The sun was shining bright and hot as Jane checked her appearance in the window of one of the large buildings on campus. Her jeans and button up looked perfect as did her hair that was bound into a ponytail. But her face clearly mirrored the turmoil she felt about this day.
She quietly reminded herself that she wasn't here to see Maura but her daughter whom she hadn't seen in ages. In fact, Amy had still been a toddler when she had last seen her. And the thought of it made her nervousness grow even more.
"Oh hell, what am I doing here?" she muttered to herself, realizing that she had asked herself that exact question for the past 24 hours since leaving Boston for about a million times. Averting her eyes from the window she turned to follow a bunch of people who were walking towards the stadium.
A family with two kids were walking in front of her and a sad smile crossed her face when she remembered how she used to carry Amy on her shoulders just like the father carried his daughter in front of her.
Happy days at the zoo popped up uninvited in her mind. Days, when they still had been a family: Maura, she and Amy. It seemed to be so long ago as if it had never happened. Smirking Jane rubbed the palms of her hands against the fabric of her Jeans – an old habit of hers, when being nervous.
Taking a deep breath she walked closer to the courtyard, where people were laughing and talking while waiting to be let into the stadium for the game. Was Maura somewhere among these people?
Probably not, Jane decided. It was highly unlikely that the blonde had overcome her social anxiety. Her eyes wandered to the edges of the courtyard, spotting Maura standing in the shades of a tree, gazing at the people.
Jane wondered if Maura knew that she was coming to the game. It had been two weeks since an anonymous letter had popped up among her mail at the precinct. Her long fingers fished the envelope out of the back pocket of her jeans. The paper was a bit crumpeled but she didn't care. She reread the few typed lines on the imprint.
Amy has a very important game on June 17th. I'm sure she would appreciate your support.
There had also been a ticket in the envelope which she studied next. It stated the gate and seat number.
Jane stared at it, noticing how her hand was slightly shaking. She had wanted to reach out to Amy for so long but never found a way or courage to do so. But if this was an important game she had to attend. She wanted to show her girl all the support she could. She would have even quit her job, if she hadn't gotten this weekend off to see Amy play.
Fortunately, no one asked any questions when she had asked for a few days off. God knew, she had enough days for her disposals which she had never used, because work was the only thing in her life since Maura had filed for divorce.
It still hurt like hell to remember this particular night, when Maura had casually told Jane over dinner that she wanted to leave her. "We just don't work as a couple." She had pointed out and Jane had been glad, that Amy had been with Angela.
She herself had organized her mother as a babysitter, because she wanted to spend some time with Maura. Things hadn't been going well between them and they had been fighting a lot. It had been supposed to be a romantic dinner to rekindle things.
Mauras words and actions had slapped her right into her face. The blonde hadn't said much else and left the divorce papers to sign after leaving the table to clean the kitchen.
Jane bit her lips and turned her eyes back to the blonde who was still standing alone under the tree, this time checking her watch. As if on clue, the gates to the stadium opened and the crowds moved towards the entrances.
Once most of the people had found their way in, Maura began to move. Jane let some more time pass before going in herself, hoping that she wouldn't encounter her ex somewhere. She made it to the row in which her seat was and busied herself with checking the seat number when someone bumped into her.
"Excuse me.." an all too familiar voice said apologetically and when Jane lifted her eyes from the ticket she saw Maura who stared wide eyed at Jane. For the briefest of moments, Jane had thought that the letter had come from Maura. But judging by the surprised – or rather shocked expression on her face, the blonde had known nothing about Janes coming to the game.
"It's okay." Jane quickly said after finding her speech first. God, this was so awkward. "I have to go to my seat." She added pointing at the crowd that was already seated. No wonder, she had waited so long that the game was to begin soon.
The blonde looked as if she wanted to say something but then only nodded and turned around. Jane found her seat quickly and sat down, waiting in anticipation.
A quick google search had revealed that Amy had become some sort of baseball star at school. The chances to get an offer from some of the best college leagues was practically laying in front of her if she did well today. To say that Jane was proud was a total understatement.
From the corner of her eyes, she saw someone move along her row and all prayers that it wouldn't be Maura were lost, when the blonde stood in front of her with an unreadable face. Jane sighed and pulled her long feet closer to let her pass. She was suddenly aware that she was sitting in the section that was reserved for family and friends and that Maura was going to sit next to her.
Great! She thought and rolled her eyes. Nothing more fun, than ending up in the seat to her ex-wife. Jane stole a glance at the blonde who was settling in, trying to find a space where to put her enormous purse. The expression on her face had by now changed from shock to disapproval.
Jane tried to focus onto the opening show and bent slightly forward, when the teams walked in. It wasn't hard to spot Amy as she was a spitting image of Jane at that age. It almost made the brunette smile. Then it made her suddenly wonder how Maura must have felt all these years after leaving her, raising a person that looked just like her.
She vividly remembered seeing Maura in every blonde for a while after their divorce. Wow, that must have been really hard. Had it been sort of a punishment to Maura? It was obvious that Amy was the star and Jane almost stood to cheer for her and call her name like other parents did.
But somehow it felt inappropriate. Amy's eyes went to the crowd, clearly looking for someone, probably Maura who was now typing a quick text. Maybe a girlfriend? Another wife or husband?
Jane uncomfortably shifted in her seat, trying not to catch a glimpse at the screen. Instead, she refocused onto the field and found Amy's eyes staring right at her. Her face was as unreadable as Mauras, so Jane couldn't tell if she was happy to see her or not.
It had probably been a bad idea to follow the invitation Jane decided, still trying a shy smile. Amy gave the briefest of nods, before turning away. So, she had recognized her, right? Jane felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and took it out to check the message which came from an unknown number.
I'm glad you came.
The words stared back at Jane who glanced around. But seeing as to how many people held a phone in their hand it was impossible to detect who had written the message. Yet, it excluded Janes theory number two about the letter writer: it hadn't been Amy.
Who the hell was behind all of this? And was it coincidence that she had ended up sitting next to Maura? She somehow didn't think so. But Maura seemed to have the same problems not to stare at Janes phone as Jane had before. Only that she apparently had lost the war, because when Jane quickly shoved the phone back into her pocket and looked up, she found hazel eyes gazing into her direction.
She would write this mysterious person later and ask who they were. But she had a feeling that she wouldn't get any answer anyways. Maybe she would get more clues and hints. She definetly felt like needing more encouraging words.
With a sigh, she leaned back in her seat and watched the game. Reading about her daughters talent was one thing, seeing it with her own eyes though was a whole other story. Jane was really proud of Amy. After a while she couldn't hold back and pulled out her phone to take pictures.
She had almost forgotten about Maura until the blonde tried to fidget her purse from its position under the seat to check her phone again. It left a bitter taste in Janes mouth. At this point she didn't care if Maura was texting another woman. It reminded her so much of the time when they were together. Maura had always chided her from bringing work home.
Yet it had been Maura who had been reading files on her phone in situation like these. At the beginning Maura had seemed to be all in with watching games. But the longer their relationship had lasted the more she had shown that it had all just been a show. At least that's how it had felt to Jane.
Their daughter was playing the game of her life, and all Maura could do was stare at her phone.
"What?" Mauras tone was slightly aggressive. When coming here, Jane had sworn to herself that she wouldn't entangle in a fight with Maura should she meet her. This task proofed to be harder than thought.
She shrugged and turned her head towards the field to find Amy staring at them with a concerned look on her face. This definitely helped with Janes resolution not to fight. She nodded at Amy who turned away quickly. Jane sighed.
Her phone buzzed again during the break, and she stood to read it in private while getting herself a hotdog. She was tempted to ask Maura if she should bring her something, but then shrugged and walked off. She read the message while standing in line to buy the food.
To her dismay it wasn't from the mysterious person but from her mother who asked where she had gone and why she had left without saying a word. Angela was retired now, but she still spent some days helping out at the division one café. This is how she must have found out that Jane had taken a few days off.
Are you sick?
Her mother asked and Jane smirked.
No, I'm fine. Just needed a few days off
But you never take a few days off
I know. That's why I did. It was time
Janie, you know that you can talk to me about anything
I know ma. must go. I'm fine. Watching a game and the break is almost over.
She didn't read her mothers respond. It was her turn to order a hotdog and after doing so she returned to her seat. Maura still sat stiffly on the seat next to her. Jane could already hear the ranting about her diet, she had heard it too often in the past. How ugly things can turn when love doesn't work out she thought. And once you're stuck in that damn loop of hating and criticizing each other you won't be able to come out again.
Jane was bracing herself for the upcoming chiding when Maura sighed. Jane turned to find Mauras face frustrated. "I have to admit that I miss those from time to time." She said, her voice raw from not speaking a lot. Jane raised an eyebrow and then shot her a glance before looking at the hotdog in her hand.
"Uhm, want one half?" she asked in a neutral voice while her inner voice yelled at her for being so nice after what Maura had done to her. Maura looked surprised. Before she could answer Jane tore the hotdog in half and gave it to the blonde. She had clearly heard Mauras stomach rumble when she had offered.
Jane decided that this whole situation was stupid and that this was the end of her being nice. Maura had wanted a divorce and so they were divorced now.
"They say that she's pretty good." Maura said in a low voice so that Jane had to strain her ears to hear her. Oh damn! If Jane had thought that the no fight resolution would be hard to keep, she hadn't counted on how hard it would be to stay neutral with Maura. Especially not after hearing a soft pride underlying Mauras voice.
"She is." She mumbled a reply. They ate their hotdog halfs in silence for a while. Jane didn't know what to say or think. Seeing her daughter already turned the volume of her emotions up. She wasn't sure if she could handle Maura in addition to it.
On one side, Jane wanted this game to last forever to see Amy. On the other hand, she wanted this to end because it was awkward sitting so close to Maura. It hadn't escaped the brunette that Maura still wore this intoxicating perfume.
"I want you to know, that I never held her back from seeing you." Maura stated silently. "If you want to spend time with her, please do so."
Jane swallowed hard. She had never believed that Maura would speak ill about her to their daughter. Of course, they had their ugly fights in front of her. But Jane knew or had assumed to know her as a person who wouldn't do such thing. Yet, it was no surprise to her that Amy had never reached out, because she had been too young to know Jane when Maura had taken away.
"I know." She said, hoping not to sound bitter or angry, because that's how she felt. She couldn't say more because a lump had formed in her throat. Maura could also argue that she herself had never reached out to Amy. Which technically wasn't true. Jane had written a lot of letters to her daughter. Finding Mauras address as a police officer hadn't been hard. But whenever she was close to forward them, she had chickened out and told herself, that Amy didn't know and most likely wouldn't be interested in her.
Jane had misused her shield and position to do research. She knew that Maura had sent her to best schools, as well about Amy's accident when she was ten and Mauras won battle over breast cancer.
She suddenly felt the urge to ask Maura if she was okay. But it was just when the game ended, and the spectators broke out into cheers for the winning team. Amy was immediately circled by her teammates, and they all hugged and laughed.
Still, Amys eyes were on Jane and Maura who also stood and clapped their hands. Her smile faltered a bit as she studied her parents. And then, as if deciding that it was okay and that they wouldn't break out into a fight, her grin widened.
"Do you want to meet her?" Maura asked as Jane turned to say goodbye to her. She had little hope to catch her daughter after this win. As a baseball player in school herself she knew that she wouldn't have much time now anyways. There certainly would be a party somewhere to celebrate the success.
"She will meet me outside after the shower. At least to hand me her bag." Maura said with a small grin. Janes head began to spin. "I'd love to." She said, still holding back emotions. It was Amy's birthday. So, she could at least wish her a happy birthday, not really knowing as to who Maura might introduce her and as to how awkwardthis situation would be.
Maura nodded and kept her small smile. "Okay." She said and Jane felt the blonde behind her as they exited the stadium. Jane wasn't surprised when Maura chose the same tree she had stood under before.
"So, how are you?" she finally dared to ask. Maura was about to reply when a tall brunette walked over to them. Jane rolled her eyes. Was this Mauras new partner? The woman gave Maura an admiring, warm look.
"Hey, dr. Isles. I was looking forward to see you." The tone was flirty. "You're daughter is really the best!" she added without waiting for Maura to answer. "We are going to join the party at the Sandfords later on. I hope that you'll be there as well." Hope shimmered in the womans eyes while she totally ignored Jane.
"I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it." Maura stuttered out an uncomfortable excuse that was ignored as much as Jane.
"Oh, not again! You must once come to these parties. They are great! Moreover, we have to celebrate our daughters success, don't you think so?" speaking of a gaslighter Jane thought and studied Maura.
This flirty woman and her chirpy tone got on her nerves. "UH, hey. I'm Jane. I believe we haven't met yet." She stated to save Maura. Damn, old habits die hard, Jane thought as she extended her hand to the woman who seemed to notice her for the first time. The glare she gave Jane was everything but friendly and Jane smiled inwardly.
"Oh yeah. This is Jane. My uh…" Maura looked at Jane for help or maybe permission to say partner. But the woman interrupted them rudely "OH! I had no idea that you were in a relationship. I mean not that it wasn't time after… but…" the woman clearly looked disappointed now. Obviously, she had hoped to be Mauras new partner. And what the hell did she mean with after….
Another woman joined them and introduced herself as Claudia. Claudia was much more friendly then, the brunette. She shook Janes hand and introduced herself, learning from the brunette that Jane was Mauras partner. The word partner was spoken in a disgusted tone.
Claudia too tried to talk Maura into joining the party. But Jane only listened half-heartedly to the conversation as she saw Amy stroll towards them. Thank god the other mothers took it as a clue to find their own girls and left. It was in the last moment when Claudia shouted over her shoulder "See you at the party. And bring your new girl, we want to meet the woman who managed to catch your heart." A last wink and they were gone.
There was no time to discuss this because Amy was suddenly there, greeting Maura with a peck to the cheek and a "hey mum!" Maura greeted her back and praised her performance, then both stared at Jane.
Amy had to know who Jane was, the brunette thought. But she could still see a plenty of questions in the girls eyes. Why did they look so similar? How was this possible? Jane deducted that Maura had never told her how she had come to life. Jane couldn't be mad because it was difficult to explain.
The girl seemed to unfreeze and said "Hi!" her tone was friendly, her voice deep like Janes.
"Hey!" Jane gave a nervous smile. "I'm Jane." She introduced herself which was awkward and stupid. They stared at each other. "The game was great! Congratulation on the win! And uhm Happy birthday!" Jane rambled, cursing herself for probably coming over as a jerk.
The girl nodded. "Thanks." She said with a genuine smile, appearing as nervous as Jane was. "Are you coming to the party?" the girl asked, her looks changing between Jane and Maura. "Pleaaaaase"
The drawn out word made Jane smile. It gave her a hint to what Maura had been facing when raising the girl. She bit her lip and looked at Maura, giving her the possibility to decide. The blonde huffed and nodded. "Okay." She said. "But only because Jane is here."
Overanalyzing Jane wondered what that meant. Years ago, Maura had run from her. Was she just doing it so that Amy and Jane could spend time together?
"Great!" Amy cheered. Maura chuckled and rolled her eyes. They made a plan that Jane would drive to her hotel to freshen up while Maura and Amy would do the same at their home. Jane would then pick them up in an hour to drive to the party together.