WARNING

(Okay, here's the deal: this is near-certainly never going to be finished. Not what I want, just the facts. Not only due to the story itself and having to come up with so much content as I envision this needing, but also due to difficulties in my own life. However, I still wanted to write and post this at least, as I feel the overarching idea within needs considering, that of using the Loud Brothers as the offspring of Lincoln and his sisters. And if someone gets inspired to use said idea, even use this story as a jumping off point, well… hey, I've loved the thought of inspiring others to write stories, so why not?

Therefore, I apologize that this work will never be finished by me, and I keep this warning here just in case you don't want to be left hanging. But if it interests you, then by all means, carry on and see what sort of a mess I can weave when I get inspired.

And if any of you want to use it as the start of your own tale? Hey, go ahead, and also feel free to advertise the story in question in a review on this one. By all means!

Now let's get started.)

A Mightily Loud House

Man, Dad would flip if he ever learned I was driving a van just like his.

That thought hit Lincoln as he drove lazily on down the same street he'd lived on now for five years.

Well, Lincoln sighed as finally the house's tree covered front wall came into view, the front drive gate already open and waiting for him,harder than he already probably has if he's been watching at all.

His family's beautiful three story, rather expansive custom-built home sat inside a little copse of trees to provide some privacy from the few rheumy, cataract-laden eyes that might pry were their hearing aids ever tuned sufficiently to hear the utter chaos that was his family life. And it was a nice place specifically because they had so much privacy, something he knew, given their situation, was sorely needed due in no small part to the sensitivity of it all.

"Ah, home sweet home," he chuckled as the paved road gave way, oddly enough, to gravel. As it crackled under his tires, he pulled alongside a sporty little pink coupe that brought a comforted smile to his face even as he knew its owner must have hated once again forcing it down the drive and risking paint chipping.

Lincoln paused as he turned off the car, breathed deeply the fresh local air. "Maybe we can pave the drive this year. It shouldn't bring too much attention if we do it now, and Lana'd probably love doing the work herself."

He'd help, of course. He swore he would if they did it themselves, and since he'd just taken off four weeks to spend with the family, maybe…

But that could wait.

Getting out, he stretched his arms and legs, yawned as the sun set off in the distance. "Dang," he looked around at the silence as he walked to the other side to grab his briefcase and (extremely heavy-duty and strangely durable) laptop bag before starting toward the front door, "this is the first time it's ever been this quiet-"

And just like that, he'd tempted fate.

"Dad's home!" he didn't know which boy had hollered first, all the voices seemingly blending together as the front door burst open to reveal nine boys, "Doggy pile on Dad!" Lincoln had only enough time to quickly throw his bags aside before being tackled by what felt like two tractor trucks and an SUV for good measure.

It was this, of course, that explained the very tough laptop bag's existence.

Once he caught his breath, he groaned, "I don't know what possessed me to think boys would be easier than girls."

Luke chuckled. "You know you love us, Dad!"

"Yeah," Loki added from the middle of the pile, "just imagine having to listen to talk about periods all the time!"

"Or how about all the nail breaking?" Leif added with a chuckle.

A gasp was heard from the bottom of the pile nearest Lincoln. "Oh man! My nails!" and suddenly everyone was flung off as Loni got to his feet. "Oh don't worry you poor things, Daddy's sorry for that!"

Loki coughed now as he got to his feet. "Yeah, like that."

Lincoln couldn't help laughing, but his tongue slipped and he added, "Oh, that's not all true, guys. It's actually pretty nice having sisters." Lexx stuck out his tongue and gagged, but Lincoln raised his eye at this, "Linka's a girl, you know."

The boys readily agreed. "Yeah, Dad," Luke nodded his head. "A. Girl. Not two, not three, and she's pretty dang awesome, anyways."

"And what are literally the chances of lightning striking twice?"

Lincoln then realized what he'd said earlier, but figured everyone hadn't really noticed and decided to just laugh again. "Oh, you'd be surprised. So, where's… speak of the devil," he noticed a very familiar young woman in a white lab coat approaching from the front porch while two more women, one a brunette with a widow's peak and an older shorter haired blonde coming out the door to greet him. "You doing well, Lis?"

They kissed ever so briefly before she replied. "Exceptional. And you're late by exactly fifteen minutes and thirty seven seconds, and that's accounting for the traffic, fuel and meal time variables."

As the other two ladies approached, he remarked, "You forgot the 'T' variable."

"I remembered traffic-"

Lincoln shook his head. "The 'tire' variable. Some guy lost his tire as he was rolling down I-7 and I got involved with the hunt. Hey Luan," Lisa blinked her eyes in surprise while Lincoln leaned over and kissed the next arrival briefly, then added as the eldest arrived, "I couldn't just leave, after all, we were literally-" the blonde woman gasped with mock pride, "-on a roll!"

"Good one, Dad!" Lane laughed.

Luan elbowed him gently. "Okay, okay, I'll admit the joke was good. It's better to see you again, though," and she hugged him tightly.

As he returned it, he looked over and said, "Hey Lori," and give her a kiss as well before grabbing not just her but Lisa as well into a hug. "How have you been?"

"Just fine, Lincoln," she nuzzled him. "Literally tired beyond belief and don't wanna go to work tomorrow, but fine now you're home."

"Work bugging you?"

"Just the usual. I could fire half the bank staff and hire our kids and we'd be better for it, stupid nepotism claims."

"I highly doubt such a situation would be better. In fact," Lisa started doing the calculations in her head, "I would predict such a scenario would cost the company millions given who exactly our children are in regards to money-"

"Wasn't actually meant literally, Lis," Lori sighed, then chuckled.

But Loki added, "Hey, I resent that!"

"Naw, you resemble that!"

"Shut it, Lane-Brain!"

"Make me, Lokidiot," Lane stuck his tongue out while the ladies just shook their heads.

"Good thing we were never like that, huh, Lori?" Luan whispered.

Lori nodded gravely. "Omigosh, could you imagine?"

"I'd have to correct you-"

"Hey, LJJ!" Lincoln piped up, cutting off Lisa given she'd forgotten to whisper, "How'd that contest go?"

"Like you need to ask?" Lynn Jr. Jr. replied, flexing his muscles. "No way any of those losers were gonna beat me, Dad, you know that!" posing, he added, "Good luck trying to beat LJ-to-the-Extreme, folks! Pack it in-"

"How on earth did Lynn manage to transplant her personality so completely?" Lori asked Lisa offhandedly as they all filed into the large house's wrap-around porch, slowly entering the crème-white very new yet possessing an old-time Amish-feel home one by one.

Lisa shrugged, completely baffled. "Given her measurable IQ, I'm as stymied as the rest of you. Even I haven't achieved so perfect a cloning technique."

"Maybe budding?" Luan offered.

Shaking her head, Lisa sighed. "No, she's entirely human. I've checked."

Lincoln whipped his head around. "You checked if she was human!"

"Yes. And so is everyone else."

Lincoln was about to say something when a happy gasp caught his attention from up the stairs. "Lincoln!" and with that a pink and blonde blur practically flying tackled him, immediately pressing her lips to his and taking nearly a minute before parting to say, "Did you miss me?"

"Of course I did, Lols!" he hugged her tightly, listened to her hum happily in his arms before-

"Linc!" Lana tackled him a moment later, knocking him back as she gave him a gap-toothed smile before leaning in for a kiss, then pulling away and saying, "Missed ya!"

"I missed you too, Lans!" he laughed as both ladies hugged him tight. "Glad to see you're both doing well and that you're back, Lola."

"Eh, New York is crappy, especially compared to this place but even compared to Gus's old joint."

"Is this really my sister we're talking to?" Lana pulled away, compared Lola's own gap-toothed smile to her own mind's image.

Lincoln just shook his head as both ladies released him. "What is with all this body snatcher talk?"

"We watched the movie last night," Lexx hugged Lola as she picked him up and lavished attention on her boy, "thanks to Lars and Mama Lucy getting to pick."

"It was awesome," everyone jumped at the sound of Lucy's voice coming from behind Lincoln's right ear. "Sigh."

"How do you do that!" Lori goggled when she finally calmed down. "There's way too many of us not to have noticed-"

"You never notice me, Lori," Lucy smiled slightly. "Even when we were-" she didn't get to finish her sentence as Lincoln hurriedly cut her off with a kiss. When they finally parted and she managed to recover she asked, "What was I saying again?"

"How wonderful it is to have nearly the whole family home now?" Lincoln offered.

"Hey, Dad," Lincoln jumped half his height when Lars spoke, hitting the ground and grasping his chest as his son said, "You do know I was in the doggy pile, right?"

Luke raised his hand, looking slightly ashamed, "I didn't. Sorry." Everyone looked at the teen who had the wherewithal to at least look ashamed. "I said I was sorry!"

"Linc!" a raspy voice called out from the back of the house, followed soon by a higher pitched, "Lincy!" as two sets of feet hurried to the front of the house. Some of the family kindly parted and allowed both women to rush Lincoln, grabbing him up in two conjoined hugs, one so strong it realigned his back good and proper.

"How ya been, Dude?" Luna asked as she gave him a quick peck, Leni still refusing to let go as she held him fast.

Lincoln just laughed once again. "Pretty good, Lunes. How's the business going?"

"Great, of course," she dove in for another hug as she explained, "Tutoring's blowin' up like mad, and Chunk suggested me to a music teacher he knows so word of mouth just made me a supplier to four separate schools!"

"Seriously?" he grinned. "That's great!" as Luna beamed, he looked over to Leni and asked, "How's the new chiropractic business going, Hun?"

"Just so totally awesome!" she chirruped. "I still can't thank you enough for suggesting it, Lincy!"

Still can't believe you graduated with honors, Lincoln thought as they kissed a moment later, thinking back to just how happy she looked when she'd completed her studies and was top of her class.

It was the first time she'd ever looked that happy since… well, since before that day happened.

Footsteps approaching caught his attention before he could think anymore on that, though.

"Hey, Stinkoln, finally dragged your butt back home?" Lynn Jr. smirked, her arms crossed over a track suit, obviously just finished with a workout from the sweat that covered her brow. To her left stood a younger blonde with a baby giggling in her arms.

Lincoln wrapped Lynn up in a hug which she returned gladly. "Yeah, I'm home, Lynn," he kissed her, two quick pecks before pulling back and saying, "And I have four weeks paid vacation time, so-"

"Four weeks!" the young blonde hopped forward, hugging Lincoln tightly while the other ladies jockeyed to hug him again. "How'd you manage that?" she asked as the baby grabbed at her shirt.

Lincoln laughed and kissed the youngest lady there, playing briefly with baby Leon before saying, "Lots of wheeling and dealing, Lily. Also, I got the call that I've been hired at the new start-up in town so I figured I'd give my two weeks notice when I go back to work."

"You sly dog!" Lynn elbowed him in the ribs. "That's awesome, Linc!"

"It'll be literally nice having you home from now on," Lori added in, giving him a one-armed hug which he returned.

As everyone made small talk, Loki added, "Hey, Linka'd probably happy-freak when she hears Dad's gonna be in town permanently!"

"I was gonna ask her mom if she could come over and celebrate," Lincoln then said, "Oh crap, I left my-" then noticed his cases near the door. "When did that happen?"

"I brought them in," Lars spoke up.

Lincoln grabbed his son up in a hug. "What would I ever do without you, Lars?"

The boy made sure to rub it in on his brothers before saying, "Well, if you're grateful, then maybe-"

"If it's more than thirty, you're out of luck."

"Ugh… Sigh."

As the family started making small talk, Loni spoke up as he looked at his father, "Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Like, how would you totes know what it's like to have sisters?"

The entire house deflated in an instance. Not a sound could be heard from even the appliances.

It took Loki to speak up as he smacked his forehead and quickly ushered Loni aside, "Er, sorry, Dad. We literally didn't mean—I mean, if you hadn't mentioned them, then it's like, totally understandable-"

"No, no," Lincoln shook his head, bit his lip at one side gently. "No, it's… alright, kids. Hey, boys?" finally recovering, he looked at his sons, "Why don't you let your mothers and I have a chat alone while you order pizza? Whatever you want, order maybe five or six, okay?" then, after a quick thought, he corrected, "Make that maybe a firm seven. I know you boys eat a lot."

Despite his generosity, none of his sons seemed too enthused as they watched the patriarch usher the ten matriarchs, now sans Leon who was handed off to Luke, of the Loud house out the back door and into the club house Lana and Leif had built the year before.

When the door was shut and they were assured by Lisa the place was soundproof, the panic set in.

"Crap! What do we tell them?" Lynn was the first to speak, her hands feverishly running through her long hair.

Lori worried as she leaned against the table. "I don't know! Like, I literally thought we'd have more time-"

"It's been seventeen years," Lisa interjected. "It's more a shock we never slipped up before now."

"I know I'd normally make a joke about incesting we speak up, but this isn't a laughing matter!" Luan nearly hyperventilated until Lily pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. Once calm, she whimpered, "Thanks, Lily."

"No problem."

"We have to tell them the truth."

Every lady there froze at Lincoln's words. Neither resigned nor firm, they were merely statement of the facts. It was now, not never, that the boys had to learn.

No matter how painful.

"Omigosh," Leni whispered. "I'm, like, just grateful Linka isn't here, too."

Lola groaned. "Oh man, can you imagine having to tell her and getting an earful from her mother-"

"What exactly possessed you to go outside the family again, Linc?" Luna inquired from where she sat behind a set of drums.

Lincoln shook his head. "I admit, it wasn't the best idea for a cover story, but what do you expect? Before we moved here it just looked fishy!"

"Because it was fishy!" Luan piped up now she was somewhat calm again.

"Admittedly, people were starting to ask questions," Lisa hated to say it, but it was true.

And she couldn't keep erasing memories after she learned the deleterious side effects her ray caused.

Also, she was rather uneasy with how Leni and Lucy seemed to enjoy breaking and entering when someone was stubborn and wouldn't subject themselves willingly to it.

But Lincoln took back control. "We have to tell them. Heck, I can't believe Levi hasn't figured it out yet, at the least."

"I've been switching his DNA samples he keeps taking when he's not looking," Lisa then added when Lincoln was about to speak, "and I've reprogrammed certain applications of his to not report the data acquired from them accurately should they slip by."

"Okay," Lori looked at her second youngest sister somewhat fearfully, "that's totally not immoral in the slightest, and good thinking, Lis."

Lisa just gave her a flat stare and growled deep in her throat.

Meanwhile, Lynn slid down the nearby wall and sat on the floor, fiddling with her prosthetic leg nervously as all the potential outcomes played through her head.

Her happy family life?

Over.

For the first time ever, Lynn Loud Jr. admitted flat out defeat to herself.

Lisa noticed her sister's very obvious distress and, while the others talked back and forth she quietly removed herself to Lynn's side, the two ladies wordlessly leaning against one another, attempting to offer some support.

It only took a few more minutes for the chattering to die down as Lincoln asked, "So it's agreed? We tell the boys, see how they take it, then-"

"Then if we're really this crazy," Lola shuddered, her and Lana pulling close together, "we talk with… her. And then tell Linka."

Lucy's shudder matched Lola's in intensity but beat it in length. "If we've all grown tired of living, yes."

Luan tried working up a smile as she looked at her younger sister. "Luce, still clinging to life? Somebody under-take her away, what did you do with my little sister!" a strained laugh forced itself between her lips. "G-get it?"

Lincoln swallowed. Hard. "What the hell possessed me to marry her as a cover?"

Lily crossed her arms, leaned into Lincoln and asked, "More importantly, how the heck did you convince her to accept all this in the first place?"

The ladies all looked to Lincoln who nervously rubbed his neck before, finally, uttering, "At first, she thought it was kinky."

All the ladies remained silent until Lynn threw her hands up and put her head in them. "Oh man, that's what got her?"

"Well," Luan mused as things grew lighter in tone, "at least I don't feel too bad getting so handsy with her then."

Lola, Lori and Lynn grinned salaciously at that.

Lincoln, remembering exactly why the ladies were grinning, fought hard to keep from getting hard. Or harder, as the case was. That was exactly why they were in this particular situation now, and despite the old adage of fighting fire with fire, he was pretty certain it didn't apply to this sort of problem.

And if it did, heaven help him.

However, no one made any attempt to move toward the door, to leave and face the music whatever the song might be. It wasn't until two or three minutes later that Lynn, having had enough, growled, ran her hands furiously through her hair and then, breaking free of Lisa's gentle hug, sprung up and said, "Alright, no use moping! Let's just rip this bad boy off and take it like… well… like the men and women we are!"

"Man," Lisa corrected as she adjusted her glasses and got to her feet.

Lynn growled, but Lincoln cut in with, "Besides, the pizza should be here if they already ordered."

Everyone agreed and, following Lincoln, filed on out and back to the house.

Lincoln was right; the pizza wasthere, though it had only just arrived so that Lynn Jr. Jr. was just shutting the door with the last box in hand when he saw his father and mothers come back inside. "Hey, food's here!"

Giving his son a smile, Lincoln let out a breath. "Good, we're all starving, I'm sure of that."

"I could eat a horse," Lana remarked, then added, "but not really. I mean, I probably could, but-"

"We get it," Lori cut her off before Lisa could try adding her own two cents in.

Everyone gathered in the house's main room, a wide and expansive place for the very large family. While their mothers sat in the available couch and chair space, the boys and their father sat on the floor, all of them eating their meal in a silence that, at any other time, to Lincoln's ears would have been golden to hear in that house.

Now? Not so much.

When the last slice was devoured and everyone looked ready to abandon ship, Lincoln signaled to his sons to remain as he and their mothers had something to talk with them about.

"So…" Lincoln fidgeted with his hands, wondering how to approach the extremely sensitive situation. "I guess all of you boys are probably wondering about, well… earlier tonight."

Loki rubbed the back of his neck just like his father usually did. "Dad, you don't have to if you don't want to, we're sorry for bringing it up. Right, Loni?" he nudged his brother sharply.

Loni nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah, Dad. Totes sorry-" but Lincoln shook his head and let out a light chuckle.

"No, you boys… you boys have a right to know-"

"Probably more like, 'need,'" Lori added abashedly.

Lincoln solemnly agreed. "Your mother's right, Loki, you boys need to hear this," after saying that, it took Lincoln a few minutes to find the words he was looking for. "Boys, how do you think your mothers and I met?"

The boys exchanged glances, silently communicating before Luke looked at their father and said, "Y'know, we all figured you were childhood friends, actually."

Lisa was about to say something, but the combined forces of Lola and, strangely enough, Leni managed to silence her.

Watching this, Lincoln shook his head, a slight smile on his face, then answered, "Well, not exactly. See, your mothers are actually sisters-"

"I knew it!" Loki declared, pumping his fists in the air.

The Loud patriarch and matriarchs were all shocked, but Lincoln recovered first and asked, "You did?"

Loki practically danced as he explained, "I knew it all along! Our moms were hot sorority sisters and Dad literally must have been the freaking MVP on the football team!"

Luke gaped at his father. "Really! No way, Dad! How many touchdowns did you have to score to get them all! You gotta be in freaking record books!"

"Doesn't have to be touchdowns!" Lynn Jr. Jr. burst out before his parents could stop them. "Heck, I bet Dad was the best freaking defense in every dang league out there!"

Lynn couldn't resist practically busting a gut at hearing this, snickering and pointing over at Lincoln as memories started resurfacing. "Y-yeah, Linc, t-tell'em all how—snrrt! Tell them how good y-you were!"

He rolled his eyes. "Har har, Lynn sweetie, har-de-har-har," he groaned, then shook his head as he burst some of his sons' bubbles. "No, boys, they weren't sorority sisters."

Loni's eyes widened at this. "I knew I was right!" everyone looked to him then and he explained, "I always knew our moms were nuns!"

Levi's eyes went wide as he looked at his mother, "I would never in a million years have suspected-"

But Lane cut him off as he, face wide and ecstatic declared, "No way! Dad snagged ten nuns to be his wives! He's more badass than I thought!"

"Lane, watch that mouth!" Luan chastised, giving him the eye in the process.

He ducked into his shoulders. "Er, sorry, Mom."

But before his boys could run away with themselves, Lincoln shook his head again and said, "No, not nuns."

Everyone paused then as his words sank in. It took a moment, but then-

"No… no way," Loki sat there, stunned. His brothers save for Leon who was playing with Lily's hair, almost all looked upon their father with completely new eyes.

Possibly even admiration, Lincoln realized.

"No way!" all nine burst out finally, practically knocking their parents back through sound alone. "Dad actually freaking scored ten sisters!" Loki jumped to his feet, dashed upstairs, then ran back with candles and a nice little blanket as he sat prostrate before his father and bowed to him.

"Literally teach us your ways, Dad!"

"Our dad's totes a regular casserole!"

"That's 'Casanova' moron-"

"LJJ, what was that?"

"Sorry, Mom!"

But Levi slammed his hands down on the coffee table, catching everyone's attention as he declared, "So that was the reason you never said anything!"

"What?" Lincoln asked, completely stymied now things had run away from him.

Levi explained, "If our biological mothers are all sisters and you're the biological father of us all, then that makes my siblings and I three-quarter relations rather than half which means I'm more related to these nitwits than I've ever wanted to be!"

"Um, actually," Leni was the one to get everyone to settle down, twiddling her fingers as she tried to explain. "Well, see, you're kinda, like, on the totes wrong track, but the right track in a way, like you hopped on the train to go somewhere but it's taking you in the opposite direction. But that's okay because the world is a ball and you'll end up at the same place if you keep going the same way, you know?" she took a deep breath and let it out while the boys were quietly contemplating what they'd just heard. "Like, you get it?"

Loni nodded his head vigorously. "Oh yeah, Mom! Like, totes understood that!"

"You did?" Lincoln asked, completely at a loss. "Then explain, please. To prove it."

Loni readily agreed. "See, what Mom was saying was, like, we hopped on the train thinking it was three-quarters, but that was totes the wrong train, and if that's the wrong train then I'm pretty sure we need the train you have to pay a dollar to get on because three quarters is way too cheap and won't take us completely there," he stopped for a moment, considered what he'd just said. "But where's the dollar train heading? And what kind of train can you ride for only a dollar nowadays? With inflation as it is and…" everyone sat there in complete amazement as Loni somehow explained economic theory for fifteen minutes nonstop.

After getting to a discussion on monetary policy, Lincoln had to put a halt to it. "U-um, Loni? Not to rain on any parade because, believe me, I am beyond amazed and happy of what I've just learned about you today-" his son beamed, proud of himself, "-but we really do need to get back to the subject at hand."

"Which is?" Lane asked, completely forgetting after being bombarded for nearly a half hour with knowledge he neither wanted nor expected to receive. "No, really, I forgot why we're here."

Lincoln looked at his sisters, then with one final internal swear he looked up at his boys, bit his lip one last time and-

"Your mothers," Lincoln started, holding his boys' stares with his own, "and I are brother and sisters. We're siblings, kids."

It went so quiet in the room that the occupants at any other time could have heard each other's pulses, for no sound reached them as the shock washed over the boys. No one spoke for a full ten minutes, and when finally movement returned Levi began furiously scrambling at a notebook of his, writing something as Lane asked, "C-could you repeat that, Dad? No, really, I incest-"

"Lane! Not the time!" Luan chastised again, but allowed for a small chortle. "Though that was good timing, so points for that. But seriously, no joking."

Levi interrupted with a whine of frustration as he slammed his notebook on the coffee table. "Pardon my outburst," his voice was strained as he eyed his parents, "but am I to believe that what you've just told us is the truth?"

"It is," Lincoln told him.

His second youngest boy's hands quivered as he looked back down at what were calculations on his notepad. "Then pardon me again for being highly unscientific right now, but that's astro-fucking-nomical that, out of nearly a dozen incestuous unions, the only resulting defects of any sort can be detected in Lane-Brain!"

"Hey! I'll remember you come April, Levi!" Lane spat and glared at his little brother, who returned it with his own.

Lynn Jr. Jr. just gawked and groused, "Hey, why does he get to curse but we don't!"

Lisa held Levi with a pointed stare that could wilt concrete, "He doesn't. Levi?" her son ducked into his lab coat at his mother's voice, "What have I told you about speaking in terms either crass or laymen?"

Meanwhile, Lane leaned back sullenly and quietly pointed out to Luke, Leif and Lexx, "Besides, Loni was definitely the tip-off."

His brothers didn't want to agree with him, but they did.

Quietly, though.

"Man," Loki just stared into the distance as he nearly squeaked, "Linka's gonna freak when she learns her mother and you are-"

"Actually," Lori waved her hands then, "Linka's mother isn't related. She's the only one, though. The rest of us, on the other hand?" but she couldn't find the words to say what she wanted to.

It was Loni who, after a few minutes to consider this new info, asked, "Why?"

Lincoln looked to his sisters, then back at his sons, then back at the ladies before finally looking down at his hands and explaining, "When your grandparents died, it… really destroyed us. All of us," he motioned toward each of his sisters. "And after your great grandpa took us all in, I was dealing with some… pretty severe delusions, not coming to grips with what had happened, living in a fantasy world where everyone was still alive and happy. Meanwhile," he looked to Luan then, "Lane, your mother was hurting pretty bad, too-"

"Trust me," Luan added, "accidentally putting your hand in your mother's corpse when you're crawling out of wreckage can scar you. I know that for a fact."

Lane paled, and so too did several of his brothers.

Still, Lincoln persisted. "And with Lynn losing her leg when she saved Lisa from getting crushed due to the house's further collapse, and then having a hard time dealing with that? Things weren't getting any better. Add to that Lori's stress and Lisa's guilt and both their constant working, then Leni getting so depressed she dropped out, and Lucy kept blaming herself for what happened, and-" Lincoln stopped himself from rambling, took a deep and calming breath, then let it out before looking back at his sons. "When I managed to pull out of my delusions long enough to see everyone hurting, I didn't want to go back! Then your mother and I, Lane, started growing closer and we mistook being anchors for one another as an attraction, then when we realized our mistake it was too late.

"But what I really want—need to say," Lincoln caught himself again, clasped his hands on his knees as he looked at his ladies, his sisters, his wives before finishing, "is that, while it was a mistake, I don't regret it. And I'd be happy to tell you how it happened in detail later, once everyone's calmed down and we have time, but you have to know, I would never change it even for a moment, kids. I love your mothers, and I love you. You were born from love, even if it wasn't the kind that's best."

Luna leaned in and added, "We're sorry, kids. We're real sorry we didn't say somethin' sooner, but-"

"N-no problem," Luke caught himself, regained some control before saying, "I get it. You guys love each other and that's… great. I mean, good? I guess?"

The whole room fell silent again.

"So," everyone jumped when Lars spoke, causing the boy to shake his head before continuing, "I think I'll turn in for the night."

"You're not one for early slumber, my prince of the night," Lucy remarked, which caused everyone to jump again now she once more made her presence known. "Sigh."

Lincoln, after he calmed down, put his hand on Lucy's, "Sorry, Hun. Just a tad high-strung."

"I know," Lucy leaned over and kissed him gently while many of the boys did their best to remain calm.

But their mothers all saw the visible distress upon their features.

Well, except for Lars and Loni.

"I should head to bed, too," Loni yawned. "I need my beauty sleep."

"Maybe I'll join you-" Loki caught himself, threw his hands up as he began panicking, "Inmyownbed! Inmyownbed!"

"Good idea!" Lexx and Leif, for once, fully agreed and hopped to their feet. "We're hittin' the hay! Long day tomorrow, love ya lots!" Leif barely hung around for a kiss from his mother before dashing off with Lexx, as soon as he could get free from Lola, following soon after.

Lars and Lynn Jr. Jr. looked at one another, then back at their parents.

"Er, um," Lynn Jr. Jr. struggled to find the words, but eventually just settled for, "'night, all!" before dashing off up the stairs.

Lane almost said something, but instead snapped his mouth shut and left without saying a word, making both Luan and Lincoln wince at the snub.

"Eh, uh, well I mean," Luke stammered, unsure just what to do with his hands as all the rebellious nature he'd built up over the years flooded out in an instance to be replaced by something completely foreign. Finally, after looking into his mother's and father's eyes, seeing the obvious worry in them, he put his hands up and said, "S-see you tomorrow? I m-mean, yeah, that…" and silently excused himself from the room, turning and very audibly fleeing the moment he was out of sight.

But while most of the boys excused themselves with barely more than parting words, Loni made sure to give his mother both a hug and a kiss before giving each of his other mamas the same treatment, surprising each in turn as he did so before hugging his father tightly and, as blissfully as always, strolled on out of the room.

When only Lars remained of the older boys, he just shrugged and smiled. "Good night Dad, Mom, Mamas," and he made sure to hug and kiss them all in turn, making Lucy smile warmly when he embraced her. "You don't have to worry, either. I'm sure the idiots'll get used to it, they're just in shock is all. Well, except Loni," he paused then and gave Lisa a look. "You're sure-"

"I've checked," she reassured him. "Quite simply put, I still have no clue what sort of explanation is behind him or his biological mother's… erm… near savant-like qualities."

He sighed at hearing that. "Well, anyways. See you all in the morning."

"Back at you, Lars," Lincoln watched as the boy turned and headed upstairs.

When none but Leon remained, Luna piped up with, "Well, that could have gone… better."

"Really now?" Lisa asked, surprised. "I'm rather of the mind it went impressively well given the circumstances."

Luna gave her little sister a look, "How-"

"The police haven't been called, for one."

Hearing that, everyone had to agree with her.

And then found themselves standing around the room in silence, some gently consoling their fellow sisters, Luan especially, all while listening to the sounds of their sons' footfalls as they slowly petered out, each one turning in for the night.

Looking at the clock for anything to change the subject, Lincoln noted the time and peered back at his wives, asking, "So, should we get ready for bed ourselves?"

He rather liked the looks he received upon them hearing that.

As the ladies grew frisky on the way downstairs to their basement level grand-sized master bedroom (Lana's own handiwork, both it and their bathroom, while Leni custom-made the bed just for them) Lincoln took Leon from Lily to let her start getting ready and worked to get him to sleep.

"You know," Lincoln looked to his youngest son as the boy now slumbered in his arms on the way upstairs, "I'm not looking forward to going through this again when you're older, kiddo. Maybe we can wrap you and Linka up in one fell swoop?" he grimaced at that. "Wishful thinking, I know…"

Levi was apparently asleep by the time Lincoln walked into the room, and so the patriarch tucked his youngest in before checking on his next oldest before leaving the room behind in peace.

The young genius just couldn't believe it as he laid there wrapped up in all his blankets staring at the wall. "How! The calculations, the pure utter chance! It just doesn't compute! All the variables taken into account and-"

Leif and Lexx flat out refused to speak, to think. All they wanted was to go to bed. But thought, at least, did come, even if unbidden.

"My skin is going to be a mess in the morning because of all this!"

"When I wake up, I'm gonna spend the whole day in the mud pit and maybe that'll erase what Mom and Dad said tonight from my mind!"

They'll get over it, Lars was almost certain of that as he laid there in his casket. I hope. Because that sort of taboo is wicked hot in ways…

Lynn Jr. Jr. clutched his pillow tightly over his head, praying what he'd learned to either go away, be a really horrible and awful joke Mama Luan put everyone up to, or even be just a dream.

Please, please don't be real!

He tricked her, I know he did! D-Dad hurt Mom, hurt all of them! I'll make him pay, but how? ...Hmm, maybe-

I know! Thank you, Kramer, my lord and savior! Heheheheh! Get ready, 'Dad', I'll make sure you never forget this next April Fools!

Oh man, oh God! What'll we do if anyone finds out? Luke couldn't calm down as he laid there on the top bunk, desperately trying to fall asleep. The cops'll come and arrest Mom, arrest Dad and our other mamas! Why us! Why!

I knew the train was too cheap! And everyone thinks I'm an idiot? Well, I showed them!

I mean, sure, literally it's some of the grossest stuff I've ever heard, but, Loki looked over at his brother, sighed when he saw how peaceful Loni seemed as he slept, then looked back to the ceiling. But our mamas, they're always so happy… and Dad is, too… so I'm sure they love each other…

Isn't that enough?

End

Hopefully you've found the idea interesting. I just can't in good conscience create an original character when there are perfectly good characters at hand, and I hadn't seen anyone else consider using the Loud Brothers as the incestuous offspring of Lincoln and his sisters so I had to at least put this idea out there in a work of my own. Of course, I figured I would have to change some things about them so they weren't just carbon copies of their mothers but grouchy, which should explain the likes of Loni…

That said, if I did continue this, I originally wanted to make Linka the child Lincoln had with either Girl Jordan, Mollie, or even Carol or, perhaps, Dana.

Further, if I did go through with this as a whole story, I'd figured that it would be split between two chapters per mother/son, with a chapter showing how Lincoln and said sister got together (and Linka's mother, too) before showing a chapter with each mother reconnecting with their particular child, maybe by regaling them with a story of her childhood or spending the day with them or something else entirely. And that doesn't even count the overarching blackmail story! I estimated at least three hundred thousand plus words, and the last time I estimated such a long story, it came out to just a little under one and a half times the original estimate, with an extra thirty thousand plus words added on. And I just don't have the time to spend that on a fanfic.

Finally, here are some bits and bobs that were to inspire further chapters:

"Listen, lady, when I leave this building one of its current occupants is gonna be two teeth lighter. And you get to choose which occupant that is!"

"Lincoln, you don't get it! He's full-blooded Loud, his personality wasn't diluted, it was distilled! Get it now! Why the heck did we ever let him watch those movies with that psycho in them, anyways!"

"Lis, you didn't fail me because I'm too hard on my own dang prosthetic—wait, that didn't come out right! You know I'm not good at this!"

"Lincoln, I just literally can't do this anymore! I don't know how Mom or Dad or even Pop-Pop managed everything, and I'm just… I'm just not able to!"

"I hope you can forgive me, Lincoln, I never wanted Mom or Dad to die, I just wanted to be with Edwin and I kept wishing and then the tornado came and-"

"There there, Lola, maybe Lisa will manage to regrow them? Don't say that about yourself, you're still beautiful! Heck, if I could, I'd marry you here and now, on the spot! ...Er, um, what? Y-you knew?"

And that's that. Thank you if you chose to read all the way through, and I hope it was worth your time as always!