02: DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC BEARS?

(aka CLICK CLICK BITCH)

"Wham! Bam! Feel the power of love and friendship, meanies!"

Hajime leans forward to look at the screen. "Wait, I don't get this game. They just stop being bad people because they take some "treasure"? But most of these villains seem irredeemable. Wait, why is the little cat making you sleep in the middle of a battle?"

"Aw, don't ruin the fun!" Usami walks away from the controller. "And besides, it's time for school." The bear leaps onto Hajime's shoulder, then cannonballs into his backpack. After a second, her stuffed head wiggles out of the open zipper.

"W-what are you doing? And besides, it's Sunday. As in, no school."

It's a bright, cheerful Saturday, the day after Hajime Hinata unlocked the Kuma Cards. The morning sunrise slips past the curtains, highlighting the bedroom in a rosy glow. Usami sits on the fluffy navy rug, huffing indignantly.

"Don't be silly! You need to know everything about being a Cardcaptor. And who better to teach you than the guardian of the cards herself, me!' the stuffed tear does a twirl. "Introducing Magic 101 with Super Magical Girl Usami!"She jumps into the desk, revealing a miniature whiteboard covered in doodles of Kuma Cards. "First things first. You already know how to use the wand to seal and release cards, but it wouldn't hurt to practise. Send out a Card and then seal it back in. "

"Now? In my bedroom? Will they even fit?' Usami shrugs. "It'll be f-i-n-e!" "Can't argue with that." The card slips out of his shirt pocket easily.

"Oh Card Sealed by Izuru Kamakura, would you be okay with talking for a bit? Kuma…CARD!"

The card scatters into golden flash, and a seven-foot piano thwacks out of the air and knocks Hajime flat onto the floor.

Kaede peers over the piano, wincing. "Oh, I'm so sorry! My bad, ahaha. So what's up?" "Nothing much, Usami just wanted to practise using the Kuma Cards." "Usami? Who's Usam-" The air seems to chill. Usami glares at the card. "Ahaa, you're so silly, Kaede. Anyways, that's enough. Seal her back in the cards, please?"

"Um, sorry about that." "It's okay, I know she's a handful." "By the way, I never really got to say thanks for earlier.. I would have been dead without you." "Oh, it's no problem?" "Seriously? You saved us! So I wanted to get you a gift? But I don't know what magical Cards are like, so I'm sorry if you don't like it…"

KAEDE received: 045. High-End Headphones!

Top-grade, high-end headphones. Use these if you truly want to hear the nuances in classical and jazz music.

"Whoa! Can I really have this!? Thanks, I'm so happy right now! You really know what makes me smile, Hajime!" Hajime nods. 'No problem. And now…"

'Oh card Sealed by Izuru Kamakura, thanks for hanging out with me, let's do it sometime!" "I'd love to! Thanks, Hajime!" With a flash of light, Kaede vanishes.

"Good job, Hajime! It's nice to see you making some new friends! Now, it's time for something super fun! Use the wand to fly!" "Wait, what?" Hajime shrieks. The bear giggles. "Don't worry!

Ding-dong.

Ding-dong.

Ding-dong.

Hajime slips the card back into his pocket. The door rings again. Usami grabs his leg. "Hajime! The lesson isn't over yet!"

"Nope. No thanks. I'd like to keep both feet firmly on the ground, thanks. Besides, someone's at the door. You can hide in my backpack if you promise to stay hidden." Usami sighs glumly before plopping into the backpack and zipping herself in.

The door opens on the fifth ring. Chiaki stands outside, flanked by two of Hajime's classmates.

"Chiaki? Mahiru? Gundham? What's up?"

The Ultimate Animal Breeder poses dramatically. Three hamsters scamper up his arm and nuzzle into his scarf. Hajim shudders. The Three Dark Devas are expertly trained to create chaos. "What took you so long? Any more hollow tomes and a body might have been discovered. Hah! Behold, foolish mortal! My living ancestors have gifted me with three tickets to my family zoo. A grand showing of hellish might is set to take place in the showroom today!"

Mahiru shoves Gundham playfully. Her camera swings around her midsection. "What Gundham means to say is that his parents gave him three tickets to Tanaka Zoo to see an animal show today. You in?"

"Sure, why not?"

He zips the backpack closed.

—-

The Tanaka Showroom is half theatre, half aquarium. Thousands of exotic fish and sealife swim in wide, pipeline glass tubes making the whole room reflect dim, luminous blue. Small chairs and tables cluster around a small stage. In the centre of the stage a fluorescent neon green fountain bubbles quietly. A bar is positioned near the back. Gundham smirks.

"Impressive, is it not? This is the true night of my throne, the everburning abyss of House Gundham! I.." He blushes slightly. "Does anyone want a frozen lemonade?"

"You two go ahead and pick good seats. Hajime and I will get the lemonade," Mariharu orders.

On the black of the lemonade, a penguin with a top hat waves, dipping into a bow. Mahiru takes her cup, pausing to examine the penguin.

"Pretty cute, huh?" Hajime notes. "I've always liked penguins. My mom used to take me to the Zoo when I was a kid, and I would stay in the penguin exhibit for hours. What, isn't it pretty cute? You have to admit it. Look, his name is Sir Puddles!"

"Cuter than the magical talking rabbit in your bag?"

"W-what- wait-what the- I d-don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh please. I know everything. I live next door! Both you guys talk really, really loud when you're angry. I have photos, too. I-"

"Hey, Mahiru! Hajime! The show is starting!"

Hajime shoots Mahiru a pleading look before walking to the stands. Chiaki waves them over. "I was getting tired waiting for you…tired…*yawn* Mahiru snaps her fingers under Chiaki's nose. "Eyes open, Chiaki! Look, over there! Isn't that worker an upperclassman?

"Good evening! I'm Makoto Naegi, your host for Big Blue Zoo's animal show. Today, the experts here will be showing us some of our most famous arachnids." Two zookeepers

A fat yellow snake wraps around the zookeeper's leg. It rears its head to strike-

In an instant Gundham is there, whispering sweet nothings to the bees. The work laughs uncomfortably, startled. "A-ah, I'm so sorry about that. He is usually docile… I'm afraid we'll have to end our show here tonight, folks. Enjoy your day at-"

A fat crimson beetle crawls up Naegi's forehead. "What the-"

From the fountain, a swarm of bugs push and pulse outwards from the fountain, like a severed heart.

The guests wail and scramble for the metal STAFF door. Naegi tries to keep order, herding children and elderly to the exit. His face is deathly pale as he hisses into his radio.

"Hajime! Mahiru!" Chiaki is running to the exit. "We've got to go? Why aren't you moving!" The crowd is mostly sheltering behind the metal door. He shakes his head. "I can't! I lost..my phone! Yep! My phone. That thing I definitely don't have. Which is why I'm looking for it. We'll be fine?" Someone closes the metal door, locking all the other guests, staff, Gundham, and Chiaki inside. Mahiru turns towards Hajime. "Is this a Kuma Card?"

"I told you, I don't know-"

"Enough already! Usami's head pops out of the backpack. "Yes, it's a card. The Bug Card, if I'm correct. You see the boy in the center? That's him."

A tall boy is levitating above the mess of bugs, tenderly crading a flea. It's a miracle he hasn't crushed it- he's built like a Super Saiyan. However, his tender manner and tweed suit remind Hajime of a kind professor.

"How am I even supposed to reach him? He's seventeen feet in the air. It's not like I can just f-"

"No."

"Yes! Before you rudely ruined my lesson earlier, I was going to tell you how. Just sit on it like a horse. Then jump off from a distance and click the end off the staff twice with your heels. Like in the Wizard of Boz!"

"I think it's Oz. And no. What if it doesn't work?. No!"

"Yes. Click click Hajime. Click click!"

"No."

"Click click."

"I'm not going to jump off the railing!"

"Click click!"

"I said no! I don't…I don't like heights!"

"Hey, Hajime. Do you trust me?"

"Yes?"

"Good." Mahiru pushes him off the railing, free falling into the pit of slime and twitching legs.

"MAHIRUUUUUU!" He's going to die. Oh god. Thousands of unblinking, beady eyes look up at their flailing, scrawny meal and his glittery pink stick.

"Hajime!" Usami shrieks. "CLICK CLICK!"

He squeezes his eyes tight, prepares for a truly horrible death, and kicks the wand twice with his heels.

The wand skyrockets upwards, leaving Hajime's stomach far below. It screeches to a halt far above the bugs.

"I'm flying. I'm actually flying?" On the ground, a six foot centipede corners Mahiru. "Hurry up and seal it already. Hajime nods, and dives for the boy. He spins the wand above his head twice and slams into the light.

"Oh Card sealed by Izuru Kamakura, I'm sorry about this!" In a flash of light, a Kuma Card slips into Hajime's hand.

In the same red ink, the muscular boy holds a centipede in his hand, eyes glistening with awe. The sides are drawn with thousands of tiny spiders and delicate, detailed webs. Looking at the new Kuma Card, Hajime's conversation slips from the wand, and he plummets into the thankfully bug-free fountain. The water is freezing cold, and Hajime can't hold back a sneeze."I gotcha." Mahiru steps inside the fountain and pulls Hajime up. The crowd begins to trickle back inside, uncertain. Chiaki runs up. "Hajime! Mahiru! I was worried. Where did you guys go? Why are you all wet? Wait.." she pauses Before Hajime can react, she yoinks Usami out of Hajime's backpack. "Oh, how cute! What's her name?"

"Er, Usami. But..cute? Really? It's kinda creepy…" While Chiaki laughs, Usami's eyes narrow and her left paw draws a line against here throat. Hajime gulps. In her pocket, Chiaki's phone buzzes. She frowns. "Oh, I'm really sorry. I promised Gundham I'd help him with his job interview at the pet store. See you guys, it was really fun. Let's do it again sometime!"She jogs away.

Mahru holds back a choking laugh. "Oh my god. You're blushing. You like Chiaki."

"No!" Hajime hisses. He grabs her shoulder. "Nope. Nope. No way!" She just laughs aguan. Fuck. This is so bad! "It's fine, I gotcha," she winks. "I'm not gonna spill! About either of your secrets. Jeez, Hajime. I thought we were friends."

"Er..sorry. I'm just paranoid." "No, it's okay. We haven't really talked much, have we?"

"Let's change that." Steel glints in her amber eyes. "I want photos of magic. Real life, actual magic. I don't want to share them with anyone. I just want them for myself. You need someone to keep you from being a nervous, grumpy mess and getting in your own head long enough to get Kuma Cards. Think about it. I can give you a little push when you're scared, and I can even be your wingwoman. Partners, okay?"

Why not?

"Partners."

—-

Next time on Cardcator Hajime:

"Happy sunshine fun time, friends forever…" Monomi fiddles with the Xbox. Hajime is dead asleep. What a great day! A new Cardcaptor, and such a nice boy! Sure, he's a little grumpy, but he's a sweetheart inside. Not just a new Cardcaptor. A new start, as Usami! Yeah! No more-

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Someone is at the window. This is bad. This is very bad. Anyone could be attacking the Cardcaptor, and she is too weak to defend him! Useless! "Hajime! Hajime, wake up you moron!" Hajime rolls over, curling into himself. "Meat on the…boat?...no..meat on the…" "Gosh darny darn it!" Monomi upons the window. A figure floats in the moonlight, blue stands dancing in the wind. But something seems familiar…so familiar…

"Excuse me? You're that- What are you…oh. I should have known it was you, Yue." As the figure turns, a pair of snowy white wings unfurl, edges blurring into a soft glow. They smile quietly.

"Hello, Monomi. It's good to see you again. The moon is so beautiful tonight, don't you think?"

"Don't play games with me, you..you..you unicorn poopy! What do you want with the Cardcaptor?"

"What do you mean, 'Nomi? I'm doing my job. I'm doing what I was created for. And besides, Hajime isn't the Cardcator yet. I sense there is another collecting cards of unbelievable power willing to do anything to unlock their power. Hajime has the power of the book, that's certain. But he treats this as a game. He doesn't want it like the other does."

"Hajime wants, as well. You don't understand just how far he'll go to belong."

"He'll be crushed like a bug. Protect him, 'Nomi. Don't let the other kill him."

"I don't stand a chance against someone like that? You think I haven't felt his magical presence? Please, Yue, tell him the truth! Help me!"

"I am an impartial party. Just keep him safe. At least…"

"Until you kill him?" Monomi turns back to the kid in the strange human contraption. His spiky hair is squished against his face, and a thin line of drool drips down his chin. She ignores the twinge of guilt. He'll be fine. He chose to be a Cardcaptor. This is fine.

As if reading what Monomi is thinking, Yue smiles and pets her head. "Yes. Goodbye, 'Nami. Izuru would be proud of you."

"Ha! As if! All I can do is lie to him and get stuck in the toilet. If Kamakura was here…"

Yue frowns. "If Kamakura was here, the world would be ashes. See you around, 'Nomi." The blue-haired angel walks to the ledge. Downy feathers drift into the wind's gentle caress. The guardian of the Kuma Cards steps forward uncertainly. "It's Usami now, you know."

"Hey Monomi...I thought we weren't supposed to lie to each other." They step off the roof. With the hush of silk on silk, Yue vanishes in a flurry of silk and ribbon.

"Oh and by the way…" their voice echoes over the rooftops. Usami waddles back to the window before laying down on the bed. A pale arm wraps around her, drawing her close.

"Soft," Hajime mutters sleepily. Usami strokes his cheek with her paw until he stills.

The moon flickers like old film before glowing bright blue.

"Watch out for Monokuma."