A/N: An AU/AH/OOC Bella/Edward pairing that takes place after Bella completes high school in Forks and goes away to College. This is a real world AU, where the Cullens never existed in Forks.
I'll be attempting to upload a new chapter every few days, hopefully at least one a week!
Wishing you all love and positivity! —Matt
CHAPTER ONE
The trees twisted furiously in the wind, warning me not to continue down the overgrown trail before me. I ignored their warning, driven by my racing heart. I didn't care where the trail led, just that it was away from campus.
Lakefront University was the college of my dreams, or so I'd thought: a prestigious institution with a world renowned journalism school, one that could jump start my career in investigative reporting. At least, that was the image I'd built up in my head. The reality of it was quite different. To me, it was an anxiety riddled nightmare.
Every inch of Lakefront was swarming with people. In some places the crowds were so thick that the sidewalks were almost impassable. It was like being a salmon swimming upstream in a crowded river. I'd been stepped on, bumped into, elbowed and had my personal space invaded more times than I could count. I'd tried to contain my anxiety, tried to ignore the tightness binding me, but by the time I realized what was happening it was too late. My panic attack had already begun.
I was no stranger to the feeling, the way my chest ached for no reason, how my breathing came in jagged gasps, not from trekking through the forest underbrush, but from the weight in my stomach. I'd lived with anxiety my entire life, but that never seemed to make it any easier. The only thing that would help now was to find somewhere, anywhere, to be alone. So here I was, running away into the trees, just like I always had back home.
The trail was rugged and narrow, and the farther into the woods I went, the stronger the scent of the water became. I'd only been walking a few minutes when a clearing appeared through the foliage. I rounded a sharp bend, stepping over one final fallen branch to find myself standing along the endless shoreline of Lake Michigan.
It's waters churned with foam, and grey waves stretched to the horizon, blending into colorless obscurity with the desaturated clouds. A narrow clearing maybe thirty feet across hugged the water's edge, stretching as far as the eye could see and rounded stones lined the shore, ranging from tiny pebbles, to rocks as large as basketballs. A dozen miles to the south, nearly hidden by the trees, rose the Chicago skyline.
I stepped carefully through the grass, crouching down on the stones along the shore.
"Some way to spend your first day Bella," I mumbled, rolling my eyes as a sigh slid from my chest.
I stared across the churning waters as the wind brushed its cool fingers through my hair, throwing deep brunette wisps across my vision. Somehow it comforted me, like the wind was carrying away my tension, and the tightness in my chest finally began to unwind.
For the first time since I'd arrived at Lakefront, there was no chatter or chaos, only the wind, the waves lapping against the shore, and the rustling leaves. It was peaceful, and in a way, it reminded me of home. I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.
My moment of serenity wasn't a long one. Through the whistling wind, the distinctive crunch of footsteps met my ears. I wanted to sob. Apparently even trekking an abandoned trail couldn't buy me a minute of solidarity. I sighed, keeping my eyes closed. Whoever they were, I would ignore them.
The footsteps stopped off to my right, but whoever approached didn't speak. I found it odd that someone followed the trail only seconds after I did. The trailhead was on the far side of one of Lakefront's sprawling lawns, and it seemed lightly traveled. I doubted it was a well known spot. I wondered if there was a reason someone would come here, if I might even be in danger. I was alone after all.
Paranoia and curiosity gnawed at my thoughts. As much as I wanted to ignore them, I knew I should look for my own safety. I took a deep breath.
I only meant to look for an instant, but the second I opened my eyes I knew that was hopeless. Crouched by the water ten feet to my right was the most handsome man I'd ever laid eyes on.
He stared across the water, so still I could've mistaken him for a statue. His skin was pale and flawless, his jawline strong, and his lips full. His tousled, dirty blonde hair fluttered beneath the wind, and the sweater he wore over his buttoned up shirt clung to his athletic frame. He was exactly what every male model wished they could be, from the detail of his clothes, to the stunning profile of his face, which was masculine, yet soft, and youthful.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been staring when he finally looked at me. My heart lurched, and I dropped my head, hoping my hair would hide my mortified expression. I couldn't believe I'd just been caught staring at a total stranger. My cheeks flushed with heat.
I risked a peek to see if he seemed irritated, but he'd resumed his absent gaze across the water. I forced myself to look out across the lake, if only to keep myself from staring. I promised myself I wouldn't look again.
"It's rather depressing, isn't it?" The voice that spoke was deep, with a texture like velvet. My eyes darted to the stranger. He gazed back at me, his features even more spectacular straight on than they were in profile. I was struck by the color of his eyes, a piercing yellow-green, almost like gold.
"Um – what," I asked, shaking my head.
"The weather? It's rather depressing," he repeated. I couldn't believe it. He was talking about the weather?
"Oh. I – I actually find it kind of refreshing," I stuttered. I sounded like an idiot. He let out a low chuckle.
"This is your idea of refreshing," he asked, shooting me a stunning smileI forced myself to look across the lake as heat rose to my cheek.
"Actually – yeah. It reminds me of home. Grey, cold, damp. What's not to love," I shrugged.
"Sounds like a delightful place," he chuckled once more. I glanced sideways at him.
"It can be – if you like the rain."
He paused, his brows furrowing in thought.
"Is it safe to assume then – home isn't here?" His question struck me harder than I expected. I glanced across the water as reality sank in. Washington State wasn't my home anymore. Lakefront was.
"It is now," I sighed in defeat.
"So, you're out here on the first day of the semester because it's so – how did you phrase it – refreshing," he asked. I couldn't help but wonder why he cared.
"Is there something wrong with that," I asked, burying the struggle that led me here like I always did. I wasn't keen on letting people know about my anxiety. "I thought it was nice out, so I decided to go for a walk. Walks are fun," I shrugged. He paused for a moment
"And – you're sure you're alright," he asked. Confusion knit my brows. Something about the question twinged in my stomach.
"Yes – why?" I said, glancing back at him. His eyes were narrow.
"Well – I'm trying to figure out what was so urgent that you felt the need to shove me and several other people out of the way to get here. That's all." My heart slammed against my ribs like a traffic accident.
I barely remembered the moment I'd snapped. I'd let my feet hurl me blindly through the crowd, clear off the sidewalk into the grass, and dashed across the open lawn into the trees. Only now, looking back through the foggy memory, did I realized how many people I'd plowed through in my search for an escape from the panic.
"I'm – I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…" the words froze on my lips as his statement sank in. Something about it struck a nerve. "Wait – did you follow me here – just because I pushed you."
"You didn't answer my question," he said, his gaze unwavering, like he saw nothing wrong with that.
"I just – I was in a hurry okay," I said dismissively. It was none of his business why I'd come here. "Besides, you followed me – just for bumping into you. I mean – that happens all the time – especially here. Someone ran over my foot with a bike earlier – are you going to go chase them down too?" I said defensively.
"Oh." He said, like he'd just figured out the answer to some complex problem. His eyes softened as he looked me over. "You're not alright – are you?" My stomach curled.
"I'm fine." I insisted. His expression grew pensive.
"Then why do you look so miserable?" My eyes snapped wide open as I stared at him.
"What makes you think I'm miserable," I laughed, trying to hide my horror.
"I can see it in your eyes," he said with complete confidence.
"Well – you should probably get your vision checked then, because I'm not miserable," I retorted. He stared at me, furrowing his brow like he found something intriguing.
"But – you don't want an audience to your misery," he continued, like I hadn't spoken at all. My stomach twisted in violent knots. "You don't want people to see something's wrong – do you? You don't want them to perceive any weakness. You'd rather pretend to be strong." The word weakness lashed across my chest like a whip. I stared at him slack jawed, stunned by how easily he'd seen through my façade. I was mortified.
"I apologize for disturbing you," he added. I didn't understand why he was being so condescending. He didn't know me at all, yet he thought he could waltz into my life, throw my problems in my face, call me weak, then act like everything was fine. I was anything but weak.
"Well – you just have all the answers don't you," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Am I wrong?" He cocked an eyebrow. Heat rose through my chest. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to say something like that.
"Yeah actually – you are," I said curtly.
"I really don't think I am though." His face was soft, contemplative even. I grit my teeth.
"So – what? You just think you know everything? Is that it?" Anger boiled through me like a pot that was moments from overflowing. He looked confused.
"I didn't mean it like that. I simply…" I cut him off. I thrust myself from the ground and snatched my backpack up off the grass, turning my back on him to stomp away towards the trees.
"Wait – where are you going," He called after me. I ignored him. The stones scrambled behind me as he stood. "I wasn't trying to…" he started to say, but I spun towards him as the pot boiled over.
"You weren't trying to – what? Be a dick? Let me tell you something Mr. 'Am I Wrong'. I'm not miserable – and I'm definitely not weak! You on the other hand, are a judgmental, condescending asshole!" His eyes widened beneath the force of my anger, but I kept going. "You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. You don't know where I come from, or what I've had to deal with, or anything I've been through. For God's sake, you don't even know my name," I shouted, waving a finger in his face. "So don't sit here and think, after talking to me for five seconds, you know my story. You don't, and if you wanted to learn – you'd make the effort to actually find out." With a huff of anger I turned my back on him and stormed off towards the tree line, stomping the ground beneath my feet.
"Wait," He called after me, but I didn't stop. I blazed down the narrow path, fuming with rage. I didn't understand how he thought patronizing someone and accosting them with their insecurities was even remotely alright? I didn't need his appraisal of my life. I didn't need anyone's appraisal. It was a shame he was so attractive, because he was just as ruthless, uncaring and self centered as any other man I'd met. It was such a waste of potential.
As it was, I hoped I never had to see his smug face ever again. He'd taken the one place I'd found to be alone and ruined it. I felt worse than when I'd run into the woods in the first place. Still, guilt twisted at my stomach. I probably shouldn't have yelled at him, even if he deserved it.
I rounded the last bend in the trail, reemerging onto the sweeping green lawns of Lakefront's campus. Across the far side of the grass, the bustling sidewalk flowed with people, and past that, ivy covered brick buildings rose between the towering trees.
As I trudged back towards the sidewalk, I made myself a promise. I wouldn't go off any anyone like that again. After all, that wasn't a good way to make friends. It was a good way to make enemies. At least in this case it didn't matter. I never had to see him ever again, and that was a fact I was more than content with.