A/N: I don't own Bleach. Of course, haha, because if I did, things would end up so much differently :D
Thanks everyone who has been reading, reviewing, and supporting this story. I am really, really sorry for the long update. Here is chapter 3 :D Anyway, as I said, this is like the very first story in Hurt/comfort genre I have ever written and I don't know why I am writing this, I mean, I get hurt just writing this thing hahaha.
Little reminder, I am a HUGE fan of Rukia. I love her. But she is going to be a little cold and harsh in this story. I mean, she is not perfect, but it doesn't matter because I still lover her no matter what. AND... Rukia finally cracked and broke down haha. I know Rukia is strong, but I think it's completely human to be hurting at moments like this (and she is sensitive, she just finds out she is going to be Ichi's baby's mom :"D) I hope you guys can cut her some slack, I mean, in her defense, it is a hard thing to do. She is so in love with Ichigo, and she knows Ichigo really wants a family (yes I think Ichigo is such a dad hahaha), and she can't give it to him. And her family had made her feel like she was inadequate/burden/not enough for all her life, so it got to her. Poor Rukia, I love her so much it pains me to write her like this haha.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. Enjoy reading :D
Ichigo made his way toward them. Rukia made a face and glared at Tatsuki, obviously the culprit of this all, but the spiky-haired lawyer only mouthed something like 'this is for your own good.'
Rukia stiffened at the moment Ichigo casually pulled a chair and sat closely next to her. There was a vacant seat next to Tatsuki, and another empty seat across from Nanao, but he just sat there and Rukia's heart was pacing a little bit faster than it usually did. Her violet eyes never stopped eyeing him, trying to read whatever expression it was on his face, beside his baseline annoyed face.
Ichigo was wearing a fitted light-colored blue dress shirt, the first button was undone, his sleeves rolled up, showing his toned, strong arms, and dark-colored dress pants covering his long legs. He always looked good, it shouldn't be a surprise. Ichigo was that kind of guy who was graced with good looks even when he was just out of bed, but did not care enough about his appearance or simply did not realize it. Rukia knew that much.
Rukia hated that she was also aware of how good he smelled so close to her, and she refused to acknowledge that he was still using the same men's cologne she got him when he turned 19. She told him how much she adored it back then, and it seemed like he never switched to another brand ever since then. And also when he placed his wallet and car keys on the table, Rukia's heart almost dropped when she noticed Ichigo still wearing the same watch she got him when he turned 24, and the same wallet she gave him when he turned 27.
Rukia knew she shouldn't be surprised. Ichigo was a simple man, who hated hassles, and likely did not care to replace them when they were still of good quality. Still, it had been years. And they were like solid evidence of how many years they had spent together.
She did not know why she acted mushy over some little things, but she heard that pregnant women sometimes felt things too much, too deeply, then maybe she could blame it on the pregnancy? She knew she couldn't.
Actually, Rukia might not know this, but Ichigo also still had their polaroid photo in that same wallet, when they were freaking 17, taken right after Ichigo won the football championship for their school. Rukia from 13 years ago kissed him on the cheek, and young Ichigo, looking tired and beaten after a grueling football match, was grinning boyishly at the camera. Both appeared young and very happy. They, indeed, did have almost a lifetime together.
Ichigo cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck, a habit Rukia knew too well he did when he was uneasy, so no matter how nonchalant he looked sitting so near next to her, he was apparently not that chill as he made it look like.
The orange-haired cardiothoracic surgeon greeted Hinamori, Tatsuki, Nanao, and Rangiku first.
"Hi, Daddy," Rangiku fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously at him.
Tatsuki chuckled at her model friend's suggestive insinuation, but Momo stepped on Rangiku's foot under the table and the blonde winced in mild pain.
Rukia almost slammed her head on the table, literally. She loved her friends, she loved her friends, stating that like a mantra in her head.
"Excuse her," Momo said. Rangiku giggled and when her eyes met Ichigo's once again, she whispered suggestively, "Now, tell me, have I been naughty? Is daddy going to spank me?" and the strawberry-blonde super model winked and blew him a kiss. This time, Momo could simply sigh.
Ichigo cleared his throat again nervously. "Rangiku-san, good to see you too," He said, quickly looking away from Rangiku.
Rukia knew him too well. There was that familiar crimson blush on his neck. Many things had happened, but some things did stay the same. Ichigo now, 29 and almost 30, and Ichigo then, 19 and almost 20 (when he first met the strawberry-blonde) were still the same. He never handled flirtatious remarks from Rangiku well. He got uncomfortable easily when women blatantly flirted with him. And Ichigo himself sucked at flirting too. So, for all the years they had been together, from teenagers to fully grown adults, Rukia was never too worried when women blatantly threw themselves on him.
Rangiku giggled again, she always enjoyed teasing him. Rukia never seemed to mind. Why would she? The girls all knew how much Ichigo was in love with Rukia. It was beyond ridiculous. It was ludicrous that the two had never been with anyone else but each other (Not even a little kiss with another guy, Rukia dearest? Not even a fling?! So, honey, you're telling me you've literally never seen any other guy's ding-dong but Ichi's? Asked in a really inappropriate way by Rangiku).
It was common knowledge amongst the people around them, about how whipped Ichigo was for Rukia, but the girls actually knew better. It was also the same on Rukia's end. She was just so in love with him, too, that Tatsuki sometimes teased "Oh, cut it out, Kuchiki, why the hell are you so in love with Ichigo, it's gross!".
Despite the many, many years they had been together, things never changed, they were just so in love with each other, so it still puzzled them to no end how Rukia could just end things with Ichigo like a cold, heartless Kuchiki a year ago. She didn't tell them much about it (Rukia was never one to open up easily), she just told them, Ichigo and she wanted different things, she didn't want marriage and children, while he did. So, what always happened, life.
The orange haired surgeon then greeted little Ren on Rukia's lap next, ruffling his hair. The red-haired baby replied by giving out cute sounds 'jiji', 'jiji', asking to be held. Ren loved his Ichi-jiji. They were close. And Ichi-jiji was more generous with toys than his lawyer dad and mom.
Rukia's eyes were still on Ichigo and his amber eyes were on her for a little while too, then he turned away, scratched his neck, again, and he finally greeted her. "Rukia."
And Rukia was reminded again of how much she loved his voice when he said her name. How could he just casually choose to sit next to her, and pull his chair a little too close to her, and yet he greeted anyone else on the table and put her last? Dummy. She wanted to say. Her dummy.
All her girlfriends' eyes were obviously on her.
"You should order, Ichigo." Tatsuki said to ease the tension and signalled the waiter to their table.
The waiter came and gave him the menu set. It was all coffee and Rukia knew Ichigo was not a huge fan of coffee, unlike her. As expected he frowned as they all looked the same to him. For all the years they had been dating, every time they went to a cafe that sold only coffee and hot beverages he always asked her. Ichigo sucked at remembering things like that.
Ichigo's eyes narrowed and leaned closer to her, "Which one do I usually have again?" he asked her so easily, as if they never lost these 12 months, as if they were always together and never apart.
And he was just leaning so close as he showed her the menu and Rukia wondered how little things like this could affect so much. Rukia knew which coffee he could tolerate and she took the menu and told the waiter what he would order.
"As she said," Ichigo said and gave the menu back to the waiter. "Thanks," he added.
Tatsuki, Momo, and Nanao were busy talking and making conversation even though their eyes always peeked and wandered back to the two, because this was just too good and Rukia's face was so red and they loved her so much, but getting the cold Kuchiki princess' cold facade to crack was always a pleasant thing to see.
When the waiter left their table, Ichigo asked her, eyebrows raised so high almost to his hairline, "you ordered hot chocolate?"
He knew Rukia always ordered coffee.
Coffee made her nauseated. "Yeah. It's too sweet."
How could they now be talking about beverages of all things when his last message of 'don't ignore me, Rukia' was left to read on her phone?
Ichigo still raised both his eyebrows, thinking it was odd. Rukia always ordered coffee.
He asked again, "Did you drive here?"
Rukia shook her head. "No, I was with Nanao."
Rukia knew she was looking at him the whole time and he was avoiding her gaze, but now that he started talking to her and looked anywhere but her, Rukia found it really hard to look at him instead. She couldn't miss the hurt, anger, and disappointment in his honest amber eyes no matter how much he tried to hide them.
There was something constricted in her heart, weighing her down. It was guilt.
Ichigo nodded. "Alright." Then, "I'll drive you home."
His voice was gruff and husky and it made Rukia look back at him. Amber met violet again and Rukia had known Ichigo for almost a lifetime to know how much he was trying to hide it, but he was still so angry at her. Or maybe frustrated. Ichigo was hot-headed and he got irritated and mad easily, so actually, Rukia was kind of surprised, that he was not yelling at her right at this moment, demanding answers and explanations.
"Don't you need to go back to Karakura? It will be late." Rukia replied, somehow softly. She understood how tired it was to beat the traffic from here to there, especially during busy hours. It was still the same. She still worried about the simplest things.
And also, today had been a really long, roller-coaster-ride kind of day and she was just tired and did not have the energy to have the heavy talk with him today. And knowing them, there would likely be a fight. A huge fight was long overdue. Rukia was pretty sure they were going to throw arguments at each other until their faces turned blue.
"No, it's fine." Ichigo waved her off and turned to Nanao. "Can I drive her home later?" He was pointing at Rukia.
Nanao smiled and replied with an emphasis on each word, "she is all yours."
It was like all her friends had conspired against her.
It was silent between them for a moment, both were there talking about the things that were really not the ones they should be talking about.
"When did you get back again?" Ichigo asked her again. It was subtle. But, the irritation was there.
Rukia was reluctant at first, knowing well this was not the right place nor the right time to start arguing with him. "Yesterday."
The hurt on his face was even more noticeable. She didn't tell him she was back, when he specifically asked her to.
He nodded instead, "right."
Rukia bit her lower lip, feeling uneasy with the guilt, tucked her hair behind her ear, and turned away.
She knew Ichigo wanted to demand more answers, but he held back and asked something else instead. "How was your flight?"
What were they doing? Tiptoeing on other topics that did not count.
The hair she had just tucked behind her ear fell again and he just automatically, gently tucked it back for her. He was mad, Rukia knew, he was hurt, Rukia understood that, really, but he was acting like his usual self when they were together, it hurt. There was no subtlety, no tact in his actions.
Rukia cleared her throat. It was like something constricted in it. "I've had better," she told him, and he was still looking at her, and Rukia couldn't take it anymore. "I should've..." it was hard to find the words. "It was a long fight. I just passed out on the couch all day."
That didn't justify why she had been ignoring his calls and messages for two months. He didn't appear content with her answer, but decided to let it go when the waiter came back with his drink.
Rukia's girlfriends were busy talking about anything, and no one seemed to purposely include her in the conversation. Ichigo was now making conversation with little Ren on her lap and Rukia hated that she noticed Ichigo was sitting too close to her and half his arm was draped over the back of her chair, asking Ren, "where is your dad?"
And Ren mumbled some incoherent cute things, and he asked again, "who is cooler, Ichi-jiji or your dad?" Ren made another bubbly word that was too adorable and Rukia almost melted at the way Ichigo's lips smirked and ruffled the boy's hair adoringly and said, "Jiji it is, that's my boy."
"Seriously, you two," Tatsuki began, munching off some nachos, and pointing fingers back and forth to Ichigo and Rukia. "Just go have one, stop obsessing over my kid."
Rukia almost choked on her hot chocolate and Rangiku roared in laughter. When Tatsuki's eyes met Rukia's, the tomboy had the audacity to wink at her.
"Just imagine, a cute little boy with orange hair, well we all know the orange hair is inevitable, right, but with the breath-taking, something blue, something violet eyes. The boy is going to be a charmer." Rangiku teased playfully.
Rukia felt all the blood in her body was going up to her head. Remember when she said she loved her friends? Well, yeah, she was taking it back.
Ichigo was acting cool about Tatsuki's comment though, Rukia noticed. He was leaning back in his seat, half of his right arm was still draped on the back of her chair, and he casually leaned to Rukia's side to take some nachos on her opposite side, and he was just so close, and he was actually smirking at Rangiku's words, and mumbled in a low voice as he was casually eating the snacks, "wouldn't be opposed to that."
Rangiku squealed and giggled hearing his words. Rukia's phone vibrated on the table.
A message was sent to their group chat, from Ran.
Rukia, honey, if you won't have his babies, I WILL.
Rukia glared at Rangiku. Tatsuki laughed at how adorable Rukia got when she was pissed at Rangiku. And trust her, it happened way too often in the course of their friendship.
Ichigo was clearly unaware of Rangiku's inappropriate comment. But, he did look at Rukia in the eyes and Rukia's legs almost felt weak by the intensity of his gaze, both his eyebrows still raised, scowl deeper than usual, whatever it was that held him back was getting weaker and weaker as he said, "so, Rukia, your phone is working after all." He said that not too loud, only for her to hear, but Rukia could bet whatever it was her girlfriends were pretending to do or talk about, their ears were completely on them.
At that, Rukia heard Tatsuki's made-up coughs and Momo started babbling nonsense questions to Nanao that the OBGYN also responded with the same nonsense answers. Rukia's eyes adorably went huge as she panickly tucked her hair behind her ear again and quickly said things in a hushed whisper to Ichigo, "can we not, now?" She gestured at her friends and little Ren on her lap.
Ichigo's eyebrows were still raised, he wouldn't stop looking at her, and Rukia raised her eyebrows back at him, and it was like a glaring contest until Ichigo finally gave in and said, "fine," he then mumbled as he sipped his coffee the waiter had dropped off earlier, "just thought you threw it in the ocean or something,"
"Ichigo," she warned him and her hand naturally went to touch his arm to warn him, and Rukia was sure there was some electricity there. Whatever it was, Ichigo felt that too. She quickly withdrew her hand on his arm. He missed her touch on him, but didn't show it.
The orange-haired cardio-thoracic surgeon then turned to Tatsuki to change the subject, "Is Renji not coming?" The redhead told him he was coming too.
Tatsuki answered, chewing nachos. "Later. He is going to pick us up."
"Did you really just get off work?" Tatsuki asked.
"I did my outpatients early today." The orange-haired surgeon said. "And got off surgery at 12," Ichigo added. "Went straight here when you said Rukia was back." He took some fries and put them in his mouth nonchalantly.
Rukia sighed and decided she would not say anything. Ichigo was still pissed at her, it was so apparent. He kept sending her harmless jabs here and there and Rukia was just waiting for him to finally burst. But, then again, he had every reason to be.
"Did you hear anything from Ishida?" Tatsuki asked again.
Ichigo nodded. "Not good." He replied, looking at Tatsuki. "Orihime is not talking. She locks herself in her room."
Momo's face was worried. "How are the girls?" The two beautiful daughters of Orihime and Uryuu, Himari (five), and Hina (three).
"With Ishida's mom," Ichigo answered.
From the corner of his eyes, Ichigo noticed Rukia was busy massaging Ren's chubby cheeks while listening to the others chatter. His eyes softened. He had dreams about it, more often than necessary, if he were keeping count. Just a simple dream, Rukia and him, in their home, with a baby boy that just looked like him or a baby girl that just looked like her. Even after their break up, on some nights, the dreams remained.
Rangiku's question brought him back to the current reality. "Is Uryuu okay though?"
"His wife has locked herself in her room for almost a week now and his family's lawyer is drafting a divorce paper." The orange-haired cardiothoracic surgeon exhaled a long sigh, just imagining what his cousin was going through already made him tired. "Wouldn't say he is okay."
"Divorce paper?" Tatsuki blurted in anger. "What the hell?!"
Truth to be told, the Ishidas never sat well with Orihime in the first place. They always wanted Uryuu to marry the daughter of the famous pulmonologist professor, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, the beautiful Nemu Kurotsuchi. In fact, as their family lawyer was drafting the divorce paper right now, Ishida Ryuuken, the head of the Karakura General Hospital (owned and shared by Ishida's dad and Ichigo's dad, Isshin) abruptly hired Nemu, who happened to be a neurologist, so she could be close with their son, even though Uryuu's and Orihime's divorce was not even in progress, yet.
"What a dick move." Rangiku huffed.
"Nothing freaking happened between Hime and Schiffer." Tatsuki yelled again. Her hands were shaking on her thighs. It was not fair. They were older now, they got to have their happy ending. Orihime did not deserve any of that.
Ichigo shrugged. "That bastard kissed her."
Ichigo was never one to gossip or mind anyone's business. But, Ishida told him everything. Although Ichigo had his head full of his own problem (with the love of his life running away from him to another part of the world), he was still on ears completely for his cousin.
He knew Ishida had no one else to share the burden, and the neurosurgeon had always been closed off to everyone. But, with Nemu Kurotsuchi now in their hospital (and all the gossip surrounding her in the operating room while Ichigo was doing surgeries), and Ichigo's blunt way of asking, "Bastard, what's with this new neurologist, Nemi? Nemo? that I heard was going to be your second wife or something?" Ishida had no choice, but to tell Ichigo everything before his cousin heard the false rumors from someone else.
Ichigo wasn't that brash, young, football captain who punched people simply because they pissed him off anymore, but he'd get Ishida's back. Ichigo might act aloof and people saw him as an uncaring asshole, but as ridiculous as it sounded, Ichigo understood the bro code. So, yeah, he'd get Ishida's back no matter what. And he knew Ishida wouldn't hurt Inou-Orihime. Because Ishida made a whole speech in high school, about how he'd hurt anyone who hurt his wife back then (including Ichigo, especially Ichigo).
"What?! What was that asshole thinking?!" Tatsuki was almost shouting now and Rukia quickly covered Baby Ren's ears, but the baby was oblivious to his surroundings as he was busy playing with Rukia's chappy doll keychain.
"I thought you knew?" Ichigo snorted, now regretting his slip of the tongue. Hearing how frustrated Uryuu had been this morning was enough to cause a headache, now that the girls were demanding him questions and answers, Ichigo wished he did not open his mouth in the first place.
"That Schiffer had a thing for Hime since we were in high school?" Tatsuki was still so loud and furious. Ichigo nodded.
Tatsuki snorted rudely. "We know that. Everyone knows that."
High school was a funny old story. Hime was in love with Ichigo for a really long time before she realized that both Uryuu, the school's number one genius and nerd, and Ulquiorra, the cold and mysterious, school's big three jocks, who were really a complete opposite of each other, were insanely in love her. It was a mess. Threw Grimmjow back in the mixer and it was done.
"But, she refused, right? She did not kiss him back? So, still, she was not at fault here." Momo defended the sweet actress.
"That's not what the Ishidas want to hear," Ichigo mumbled and finally had the appetite to grab some nachos again. God, he felt funny. Listening to gossip in the operating room was one thing he couldn't avoid, but this, this was on him.
"I can't believe it. Now, they're pushing for a divorce?" Tatsuki almost pulled her spiky hair. She was that frustrated. Hime was the sweetest, the most loving wife and mother, and the Ishidas had been treating her badly for years.
"I knew his stupid family was going to ruin it for them. Remember what Hime had to go through? They almost eloped." Rangiku reminisced things correctly. "But, still, this is nasty of them." She might have known Hime not longer than any of the girls here (except Nanao), but the two bonded right away. And having the opportunities to work together, Hime and Rangiku were like unseparated siblings. Hime was like Rangiku's little sister, and Ran was the older sister Orihime never had.
"If that four eyes ever go along with that divorce agenda, I will kill him myself." Tatsuki was stern and angry.
"You're a lawyer," Nanao warned the tomboy and rolled her eyes. Tatsuki sent her a piercing glare. It was not the time for Nanao's sassiness. There was never a good time for that, actually.
"Then, it will be easier for me to get away with murder." Tatsuki snapped back.
Nanao scoffed. "Oh, God."
"Fine then, I will kill him, and Tatsuki, you'll represent me," Rangiku shot back.
The girls were putting in angry inputs here and there, exchanging angry opinions. There was this dynamics.
Tatsuki and Rangiku were loud and emotional and Nanao did not talk much and she was only giving sharp comments calmly. Momo was the nicest and softest of all, clearly worried too much, and Ichigo watched that Rukia never had too much to say.
However, while her expression was stoic, Ichigo knew there was anger in her violet orbs. High school drama aside, Hime was a very good friend of Rukia, and Rukia, being cold, closed-off, and distant to anyone, was actually the one that always cared too much to the people around her, but never was too good at showing it.
It made Ichigo frustrated, somehow. He knew her. He knew her better than anyone, really. But right now, maybe his frustration on her got a better hold of him. Why was Rukia always being so cold? Why was she being silent for almost everything that mattered?
Ichigo looked away from her and tried to tune out the girls' angry conversations and decided to eat nachos in silence. But, then he only turned back when he heard Rukia finally open her mouth.
"She should leave the mansion." Rukia finally said something to the whole conversation after being silent for a while. Her voice was in her Kuchiki-business mode. Ichigo knew that well, too well.
"Away from Ishida and his family."
Ichigo dropped the snacks, his appetite was completely gone, and turned to look at her in the eyes.
He was familiar, too familiar, with that tone, that voice, the cold, freaking Kuchiki tone he did not like to hear because that was just the way Rukia acted when she ended things with him and Ichigo could not sit well with that.
And while he had been trying to keep the anger and frustration inside, until they were alone, at least, something just snapped in him.
"Why?" He asked her and his amber eyes were burning fire in her cold violet eyes.
"Because that's your answer for everything?" He could not help it. He was not proud of it, but he had been facing rejected phone calls and messages for two months now.
The girls stopped talking at the moment, clearly aware of the rising tension, and it was like time just stopped ticking.
Rukia's eyes widened slightly at the obvious attack her ex directed at her, but her composed facade was back in mere seconds. She had seen it coming and she couldn't blame him.
Knowing that this would not end well, she passed the baby Ren on her lap to Rangiku.
It was about time that he snapped. Rukia knew that. She locked her eyes with him, saw all the hurt in his eyes and she was reminded that she was the one hurting him and he had every reason to hate her, but, Rukia could not-not-talk back.
Because she knew how hard it was to live under the whole family's scrutiny. And while Rukia had lived with that all her life, and had been trained well to do that, she didn't want Orihime to experience it as she did. Orihime was genuinely sweet and kind, and fragile, and it was more than once, her actress friend called her in the middle of the night when Uryuu was having night shift, telling her, asking her, what should she do if she felt like living in an invisible prison like The Ishida Manor, what should she do if she felt like everyone was against her with invisible knives to her throat and her back? Hime deserved better. And Rukia stood by her opinion and never changed it. If Uryuu wanted to fight for Orihime, he should have put her first. Orihime was struggling, suffering in that home with his family. She should've left.
"No," she sounded calm and collected, but cold. "Because she needs that," Rukia said.
Her gaze was stern at the only man she had ever been in love with all her life. "To calm herself, to heal."
Rukia vowed this was the longest time her friends were frozen and not talking in their usual afternoon coffee time. They were always so... noisy. Even Rangiku sat still like a statue and that was new.
Ichigo clenched his jaw and said it in a low, husky voice. The voice that Rukia had known since they were 16, but now sounded way more mature than he did back then. The table was just too silent that Rukia's friends could hear it, too. "He needs her to stay."
There were the profound, hidden messages in their exchanges that were so tangible that their friends understood, clearly, this conversation was not about Ishida and Orihime anymore.
Rukia's gaze on him did not waver. And the amber eyes she loved so much were still burning fires in her violet ones.
"Because he loves her," Ichigo said again, almost clenching his jaws. His eyes were sharp on hers. Because I love you, everyone could read the subtext.
"Because everything is bullshit without her."
Hearing his confession, Rangiku really wondered how could Rukia's legs not turn into jelly by the intensity and passion the man Rukia had loved all her life was showing her. Sometimes it was a wonder, really. And Rangiku could not help but thought just how fucked up the Kuchiki messed her best friend up that she could just be that cold to the world.
It was not obvious from the outside, because a good Kuchiki never let her mask fall, but the back of Rukia's eyes were burning with warm tears, and yet she never cried. Never. Silly pregnancy hormones were probably doing the trick now.
Rukia never let her tears fall in front of anyone, not even Ichigo. Especially Ichigo.
"When things get hard, Rukia," his voice was calmer but his anger and frustration were still there. He was still staring into her eyes, then his gaze lingered to her lips for a little while, and to her eyes again with so much more intensity than before, and he said, "two adults, who love each other, should talk, not run away halfway across the world."
Rukia broke the intense eye contact. She closed her eyes and tried to take a calming breath. Ichigo had the right to be angry. He had every reason to be so she should just let him be. She knew that.
But Ichigo did not know the whole story, he did not know the agonizing pain she felt when she was told that she could not give Ichigo his dream, beautiful marriage, children, and family. He did not know how hard it was for her, a year ago, to leave when she knew exactly he was the only love in her life, to tell him, no, she did not want to marry him, did not want to start a family with him, and to tell him he should just give up on her because she had given up. Ichigo did not know that.
And Rukia knew it was not his fault since she was a coward and did not tell him. She was solely at blame for the downfall of their relationship, Rukia knew that perfectly well, like it was craved in the back of her mind, and she thought she was ready to take the fall.
Rukia had her reasons. It was not only because she was being a coward, but also because if she did tell him the real reason why she ended things with him was that she could not give him children, she knew Ichigo would make sacrifices, and Rukia hated sacrifices. She was not going to make him give up his dreams for her. She couldn't be that selfish. That was what she kept telling herself.
Rukia's violet eyes locked his amber ones again for a moment, and Ichigo thought maybe he was going too far, he shouldn't have snapped at her in front of her friends like that, so he tried to hold her hand to show his apology.
His eyes were honest and hurt, and yet Rukia knew there was still love behind those orbs.
Rukia could not bear the guilt.
She pulled her hand from Ichigo's grip and fled the table without another word. Without a single word. She was doing that again, the one thing she had always been good at, leaving without a word.
Tatsuki watched as her childhood best friend stayed silent, looking at the empty chair next to him. He looked so tired and frustrated and broken at the same time.
Ichigo cleared his throat, before he, too, got up from his seat. He did not even look the girls in the eyes when he mumbled, "sorry, I ruined the coffee time." He said, his voice losing all the anger it had before.
He took a card out of his wallet and gave it to Tatsuki while still avoiding eye contact. "It's on me." He gestured at the food and beverages on the table and left the table to go after Rukia.
It melted Rangiku's heart, the way he did not forget to grab Rukia's coat on her now empty chair because the raven-haired Kuchiki lady was so in hurry to leave and forgot her coat.
The girls watched from their table, as Ichigo jogged behind her and called her name softly (as softly as Ichigo Kurosaki could sound), "Rukia," but their dear raven-haired friend did not halt her steps and kept on walking. "Rukia," Ichigo called her again, his voice full of pleas.
When she was almost at the door, the bell jingled and Rukia accidentally bumped into Renji. The red-haired lawyer caught her and held her shoulders, "whoa, whoa, Rukia, what's going on?" He asked. There was worry in his voice.
"Let go," Rukia said coldly and did not even raise her head to look at her best friend. Renji kept holding her and saw Ichigo walking closer and closer to them. Renji sighed, knowing how stubborn the two were too well. But, luckily he was there as he gave Ichigo time to catch up to her.
When Renji did not budge, Rukia shoved him out of the way without a word, although it did not cause such an effect on Renji's much bigger size, the redhead finally let her go. The bell jingled again as Rukia left the cafe.
Renji was faced with Ichigo this time and the orange-haired heart surgeon only patted the brother he never had on the shoulder as a brief greeting. "Talk to you later," Ichigo said in a hurry. And the bell jingled again when Ichigo jogged to run after the love of his life.
At that moment, for the very first time in his life, Renji could see tears on Rukia's cheeks.
He never knew she could cry. She never did.
"That was..." Nanao was the first to break the silence when the couple was gone.
"Hot." Rangiku completed the sentence for the young OBGYN.
Momo frowned at the blonde and the model only chuckled. "I seriously can't understand how Rukia did not just kiss him right here, right there to shut him up."
When her friends were making faces at her, Rangiku shrugged, "Ichi literally confessed his love for her, saying that he loved her, that his life was bullshit without her, telling her that he needed her to stay, suggesting that he freaking still wants her and her only." Rangiku was on a roll. "All the while saying those things with that smexy, longing, something eyes going on. Also, that desperate anger."
Rangiku rolled her eyes. "I can't. I seriously can't." The mother of twins sighed. "How Rukia maintained her ground without jumping him is beyond me."
Tatsuki softly chuckled, but there was worry in her voice. "Rukia has always had Ichigo wrapped around her finger but she never realizes that, doesn't she?"
"He is freaking whipped, you mean." Renji had finally approached their table, gave a little peck on his wife's cheek, and sat on the empty chair next to Tatsuki. Little Ren was still sleeping on Rangiku's lap and Renji asked for him but the strawberry blonde refused to give up the chubby red-haired baby boy to his dad.
"Are we going too far, though? Rukia really looked like she really needed some time." Momo said, worried, finally letting out her concern.
Tatsuki shook her head. "They'll be fine, trust me. I know I kind of feel bad that I practically shoved Ichigo down to her out of the blue, but Rukia has been ignoring Ichigo for two months now."
Tatsuki turned to Renji. "You know Rukia better than I do, she won't crack, right? Her heart will only harden if we let her be."
Renji, being the closest to Rukia than the girls on the table, agreed with his wife. "Right. She won't crack. She only gets colder." He sighed. "You did the right thing." He rubbed Tatsuki's back to show her his support.
"Well, you're right." Nanao sipped her coffee and tilted her head to the big window. "Look at them."
From the huge window, the girls could see Ichigo finally catching up to Rukia. The road was empty, and silent, as if it were reserved for them, and there was only the sound of the soft autumn breeze and fallen leaves on the ground.
Ichigo wrapped her coat for her and tried to hold her hands. They could see how Rukia was still so stubborn and tried to put up a fight. The two started having pretty heated arguments again, but in the end, Ichigo pulled Rukia in his arms, enveloping her smaller body around his, here in his arms, where she had always belonged. He was always stronger and bigger than her, he wouldn't let her go.
Rukia eventually gave up and let him hug her tightly, and after a moment there, she wrapped her small arms around him, and it was amazing how they just fit each other so well. The way she rested her head on his hard, broad chest, and the way he tucked her head under his chin. Their height difference, and all. It was like they were made solely for each other.
The girls couldn't tell what Ichigo was saying to her all the while, but Rukia nodded repeatedly at his words, her face was buried deep in his chest. The orange-haired surgeon then grabbed her face and kissed her on the lips, the kiss was quick and not too deep, then he moved to kiss the top of her head.
They always knew the one who could handle Rukia at her worst, was only Ichigo and Ichigo alone. It was the same though, the one who could bring up Ichigo back to his feet was also Rukia, and Rukia only.
The two then walked side by side to Ichigo's silver Mercedes-Benz. Ichigo's arm was tightly wrapped around her shoulder, giving her warmth and protection, and Rukia's was also circled around his waist.
And as they walked further and further away from the cafe, Ichigo's head kept leaning down and drawing close to her face, whispered things in her ear, and kissed Rukia's temple more than once.
And that was when the girls knew, crazy fights and arguments aside, Rukia would be okay.
She would always be okay with Ichigo by her side.
"Rukia," he called after her. It sounded softer, somehow, despite the anger that Rukia knew he was holding in.
"Rukia, come on." He called her again, and cursed under his breath when he stepped on a discarded flyer, "damnit."
"Rukia,"
"Not now, Ichigo, I've had a really long day." She replied coldly.
"Rukia, what are we doing?" He asked. He came for her, they sat together, he asked her questions he didn't want to ask. She gave answers he didn't want to hear.
She kept on walking. "I don't want to fight you, not now, not here."
It didn't take time for him to catch up to her. He grabbed her wrist and draped her warm coat over her shoulder. "Why? Like it's anything new? It's what we do,"
Fighting. Because she was stubborn, and he was even more stubborn than her.
She pulled her hand away from his grip and tried to leave him again, but Ichigo was quick to pull at her wrist, again.
"Hey, come on," he repeated. His voice was so full of desperation and longing.
She finally turned around and glared at him.
It is what they do.
"Do you really think that it was easy for me?"
At his silence, her voice was low, almost like a whisper, but dangerous and cold. "Do you really think I hurt you on purpose for selfish reasons?"
Right at this moment, Ichigo knew well why she always had the reputation of a heartless, ice queen.
All patience be damned. Ichigo was just as hot-headed and stubborn as she was. "You never tell me anything." He said, his jaw clenched out of frustration.
"You just decide everything on your terms." His words were sharp. As sharp as his eyes.
"You decide to stay, you decide to leave. You decide you want to be with me, and then you decide you don't."
A year passed and Ichigo still didn't understand. In the last 5 years, they were fine, they were happy. Yet somehow, on another cold December night last year, with his mother's wedding ring safely tucked in his pants' pocket, Rukia told him, calmly, coldly, like the old, cold, closed off Kuchiki Rukia he thought wasn't there anymore, the words that didn't make any sense in his head even to this day, "I don't love you anymore."
That was harsh, even from Rukia. And Ichigo could only think that she had lost her mind, that whatever happened back there that she didn't tell him changed his Rukia, transformed her back into the cold, heartless Kuchiki princess, before him, before them.
So, Ichigo left then, without another word uttered, but a silent promise that this was not it, he was just giving her time. And today, he was done waiting.
They held each other's gaze for so long and the tension was overwhelming. Rukia's eyes were red from wiped tears.
"Damn it, Rukia, I just want you to talk to me." He said. His frustration was still so clear.
"Stop running away. Stop acting like I," he corrected his words and gestured at the invisible thread between their hearts, "we don't matter."
"I was not running away," Rukia threw her arms halfway in the air, she lost it and almost yelled at him.
"It was not like I planned to leave for Berlin for two months. It was my job, Ichigo, I had to go." She looked at him sternly, still cold.
"You and I sleeping together would not have changed that." Nothing changed in her voice, like a strictly cold Kuchiki, but she lowered her voice, "I still had to go."
Ichigo scoffed and almost laughed sarcastically at the irony of it all.
He still found it unbelievable that after spending an amazing, passionate night with the only woman he had ever fallen in love with in his life after finally could hold her again in his arms after a long torturous year of reluctantly giving her time and space she needed, he had to wake up naked and alone with nothing but a freaking pancake on the table.
The night had been too surreal, when she slept in his arms, and he looked at her, he made his mind that this would be it, he was done waiting, he was done giving her time and space, this was the time he would win her back and never let go again, no matter what she said.
Because that night he knew very well that he still loved her and she still loved him, too, no matter what ridiculous excuse she used to end things with him. Ichigo knew from the way he kissed her and the way she passionately kissed him back, he knew from the way she let him make love to her, he knew from the way his name, only his name, escaped her lips like a prayer. He knew from the way she whispered she loved him when she thought he had fallen asleep.
Ichigo knew all that. And yet, when he woke up, it was like she was never there.
"You left me alone with a fucking pancake on the table, Rukia." He snorted. "Not even a goodbye, not a call nor a text. Just a damn pancake on the table," Ichigo laughed mockingly and shook his head and whispered in full annoyance, "that I did not even like."
That was a really cheap blow. "The hotel only served the strawberry ones!" Rukia almost shrieked at the absurdity of it all.
"That's not the point!" Ichigo yelled back, it was still the same, now and then, they always bickered about things, things that mattered or even things that did not.
"Did I not deserve any explanation? Who did you take me for after a night like that? A prostitute?"
Rukia gaped again, shocked at his outburst that started making no sense, and she was still furious that Ichigo brought up the pancake in the first place. "A prostitute?! What are you talking about?" It was just like them. To argue until their heads turned blue even when the argument did not make sense anymore.
"Don't you think you owe me that, Rukia?"
The two held each other's gaze again like no one wanted to lose. It was foolish because just from one look, they both knew they were wasting time. They both knew they wanted no one but each other. They both knew they were still so in love with each other just like the very first time they did when they were 16. They both knew their love never wavered and only got stronger in time. And yet, why did they have to fall apart?
Ichigo's scowl had never been deeper and his eyebrows were furrowed in frustration. And Rukia's violet eyes did not back down and the tension was getting serious again.
Rukia sighed and ran a hand through her black folks, losing the eye contact contest. But Ichigo's eyes were never off her, they went to her eyes (that he loved so much), to her lips, then to her eyes again, and while his gaze was fierce, it was also tender and full of longing.
"Why did you ignore my calls?" He asked again, calmer in a lower voice this time, but he still sounded so dangerous.
She was silent, trying hard to hold back her tears, biting her lower lip so hard that it almost bled.
"Why? I want an answer, Rukia."
"I couldn't."
"That's not an answer." Ichigo shook his head.
"I just needed... some time," Rukia finally answered, her voice being softer like she was tired of this fight already.
"Then, say so." He replied, seeing how hard he was being on her, Ichigo softened a little. His anger was there but it was so much more under control.
"You know, a simple text telling me to get lost would do." He said. The silent treatment was the worst.
Rukia still refused to look at him. "Ichigo, I didn't mean that." she tried to explain, she didn't want him to get lost. She was just scared of her own feelings, she got scared of her selfishness, and she got scared of the fact that she couldn't stop loving him.
Rukia closed her eyes for a moment and her body was almost shaking from the guilt. "I needed some time to..." she sighed, "...to clear my mind, to understand what it meant, what I wanted, what you wanted?" she said, finally staring at him in the eyes.
Ichigo snorted, she knew what he wanted, he had always been that clear to her since day one.
Rukia continued, "I thought I could pretend that it was a bonus night, but then-"
Ichigo cut her off right there, he gaped in confusion. "Are you seriously pulling that bullshit on me?" His anger was clearly back on the table.
Rukia's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance at his now rising anger again, she was not done talking. "Ichi-"
"A bonus night, Rukia?" He snapped. "Do you even hear yourself?"
Enough with that one-time thing. It was never in his dictionary in the first place. How could she expect him to let her go after a night like that? How many times did she need to realize that it was never off the table with them, that they would always, always get back together in the end, no matter how stubborn and cold she could get? How long would she realize that he never, never agreed to end things with her, that he only told her that he'd give her time? How long would she realize that no matter how much she tried to push him away, he would always come back for her and win her back?
"So, what the hell was that? A pity, goodbye forever sex for me?"
"What? God, no! Listen to me, Ichigo, please," Rukia's voice raised a little. She trembled but her words were clear. "I knew. I knew very well from the start, no matter how much I tried to deny it, that I never wanted it to be just it, and," she told him, "And it scared the hell out of me."
"My mind was made up. I thought I knew what was best for me, for you, for us. I thought I had figured it all out." She never said too much in front of anyone else, but Ichigo always had a way to break into her shell. "I know you may think that I have no right to say this. Since I was, I am the one who hurt you, who hurt us,"
"But, it was hard for me too. A year went by pretty quickly and I thought I could finally make peace with it,"
"But, every time, every time that I looked at you, my resolve always, always got broken and, I didn't answer your calls because I know, I know the moment that I heard your voice, I wasn't going to be strong enough, I knew just hearing your voice would have changed my mind in an instant,"
"Rukia," he tried to reach her to calm her down, but she stepped back, maintaining her distance as if he came any closer, she would break.
"I was scared, I was so scared of being selfish, I didn't know what to do, because I didn't want to be a burden to you, I didn't want to, I didn't want to bring this matter into our lives, Ichigo, you deserved everything, and I couldn't bear the pain that I couldn't give you that, and I,-"
She was shaking uncontrollably and Ichigo was scared at that moment. What burden? What was she talking about?
He took a step closer to her again, and his eyes never stopped searching for answers in the violet orbs he loved so much. It was always like this, she would be stubborn, and he would be even more stubborn than her, and he'd always wear her down, eventually. But, this time was different. Rukia was shaking and this close to crying in front of him, and all the years they had been together, he almost never saw her tears. So, what changed? What was she so scared of?
She clutched the front of his coat, and she whispered to him, her voice was soft, so soft, as if it could be blown away by the cold, autumn breeze around them, "Getting over you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
She had tried so hard in a year, and she couldn't bear the pain to redo it over again from the start. She missed him so much that it pained her so.
"Then, don't," he told her, finally pulling her closer. It was that simple for him. "Don't get over me."
When he pulled her into his arms, Rukia, for the very first time in forever, broke down and let the tears fall. Her body was shaking so much to the point that Ichigo was worried to the hell and back, because this was Rukia, his Rukia. She never cried in the middle of an argument with him. She always held her ground and yelled back. She never cried. Something was definitely different, and Ichigo couldn't help but panic. He never made Rukia cry in front of him before. So, what made her scared like this?
She clutched his coat harder and buried her face on his chest. Her voice was really soft. "I am sorry," her shoulders trembled. "I am sorry," she repeated multiple times.
She was trembling, and Ichigo panicked even more, he held her face in his hands, and soothed her, and tucked her hair that was shadowing her face, and, somehow, at this moment, he realized he was lucky all this time that he had never seen her cry, because at this moment, seeing for the first time how broken, how sad she was, how scared she was, Ichigo thought he would just lose it.
"Hey, it's alright, Rukia, it's alright, Rukia, baby, look at me," he panicked so much, she had never been like this in front of him. Ichigo wiped the tears on her cheeks and repeated the same soothing word over and over again, "it's alright," and yet Rukia was still shaking and never stopped saying how sorry she was, "I am sorry,"
It was the guilt eating her from the insides. She should have told him. She should have given him the chance to decide, to choose what he wanted to do, a year ago, when she was told she could never have children. Maybe things would've ended differently. Maybe, it would spare them from so much pain. It wouldn't have cost them this one year.
"Rukia, come on." Ichigo tried so hard to calm her, he caressed her back, and hair, telling her multiple times that it was okay, and asking her what was wrong, it was so not like her. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head stubbornly. "Ichigo," she held him back, tighter like she'd never let go, it was only with him she could be vulnerable like this. She mumbled against his shirt, "I love you. I never stopped."
Ichigo knew it all along. He knew she was still in love with him. He knew, he never doubted that even for a second.
He kissed her then, warm and hard on the lips, a quick, simple reassurance that it was okay, he knew. His lips went to her wet cheeks, kissed away her tears, and he kissed her again and again until he reached the top of her head, and mumbled against her ear, "I never stopped either."
Ichigo knew his heart broke here way worse than it ever had before, seeing her like this, so he held her even tighter.
She buried her face on his chest again, silently making a promise to explain to him everything later. She owed that to him. And her hand went to her belly like a protective instinct.
He told her that it was going to be fine, and he whispered to her ear, "Alright. Let's just go home."
Home. Rukia's apartment where, even after a year, Ichigo's clothes remained tucked nicely in her drawers, where Ichigo's dark-blue slippers remained on the top of her shoes shelf, where Rukia kept restoring two pairs of toothbrushes despite her living alone, where Ichigo's shaving cream and unopened shaving razors remained untouched on her bathroom shelf, where Ichigo's full set golf equipments stood nicely still and cleaned regularly in the corner of her living room, where Ichigo's PS 5 made its permanent home at the bottom of her TV buffet drawer, where everything they shared together was still in place, unmoved, unchanged as if they knew he would come back and pick up where they let off like he never left.
Home. A place where Rukia, right here in his arms, made a silent promise to make it the happiest, the safest place for both of the love of her life and the little miracle in her belly.
It was her home, their home, their little family's home.
But, then again, right here, in Ichigo's arms, Rukia felt safe, she felt loved, and she felt stupid for being so selfish throughout these years. So, right now, as they made their way toward his car, in each other's arms, she let him kiss her multiple times, let him whisper things in her ears, telling her that she didn't need to ask, it was obvious, that he always wanted and loved her, only her and no one else. He told her that for a year she was out of her life, everything stopped, he told her that he couldn't keep up with it, the speed of the world, without her in it. It was all sweet, even the little slip of the tongue when Ichigo almost let out another outburst, "Goddamn, woman, just let me love you." And Rukia couldn't help but smile and laugh. And Ichigo thought she was finally herself again. He kissed her temple again and again and led her to his car, and that was when Rukia felt she was home.
AN: Guys I think I am going to do a very long ramble, it's totally ok if you want to skip this hahaha :D First of all, I am totally experimenting with this serious hurt/comfort genre, I hope this doesn't disappoint (or tell me if I just I should just stick with humor/light stuff hahaha).
And I am totally pushing for this trope of one relationship for eternity IchiRuki agenda hahaha just because I am so butthurt by the cannon (respect the cannon, whatever XD) Sorry, but I am going to make them whipped for each other so much that it's ridiculous in every story I am writing :D :D *no shame* (And Ichigo called Rukia baby hahahaha, I am so going to hell for this XD but, guys, they've been in relationship for like 10 years or more, I think Ichigo got to have a pet name for his baby-momma).
Anyway again, for some of you guys who realize that this story has similar background with 700 Days, then I am giving everyone a cookie :D the answer is yes haha. I just really enjoy writing in that universe and I want to explore more. 700 Days is so focused on their young relationship in high school, and while it is really fun to write boyish-whipped Ichi, I also want to explore writing Daddy-whipped-version of Ichi hahahah :D :D But if you haven't read 700 Days, don't worry because this is a future fic (although I hope you want to check it out after this, it's so much lighter than this one hahaha).
The last thing (I promise, sorry for rambling on AN), is that if people are interested to read, and if you guys think I should continue with this multichapter, I am planning to explore more.
Please tell me what you think about this chapter, should I continue this? :D