A/N: The last thing I needed to do was start another story especially since I haven't updated two of them in a while but instead of doing this as a series of one shots, I thought I could expand on it a little more. I don't own any of the characters.

Hank had been a part of Olivia's life since the moment they met. They mostly had a friends with benefits relationship but Hank stepped back, while Olivia dated Ed. Olivia had been there for Hank after he lost Justin. After she and Ed had broken up, she and Hank became more serious. Ed knew about them and was fine with it. The distance between them had been hard but Hank wasn't ready to leave Chicago just yet and he knew Olivia wouldn't leave New York. Lately though, they had hit a rough patch.

Olivia had found out that Ed had committed suicide and was taking his death pretty hard. Fin had come into her office and Olivia was looking at a picture of her and Ed in Paris.

"You doin' ok, Liv?"

"No, actually, I'm not. He had cancer."

"I didn't know that."

"He had brain cancer. They gave him 6 months to a year to live. He left his wife note and also his pension. It was actually 9/11 related. He told me they sent him to Fresh Kills to go through debris. They had found spots on his lungs just before he and I got together but he never said anything then. By the time he had told me, it had spread to his brain. He didn't want his wife to know."

"Damn! As much as I never liked the guy, he didn't deserve that. Anything I can do? Do you want me to call Voight?"

"Honestly, we haven't talked a whole lot since the Holidays. I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking when I got into a relationship with him. This distance thing is so hard. Noah asks about him all the time but now that I'm a Captain, I just don't have time to travel back and forth."

"Rollins, Kat and I will be fine for a few days if you wanted to take some time off to spend time with him."

"I may take a couple days off just so I can deal with what happened but I'm not going to Chicago."

"What happened between you and Voight? You seemed so happy when he was here for Christmas."

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"Ok. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will."

Fin left and Olivia stayed in her office a little longer before she went home. Fin got home and decided to call Hank. He wanted to know what really happened. He looked in his phone for Hank's number and dialed it.

"Hey, Fin."

"Hey. Do you have time to talk or are you busy?"

"I have time. What's goin' on?"

"What happened with you and Liv?"

"I don't really wanna talk about it. I miss Noah like crazy though."

Hank had gotten a FaceTime call from Olive, so he had to go.

"I have a call comin' in from Olive, so I need to go."

"Ok."

Hank hung up. Fin then texted Amanda, Sonny and Erin and had them all come to his apartment. A little while later, they all arrived.

"What's up, Fin?"

"Lindsay, what's goin' on with Liv and Voight? She doesn't want to talk about it and neither does he. You'd probably know more than any of us, since you were with them at the Holidays."

"I'm probably one of the few people he will talk to besides Trudy and Olive. When he was here for the Holidays, they got into it about the wedding. She wanted him to commit to leaving Chicago to move here and he's not ready. With Antonio now in Puerto Rico, Jay is eventually going to take over Intelligence but Hank doesn't necessarily trust him yet. They haven't always seen eye to eye. Hank has to know that he can trust him before he leaves the unit in his hands and right now, he doesn't think Jay's ready, so Hank couldn't commit to leaving any time soon. Liv doesn't want to make plans for the wedding until they're both in the same city. Like Hank said, it could be a couple years before he thinks Jay is ready. He asked her why he's the one that has to make the sacrifices for their relationship. He always comes here and she hardly ever goes to Chicago. Now that she's a Captain, she doesn't have time to go to Chicago on the weekends and she thought he understood that. He told her they were supposed to be trying to compromise and he hoped he wasn't going to regret marrying her if it's all about her now. Liv got all bent out of shape about that and basically kicked him out. They haven't spoken since. She talked to me long enough to give me her engagement ring back but she won't have much to do with me either. Hank knows I have it but he told me to hold on to it. Lucy still keeps in touch with me, so she gives me messages from Noah all the time. She's even tried to get her to talk to her but she's afraid she'll fire her. Poor Noah is so devastated and so is Daniel. Noah was at the point where he was just starting to call Hank 'Dad' because he thought Hank was going to be his dad. I'm even having a hard time with it but I don't really blame Hank for saying what he said. Amanda called me earlier, so I know about Tucker."

"We all thought that he was gonna be Noah's dad. At least we now know Voight's side of the story and honestly, I don't blame him for sayin' what he said either. She's the one that wanted me to become a Sergeant, so she could take more time off but now, she won't take the time off. She just hasn't said much about anything lately. She's just been a bit on the bitchy side."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one that was thinkin' she was bitchy. Jesse doesn't spend as much time with Noah as she used to either. I get he's got his dancing stuff but she misses it. I don't want to bring it up and have my head chewed off. Liv does have to have her way with everything most of the time. If I do somethin' wrong, I get into trouble but the same doesn't seem to apply to her. Like that time Cassidy was hidin' out at her place and she didn't want us to know. I'm surprised she would have done that after what he did to her when he had her investigated for abusin' Noah."

"I could never understand what she saw in him."

"Me neither to be honest."

"She doesn't talk to me that much either unless I'm there for a case."

"I don't think she's really on friendly terms with Kat to be talkin' to her either. I thought for sure this relationship was 'the one' for her. She seemed the happiest with Voight than she ever did with Tucker or even Cassidy. Voight was the one that kept her sane with all that crap that Grandma Sheila put her through when she kidnapped Noah and she was the one that kept Voight from goin' down the wrong path after what had happened to Olinsky."

"He was so sure that Liv was going to want to end things when we told her what happened with Kevin Bingham. The last thing Hank wants is for her to be disappointed in him. He is trying so hard to be a better person for her and Noah. He blames himself for what happened to Olinsky and I blame myself. I've even tried to repair Hank's relationship with Meredith by taking the blame for what happened to Al but she completely blames Hank for what happened and Trudy is stuck in the middle. When her dad was murdered, she wanted to go after the guy that was responsible but Hank talked her out of it by telling her that she wasn't him. Liv has been more of a mother figure to me than Bunny ever has. Bunny just wants to take me down the wrong path. As far as I know, after I moved here, she went back to Vegas. It kills me to see Hank and Liv hurting the way they are but they are both very stubborn and set in their ways. I know he misses both her and Noah but I get where's he's coming from with regard to being the only one making an effort."

"How long has it been since she and Noah went to Chicago? At least 6 months, right?"

"I think so. The 3 of us went out there for a week last summer and Olive and Daniel came in that same week as well. It's like ever since she was promoted to Captain, she can't be bothered to take time off or even make time for Hank."

"I keep tellin' her we'll be fine if she wants to take any time off. I even suggested she take time off and go to Chicago She said she might take a couple days off but she's not goin' to Chicago. That doesn't help much. Sometimes we need time off to get our heads on straight after some of these cases we get. This all just seems like Liv has to have her way with everything."

"I've been trying to convince Hank to come visit for a weekend. He said he wants to see Noah but not Olivia. At this point, I don't blame him."

"I don't either. I wanna be there for Liv because I care about her and unlike that selfish, son of a bitch former partner of hers, who just up and left without a word, I'm not just gonna abandon her. She needs to know someone will always have her back. I do and I know the rest of us do too.

"Hank would do anything for her and that includes taking a bullet for her or Noah. He hasn't been this in love with someone since Camille and I know how much he loved her. I'd do anything for her too but I can't deal with her when she's like this."

"Be grateful you don't have to work with her when she's like this. The happiest I've seen her has been in the time she and Voight have been together. I never quite understood why she dated Tucker. Like I told Liv, as much as I didn't like Tucker, he didn't deserve to get cancer or die the way he did."

"I'm even havin' trouble with that and I didn't like the guy much either. He was supportive with all the stuff Liv went through to adopt Noah and with what happened with Dodds."

"True. We're just gonna have to do what we can even if we have to get the others involved."

"I care about both of them but like I said, she hasn't spoken to me since she gave me her engagement ring. Unless that changes, my loyalties are with Hank and always will be. I still talk to Platt and Burgess regularly, so they know to give me updates on what's going on with Hank. I'm actually thinking about going to Chicago to spend a few days with Hank. Maybe I'll do that next weekend. I can make the arrangements and then put in for the time off. I think he and I need to have a long talk about the situation."

"If you do go, let us know how things go. Someone should see if they could get Liv to open up."

"It won't be one of us. That's for sure."

"Has Noah tried talking to her?"

"That I don't know. I'm thinkin' Warner or Cragen. Warner stopped in not too long ago to drop somethin' off. I guess Liv was pretty short with her too."

"What about Barba? Do you think he could get her to talk?"

"Not a bad idea. I'll contact him in the mornin'. Good thinkin', Carisi."

"I'll talk to Lucy and see if maybe Noah can get through to her."

"Ok. I think we can all agree that Voight is the only person we want her with, right?"

"Yeah but I kind of thought there was somethin' goin' on between her and Langan."

"Him too, I guess. They seem to get along a lot better now than they used to. She could definitely do a lot worse."

"Hank told me not too long ago that he had considered transferring here before what happened to Antonio. Now he's glad he didn't. They were talking about getting a bigger place at one point."

"I just want Liv to be happy. I don't want her to end up with some asshole who's gonna treat her and Noah like shit. Let's face it, Liv can be a little naïve when it comes to relationships sometimes."

"Yeah she can but then again, so can I. I'm the one that has two kids with two different men."

"I want you to be happy too, Rollins. I don't want you to end up with some asshole who's gonna treat you and your girls like shit. That Dr. Al guy was bad news."

"Yeah, I know he was. I never would have married him. I don't wanna be with someone who thinks it's ok to cheat. The girls and I are lucky to have both you and Carisi in our lives."

"I'm not the best with relationships either. I dated my partner and it ended badly. We broke up and he apparently wanted to propose but I left for New York before he could. I heard that from Hank. Jay blames Hank for me leaving Chicago. I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions."

"That's how I feel too but I usually end up making stupid decisions."

"Me too."

Everyone talked for a little while longer and then they all left to go home. Erin texted Lucy to see if Noah could get Liv to open up to him she said she would see what she could do.

The next morning, Olivia got up and then she made sure Noah was up.

"Noah, we need to talk to a minute."

"Sure."

"I have some bad news."

"What?"

"Ed committed suicide last night."

"Why would he do that?"

"Remember when I told you he was sick?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think it had a lot to do with that. He was only given 6 months to a year to live."

"I get he wasn't around much after your relationship ended but he was still a part of our lives."

"You're right. He was. It's ok to be sad."

"You've been sad for the last month."

"I know I have. I do miss Hank but it doesn't seem like he wants to move here."

"I don't think that's the entire reason. You've been kind of crabby since you got promoted again and that was a few months before what happened with Hank. Why haven't we been to Chicago since last summer?"

"Because I have more responsibility with my job."

"So. You and Hank were supposed to be getting married this year. Did you ever think about what this was doing to me? No. All you care about is your job."

"Noah, I love you more than anything and please don't talk to me like that."

"You know it's true. If you loved Hank at all, you'd be making more of an effort to see him. I miss Hank!"

"Erin put you up to this, didn't she?"

"I haven't seen or talked to Erin since Christmas thanks to you."

"Go get ready for school."

Noah went to get ready for school, while Olivia texted Erin to stop trying to turn her son against her. Erin replied that she didn't and then she called Lucy.

"Hey, Erin."

"Hey. Did you talk to Noah?"

"No, not yet. Liv told me last night that she didn't need me today. I was planning to talk to him."

"She texted me to tell me to stop trying to turn her son against her. I told her that I didn't because I haven't seen or talked to him since the Holidays. That's on her."

"We both know this entire thing is ridiculous. We all know they love each other.

"That is basically what Fin, Rollins, Carisi and I were talking about last night. Noah must have decided to talk to her on his own. You can't blame the kid for trying."

"I certainly can't."

"I'm in the process of making arrangements to go see Hank next weekend and I'm hoping he will open up to me."

"I know Liv is planning to take a couple days off because of what happened to Ed but I will talk to Noah and see if he has anything he wants you to tell Hank. When do you leave?"

"I'm trying for Friday to Monday."

"Ok. I will let you know."

"Ok. I apologize for getting to you in the middle of all this."

"Don't be. Noah has been so miserable since the Holidays. He misses you too and I've almost been tempted to contact Hank myself just so Noah can talk to him. It would have to be on my phone anyway since she monitors his phone and he can basically only call her, me or 9-1-1 or text one of us. If he even wanted to text Hank, she'd know about it."

"You can't blame her for that."

"No, you can't. She just wants him to be safe. I'll be in touch."

"Ok."

Erin hung up and went to get ready for work. Olivia took Noah to school but he wouldn't say a word to her the whole way there. When he got out of the SUV, he slammed the door, so Olivia knew he was pissed. She went home and went to catch up on some house work that she had been putting off. She started going through the drawers of her bedside tables. She had put a picture of her and Hank in the one of the drawers. She looked at it and her eyes started filling with tears. She missed him so much but what he had said to her hurt. Did she still love him? Yes but she didn't know if things would ever be the way they once were between them.

She called Dr. Lindstrom to see if he had any openings and he did, so she scheduled a time to go talk to him. She grabbed a bite to eat and went to have her session with him. She had a lot she needed to talk to him about. That included what had happened with Ed, the situation with Hank and also Noah not talking to her. The hour ended up going quickly, so he had her schedule another appointment for next week, so they could continue to talk about things. After she left Dr. Lindstrom's office, she went to get Noah from school. He was still not talking to her. They went home and he did his homework, while she decided what she wanted to fix for dinner. Dinner was quiet but Olivia figured Noah would eventually talk to her again when he was ready. They had the entire weekend. The last thing she wanted was to have her son mad at her for long.

To be continued…

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