Wash, Rinse, Repeat.
Author's Note: You are going to have to put your Keenler faith in this one and have some patience. If you can do that, I promise good things will come.
Let me know what you think.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
"I think he's getting a cold, " Ressler said to Liz as their son ran into their house and he followed him and Agnes inside.
"It's those snotty kids at daycare that should be kept home, " Liz said as she shut the door behind him.
"Agnes seems fine though," Ressler said as he looked toward their 6-year-old daughter happily carrying her backpack to her bedroom down the hall.
"You look a little tired, " Liz said as she handed him the glass of orange juice she was holding.
"I was up late last night on the phone about the Mendez case, " he sighed before he drank the juice.
Luke was running around the living room with a cape he'd managed to find telling them he'd get the bad guys. He was a three-year-old with energy to spare.
Ressler needed a nap of he was going to stay awake the rest of the night. And to do that, he needed to get back soon.
"Okay, well, I better be off," he said as he handed Liz the empty glass.
"So soon?" Liz asked, surprised. He usually was around for another hour or sometimes even stayed to help tuck the kids in like they used to before he lived in an apartment across town. "What do you got, a hot date or something?"
His silence and heavy sigh spoke volumes and she wondered for the millionth time how they got here. Sadly, she knew. She knew with great clarity how she had fucked up the best relationship that she'd ever been in. The things she'd done that had guaranteed they would be separated parents who shuttled kids between homes for the last 7 months.
"You've... you've started dating?" Liz stammered, knowing the day would come and still not believing it would.
Instead of answering, he walked toward their son and lifted him up kissing him and then lifting his shirt and giving his belly a huge raspberry. It always made Luke giggle uncontrollably and usually pee in his diaper. It usually made Liz laugh. Today she wanted to vomit when she thought of Ressler out with another woman. Getting dressed to impress this woman, laughing with her, kissing her, smiling at her, touching her...
"Agnes?!" Ressler called as he walked toward her room. "I gotta go sweetie."
She came out into the hall, hugged him and told him she loved him. He kissed the top of her head and told her he'd see her in 2 days.
He gently tugged on her braid and she smiled a toothless smile up at him that broke his heart every single time.
"I love you, " he said before they separated and she went back in her room to her crafts.
He turned around and saw his wife picking at her cuticles. She always did that when she was nervous. She was nervous because she wanted to ask him about the woman and the date, but knew she really couldn't.
"I'll see you Monday, " Ressler said to her before he reached for his keys that he always dropped in the dish on the counter. The same counter he'd dropped his keys in for years before it all went to hell.
"I think we should see Dr. Nabutra again, " Liz said as she watched him walk to the door.
She saw his head drop to his chest with a sigh. She knew she frustrated him.
"You're the one who said it wasn't helping over a month ago, " he said, not turning to look at her.
"Maybe I was too hasty?" Liz asked.
He turned and looked at her, wanting to be honest and knowing it would hurt her if he was. He still loved her. He didn't like what she did sometimes, but he hadn't stopped loving her. And, after 7 months of hoping they could work it out he had finally conceded defeat and accepted a dinner invitation from Giselle in forensics. As soon as she found out he and Liz had separated Giselle had been circling him. He had been a saint for months knowing if he slept with another woman he would be saying they were through.
But after 7 months, with Liz stopping therapy and saying she was contacting their lawyer to finalize everything, he felt it was no longer necessary. He was getting divorced and no amount of continued celibacy was going to change that.
He and Liz had slept together a handful of times during the last seven months. It had been heart breaking because sex between them had never been an issue. Not much had been an issue between them until a year ago when his world imploded before his eyes. And the sex didn't fix what was broken.
"It's been months, " he said.
"So, you're horny and... and..." Liz stammered. She knew she was grasping at straws but didn't know what to say.
"You told me you were going to see the lawyer to finalize..."
"We are still married, " Liz reminded him.
"You wanted to stop seeing our counselor, " Ressler said harshly. "I think you've made it clear that you are going in another direction away from me. "
He reached for the door handle.
"Ressler, I still love you, " Liz said. Her voice breaking.
He dropped his forehead against the door. For months they'd had the same conversation. They were two people in love, who hadn't fallen out of love, but who couldn't find their way back to each other.
"I know, " he said softly. "But if you don't want me to move on, Liz, you need to stop doing what you're doing. "
She walked quickly toward him and wrapped her arms around his torso from behind, smelling the back of his neck as she did. He closed his eyes and just breathed in her scent. He missed her. Viscerally missed her.
"I don't know what to say, " she said softly. She missed him. She wanted to tell him that she called him and looked for him around their home several times a day before she realized he didn't live there anymore. It was painful each time it happened.
She felt his strong hands cover hers and stay there for a minute before he used them to gently pull her grasp from him. The hands that had stroked every part of her body were now being used to get away from her.
He opened the door and took a step out.
"I love you Liz," he said, not turning to meet her eyes which were watery. "I can't even begin to describe how much I still love you, in spite of everything. But one of us needs to do something."
She watched him go down their few stairs and toward his car which was parked in front of the house. Liz wanted to call to him, to tell him she'd fix everything. She wished she could, but that ship had sailed almost a year ago and she couldn't undo what she'd done or the consequences of that to their relationship and their family.
To be continued as its own story called Wash, Rinse, Repeat.
Please let me know what you think.