Updated and edited 2022.
Inspired by the wonderful cover of
Hurt by Johnny Cash.
Please give the music video a watch :)
.
Empire of Dirt
.
if i could start again, a million miles away,
i would keep myself, i would find a way.
.
.
There is surprisingly very little pain when she dies. There is, surprisingly, very little surprise.
Only heartache.
..And a bit of happiness. He agreed.
Does that mean he...cares for her?
He watches silently, standing solidly before her. One hand is resting on his hip in that oh-so-familiar stance. Surely the clone that materialized behind her already vanished, though his blade remains burrowed to the hilt through her stomach. Heal! Her Inner is screaming at her. Heal yourself, idiot! Doesn't she know that if there were an ounce of chakra left in her body, she would? She breaks the boy's gaze to stare down at the metal tip protruding from her belly button. She reaches with shaky hands to touch it as her right knee gives out and slams onto the ground. Pink hair falls as a curtain across her face, her head dipping from the impact. The coppery taste of her own blood filling her mouth. A hard-ingrained shinobi reflex to catch herself from falling is the only thing that saves her from doing so.
Her left knee hits the ground.
Sakura forces her head up and hair back to look at her killer once more. Maybe he looks sad, but she can't tell. Her vision is fading so quickly. She hopes beyond hope that he does. She wishes she could see his expression, to see if he feels anything at all, just this once. But he is only a glowing figure of white amid the chaos that surrounds them, clad in black and bathed in battle. Even as a featureless silhoutte he is unearthly beautiful. Her heart twists treacherously. How does he do it?
She lets out a strangled chuckle.
.
.
"Will you really kill him, Naruto?"
…
"Can you kill him?"
"...I have to."
...
…
"Naruto?"
"Yes?"
"Did you mean it when you said you'll die with him?"
"...I think so."
I do, too.
.
.
Somewhere behind her Naruto is a lifeless heap on the ground.
Somewhere behind her the one thing that anchored her mind lays rotting away in the dirt next to all the other Leaf bodies; along with her soul, her everything. Well, everything this man in front of her hasn't taken...which is, in all reality, everything she's ever had. Despite all her attempts to forget him, all the times she tried to cut him from her soul.
Somewhere behind her, Konoha's strongest, weakest, and non-ninja lay in mass graves on the battlefield. Somewhere behind her, her home lies in ruins. Somewhere behind her marks the end of an era.
Behind her, there is nothing left.
She never thought her death would take quite so long. It's a struggle to keep her eyes open but she can't look away from him. He hasn't changed his position at all.
Had she expected him to? Did she think he would move to reach out to her? To touch her- hold her- whisper her sweet nothings as her life slipped away? Tell her he regrets everything, tell her he wished he had stayed in Konoha-
Tell her he loves her?
Say anything at all?
Yes. She did expect it. Or rather, she longed for it, burned for it.
She was always the weak one, though; always the one giving in before anyone else. She can't help herself as his name flies out of her mouth- "Sasuke-kun."
.
.
"Sasu- umph!"
"Shut up."
"I-sorr-wh…what are you doing?"
…
"Watch your hands!"
"Shh..."
"Ahh, wait, not there-wait! Sasuke, what...what's happening?"
…
"Fuck...Why are you… here?"
…
"...Are you back, Sasuke-kun?"
"You love me."
"Sasuke-ah...Fuck, please, keep going..."
"Do you love me?"
…
…
"…Yes, Sasuke, yes, don't stop-"
"Don't tell a soul."
…
…
…
…
"I lov-"
.
.
Her voice is soft and feathery, barely above a whisper; a tone he only heard in hushed moans beneath her covers. Something in him urges him to go to the girl. He doesn't. Her blood is soaking his sword and the ground beneath her, streaming thickly down the corner of her mouth. Although she is certainly dying, she is a very powerful shinobi in this moment. Gripping to life through sheer will. No one's ever lasted so long past Sasuke's blade. She made it this far in the battle for a reason, after all.
She is the last standing for a reason.
If not because of her strength, then maybe because of fate.
Even in her state, her eyes are as bright emerald as ever. They shine with emotions he hasn't felt in years, and won't even attempt to decipher now. They remind him of the night he left.
Quite suddenly, he finds her more alluring than he ever has in this lifetime. Desperate and needy, soaked in sweat from battle and dripping in blood, her eyes a paradox of defiance to the end yet forever submissive to him. He is sick, he thinks quickly, for finding something so morbid so sexual. His dark eyes leave hers, taking in her exotically pink hair, down her curved nose to her red lips, across the arch of her neck and shoulder, through the womanly curve before her hip. She is...beautiful?
Maybe.
"Sakura."
Sasuke has seen many deaths, but he only ever witnessed one smile during the event. Itachi. And yet, this woman flashes a brilliantly pleased smile at a simple remark of her name. In all the nights he stole from her in the past year, he never saw her smile like this. His thought-to-be non-existent heart clenches. Has he ever really looked at her?
You stole those nights for a reason, something remarks inside of him, sounding oddly like a mix between his father, his brother, and Naruto. Go to her.
But he will not.
I stole them for my clan, he tells the voice, and it isn't stealing if it's willing.
Sakura exemplified the perfect match with whom to resurrect his clan. She was pretty, she was a strong kunoichi, and she lived in a safe city for the child-bearing months. Most of all, she was completely and utterly loyal to him. And had she become pregnant, she would've protected the baby with her life. That was something not many kunoichi would do for a traitor's spawn. This is why he decided to climb into her chambers all those nights ago.
Though he had been planning to take the child away and leave her alone after childbirth.
Were you?
"I never thought I would be able to give this back to you, Sasuke, but-" She coughs up thick, red liquid that stills her words. Sasuke has to forcibly tell his feet to remain still.
He will not go to her.
"Thank you."
Confusion hits him like a boulder. The urge to move forward is so strong that he has to take a step to his right to calm the ache.
Sakura sees this, her heart stuttering dangerously. Does he wish to leave? Does he not want to witness her death? Does he not deem it worth his time to stay? There is no one left to kill. Surely he can spare a few seconds for her. She loves him, for fuck's sake. She fucking loves him. All those nights he snuck into her bed, all those nights of confusion, and happiness, and hurt, and he doesn't think he owes this much to her?
Just to stay- for once?
Doesn't he owe her this?
In those nights in the past year, deep beneath the world of her pale red covers and tangled limbs and needy gasps- somewhere between the seconds his presence stifled the air in her room and the complete emptiness that followed with his departure- he filled her with himself to a point she thought she wouldn't ever love anything as much as she loved him. She loved him more than life itself, in that moment. She loved him more than Konoha, more than Naruto, her friends, and her comrades.
She would give them all up for just one more of those moments, if he asked.
She would've given up everything for him, right then.
She doesn't know why he came, but he always left just as quickly. Never sparing a word that wasn't needed. Never giving her a touch more than necessary.
But...what had she expected him to do? Stay? Love her?
His voice is low and controlled, almost uncaring. "For?" And she feels as if the sword pierced her heart instead.
.
.
"Sasuke-kun… Stay, this time."
…
"You can return to Konoha. Or, just stay the night...please."
…
…
"Madara will be here soon."
…
…
"...And you?"
"…Aa. I must."
.
.
Maybe all of this could have been avoided. Maybe she could've told Tsunade about Sasuke's warning and been prepared for a battle. Maybe if Konoha had known, Madara wouldn't have even attempted. No, he still would have. He could take on the entire city himself if he wanted. He could take on the world.
But life is so full of maybes, and what ifs. What if she betrayed Sasuke and told the Hokage? What if she was strong enough to forget her love? She doesn't know because she wasn't strong enough. She supposes that's the exact reason he told her; he knew she wouldn't be able to tell. Maybe he did it to scare her.
...Maybe he did it because he feels something for her? Maybe he wanted her...to escape?
Always hope. Her eyes are still trained on his figure that's not moving away...but not moving towards her. Her vision is nearly black now. Maybe the reason she's held on this long is that the blade is still in her body. Had he pulled it out, she'd have died long ago. Medical text is running through her brain in her last moments, of course. How silly.
She opens her mouth to speak but finds her throat so clogged with blood that only a grunt escapes. She opts for pointing at the blade, smiling weakly at him. Thank you, she tells him again in her mind. The movement causes her body to fall forward, the palms of her hand digging into the muddy earth. Soon she will join Naruto. Soon she will join Ino and Hinata and Shikamaru and Lee and Tenten and everyone else. She will join Kakashi and Tsunade, and all the people she grew up with, lived with, learned with, and loved.
Except for Sasuke. He will live on. Alone. Just as he always wanted. Just as he'd always planned.
Her eyes finally leave his body. She isn't strong enough to keep her head up any longer. It dips towards the ground.
Was this it, then?
.
.
"Haruno-sama, Konoha is being attacked!"
…
…
"What?"
…
"Tsunade!"
"Sakura, Madara is attacking. Get back to the hospital."
"I want to-"
"No, Sakura! Go back to the hospital!"
…
…
"I will fight with you to defend our home, Hokage."
…
"...Remember, we booked to have dinner next Tuesday, shishou."
…
…
"I remember. I'll be there."
…
…
"See you then."
.
.
He moves to her side when her head falls. He doesn't know why. Sasuke doubts she heard him, but then again, he doesn't want her to know he came to help her. He doesn't want to have to explain anything he can't explain to himself. He doesn't even know why he stayed and listened to her.
Thank you, she says? Thank you?
'Thank you,' is something you say when you have no other words. It is something you say to a girl when you can't accept her feelings, who finds you worth giving up her own life to aid you in your vengeance. Ever since Itachi's death, his own actions have surprised him. He hopped through his pink-haired memory's window one night...why? He returned again, and again, and again...why? His clan.
...Right?
He found it necessary to warn her of this attack...why?
To scare her?
...To give her time to evacuate? His hand shoots out without thought to grab her shoulder as her body pitches forward.
Her breath hitches. Is he...going to hold her? But he simply keeps his firm hold on her shoulder, making no attempt to further the contact. His arm is the only thing holding her from falling completely onto the earth.
He is the only thing holding her to the earth.
Was this it, then?
Sakura couldn't let this be it. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be all there is. She manages to force sound out of her flooded throat, "I still love you, Sasuke-kun. I love you."
.
.
Naruto.
Sasuke.
"Naruto!"
Madara.
"NARUTO!"
…
...
"Sakura-I'm-"
"Shh, don't talk. You'll be fine. I'll heal you. You're fine!"
"I'm sorry, Sakura."
...
"I had him. I could have...gotten Sasuke…for you."
"You will next time, Naruto. Stop talking! Save your energy, please."
"Madara, he..."
"Shh-"
"I'm sorry. I won't be able to...keep my promise."
"You will-"
"I love you, Sakura."
...
…
"No, no, no, please, Naruto, please-"
.
.
He doesn't answer, but her hollow voice sends a heavy wave of something through his system.
His heart feels like it's beating too fast and not beating at all. He wishes he had the words to say to her that would comfort her. Words to tell her things he doesn't even know. He suddenly wishes to take back time. He wishes he was normal. He wishes he knew all this before this moment.
But he does not move closer to her, because he isn't normal. He is Sasuke.
"I have always loved you," she whispers out again. Maybe if she says it enough he'll finally answer. Maybe, if she repeats it enough, he will learn to love her back. She chants it in her head, praying that he can read her thoughts. I love you, I love you, I have fucking loved you forever, I will never stop, I love you, I love you…
Her voice is so quiet he wouldn't have heard it if he weren't a shinobi. He wants to tell her to be quiet. He wants to...
Tell her she's annoying? Heal her? Tell her something that will make her happy? He stays silent instead, not knowing what he wants.
It's been but a minute, yet it feels like a lifetime. All the little twists and turns of life led them to this moment. All of her weight is resting on the palm of his hand, and he can feel the struggle in her body as she tries to call up the energy to speak again.
Suddenly, he and Sakura both know with certainty that this is it, now.
All of this was in vain, she thinks. This life, her love, everything. There has to be something left. There must be something left for her. This can't be all.
"In another lifetime..." She exhales a few pained breaths, barely drawing in any oxygen afterward, "Could it...have been different?"
His fingers dig instinctively into her shoulder as if they might hold her spirit to her body.
"Could you have loved me?" She exhales again, and can't inhale at all. Her last breath is her dying words. Heavy eyelids give to the weight, falling over dulled emerald. But...she feels content. She died with Sasuke. She died in Sasuke's hands, by his hand. He was there. He stayed for her. He held her, in his own way. That was enough, wasn't it?
…Wasn't it? WASN'T IT?
Her body falls limp beneath his fingers.
.
.
"Sasuke!"
...
"Stop!"
...
"..Sasuke-kun, stop...Please, stop, I can't keep-I can't keep chasing you."
...
"You let Madara kill Naruto."
"…Aa."
"Will you...let him kill me?"
...
"…I am the only one left, Sasuke-kun."
"Hn."
"He will kill me..?"
"…Yes."
…
...
"…Will you kill me...instead?"
...
…
"Why?"
"You took everything from me..."
...
"Just take my life too. I don't want him to have it. What else is there for me?"
...
"Please. Everything is gone."
"No. Just go away."
"There's no where to go, Sasuke-kun."
...
"Please. It's the last thing I'll ask of you."
...
…
"...Aa, Sakura."
.
.
He feels when her spirit leaves, because his heart aches in a way he hasn't felt since walking into that bloody room many lifetimes ago. He knows she is dead, but he can't bring himself to let her fall. He can't even bring himself to pull his sword out of her lifeless body. His other hand moves and suddenly he is doing something he has never done-
He is pulling her onto his lap.
Could it have been different? His fingertips brush strands of stained-red pink out of her face. Could you have loved me?
It's been too long for Sasuke to know love. He doesn't know if he could have loved Sakura. But-this, this...was it-regret? Was that part of love?
He doesn't know.
He doesn't think he loves...loved...Sakura. But could he have, in a different life? Maybe if his family hadn't been massacred by his own kin? Maybe if he could see past his vengeance? Maybe if he had stayed in Konoha? Maybe if he'd given it a chance?
Maybe if he had been normal?
Life is so full of maybes, and what ifs. But something changes inside of Sasuke as his eyes rest on the woman. He's lived his life for power, to avenge. He got both. And now what? Now that all of his objectives are completed, what is left for him?
This moment feels nothing like revenge and tastes nothing of power.
A flash of silver hair atop a face mask flies through his mind. The man looks up from his book, his visible eye crinkled in a covered smile. What did I tell you? He asks. It's the same man that lies dead on the ground somewhere behind him, in the shambles left of his childhood. He destroyed the only place he ever claimed as a home, and killed or been the reason for the death of anyone he ever claimed as a friend. He reduced the woman who was to revive his clan to begging him for her death.
And now what?
Something inside Sasuke died when his sword pierced Sakura's stomach. But his goal is achieved. And now...?
"Sasuke."
He doesn't even move to acknowledge Madara behind him. The older man chuckles.
"I knew this would happen. You have no goal. You've lost your Uchiha ambition."
Sasuke decides it better to stare at Sakura than to defend himself from the inevitable, for he too should've known this would happen. Now that he's in this moment, it feels like it was always coming upon him. This was always where he was going to end up. Hadn't it been obvious?
"Uchihas...we're no good without the fire in us. A useless lot when aimless. You see, Sasuke? How weak you've become?"
He feels Madara right on his back. A blade presses into the middle of his spine as the man laughs again.
"Are you not even going to defend yourself then, boy?"
The blade presses deeper. Sasuke has the urge to run his finger across Sakura's soft jawline...but he doesn't. That's not something he's ever done, and he won't do it to her corpse.
"I have no need for a weak man in my new kingdom, Sasuke." Sasuke feels the blade draw blood. "So either you stand up and prove to me you're worth keeping, or I will kill you. Blood means nothing to me if you won't fight."
It is clear to Madara that his kin isn't going to move after ten seconds. It's a disappointment for him, since Sasuke is truly one of the strongest in his line in many years. But, this is the curse of the Uchihas. Without a goal, they become weak. Broken. He knew Sasuke may succumb to this. Ever since Itachi's death, he'd been waiting for it. The Naruto boy almost got to him, and Madara believed he saved Sasuke from this path by killing the jinchuriki himself before the boy could do it.
Apparently, he should've killed this unknown girl off as well.
"Very well. Since we're family, I will allow you your final words."
Sasuke inhales. He'd been holding it the whole time.
"No final words, then?"
"Aa..." The blade presses through him, and Sasuke feels it hit bone. "Perhaps…in another lifetime."
"Another lifetime, what?"
A final smirk flashes across Sasuke's face. "Perhaps it could've been different."
This makes Madara pause for a second. Then he is shoving his sword through the boy's body and quickly draws it back out. He doesn't stay to watch. He has a new city to build, after all. He has a new way of life to construct. Madara vanishes.
Sasuke manages to lay himself down in a way that Sakura's head remains on him. The darkness consumes him much quicker than it had Sakura. She was strong, in her last moments. He is just Sasuke. Images of his family and his genin days flow as blurry images of a picture movie through his mind. There they are, the Uchihas, around a dinner table. There is his brother teaching him to throw kunai. There is Team Seven painting a fence. There is hot ramen and four sets of chopsticks. Here he is, a phantom in the corner, watching it all pass. Learning, laughing, growing, fighting...
His mom.
His dad.
Itachi.
Kakashi.
Naruto.
Sakura.
Sakura.
Sakura.
.
.
.