Holly hummed to herself as she applied a thick line of kohl around her eyes. It looked a little dramatic, especially compared to her pale eyes and skin, but she didn't mind. Hair and makeup were some of the few things that a mage had had full control over in the circle so long as they had the gold for it, and although her parents had turned their backs on her in most ways, they couldn't afford the rumors of them not supporting her in any way, even despite their opinions on mages.

She checked her reflection in the mirror of her dressing table one more time before standing up. Since Graham had gone to Redcliffe with Dorian, she had a busier day than usual ahead of her. She wondered if this was what it was like for the other advisors when she and Graham were out in the field.

She opened the door to her quarters just in time to see a scout holding a raised fist, and a silver box that had tiny, repeating images of flowers and leaves etched into it. The scout quickly let her fist drop, and bowed awkwardly, "I have a package and letter for you from Madame de Fer."

"Really? What is it?" Holly said, holding out her hands. This was the first time she'd gotten something from Vivienne like this. Usually it was Josephine sending her things, so she was a little confused.

"I'm not sure, Enchanter. She just said to take it to you at once."

"Oh, well, I'm certainly intrigued. Was there anything else?"

"No, Enchanter. Do you have anything?"

"Not at the moment, thank you."

"Have a lovely day," the scout said before bowing again, and running off.

Holly shut the door to her quarters again, before turning towards her bed. She read the small note that had come with the wonderfully ornate box. Vivienne must have written it herself, as it was in an almost luxurious script.

My Dear,

One of my old contacts finally came through. It is a spirit blade hilt that I had specially made for you. Do not worry about compensation, it was a favor from someone who owes me a great deal more. If you would like to learn how to use it properly, I have the rest of today free.

Cordially,

Vivienne

Holly was shocked. She had completely forgotten about the conversation she had had with Vivienne about wanting to be a knight enchanter. At the time it had only been said as something in passing, a comment she had made in an attempt to bond with Vivienne. Holly was incredibly touched by the fact that Vivienne had actually gone, and got her the hilt, even though Vivienne played it off as being some small act. Holly would have to do something for her in return.

Holly was shaking slightly with excitement as she opened that box up. Surrounded by a deep purple velvet, was the most beautiful sword hilt she had ever seen. Like the box, it was silver, but it had several gems ranging from a pale pink to a deep, almost blue purple laid into the cross-guard, and the pommel. The grip was wrapped in gorgeous looking leather that was a similar shade to her armor. It was heavy in her hands, and she guessed it was likely heavier than a normal hilt to make up for the lack of weight from the blade. It was a work of art, and had she not known what it was, she would have happily displayed it as a decoration in her lab rather than her quarters, so everyone could see it.

She stared down at the hilt, weighing her options. She had so very many things to do that day. A whole wave of letters had come in the evening prior. None of them urged her and the others to start heading west, thankfully, but many of them required immediate action at Skyhold. She considered shirking off her duties to Thia, but she did that when she was out in the field already. She ultimately decided to shirk her duties off to her future self instead. She justified it with the fact that it was important for her to properly defend herself and the others.

She stood, and with the hilt in hand, she headed out of her quarters. She hoped that the lesson with Vivienne wouldn't take too long.

After a surprisingly wonderful lesson with Vivienne, and a trip to Harrit to make something that could hold the hilt when she wasn't using it, Holly spent the rest of the day busier than a bee. She spoke to Varric and their new arcanist, Dagna, about possible theories regarding red lyrium. She had a meeting with both Josephine and Leliana about how to appease certain nobles who were still less than pleased about the mage rebellion joining the Inquisition. She then had a conversation with Solas about another theory for trying to figure out where the next rifts would appear. By the time she arrived at her lab the afternoon was starting to turn into the evening, and she felt exhausted. She was glad that the few things she had to do were rather mindless.

She was crushing up some elfroot into a paste as her mind wandered to Graham and Dorian. At this point, they'd still be in the mountains, and they probably would have reached one of the camps set up throughout the pass at that point. She hoped that whatever was waiting for them in Redcliffe went well. They didn't need another set back. They needed more good news.

Her mind then wandered back to the conversation she had had with Graham the day prior. That would be good news that at least he would be glad to hear. That was, if she could manage to gather the courage to take the plunge. Part of her couldn't believe that she was even considering confessing to Cullen. There was the threat of it negatively affecting the Inquisition, and she didn't want to be the one of the people responsible for everything falling apart. As scary as any previous relationship had been, especially with Amelie, she didn't also have the weight of southern Thedas weighing on her shoulders back then. Then again, leaving her feelings unsaid could also lead to things burning to the ground. That left her with Graham's voice ringing in her ears, " What would you regret more ?"

That made her decision for her when she looked down, and realized she hadn't been working on her elfroot paste for the past few minutes. Maybe Graham had been right when he had called her useless. If she was just going to stand around lost in thought because of her feelings, then she really needed to do something about it. She was going to jump right in, and Maker , that scared her more than she thought it would. She had always been the one to make the first move, but she had more butterflies than she had had in a very long time.

She set the mortar and pestle down, and brushed her hands against the front of her black, leather coat, careful not to drag her green-stained fingertips along it instead of her palms. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. She took just long enough to get some semblance of something to say before she could talk herself out of it, and marched out of the lab.

With a slightly shaky hand, she knocked on one of the doors to Cullen's office. When she heard a muffled, "Come in," she opened the door, and was delighted to see him standing in the room alone. He had a few papers in his hands, and seemed a little surprised to see her.

"Oh, hello Holly. Is there something you need?" he asked.

"I-" she started, but had to clear her throat as her voice cracked. "Yes. I was wondering if we could talk? Alone?"

A slight blush spread across his cheeks, bolstering her confidence, "Alone? I- yes, of course. I would advise against speaking here. It's too early to have a private conversation. We'll likely be interrupted."

"We could walk along the ramparts," she suggested, "Other than the dungeons, they're usually the emptiest part of Skyhold, no?"

"That we wouldn't get weird looks for."

"Yes, walking into the dungeons for seemingly no reason would be rather odd."

"So… shall we go now? I have some time."

"Yes," Holly said, a little too quickly. "I would prefer now."

His expression changed from blushy confusion to worry as he moved to open the door opposite to where Holly had entered, "Is this something urgent? Did something happen?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I'd say it's a… positive thing. Just something that is also private."

"Oh, well, alright then," he said as he opened the door, "After you."

She was grateful to start walking. It was easier to hide her shaking hands this way. Other than that, she had confidence that she seemed calm and collected on the outside. She had far too many years worth of experience of hiding anything that could be deemed as unsavory to appear otherwise. It had been horrible learning to do so, but it had become a useful tool.

She held back a sigh as she stepped back into the cool mountain air. That was one of the lovely things about Skyhold, the fresh air. It wasn't clogged with gunk like it would be if they were in a city. Even the Circle back in Ostwick had the faint unpleasant smell in what limited outdoor space the mages were allowed into despite it being aways from the city proper. The only places Holly knew of that seemed cleaner than the height of the Frostbacks were the hearts of forests, and the center of the sea.

She reveled in the feeling of the sun on her face as she and Cullen walked to a more private area of the ramparts. He must have been feeling something similar as he said, "It's a nice day."

Pulled from her thoughts she stopped walking, "Yes, it is, but I didn't mean to talk to you about the weather."

He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "I had assumed not. What was it?"

At that question, it was suddenly a lot harder to look at him. It was like looking directly at the sun. Her cheeks burned, and she was even more grateful for the cold, mountain air. As she looked away from him, she could see a worried look plastered on his face again out of the corner of her eye. She took a deep breath, and took the plunge.

"I- I understand that you may not feel the same, and even if you do, I understand whatever reservations you may have, but… I have come to care for you, more than is wise. I don't know if you could feel the same about me whether because we are colleagues, or… I know you are trying to distance yourself from the templars, but you've still had less than stellar experiences with mages. I don't know whether you could see me as more, but I do know I see you as more, and-" she sighed, and forced herself to stop talking. She hid her hands behind her back so he couldn't see how badly they were shaking. She couldn't believe she'd let herself ramble on like that.

After a second of silence, she forced herself to look at Cullen. That worried look was gone, and replaced with a somewhat happy, but also dazed look as he wrapped his head around what she had said.

When his eyes met hers, his words came out rushed and awkward, "I could. I mean I do… think of you. And what I might say in this situation."

Holly couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face, even though she sensed hesitation in his voice. At least she hadn't made a complete fool of herself. She addressed that hesitation with words, "And what's stopping you ?"

"Your brother is the Inquisitor, we're at war, and… I didn't think it was possible. You're kind to everyone, doubt told me it was just courtesy."

She turned fully to face him, leaning against the outer wall of the ramparts. She could feel the wind whipping her black, braided hair about behind her. She tipped her face upwards to look at him, "You needn't worry about my brother. He's rather supportive, actually. As for the war… I'd rather regret losing you, than regret never having told you. Believe me when I say that, please. And doubt? Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

"That you are," he muttered, and she was suddenly aware of just how close he was. She was leaning against the stone wall, and he was less than a step away. When her eyes snapped back to his, those absolutely gorgeous, amber colored eyes, she realized they weren't focused on hers. Instead, they were glued to her lips. She stopped breathing as he slowly inched closer. She certainly hadn't expected this to happen when she woke up that morning. She could feel his breath ghost against her lips as he spoke, "It seems too much to ask. But I want to-"

Then, it was like she was ripped out of a dream. She gasped as the sounds of footsteps, and a scout shouting, "Commander!" filled her ears. Cullen stepped away from her much to her disappointment.

The scout carried on, oblivious, "You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana's report."

" What ?" Cullen practically growled. Holly was unsure how to feel. On the one hand, the poor scout was just doing what he was told, and on the other, she was upset about being interrupted. She was rather embarrassed if she was honest with herself. It was why she couldn't even make herself look at the scout after all.

"Sister Leliana's report. You wanted it delivered 'without delay.' Or… to your… office. Right."

She glanced towards the scout due to the change in the tone of his voice. She saw Cullen's back and empty hands while the scout still had the report in his as he ran off. That made her feel a bit guilty.

"Cullen, if you have-"

Before she knew what was happening, his lips were pressed against hers. A noise somewhere between a squeak and a moan escaped her. His hands rested firmly on his waist, and his stubble scratched against her cheeks and chin. Before she could memorize the feeling of his lips on hers, and his body pressed against her, he was pulling away. Her own hands finally found their place on his arms after they had separated.

"I'm sorry…" he said quickly like the young chantry boy he'd once been. He was blushing like a tomato, and his lips were stained from the rouge she was wearing. Had she not felt as dazed as she did, she would have found it adorable. He quickly tacked on with a laugh, "that was really nice."

She blinked at him as her brain caught up with what had just happened. Then that smile returned, and she felt dizzy with giddiness, "Whatever are you sorry for?"

"Nothing, I suppose," he grinned, and leaned in to kiss her again. This time, she was ready. She leaned in as he did, and slid her arms up his arms, and around his neck. This time, she noticed the feeling of the little scar on his upper lip sliding against the skin of her lips. She noticed the way he smelled like elderflower and oakmoss and distinctly not lyrium. She could taste the spiced wine he must have had earlier. Most importantly, kissing him just felt right.

He pulled away more slowly this time, a lazy smile plastered on his face. It felt like just as she had finally started breathing again, her breath was stolen away. He had more of her rouge smeared on his lips. The blond curls around his neck were no longer in their perfect, painstaking style. His warm, brown eyes were warmer than they had been in months. He looked happy, really, truly, happy, and she wanted to kiss him again.

"I wish I had done that sooner," he said, leaning down to rest his forehead on hers

"As do I."

He hummed happily, but pulled away faster than she liked, "I… should get to that report, and I'd rather not have another scout catch us."

Holly chuckled, "I can agree on that last part."

He grabbed hold of her hands with her fingertips still stained green from the elfroot, "Is it alright if we continue this conversation later?"

"I- yes, of course."

"Then have a good day, my lady," he said, and brought one of her hands to his mouth. He kissed the back of it before letting go.

"You as well, Cullen," she just barely managed to get out. He smiled at her, still blushing, and began heading back to his office. She felt like she was about to melt into the stone. Maker . She finally had good news.