterday. Her memories echoed through her body–she could still feel the fear, the anguish, and the anger that yet another thing had been taken from her.
But that had been right after the war. Things were different. For one, she was alone now, and while she did ache for Ron to be with her, she knew it was best that he wasn't. At least not yet. For another, instead of feeling angry, she was, if she dared say so herself, hopeful…and scared. Absolutely, 100% terrified.
Hermione was feeling impatient as she paced across her living room floor. She had written to Ron and told him that she needed to see him, trying to portray the urgency she felt without scaring him to death. He was on a mission with the Aurors, and she wasn't sure he would actually receive her owl. The Auror's were always so secretive that Hermione rarely knew where he was half the time. Even when she did, she never knew if he got her letters or when he'd return.
And that was why Hermione was so surprised to receive a response not minutes after sending her message. The answer was short, all it said was "I'll be there as soon as I can".
She knew it was from Ron and that he meant business. What she didn't know was when he'd be allowed to see her. She had assumed he'd just write back, though the news she had for him could not be told over letter. She had been hoping to learn when he'd be back–to know when she'd finally be able to share the secret and stop feeling like she could burst at any moment from not letting it out.
Hermione was nearly burning a hole in the carpet while treading back and forth when she stopped to look up at the clock. Half-past five. She knew she needed to eat since she hadn't had a bite all day, but she was too anxious. The mere idea of food nauseated her. She rubbed her belly automatically, deciding that if Ron hadn't arrived by six she'd make herself a sandwich. She didn't want to stray, to somehow miss him if he floo'd in. The kitchen was only a room away from the fireplace, but that didn't keep Hermione from feeling a tug deep in her stomach, the feeling not allowing her to stray. So, she kept waiting for someone who might not even show up–hoping with all of her might that he would.
Luck must have been on her side and her waiting ceased not moments later. A green plume of smoke billowed through the fireplace, and her lover plopped out with a tumble.
"Hermione!" he said urgently, rushing from the fireplace, not even patting himself off before engulfing her in a worried hug. "Are you okay? What's the matter?"
Hermione recovered from the boisterous hug and sat down on their sofa, not sure how to answer Ron's questions. Instead of trying to find words to voice her response, she decided to reply with a question of her own, if only to gain a few more seconds. It seemed silly that she had been so anxious to see him, to tell him what she knew, and now that he was here, she wished she had more time.
"How'd you manage to get here? I thought you were on a mission?"
"One of the perks of being friends with the Minister," Ron said with a smirk, though his expression quickly changed back to one of concern. "Though I don't have much time. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Hermione tried to say as calmly as she could muster. "At least I don't think so."
Ron's face scrunched up with worry. "You don't think so? Hermione, you're not making any sense." He sighed and kneeled in front of Hermione so that he could see her eye-to-eye. "Just tell me what's going on. What's so urgent?"
"I shouldn't have taken you away from your work." Hermione lowered her head in an apology. "I should have waited." She looked back at him, daring to stare into his entrancing blue eyes, and could see that he was exasperated.
"Hermione," he started with a sigh, sitting next to her and taking her shaking hands in his. "It's okay, really, just please tell me what's wrong."
Hermione nodded and took a deep breath, not sure where to start. "You remember, after the war…" she began, "when I went to see a Healer to check how the Cruciatus Curses had affected me?"
"Yes," Ron said, still sounding worried, "he said you were in excellent health, better than anyone he'd seen who'd endured that much–" he paused, looking away from Hermione for a moment before continuing with a strained voice, "torture. You were fine, except for…"
"Yes, that's what I need to talk to you about. The 'except for'."
"Has there been more damage?" Ron urged. "They said it couldn't get worse."
Yes, well they said a lot of things, Hermione thought with an ounce of bitterness.
"No," Hermione said, "I'm not worse. I'm… pregnant."
Ron dropped Hermione's hands in shock and jumped straight up, standing so stiffly he could have blended in with the Queen's guards. His mouth hung slightly ajar and his eyes grew wide. He stood in that petrified position for more than a couple of moments and it got to the point that Hermione began to fear that he may have actually been petrified. Before she was able to check, however, he came back to reality.
"But that's not possible," he croaked as if he hadn't spoken in days. "They said you'd never be able to have kids!"
"Well, they were wrong," Hermione said, not quite sure of how to read Ron's dumbfounded expression. "I went to the Healers today and they triple checked."
"B–but…" Ron stuttered, standing up. "They said it wouldn't be possible. That's why we didn't need contraceptives!" He began to pace, following the same path Hermione had carved moments ago.
"I know," Hermione agreed, feeling just as confused as Ron sounded. "It's a mystery. No one knows how it happened."
Ron stopped short and looked at her, bewildered.
"I mean," she corrected herself, "they know how it happened…"
Ron looked away and resumed his pacing, hands brushing through his hair as he muttered to himself.
"Ron," Hermione called, concerned about his reaction. "Are you okay? I know this wasn't the plan, that we weren't going to have kids for years. We were going to adopt and get married first…I know it's a shock."
Ron stopped in his tracks and looked Hermione in the eyes, reaching down to put a gentle hand on each of her shoulders.
"You're pregnant?" he whispered.
Hermione nodded. Ron unexpectedly picked her up and squeezed her, though he let go just as quickly, looking at her stomach in concern as he pulled away.
Hermione laughed. "You won't hurt it," she said, and Ron began laughing too, if a bit maniacally, and hugged her again.
"I'm going to be a father! We're going to have a baby!"
"Yes!" Hermione said, her voice muffled against his chest.
"I can't believe it," he said, genuinely sounding like he didn't.
"Me neither."
Ron let her go and started pacing again. "How in the world…" he mused, beginning to mumble to himself again.
"Ron," Hermione said, trying to get his attention but failing. "Ron!" she called again, this time louder. When he focused on her, she asked, "Are you okay?"
"Me?" Ron's voice cracked. "I'm amazing", he said as he clutched her again. "Never been better!"
Hermione loosened their hug so that she could see Ron's face, to try to read if he was really feeling amazing, or was still in a state of shock. "Really?" Hermione asked.
"Really," Ron confirmed. "I love you and–" he paused, contorting his face in an attempt not to cry. "I'll love our baby," he continued, failing to keep the tears from flowing down his face.
Hermione knew he didn't like to be seen like this, but she didn't mind. In fact, she was glad to see him cry, to know that he was excited and not just panicking–as she indeed felt. With a slight sense of relief, she smiled up at him, though he appeared to recognise the uncertainty in her expression.
"I know this wasn't your plan," Ron started, "You wanted to climb in your career at the Ministry and wait before things like marriage and kids."
Hermione nodded her head. "I did."
"You did?"
"Well, now that I'm pregnant, I guess some plans will have to change," she squeaked, letting out a nervous laugh. She still felt terrified–she was much too young and too unprepared to have a baby. But as she looked into Ron's eyes, she was reminded of something: this wasn't just a baby, this was their baby–hers and Ron's.
Ron beamed at Hermione, but his expression quickly changed to one of determination as he pulled away and brushed past her to the stairs. "I know you wanted to wait until you made deputy," Ron said, his back to Hermione as he began to bound up the steps, two-by-two. "But with this, well, this changes everything."
He had just made it to the first floor when a thud signalled that someone was in the floo.
"Hey Hermione, Ron." It was Harry, looking dishevelled but happy to see them. "I'm sorry, but I've got to get Ron," he said with a tone of regret and urgency, still standing in the fireplace.
Ron peeked down the stairs, looking as if he wanted to argue.
"I mean it," Harry insisted, then he checked his watch. "We've got to go back now."
Ron begrudgingly but hastily walked back down stopping next to Hermione, he hugged her and kissed her on the lips, before telling her he loved her and that he would be back soon.
Hermione watched as Ron entered the floo. She felt a twist in her stomach as he grabbed a handful of floo powder. She was more scared than she had been in her life, even more than when she faced the Death Eaters. But seeing Ron's face glistening back at her made her believe that they were going to be alright. They had each other and they would tackle this new phase.
Together.
Before Ron disappeared in the smoke, Hermione grinned at him and said, "I love you too."
That night, Hermione had a fretful sleep. It took her hours to get comfortable, her mind swirling with everything from what they'd name the baby to what primary school it should attend. She finally fell into a deep sleep sometime after the sun began to rise. Her sleep was so deep, in fact, that when a Patronus appeared in her bedroom, it took her minutes to wake up fully and comprehend what was happening.
A wave of fear hit her when Ginny's voice began to echo in her room.
"Hermione, you've got to come to Saint Mungo's, quick."
Hermione sat upright in her bed, dreading what the glowing horse would say next. She felt her heart drop when it opened its mouth again.
"It's Ron."