I woke to my alarm. I blinked away the dust of sleep and reached out to shut off the annoying contraption. I honestly would have preferred a cock crowing, but I didn't live on a farm in this life.
I sat up and looked around my room. It looked rather bare, today was the day I was moving from my mother's house in Phoenix, AZ to my father's house in Forks, WA. My mother, Renee, had recently remarried. I approved of her union with Phil, he was good for her if a tad too young. But he was a minor league baseball player, and he was constantly on the move as he looked for a team to sign him for the next season. Renee had stayed with me here in Phoenix while Phil was off looking for employment, and I had seen how unhappy it made her. So I had helpfully suggested that I move in with Charlie, my birth father, and finish out my high school education with him while Renee went on the road with Phil.
I got dressed for the day, packed my alarm clock and the last few personal touches from my room into my carry-on. Then I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the house. Cooking was one of the things I loved to do, no matter what life I was living, and it was hardly a chore to make huevos rancheros for myself, Renee, and Phil who was currently in town.
I suppose I owe you a bit of an explanation about the reference to multiple lives. Well, it's not really that complicated. I don't know what made my soul special, but I've been reincarnating since the Stone Age. I would be born, live a life, however long it might be, die, and wake up as a newborn some time later in a different part of the world. I'm not precisely sure how many years I've lived, how many lean winters I survived and vibrant summers I've enjoyed. I've lost count long before there was anything as sophisticated as a calendar or humanity started keeping a serious track of each passing year. Let's just say I consider the advent of Christianity to be 'recent' and leave it at that.
You might think that makes me special, an ancient spirit in a young American girl's body, but really, I'm not that extraordinary. I hadn't made history in any life. I'm perfectly happy to keep up this looping existence to the end of time, each time living as a background character. Even with this newest life as Isabella Marie Swan, in the most powerful country in the world during the most exciting time in human history, I didn't have high ambitions. I was mildly interested in computers, fascinating inventions. Maybe I'd end up working for Google, they seemed set to take over the world at the rate they were growing.
The smell of chorizo and fried eggs and the sauce finally wafted through the air conditioning to wake up my mother. "Bella! Morning, baby!" Renee grinned. I liked her. I mean, I tended to love my parents in every life if they weren't cruel or abusive, but as a person I also found my current mom charming. She was loving, erratic, and harebrained. I'd almost been the one taking care of her growing up, but she loved me as fiercely as any proper mother should love their child.
"Hey, Mom. And remember, I'm trying that new nickname now?" I gently prodded.
She winced. "Ooh, sorry, sweetie. Izzy, right. What are your pronouns again?"
"I don't care either way. I just prefer a gender-neutral name," I explained patiently. I'd lived roughly half my lives as a man and half as a woman. It gave me a unique perspective. I'd been doing some idle research online a few months ago and discovered the whole idea of non-binary genders. I knew it would have been easier to just live as an ordinary girl in this lifetime, but I wasn't an ordinary girl. And first-world society had progressed to the point that, in the year 2005 anno domini, I was comfortable 'coming out' as a non-binary female who liked to be called 'Izzy' as opposed to 'Isabella' or just 'Bella'.
"You're sure you're not trans? A boy in a girl's body?" Renee asked, for maybe the third or fourth time since I'd sat her down and explained that what was between my ears didn't match what was between my legs.
"I'm sure, Mom. I'm not a boy in a girl's body. I'm not a girl in a girl's body either. I don't know if there is a word for what I am, exactly." And wasn't that the truth. "But I know that I don't fall firmly into either category. I have masculine traits. I have feminine traits. Maybe I'm both, but I think I'm neither. Whatever I am, I'm just more comfortable being called 'Izzy' than 'Bella'. Here's your breakfast," I said, handing her a plate.
"Oh, thanks!" Renee loved my cooking, and she sat at the table.
"Where's Phil? You wear him out last night?" I teased.
"He's the athlete and I'm the mom, baby. He wears me out, not the other way around," Renee chuckled. She was very sex-positive, which I applauded. It was silly, how hung up and repressed some people got about what should be one of the best aspects of life. "Speaking of sex… what are you on that front, again? I forget the exact words you use."
"I'm a panromantic demisexual," I answered honestly. "In a nutshell, I'm romantically attracted to men, women, and everything in between. But I don't feel sexual attraction or desire unless I get to know the person first, if we have an emotional connection." I'd discovered this the hard way over my hundreds of lifetimes. I could fall in love with almost anyone, no matter what they were. But if we weren't in love, then the sex was just stale and unsatisfying, going through the motions on my end. When I was a man, I sometimes couldn't even finish if I tried to have sex with a woman I had no feelings for. That facet of my existence had remained consistent from the start.
"So, you're a non-binary panromantic demisexual who is genetically female… that's a bit of a mouthful," Renee mused.
"As opposed to being a cisgender biromantic heterosexual woman like yourself?" I said lightly.
"Biromantic? Where are you getting that from?" Renee asked with a blush.
"Oh, please, you and Aunt Steff had a total flirtationship going before she moved to New Haven," I chuckled, making my own plate and making a third for Phil when he deigned to join us.
"Well, yeah, but I wouldn't have gone full lesbian with her," Renee said plainly.
"Which is why I said biromantic but heterosexual," I explained. "Who you develop emotions for doesn't always sync up with your body's lusts and desires. Life would be very simple and boring if every single person was cisgender, heteroromantic and heterosexual. But despite the fact that that's the group that's been in power for most of Western civilization, they aren't the only ones out there. I'm fine with being a minority, Mom, so long as I can just be myself."
"And I want that for you, Izzy, I really do. But Forks is such a small town, even in a blue state like Washington. If you're out from the start, you might be an outcast from the start. I'm not saying you might not strike lucky with a few kids, but most will consider you an oddity from the big city at best or a circus freak who should be burned at the stake at worst," Renee said worriedly.
"Well, at least I'll have a good litmus test for people who want to get to know the real me and not just the new girl," I shrugged. "And maybe I'll be good for Forks, a lesson that the world isn't as two-dimensional as they've been raised to believe. I only wish I wasn't white so I could really stand out or something."
"Well, sorry Izzy, but you're white as rice. Charlie's family and mine are all very very Western European. The bit of Italian from my side is the closest you're going to get on that front," Renee chuckled.
Phil walked in wearing nothing but pajama shorts, which showed off his lean baseball player physique to great effect. If I'd been a few years older before he'd met, I might have taken a swing at him myself before Renee got there first. As it was, I was happy for him to just be my stepdad, even if he was a total SDILF, as my generation would say. "Morning!" he said brightly, sitting down after he poured a cup of the coffee I'd made.
"Morning, Phil," I nodded.
"So, I'm driving us all to the airport at 9:00, right?" he checked once he'd had a bite of breakfast.
"That's the plan, the flight to Seattle is at 11:00 and the puddle jumper to Port Angeles isn't until 4:00," I nodded.
"Izzy, baby, you don't have to do this," Renee said softly, offering me one last chance to back out.
I flashed her an honest smile. "Mom, I'm okay with this. Go have an adventure with Phil. I'll let Charlie get to feel like a dad for a year and a half before I head off to college. And I know you hate Forks with a burning passion, but I never minded it there. It'll be nice, not having to slather on SPF 50 just to get the mail!" I joked.
"If you're sure," Renee said after a moment.
Renee did the dishes (cook never cleans, that was the rule I'd worked out with her) and I double-checked that I had everything packed in my suitcase and carry-on. I went to the bathroom at 8:30 to relieve my bladder before a day spent in the air and gave myself a once-over in the mirror. My current body was pale, refusing to tan even after over a decade in the Valley of the Sun. After the fifth episode of full-body peeling, I'd given it up as a loss and accepted I was doomed to have creamy alabaster skin instead of bronze. I liked to be active, probably a holdover from my many lifetimes as a hunter/gatherer where not being physically fit resulted in death. But this body, for whatever reason, was inordinately clumsy. I couldn't walk across a flat, stable surface for longer than 5 minutes without finding something to trip over or bump into. I was perfectly coordinated in the water, though, so I was on the swim team at my high school here in Phoenix. I'd already checked, Forks High didn't offer swimming as a sport. Guess I'd be making many trips to the local beach to get my fix swimming against the ocean currents. Even with a decent amount of muscle, I was 5'4 and maybe 120 Imperial pounds soaking wet. Which is why I was glad my father was a cop, he probably wouldn't mind buying me a taser or mace or even taking me to the range to learn how to shoot.
I brushed my hair, and decided it wasn't worth the effort of getting all made up if I was only going to be with my family and then Charlie later today. I might not identify as female, but there was nothing wrong with taking pride in my appearance. That lifetime I was a French aristocrat during the Renaissance, none of the servants or my peers had thought twice about my use of creams and other cosmetics even though I'd been male at the time.
We drove to the airport, Phil and I getting into a discussion about music. I found music to be terribly fascinating. I'd experienced it all over the world, and its transition from just singing around a campfire to homemade drums into full orchestral performances in concert halls. Some of the more modern stuff was just noise to me, but I liked almost anything with a catchy beat and lyrics that spoke to me. Everything from Turandot to Eminem. My multitude of languages I learned over the years meant I wasn't limited to just one country's music either. I was fully onboard with modern globalism and the ability to walk into an American music store and get everything from Mexican to Korean to Italian CDs. And the internet was even better, so very helpful in crossing borders and allowing the collective knowledge of humanity to pool where anyone could peruse.
I hugged Renee tight at security, gave Phil a high five and joked "Take care of her, okay?" and went to wait in line. I grabbed a packed sandwich from the convenience kiosk since I didn't trust whatever mass-produced junk the airline would serve for lunch and waited patiently in the waiting area for the flight to Seattle. I pulled out 'Angels & Demons' by Dan Brown. I was rereading it in anticipation of reading its sequel 'The Da Vinci Code' as soon as I finished. As someone who'd actually been in the Illuminati, I found the conspiracy theories of the book hilarious. We'd really just been a group of scientists who'd met to discuss the world as it truly was, not as defined by the Catholic Church. Though I will admit 'la purga' had changed the whole tone of the organization, as Brown implied.
I got on the airplane and endured the 3 hour 15 minute trip to Seattle. We landed in plenty of time for me to catch the flight to Port Angeles. That flight was a lot more cramped. I met Charlie at baggage claim. "Good to see you, Bells," he grinned, giving me a one-armed hug as I stumbled into his embrace. "You haven't changed much. How's Renee?"
"Mom's fine. It's good to see you too, Dad. And this is kind of a whole conversation we have to have later tonight, but I go by Izzy now," I told him.
"Oh, okay," Charlie said, looking befuddled but not willing to dig into it here and now. We waited at the carousel for my suitcase, which I managed to carry myself. Blame it on my time as a Spartan, but everything I'd wanted to bring from Phoenix to Forks fit in one suitcase. I believed in traveling light. I hadn't had many clothes suitable for the Olympic Peninsula anyway, and all the books I was determined to keep instead of repurchasing fit in my carry-on.
We drove in his cruiser to the town I'd been born in. We were both comfortable with silence. "So, I found a good car for you, really cheap," he told me as we neared the town limits.
"What kind of car?" I asked. I would be happy with four wheels and an engine. Cars were a godsend, as far as I was concerned, one of humanity's most clever inventions.
"Well, it's a truck, actually. A Chevy," Charlie explained.
"Cool. Where'd you get it from? And how cheap is cheap?" I asked.
"You remember Billy Black down at La Push?" he asked me.
"That's the Quileute reservation, right?" I checked. Huh, fancy being back here, a few lifetimes later. I still vividly remembered the lifetime when I'd been the imprint of Taha Aki, his third and final wife. I hadn't regretted my suicide to save him and our tribe at all from the Cold Woman. I only hoped he hadn't taken my death too hard. "Yeah, I remember Billy. How's Rebecca, Rachel and Jacob?"
"Rebecca got married over the summer and now she lives in Hawaii," Charlie told me. "Rachel got a scholarship to WSU. And Jacob turned 15 on Friday, he's a freshman at the reservation school."
"Nice. We should invite them over sometime. I have to thank Billy in some way for giving me his truck. And how much do I owe you, Dad?" I asked.
"Don't worry about it, Bells. Call it a homecoming gift," Charlie said with a blush.
I was touched. But he'd already slipped up. "It's Izzy, Dad."
"Oh, sorry. Um, why the name change?" Charlie asked.
I braced myself for confusion, disapproval, and quite possibly hostility. But this was the path I'd decided to walk, and I wouldn't cave and go for the path of least resistance in pretending I was 'normal'. "I'm non-binary."
"Okay. Um… what's that mean?" Charlie asked, his expression making it clear he'd never heard the term.
"I don't identify as either male or female. I know, biologically speaking, I'm a girl. But in my own mind, I'm not a man or a woman. I'm something else. I'd rather not go through the hassle of getting my name legally changed, so I figured I'd settle for a gender-neutral nickname. Hence 'Izzy' and not 'Bella'," I told my father, hoping he wouldn't prove to be an intolerant ass.
"Oh." Charlie focused on the road. "Is that a thing, now? Is this some new fad?"
I sighed. "Dad, I'm not doing this to be 'trendy' or 'cool'. And I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. But in my heart of hearts, I'm not a girl. And I'm not a boy either. I'm still not sure exactly what I am, other than just 'me'. But I know being called 'Bella' makes me uncomfortable now that I've embraced the fact that I'm not a girl. So please, call me 'Izzy' instead."
"I… I'll try, Izzy," Charlie said hesitantly.
I grinned and reached out to pat his arm. "I'm still the kid whose diapers you changed, Dad. I still love you, and I hope you still love me."
"I'll always love you, Bell– Izzy. Girl, boy, unicorn, that's never going to change," Charlie promised me. "Only… are you going to be telling this to everyone? The kids at school might cause trouble. This is a small town, after all."
"I was planning to be out to everyone," I nodded. "And if they have a problem with me, that's their problem, not mine. If it escalates to the point of violence and I feel threatened, well, I can drop out and take the GED or something. Though I like my odds in a one-on-one fight." I'd learned a thing or two over the centuries at self-defense.
"Anyone gives you trouble, you tell me. I'll set them straight," Charlie said, his voice hardening. "If you're sure about this, then I support you 100 percent. You're my daughter, and no one's going to mess with you."
"Thanks, Dad," I grinned.
We pulled up to the house, which Charlie had lived in since he and Renee had bought it fresh out of high school before I was born. The driveway was also occupied by a great big whale of a rusted-red truck.
"Oh, Dad, I love it!" I grinned. It was probably made of steel and not aluminum like modern cars, I'd be a lot safer in a crash in this monster.
"Glad you like it," he said, embarrassed at my affection.
It only took a single trip to get everything up to my room. It looked almost identical to how I remembered when I was still a baby. The crib had been replaced by a twin bed and a desk with a computer was shoved in, but otherwise it was practically the same. "What're we doing for dinner?" I asked Charlie.
"Want to split a pizza?" Charlie offered.
"Sure. I'm good with any toppings, just make sure my half has peppers," I told him. I'd grown accustomed to spicy food in this lifetime, growing up in Arizona and its Tex-Mex cuisine.
"Got it. Well… welcome home, Izzy," Charlie grinned before leaving me to sort myself out.
I unpacked all my clothes into the pine dresser and went to the communal bathroom with my bag of toiletries. Charlie had already cleared a shelf of me, considerate of him. I set my blow-dryer on a free patch of counter by the sink and sorted out my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and what little make-up I tended to use.
I went downstairs, where Charlie had the flatscreen on some football game. Oh, right, the Superbowl was only 3 Sundays away. I'd been American in my last life too and remembered the near-religious significance the day of the game held in most men's minds. I was more a fan of the Olympics, I wasn't that interested in anything with a ball, but I'd have fun watching the game with him and certainly enjoy the commercials.
The pizza arrived, and we munched on cheesy goodness as the game went down. "So, um, Izzy. How'd you know you were… not a girl?" Charlie asked. Bless him, he was making an effort.
I'd only revealed the truth of my reincarnation to a handful of trusted loved ones over my many lives. Charlie, though I loved him as my father, didn't make the cut. So I settled for the explanation I'd crafted for Renee. "I just never felt really comfortable in my own skin. It wasn't that bad until puberty started. I thought that was just part of being a teenager, though. Then I was on Wikipedia one day looking into sexualities and I found a whole section on gender. When I found the non-binary page, it was like a key sliding into a lock. It described my experience perfectly. I'm not a manly man, so I knew I wasn't trans. But I'm not some super girly girl either, and certain phrases relating to girls and femininity make me uncomfortable. I'm in some gray area between those two extremes. I did some more research into various gender identities, and I think the word that describes me best is 'androgyne'. I'm a blend of masculine and feminine, some of both but still neither."
Charlie took a bite and chewed for a minute. "I can wrap my head around that. But, er, what does that mean when it comes to love and stuff? Are you into boys or girls?"
I'd already had this talk with Renee that morning, so I didn't feel like repeating it. "I like both, Dad. But I'm probably still going to be a virgin when I graduate. I believe in waiting until marriage." Given my inability to enjoy casual sex, saving myself for my spouse just made good sense to me.
"Oh, well, that's a relief," Charlie chuckled. "But, Izzy. If you end up with a girl… what about kids? I'm not in any hurry to be a grandpa, but I thought it was part of the plan."
"If me and my potential wife can afford it, I'll do IVF with a sperm donor," I answered readily. "Otherwise, we'll just adopt, assuming the system will give a kid to a lesbian couple." I wasn't ignorant of the world's intolerance, I was just determined to face it.
"I see," Charlie nodded.
"If you're ever confused or have questions, just ask. I don't claim to be an expert, but I'll tell you what I know and what I prefer when it comes to me," I told him.
"I just… this is all really new to me, Izzy. Do I even call you 'she' or 'her'?" Charlie asked, looking really lost.
"It's only my name where I prefer gender-neutrality. You can use 'she/her' or 'they/them' or even 'he/him' if you want, I won't really care. Some non-binary or trans people come up with their own pronoun, but I think that's a bit silly. If all else falls, just use 'Izzy'," I told him with a grin.
"Got it," Charlie nodded.
We finished off the pizza, I had an athlete's metabolism and he was a man. I stayed up to see who won the game, hugged Charlie goodnight, and went up to take a shower and then go to bed.
I woke up before my alarm clock, I was used to Mountain Standard Time and not Pacific after all. In any case, for most of my lifetimes I'd awoken with the sunrise, so I was used to being an early riser.
I dressed to impress, the first day at a new school and all. I went with skinny jeans that hugged my ass, a nice blouse and a cardigan given the chill. It would all be hidden under my raincoat, but still. I applied enough makeup to maximize my beauty without looking like I was artificial or trying too hard. I went down and made myself a bowl of Raisin Bran with milk. I made coffee by rote, I honestly couldn't tell you how I'd ever survived without the miracle brew.
Charlie came down. "Morning, Bells," he said blearily.
"Izzy, Dad," I corrected, anticipating this wouldn't be the first time. I'd come out to Renee back in October and she still slipped. It would take time to overwrite the old habit of referring to me by my old name.
"Sorry, Izzy," Charlie said, looking genuinely apologetic.
"Old habits die hard, I get it. As long as you honestly keep trying instead of insisting on referring to me by my old name, we're good," I assured him.
"Alright," Charlie nodded.
We ate in silence for the most part. I hugged him goodbye and grabbed the keys for my new truck from where he pointed them out on the key ring. I got in. The cab smelled of tobacco, peppermint, and gasoline. I'd get used to it. I turned the keys, and the engine roared to life. Given the age of the engine, the vibrancy of the sound was actually a good sign to me. I experimentally turned on the radio and was delighted it actually worked. I found a station for the top 40 hits and drove to Forks High.
I parked in the lot beside the school. It was a collection of converted houses, apart from the cafeteria and the gymnasium. I got out of the truck, taking a quick survey of the other cars in the lot. Most were clunkers like mine, but a modern Volvo sedan stood out. Hmm, someone with money? Maybe someone had won the lottery or had an inheritance or something.
I walked up to the building marked '1' by a big white sign and stepped into what I'm sure was the home office. A 40-something woman with red hair looked up as I came in. "May I help you?"
"I'm the new student. Izzy Swan," I introduced myself.
Her eyes lit up. "Ah, Isabella! Welcome home!"
I sighed. "I really prefer 'Izzy'. I'm non-binary, and I don't like how feminine my given name is."
"O-oh," the woman blinked. "Um, right. Anyway, here's your schedule…" The woman, who I learned was Ms. Cope, gave me my schedule, a map of the school, and a slip I was to return after having all my teachers sign it. I thanked her and went back out after packing everything in my backpack.
I walked to Building 3 for my first class, English with Mr. Mason. I followed the flow of students, and took off my raincoat like the two girls in front of me to hang them on the rack. I walked up to the teacher and introduced myself as the new student. He gaped at me like I was a celebrity. But he signed my slip and sent me to an empty desk at the back.
I checked the syllabus he'd given me. Pretty basic for the 11th grade, actually. I'd already read everything, even just in this lifetime. I wonder if Renee would mail me my folder of saved essays or if she'd consider that cheating. I debated different arguments with her in my head as I sat through the lecture. I gathered we were in the middle of reading Wuthering Heights.
The bell rang at the end of class. A gangly boy with skin problems and hair black as an oil slick leaned across the aisle to talk to me. "You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?"
"It's Izzy," I told him. "Nice to meet you. And your name?"
"I'm Eric Yorkie," he said, with an overly-helpful grin on his face. "Say, what's your next class?"
"Government with Jefferson in Building 6," I recalled.
"I'm headed toward Building 4, I could show you the way," he offered.
"Thanks, Eric," I grinned. I tried to ignore how half the class who hadn't left yet was staring as Eric and I grabbed our coats and walked out the building.
"So, this is a lot different than Phoenix, huh?" Eric asked.
"You could say that," I chuckled. But I'd lived in almost every environment on the planet, so the shift in scenery didn't really bother me.
"It doesn't rain there much, does it?" he asked.
"Nope, it's the desert after all. When it does rain, it's this big, humid thunderstorm. A light drizzle like this is actually kind of refreshing," I told him.
"It's colder up here, isn't it?" he asked.
"Oh, definitely. A cool day in Phoenix in winter is hotter than a hot day in summer here," I nodded. "But they invented sweaters and blankets for a reason. And I'll adapt."
We walked around the cafeteria to the buildings on the southern half of the campus.
"So, you need anything? Tour guide, lunch date, shoulder to cry on?" Eric offered.
I chuckled. "Um, in order: definitely, maybe, and nope. You can show me around tomorrow if we get here early or stay after I guess. I'm really not too broken up about moving, so no crying going on. And before we go on a date, you should know I'm non-binary. If that makes you uncomfortable, I'll understand."
"What's non-binary?" Eric asked. He had the same look of complete confusion as Charlie.
"Basically, my gender identity doesn't fall neatly into 'male' or 'female'. My body is a girl, but my mind isn't. And just to be difficult, I'm not a boy either. I'm something else, something 'other'. That's why I go by 'Izzy', it's gender-neutral," I explained.
"Wow," Eric breathed. "But, um, you'd go on a date with me?" he asked, sounding really eager all of a sudden.
"Sure, you seem like a nice guy. I'm open to sharing a meal and seeing how we click," I nodded with a grin.
"Sweet!" Eric grinned. "So, wait, you like boys?"
"I like anyone, really," I shrugged. "I mean, I try to make friends with as many people who are compatible as possible. In regards to romance, I see that as just a really special kind of friend. As long as my soul gets along with yours, I couldn't care less about the meatbags wrapped around them. That's all we are, when you think about it. Ghosts possessing these bodies of flesh and bone until one day they stop working and we move on to whatever comes next. And based on the five minutes I've known you, I think my ghost could get along with your ghost, Eric."
"That's, like, really profound. You're really smart, Izzy!" Eric complimented.
"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Mr. Yorkie," I said loftily, and I hoped my tone made it clear I was joking.
He walked me right up to the door, despite the fact he had class in a different building. "See you at lunch for our date," I grinned at him before going in. I distinctly saw him make a fist pump before the door closed, guess he was really psyched for our lunch date.
I got Mr. Jefferson to sign my slip and tried to pay attention, even though I already knew all the information. A girl named Samantha walked up to me after class and offered to guide me to my next class, Trigonometry with Mr. Varner. He signed my slip and then made me stand at the front of the class and introduce myself. Seizing the opportunity, I got up and stated "Hi, everyone! I'm Izzy Swan. I was born here, but my mom raised me in Phoenix, so it feels like a new place to me. Just FYI, I'm non-binary. For those who don't know what that means, non-binary refers to people who don't identify with either the male or female genders. I'm physically female, but mentally I'm something else. I'm still figuring out exactly what that is, but I'm sure it's not a normal girl or even a normal boy. I don't care about pronouns, but please use 'Izzy' instead of 'Isabella' or just 'Bella'. Thank you, hope we all get along." I went to my desk, managing to trip which I'm sure didn't help my confident image.
The girl I sat next to introduced herself once the class ended. "Hey! I'm Jessica. What's your next class?"
"Spanish with Goff," I told her.
"Me too! I can totally walk you over there," she offered.
"Thanks, Jessica," I grinned and followed her out into the rain.
"So, like, what was with that little speech at the start of class?" she asked.
"Just letting everyone know my gender identity," I shrugged.
"You're kidding, right? You don't think you're a girl? Don't you have boobs and everything?" she asked like I was crazy.
I frowned. "I'm well aware I'm biologically female. I know what sex I am. But when it comes to my gender, I'm non-binary. Why, do you have a problem with that?"
"Is it, like, a mental illness or something?" she asked with wide eyes.
I grit my teeth. "Not too long ago, they thought homosexuality was a mental illness or lifestyle choice. The brain is the most complex structure in the known universe, is it so strange that mine might not fall within the set pattern for a man or woman?"
"Being gay is a choice, though," Jessica said like I was an idiot.
I stopped and stared at her. "Right. I'm sorry. We can't be friends. At least not until you pull your head out your ass and get educated," I said before leaving her staring at me with her mouth open while I made for what I'm pretty sure was the building I was supposed to go to.
It wasn't. I had to pull out my map and was a few minutes late to Spanish. My fluent apology to Mrs. Goff made up for my tardiness, I think. She even commented on my flawless accent, noting it didn't sound Mexican. I told her my Spanish teacher in Phoenix was originally from Madrid. Which was actually true, but the reason I spoke Spanish like a Spaniard is because I'd been born in Seville during the early 1700s.
The bell rang and I knew 5th period was lunch for the whole school. I went to the cafeteria, deliberately maintaining a distance between myself and Jessica. I got in line, paid for my food, and spotted Eric with his distinctive hair. I walked over and sat in the seat next to him. "Hey, lunch date," I grinned.
"Izzy! You were serious?" he asked in disbelief.
"Why wouldn't I be? If I say something, I mean it, Eric," I told him, popping a tater tot in my mouth.
"Just amazed a pretty… whatever-you-are would want to have lunch with me," Eric blushed.
"Well, I'd rather sit with you than Jessica over there," I said, hooking a thumb over my shoulder at where the short, ignorant girl was holding court with a gaggle of her friends.
"Uh-oh, what's she done to piss you off?" Eric asked.
"I can forgive her for being a product of her rearing, but she implied I was mentally ill and that homosexuality is a choice. As if millions of people around the world would willingly risk their lives pursuing homosexual relationships if they had a choice in the matter," I huffed. "In the Middle East, just being accused of being gay can get you executed. You never hear gay people saying to straight people 'it's just a choice, why not try the other way' or something silly like that."
"Hey, I'm with you. My uncle's gay, and he got a lot of heat for it before he moved to Seattle," Eric nodded. "It's just… Forks is tiny, Izzy. People have very set ideas of what's 'normal', ergo 'right' and 'wrong'."
"Well, I'm still not touching Jessica with a ten-foot pole," I grumbled. I took a sip of milk from my carton, and nearly choked on it when my eyes went around the room.
There were 5 of them. Inhumanly beautiful, inhumanly pale, just plain inhuman. I would recognize a Cold One anywhere, my life as Taha Aki's wife wasn't the only lifetime I'd run into the creatures. My thoughts came to a screeching halt as I tried to process the sight of 5 of them in my high school cafeteria.
I managed to swallow my milk with a cough and pumping my chest. "Eric? Who are they?" I asked, hoping my tone alone would make it clear who I was talking about.
One of them, the youngest looking, a male with hair like burnished copper wire, looked up at me. I noted his eyes were coal black, not a good sign, before he looked down, as if it had just been a reflex.
"Those are the Cullens," Eric told me, glancing at them himself. "They moved here from Alaska in 2003. They kind of keep to themselves."
"Who are their parents?" I asked, desperately digging for information to try and frame the bizarre picture that was forming. Cold Ones in high school? Why bother? What was the point?
"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. They're both really young, actually, those 5 are their foster kids. And get this: Emmett is dating Rosalie and Jasper is dating Alice. And they live together, isn't that weird?" Eric said.
I knew that if they were human, it would indeed be scandalous, downright incestuous. But there was no way they were all blood related, they looked nothing alike. It was just an illusion. And I was still very unclear on why it was even in place. "Wait, did you say Dr.? Their dad works at the hospital?" I asked in shock.
"Yeah? Why do you sound so surprised?" Eric asked, furrowing his brows.
I could hardly say that their species reacted to blood worse than most sharks. "Um, no reason," I said, hoping he'd let it drop. "So, are you in any clubs, Eric?" I said, trying to distract him.
"I'm editor of the school newspaper, actually!" he grinned, proud of his achievement.
I nodded along, but I chanced looking at the family of Cold Ones, still perplexed at their very presence. The one who'd looked up earlier, the redheaded male, looked up again. He stared at me, and his eyes held some kind of unmet expectation. I looked away, afraid he'd see that I knew the truth in my face.
"Say, Eric," I said when he took a break from talking about his work on the newspaper. "Have there been any, like, weird disappearances in town in the last couple years?"
"Not really? I mean, there's the occasional hiker who wanders into the woods and never comes back, but that's normal. Why do you ask, Izzy?" Eric wondered.
"Oh, you know, I was worried if there were any Green River Killer copycats running around, he only got caught a couple years ago after all," I said. I chanced a glance at the Cullens' table. The redhead was still staring, but his gaze had gone from curious to intense. He looked like he was concentrating very hard on something. "Say, who's the redhead Cullen staring at me?" I asked Eric.
"Oh, that's Edward, the only single one," Eric said, glancing at their table. "Wow, he really is staring at you. Wonder what's up with that?"
I debated my options. Well, if I died, I'd just wake up in a new body as a baby. I'd mourn the premature end of Izzy Swan, and I'd hope Charlie and Renee would move on eventually, but I had less self-preservation instinct than most given I never truly died and was just reborn instead. "I'll go ask," I said, before getting up. Focusing very hard on not tripping, I walked across the cafeteria up to the Cullens, all 5 of whom were now staring at me.
I stopped a reasonable distance from them, easily within their earshot, but far enough I wasn't in easy reach. I knew on some level it was pointless, they were so fast and strong I'd been in danger over at Eric's table if they were motivated, but it made me feel better to keep a small bit of space between us. "Hi. I'm Izzy Swan. What are you doing here?" I asked plainly. I was fairly sure they wouldn't be so bold as to murder me with the whole school watching.
"We're having lunch," one of them, a short ravenette girl with a pixie-cut, said in a musical voice. Everything about Cold Ones was designed to invite you in: voice, face, even smell. They really were the world's most perfect predator. It was gratuitous given their superhuman physicality, but still.
"If you were having lunch, there'd be a lot more blood and dead bodies involved," I said flatly.
"What do you mean?" the other girl, a statuesque blonde who almost hurt to look at she was so beautiful, demanded.
"I know what you are. Which begs the question, what are 5 Cold Ones doing pretending to be human? Make that 7, your 'parents' are here too," I added.
"How do you know about that?" the blond male asked, his eyes narrowed. His expression should have frightened me, like he was planning where to hide my dead body. But I'd had a lot of practice at dying so I wasn't that scared of the end, however painful it might be. Once that part was over, it was easier than falling asleep.
"I know the legends of the Quileute, and you're not the first of your kind I've seen," I said honestly. "I'm still waiting for an answer."
"We're here to go to school," Edward, the one who had stared at me, told me.
"Why in God's name would you willingly endure high school when you didn't have to?" I asked, honestly curious.
The last one, a huge bear of a man, barked a laugh. "It sucks, believe me. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in a place before we have to move when people notice we're not aging."
"Why play pretend in the first place, though?" I asked, still missing a few key points of information.
"We don't want to be monsters," the tiny girl told me, her eyes looking at me curiously. "Our family, we're different from others of our kind. We only hunt animals. We've learned to control our thirst."
I blinked. "That's… kind of awesome, actually. So, what, you're like vegetarians? You deny your primary source of nutrition for ethical reasons?"
"Pretty much," the girl nodded. "I'm Alice," she added, getting a wide grin.
"Hi, Alice, I'm Izzy," I said politely. "Wait, does that mean your 'dad' is really a doctor? He's a healer?"
"Yes. Carlisle has the best control out of all of us," Alice nodded.
"Wow." I blinked. "Um, well, that answers most of the questions I had when I came over. I'll ask the rest at a later date, assuming you don't kill me in my sleep to protect the secret. But for what it's worth, I'd never tell anybody anything. It's not my secret to share. Bye." I turned and began to walk away.
"Edward!" I heard Alice hiss. "Emmett, Jazz, grab him!" she said quietly but with intensity.
I looked back over my shoulder and felt my blood run cold. Edward was staring at me again. And there was nothing but hunger in his expression.
I saw Alice's lips move so fast they blurred, and then she got up with her tray of uneaten food. She came up next to me. "Follow me, don't look back. Pretend we're talking," she told me in a whisper.
"So, Alice, where'd you grow up?" I said at a normal volume, pretending that a bloodthirsty vampire wasn't behind me.
"Oh, you know, here and there," she giggled, like we were just two kids talking. She dumped her food and then led me out into the rain.
"What the fuck was that?" I demanded as soon as the door closed behind us.
"Some humans smell more appetizing to some vampires," Alice told me, her expression solemn. "You're lucky Edward has been resisting human blood for as long as he has. For a split second there, he was planning to attack you right there in the cafeteria."
I narrowed my eyes. "How do you know what he was thinking?"
"Oh, I'm psychic. I can see the future," she explained nonchalantly, as if everyone was a seer.
I blinked. "Um, okay… is that normal, for someone like you?"
"Some of us are gifted. Carlisle's theory is that when we're turned, everything about us is enhanced, and for some of us that manifests in the form of a psychic ability. I'm precognitive. Edward can read minds, and Jasper is an empath," Alice told me.
I tilted my head. "Okay. I can buy that. Makes as much sense as any part of the supernatural world does. I'm not exactly normal myself."
"Really? What makes you different?" Alice asked. Her expression was nothing but honest curiosity.
"You don't have to believe me. But I remember all of my past lives, back to the Stone Age. That's why I'm non-binary, I've been both a man and a woman hundreds of times, so I see things from both sides," I told the future-seeing vampire. Hey, she was being upfront about her own freakishness, I felt obligated to reciprocate.
"Really? How terribly fascinating!" Alice grinned.
"If you say so. It's not as much fun as you'd think," I shrugged. "Now, um, I kinda left my backpack in the cafeteria. Is it safe to go back in?"
Alice's eyes got a glassy look for a second. "Edward's already off campus, he's running back to our house. He's also thinking of running away to Alaska to be with our cousins, I'll need to talk him out of that. You can go in. Would you mind terribly if I talked to you after school? There's a lot we need to talk about. This is kind of unprecedented, we've never met a human who already knew what we are."
"Um, sure. Well, see you later," I told her before turning around and walking back into the cafeteria. I went to where Eric was still sitting, looking a bit dejected. I realized it looked like I'd ditched him. "Hey, Eric. So sorry about that," I told him, sitting back down. I stuffed one of my still warm tater tots in my mouth.
"Izzy, what happened back there? You went to talk to the Cullens, then you just walked off with Alice," Eric asked, sounding hurt.
I glanced at the Cullens' table, and it was unoccupied. "I asked why Edward was staring, and we just got to talking. Alice got up and asked me with her, and I was out the door before I remembered I hadn't said goodbye to you. So sorry about that, I promise it won't happen again."
"Oh. So, why was he staring?" Eric asked.
"Turns out we met at summer camp one year," I made up off the top of my head. "He was sure he recognized me, but it wasn't until we got to talking that we remembered from where."
"Oh, small world," Eric blinked, apparently buying my lie.
The bell rang soon after that. "Sorry for missing half our date, Eric. I owe you another one. Lunch tomorrow?" I offered.
"You bet, Izzy!" Eric grinned.
I pulled out my map before going out into the rain and went to the right building. I got my slip signed by my Biology teacher, Mr. Banner, and then went to sit at the only empty table. After the class, a baby-faced blond with his hair gelled into spikes walked up to me. "Aren't you Isabella Swan?" he asked.
"Izzy," I corrected.
"I'm Mike," he said.
"Hi, Mike," I said politely.
"So, hey, do you know why Edward Cullen ditched today? You were talking to him at lunch," Mike asked.
I paled as I realized Edward was my lab partner. If I hadn't gone to confront his family, we would have met here, with none of his family to stop him from lunging at me once he smelled me. I could have died today. But I moved past that, since I was kind of immortal and all. "No idea, we didn't really talk much. I mostly talked with his sister Alice."
"Huh. Weird. But he's kind of a weird dude," Mike shrugged. "Anyway, what's your next class?"
"Gym," I replied.
"Me too!" he said excitedly. He volunteered to walk me, and I followed him to the gymnasium. Coach Clapp found me a uniform but didn't make me dress up for the day. I watched the 4 simultaneous volleyball games. I only hoped I wouldn't cause too many injuries playing tomorrow or for the rest of the unit. Seriously, my clumsiness was bad. I should qualify for a doctor's note getting me out of gym, really.
I went back to the home office and handed Ms. Cope my signed slip. "How was your first day, dear?" she asked with a grin.
"Nobody died," I said, somewhat morbidly but I was already turning to leave. I walked to the parking lot, and saw the 4 remaining Cullens waiting by their car. It was the Volvo. Now I took a second to look, their clothes hinted at designer origins as well. Of course they had money, they must have had lifetimes to accrue it.
"Izzy!" Alice called, walking up to me. "Would you be comfortable coming back to our house? We've already called Carlisle, and he'll be there too along with our mother Esme."
"Can I count on Edward controlling himself?" I asked bluntly.
"He'll stay in his room where he can't smell you. Our hearing's so good that he'll still be part of the conversation," Alice told me.
"Then sure. I'll follow your car," I said before going for my truck.
I tried to keep up with the Volvo, but whoever was driving clearly had the need for speed. And the truck's engine started to make alarming noises the closer it got to 60. It slowed down to stay in sight, and I managed to keep up as it took a turn off onto a dirt road that went into the forest. We pulled into a clearing and I blinked. It was a gorgeous three-story white mansion, either kept in excellent condition or beautifully restored. The Volvo drove into the attached garage, which I noted was filled with other fine automobiles. I parked outside and walked into the garage where the Cullens were getting out.
"This way!" Alice grinned at me. She seemed rather chipper. I glanced at the other Cullens' expressions. Jasper was neutral, Emmett seemed like this was the most exciting thing to happen in years, and Rosalie was glaring at me with what I could only call hate. What had I done to piss her off?
I walked through the garage door into the main floor of the house. It was so light and open. A blond man and a caramel-haired beauty of a woman were standing by a couch, facing us. "Isabella, welcome to our home," the man, presumably Carlisle, greeted.
"Just Izzy, please," I told him. "Your home is lovely," I complimented honestly.
"Why thank you," Esme grinned. "Can I get you anything to eat?"
I blinked. "You have people food in this house?"
"The local community would notice if we never went to the supermarket. I make a weekly shopping trip every Monday, and I haven't had the chance to drive it all to Olympia to donate yet," Esme explained.
"Do you have any snack food? Like, say, potato chips?" I asked.
"Certainly!" Esme grinned and walked over to the kitchen at human speed.
"You can move as fast as you want. This is your home, you don't have to keep up the illusion for my sake," I told her before she'd gone 10 steps.
Esme looked at my face, and whatever she saw must have convinced her. She blurred and didn't solidify into a recognizable shape to my human eyes until she was in front of me, offering me a family-sized bag of Ruffles, already opened.
"Thank you," I said, taking the bag. "So… how much did Alice tell you all?" I checked after a bite of salty potato crisps.
"Are you really some reincarnating spirit?" Emmett asked, eyeing me like I was some oddity you'd see at a museum.
"I don't know why, but yes," I nodded. "That's why I identify as non-binary, I've been a man and a woman so many times that it all kind of blurs together in my mind. In my second life I would have been trans, but by now I'm sort of indifferent to what sex I am. My mind is the important part, and that's something distinct from male or female by this point."
"Sweet! You been anyone we'd recognize?" he asked excitedly.
"I doubt it, I'm really not that interesting. Apart from the whole reincarnating thing, I'm just your average Jane or Joe," I told him. "I've met a lot of celebrities, though, over the years," I allowed.
"Cool! Which ones?" Emmett pressed.
"I was one of Cleopatra's handmaidens, so I met Julius through her," I recounted off the top of my head. "I was a soldier at Valley Forge, and George Washington took 5 minutes to talk to me while he was walking through camp one day. I was a Russian prostitute who slept with Stalin. I've got dozens more, but I'd have to write them all down. Believe it or not, it's hard to sort through thousands of years of memories. I've probably forgotten more than everyone in this house has ever lived combined. I'm surprised I remember as much as I do, actually."
"When was your first life?" Carlisle asked me, his eyes alight with curiosity.
"Prehistoric," I said readily. "All I could tell you is I was born in autumn and the village I lived in was near the ocean. Given the ocean was to the east and the fact everyone was black, it was probably in what's now Kenya or thereabouts."
"Extraordinary," Carlisle breathed.
I swallowed another mouthful. "So… how's this going to work? Am I leaving this house alive? Does one of you have some psychic power to compel me to be silent? Give me a clue, here."
Carlisle frowned. "You're not in any danger, Izzy. True, the fact you're Edward's singer is unfortunate. But as far as I see it, there's no reason for us to end your life."
"Carlisle, come on!" Rosalie hissed. "We can't let her live, she's a liability! What if she tells someone?"
"Like anyone would believe me," I rolled my eyes. "And if you won't take me at my word that I'll keep my mouth shut, then I'm not going to waste breath trying to convince you."
"Izzy strikes me as trustworthy, Rosalie. We're going to trust… I'm sorry, what pronouns do you prefer?" Carlisle asked, turning to me.
Points to him for thinking of that. "I prefer 'they/them', but I'm not offended by 'she/her' or 'he/him'," I told him.
"I see. Anyway, Rosalie, we are going to trust them to not reveal the secret. Just as I hope they trust us not to reveal their secret," Carlisle said.
"I wouldn't really care," I shrugged. "You all seem to underestimate the power of human denial. I'm open to the supernatural because I'm a living example of 'not normal' and I've seen some things over my lifetimes. But your average person would happily keep their head buried in the sand unless confronted with incontrovertible proof. Sometimes even then."
"Carlisle, what about the Volturi?" Rosalie asked, changing tact.
Carlisle frowned. "Aro, Caius, and Marcus rarely leave their castle. And short of another vampire learning of Izzy's awareness and reporting us for our crime of leaving them alive or not turning them, we're safe."
"Who are these Volturi?" I asked.
"The ruling coven of our world. The closest thing to royalty that we have," Jasper spoke up in reverence. "They enforce the laws. Well, really just one law with multiple facets: keep the secret. They're comprised of Aro, Caius, and Marcus, the original trio, and Aro's and Caius' mates. Then there's the Guard, the vampires pledged to their service. It's over a dozen strong, most of them gifted."
"Sounds intimidating," I mused. "Well, if another vampire does find out about me, consider myself fully consenting to being killed or turned, whichever is easier for you all to live with. I won't make assumptions on which one."
"What is wrong with you?" Rosalie demanded, turning to face me. "You're so casual about dying, either right away or this eternal damnation!"
I raised a brow. "Okay, first, calm down. You are way too worked up about my life, given it's not your own. Second, I've lived a life. Hundreds, actually, most of them long and full. If you kill this body, I'll just wake up in a new one in a few years. And if you turn me, well, clearly there's a humane way to be a vampire. I'll follow your diet, only feed on animals. I fail to see any problem with either option."
"You have no idea what you're talking about," Rosalie hissed. "This isn't a life, it's undeath. We're forever struggling not to act like the monsters we truly are. We're frozen. If you're turned, you'll never have children, never grow old, never have a human experience ever again!"
"I'm already immortal, just in a different way," I told her calmly. "I've grown old, it's really not as idyllic as you think. I've had so many children that for all I know this body is one of my descendents. And while I don't claim to know all of what being a vampire entails, I still say that a life with this coven as a vegetarian isn't so bad."
Rosalie stomped her foot so hard her heel broke. She kicked it and the other one off and blurred away. I distinctly heard a door slam shut.
Emmett winced. "Sorry about that. Rose has… issues with what we are. You being so glib about your humanity must have set her off."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm fully onboard with staying human and living out my life as Izzy Swan to the natural end," I clarified. "But if it comes down to it, I'm leaving it up to whoever is in charge of the family to kill or turn me, whichever seems like the best option at the time."
"I'm the oldest, as well as the one to turn Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett," Carlisle revealed. "And if the Volturi learn of your existence, Izzy, I will change you myself."
"Cool beans. But I'm fine with being your human friend until the day it comes to that," I told them, taking another bite of potato chips. I hadn't finished lunch, okay?